Hey guys! This is a collaboration between and Strawberie la that we've been passing back and forth between school. It starts out really silly and ridiculous but will be getting more serious in future chapters~ and of course reviews are loved by all :'D 3 just remember this isn't mean to be realistic, and that there's gonna be a lot of KUROCRACK! Also there will be some definate BL/Yaoi/Shounen Ai so if that offends you then I don't know why you're looking up Kuroshitsuji fanfics xD. Please Enjoy!

Poptarts and Princesses

XXX

If it's your wish, I will follow you everywhere

Even if your throne crumbles, and your shiny crown turns to rust

Even if the bodies pile up endlessly, above the bottomless pile of corpses

Beside you as you lie softly down, I will be

Until I hear the words "Check Mate"

-Sebastian Michaelis

XXX

Once upon a time there was a little girl (boy) named Ciel Phantomhive. He lived in a far away land called 19th century London, which was a very magical land for the filthy rich and a pretty damn hellish place for just the filthy. Well little Ciel was born filthy rich and so he got to live in a beautiful castle (The Phantomhive Mansion) where he was granted all of his heart's desires…

But like all pampered and otherwise spoiled Earls, Ciel was lonely. For you see, like all true protagonists, he had lost his parents. Ciel had grown bitter and haughtily ordered around his servants to bring him this and that, and though they did; they were never fast enough! They were never smart enough, or clever enough, or talented, or charming, or handsome enough for poor Ciel. And all the dim-witted delusional aristocrats swarming around Ciel's manor thought that the Earl was a girl! (We all know that somewhere deep within the spoiled rotten minds of the nobles that they knew Ciel was a boy; the men who came to visit little Ciel had the biggest cases of denial…)

And, you know, it's not like Ciel could talk to anybody about his major problem. I mean, who would he complain to? His girlfriends? Hell no!

It's not like Ciel thought his suitors were ugly or anything. In fact, if Ciel was more honest with himself, he'd tell us all how very nice his men were. He enjoyed skyly glancing now and then at their features, he liked to place his delicate hands on their broad shoulders and loved when ever their embraces lasted a little too long to be proper. He loved to have their smoldering eyes gaze longingly at him, and he absolutely adored when his men would brush their fine lips over his hands, or even better, lightly peck him on the cheeks or his lips so that he could inhale their manly scents and tastes…

But, again, like all stubborn thirteen year olds, Ciel would never admit this. So Ciel threw tantrums quite frequently; but not Trancy tantrums, which involved eye gouging or plate smashing (or stripping) no, he would simply huff about outside while hobbling about on his cane (He liked to pretend he was injured a lot too).

However, little did Ciel know that the demons had taken a great liking to him as well. Especially one dashing, handsome, sexy, red-eyed demon named Sebastian! Sebastian knew that Ciel was a boy, unlike his other suitors, and he wanted him nonetheless. And Sebastian was oh, so fond of little boys, especially the haughty ones.

Sebastian wanted to impress Ciel, but since Ciel was hardly ever impressed at all he was even more anxious to win his heart! So Sebastian hid in one of the Earl's trees and fashioned a key in the shape of a heart and then when Ciel was taking his evening stroll, Sebastian dropped the key on his head.

"Why," Ciel cried "Who dares drop this key upon my head? I have about a hundred of these little keys!"

He threw it, hitting Sebastian right in the nose! And then he hobbled off back to his mansion. Sebastian wept silent tears of heartbreak watching Ciel reject his present. He wasn't going to give up though, oh no! Ciel was too fine a shota to let another less-sexy man snatch up! So Sebby cooked up a fool proof plan to impress Ciel and win his angsty little heart~

XXX

Ciel woke up from his slumber when he heard a loud /CRAASSSSSSHHH/ from the kitchen. No doubt form Maylene breaking more of his dishes. He had been having a wonderful dream of finding an island of cakes and eating until his heart's content. Ciel sighed and got dressed. It was going to be a long day of bossing his dumb servants around. As soon as he made his way down the stairs there came a knock on the door.

"Who could that be?"

Ciel pondered, seeing as he hadn't invited anyone over. He opened the door and standing there was the most handsome man he had ever seen! He had long, raven black hair that framed his flawless, pale face, deep ruby eyes… and he was wearing a butler suit? Ciel covered his now bleeding nose and asked

"Who are you?"

"My named is Sebastian Michaelis."

He replied, bowing with one hand over his heart

"I am your new butler."

