A/N: Part of one of a series of scenes from Rolande and Delaunays romance. In no particular order. I'm just exploring the dynamics of a relationship I adore. Everything belongs to Jacqueline Carey (the characters, the inspiration and the story). I'm just expanding it a bit.
"You are beloved of a prince Anafiel. Do not presume to throw away my regard so readily as this"
My beloveds voice is as angry as I have ever heard. Now more than any other I am thankful for Melisandes lessons for without them I would have crumbled long before. With them I stand here proud and unmoving while my heart breaks with every sentence Rolande utters as he paces the room.
"But you do seek to throw me aside- I have outlived my usefulness to you I think. For what were before we encountered each other? A nothing noticed son of a minor lordling. As my lover you gained much influence and now you do not have an Edmee to manipulate I think you seek to prevent others from gaining your status – but do not presume you had any in the beginning. Or did you seek to presume yourself favoured of me over all others?"
At this something cracks inside me – I know not what for my heart, my very soul had long been twisted and smashed upon the floor by this man – Rolande was always rash; in word and action both. It was his only flaw as a person, as a leader. I am not like him, given to fits of impulsive speech or action. He always told me I was his wiser half. But wisdom can and did give way to rage. And I, knowing all to well what could, result from rash words to a Prince of the Blood – or his intended betrothed. But still I spoke for how could I not do otherwise for Edmees memory. And in truth Rolande's words had fired my blood and so it was that I for the first time I could remember turned and spoke harsh words to him
" My Prince. I do not think you know what I have given up to you. My father's regard and with it my title, my poetry and any dreams I had of living a life unremarked. And everywhere I go I am named the paramour of a Prince – a plaything for when he grows bored with women. And all this I endured out of the precept of Blessed Elua - "Love as thou wilt." I did not plan nor wish to love you Rolande de la Courcel – you are not as attractive as all that. And through you I have lost a dear childhood friend and by honouring her memory I am condemned by you who have eyes only for your Isabel. No Rolande I do not think you know what I have given up for you. I will go now and try to repair some semblance of my divided heart that you have broken."