Sebastian was nervous, hoping his blush didn't reach his face. His plan had to work! Hopefully Ciel didn't already have an incredibly attractive butler.

As for Ciel, he didn't care that he hadn't asked for a new butler, Sebastian, as far as he was concerned, could work for him any day. Ciel's heart was filled butterflies, but he had to keep up his reputation of being a haughty little girl(boy).

"Fine, you can stay in the guest room upstairs, and you can start your butler services by making me something sweet."

Sebby put all of his belongings in the guest room (Mostly love spells and kinky butler stuff) and went off to the kitchens make Ciel a beauteous chocolate cake~ (laced with a love potion, of course). Ciel would most definitely be impressed with his cake, now all he had to do was take one bite and whoever Ciel looked at first he would fall in love with…

XXX

Alois Trancy looked up from his binoculars atop one of the Ciel's trees. The blonde haired blue-eyed boy hmphed in frustration, someone was trying to win HIS Ciel's heart!

"CLAUDE!"

He screeched, and a very unamused demon with glasses appeared.

"Who is that?" "That is Sebastian Michaelis, your Highness"

He replied with an I-Don't-Give-A-Shit expression. Alois gave a loud cackle,

"Well Sebastian Michaelis, watch out! Because Ciel Phantomhive will be mine!"

And with that he ran off with Claude laughing like a lunatic into the sunset.

XXX

Meanwhile, somewhere in the chaotic kitchens of the Phantomhive Manor, Sebastian Michaelis, newly appointed butler, was preparing a cake for his new bratty little bocchan, Ciel Phantomhive. Sebastian didn't care at all that the little master clearly hadn't fallen head over heels for the demon yet, and that he must work in the kitchen with some of the silliest servants he had ever seen (Bard, Finny, and Maylene), because the haughty little Earl would soon love him enough! Sebastian hummed as he added a few drops of the potion he was adding to the chocolate cake.

"With just one drop, my little master will soon love me, and only me~" He smirked. Then he remembered about his master's reputation… "Well, maybe the whole bottle will do the trick."

Poor Ciel Phantomhive had no idea what he was getting himself into~

"Bocchan," Sebastian said,

"I have your cake ready!~ I'm sorry for the wai—" But Sebastian stopped short at the sight before him:

"Sebastian,"

Ciel gestured,

"This is Mr. Fautus and his master Alois Trancy, Earl of the… what was that again, Trancy?"

Ciel turned to look coldly at the extremely slutty boy in front of his who was all but stripping to get his attention. Sebastian instantly seethed with jealousy.

"The poptarts! It's a new sweet my pastry company has come up with, it's delicious! Ah Ciieeeellll, I could just die from all this formality! Please call me Alois~!"

the slutty Earl spread his booty short wearing legs a little wider.

Ciel ignored him and turned to Sebastian,

"They are my… unexpected quests…"

XXX

Sebastian almost dropped the cake when Alois suddenly snaked an arm around his master's waist.

"Did you say you made a cake for me and Ciel?~ you can leave that with us and give us some alone time to talk business matters"

Alois said with a wink and sticking his tongue out (Which had a very intricate tattoo…) and Ciel moved away from Alois's arm

"Cut it out, Trancy, what is it you came here for anyway?"

He said giving his signature shota scowl. Alois shot a menacing glare at Sebastian before smirking.

"Ciel…"

Alois dropped to his knees to hug Ciel (who blushed furiously at the action) around the waist, looking up with adorable puppy eyes

"I only wanted to see you!"

Claude did a face palm and Sebastian's eyes changed from red to a dangerous demonic pink, only for a second, as he set the cake down on the table and switly lifted his bocchan out of Alois's clutches.

"I'm afraid it's my masters' dinner time so if you would pl—"

"OH! Right! let's eat that cake together Ciel, I can feed it to you if you want—"

"Alois, what are you-!"

Ciel and Sebastian both reached for the platter at the same time, but Alois had already snatched up a piece of the cake and was trying to shove it in Ciel's face.

"Come on Ciel, open up~ Let me feed it to you!..." Alois babbled on.

'Oh no,' Sebby thought, 'if he eats the cake, bocchan will see Alois's face first and then…!' Sebastian wouldn't let that happen if hell froze over. Skillfully, in less than a second, he popped the piece of cake into Alois's still rambling open mouth. Ciel, now free, stumbled into Sebastian as Alois closed his eyes and turned to face…

Claude.

"OMG! Claude, you have to get this recipe!"

Alois said, his eyes growing wider as he stared at Claude, who still had his same I-Don't-Give-A-Shit expression plastered on his face. Alois's eyes got hearts in them and he jumped at Claude "CLAUUUUDDDEEE!~" and attached himself to his very unamused butler. "Get. OUT!" Ciel yelled at the pair, as Sebastian opened the door to let Claud and (Alois still glomping him) walk out in a very Well-That-Was-Boring manner. Once the two were gone Ciel slumped down into a nearby chair.

"Sebastian, make sure to never let Alois Trancy into this household again."

He said sighing. Sebastian gave a devilish smirk, eyes growing a demonic pink once again,

"Yes, My Lord."

XXX

On the way home from the Phantomhive Manor:

Alois Trancy and his butler, Claud Faustus, were having a very awkward horse ride home.

"Hey Claauuuddee~"

Claude raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow and looked at his master.

"Yes, your Highness?"

Alois' entire face lit up and he blushed

"I'm just saying Hiiii, Claude – Claude, that's a handsome name."

Alois giggled as he reached forward to stroke Claude's hair. Claude waited patiently for Alois to finish petting him like a good butler. He closed his eyes and waited, and waited, and waited, and – God he was –

"—bored! I'm booooreeddd Claude!"

Claude's eyes slowly opened to find Alois nose to nose with him, grinning.

"Ne Claude, we're not even close to being home,"

Suddenly Alois reached forward across Claude's lap and yelled out of the window

"Drive faster goddamnit!"

He snarled. He sat back down again and smiled. It was like nothing had happened. Claude sighed,

"What do you want me to do about it?"

Alois' blue eyes sparkled

"Entertain meeee~"

"How so?"

"Well…"

Alois Trancy slipped from his seat and crawledon all fours to hover between Claude's inhaled sharply as Alois rested his chin on his crotch.

Alois openly laughed this time and brought himself up so that he was straddling Claude's waist when the carriage learched so that Alois' face landed in the junction between Claude's neck.

"Claude," Alois whined "lets have sex"

He bit down hard on Claude's neck and began sucking and licking at the area very groaned. His little master was such a slut for a fourteen year old boy.

Claude had known Alois for two years now and he wasn't even a virgin when they met! When they were bonded Alois had asked if they would form their contract through sex and when he had told him 'No' Alois had been disappointed!

To this day master and butler had not yet performed the deed, and if Claude could help it, they never would, despite his masters constant flirtations, various means of seduction, and hints to get him willingly crawling in to bed.

And his master was ALWAYS flirting; when he wasn't trying to prolong the daily dressing ritual or getting Claude to touch him inappropriately in the bath, he had the audacity to bring five or ten men home to the manor to 'Socialize'. Sometimes Claude felt like he was running a brothel instead of an Earl's estate – It was disgraceful!

"You really aren't happy unless you're completely naked, master?"

"Mmm, that's right, come on Claude, let's have sex~"

"I can not have sex with you in a carriage, you'll hurt yourself…"

XXX

Ciel had opened his eyes to find himself in his new butler's arms.

"Young Master, you fell asleep after our guests left, I was going to take you to your bed. Do you still wish to sleep?"

Ciel's eyes grew wide as he realized he was being carried bridal style and his cheeks flushed a nice pink.

"No thank you, Sebastian."

"Very well, what does the young master wish to do now then?" Sebastian said, giving him a not-so innocent smile.

He moved a stray lock of hair away from Ciel's face. Ciel stared up at Sebastians face. Ruby eyes were looking back at his own single cerulean one. Did he really just hear a hint of inappropriateness in Sebastian's words then? He shook his head, it was probably just him. Ciel huffed, embarassed.

"Put me down! and bring the rest of that cake to my study."

"As you wish, my Lord."

Setting Ciel back down to the floor getnly Sebastian made his way down the hallway to go gather the rest of the cake. 'Damn it that... that demon!' Ciel thought. His heart was racing, and he couldn't get Sebastian's smoldering garnet eyes out of his head. 'I can't believe I'm having these thoughts about some lowly servant!'... ' and it's not like he feels the same anyways...' Ciel thought before hobbling off on his cane to retire in the study.

XXX

TO BE CONTINUED...

So how was the first chapter xD? Pretty cracked out I would say.. I hope you enjoyed it!