We Were Friends
Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own these guys… Oh poop on a pin cushion.
A/N: I was in the mood for something EO. I haven't forgotten about "Showdown" but frankly, the longer I think about Dean Porter in general, whether he's with Olivia or just plain there, I want to retch and not just ordinary retching either; I'm talking biblical, painful, "OH MY GOD I'M GONNA DIE!" retching. That's how much Dean Porter as a human being in general disgusts me. I hate myself for everything nice I've ever written about him and I hate myself for any story I've ever written with him in it. So to ease my mind, here is some nice Porter-free EOness. It starts out as pseudo smut and progresses to angst. It is a oneshot so I will not, I repeat WILL NOT, be adding another chapter. And if someone could remind me about this author's note if I ever cave and add a second chapter because I'm weak, that would be peachy.
Love ya all, enjoy the story!
"I need you, Olivia," his words were so simple, his voice so broken as he stood before her. His eyes pleaded for her to understand what he meant. He stood just outside the door of her apartment, a broken man, begging the one person in the world who could, to make him whole again.
She stepped aside, letting him in and closing the door behind him. They stood, staring at each other for a long time before she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. He kissed her so passionately that it took her breath away before he lowered her to the couch. She looked up at him with confusion "Elliot?" she asked in a tone of confusion inexplicably mixed with desire and an edge of fear. Even as her hands moved over his body and she lifted her head to kiss him again, she found herself wondering. "What are we doing, Elliot?" she asked and he stopped, looking down at her.
"I need you," he repeated. Even as she spoke, she could see in his eyes that he was afraid of hurting her, that he would stop at a moments notice and leave if she asked him too. She knew he'd never be there in the first place if he didn't truly need her, so how could she turn him away?
She looked up into his eyes for a long time. This was something she had wanted for years now. But what would happen when it was over? Leave it to her to think about the ramifications in the heat of the moment. She had never thought about sex while it was happening, but she knew that this time it would be different. Finally, her mind surrendered to her body's primal need for him and she smiled seductively up at him "I need you too," she replied.
They made love first on the couch, then the kitchen counter, up against the wall, finally making their way to her bed where they both collapsed in exhaustion. Neither one of them said a word as he held her against his bare chest. Olivia wanted to believe that it meant more than it did as she fell asleep in his arms but she just couldn't shake the feeling that they had just made a huge mistake, no matter how safe she felt as she snuggled against him.
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Olivia smiled softly as she woke up to the sensation of strong arms wrapped protectively around her. But then, she remembered just who it was that those arms belonged to. She sat up hurriedly and looked down at herself. She was naked, he was naked. They had… she brought a hand to her forehead "Oh God," she whispered.
Elliot, who had begun to come back into consciousness the second Olivia pulled away from him, sat up as well. He took in his surroundings "Olivia?" he asked in a voice thick with sleep.
Olivia quickly held a pillow up in front of herself. In the back of her mind she found it funny that she was embarrassed to be seen in the nude by a man who the night before had seen and felt every inch of her body. She looked down at the sheets, trying to keep her gaze from being drawn to Elliot. "Uh…" she cleared her throat nervously, hoping for something to break the tension.
She got her wish. The sound of a cell phone ringing pierced through the silence. The problem was, neither one could be sure whose phone it was. Their clothes were in a haphazard pile in the living room. They both sprang up at the same instant, Olivia momentarily dropping the pillow and then fumbling to pick it up again. Elliot handed her the blanket that sat on the foot of the bed instead "Here," he smiled warmly.
"Thanks," she managed to smile as she wrapped the blanket around herself and followed Elliot out into the living room. Together they sifted through the pile of clothes until they found the phone. The problem was that in the heat of passion, it had fallen out of the pants pocket of it's owner and neither one could be certain who it belonged to. Olivia's face grew beet red as she imagined what would happen if the wrong person answered it.
Elliot laughed nervously "It's yours," he said confidently as he held the other one in his hand, scrolling down through the contacts. He was positive that Olivia didn't have herself programmed into the speed dial.
Olivia didn't waist a moment. She flipped the phone open on the absolute last ring "Benson," she said, breathlessly, her voice still holding a trace of the nervous energy she'd been possessed by earlier. She took a few deep breaths to try and calm herself and as her body relaxed, she let the blanket slip off her shoulders. She didn't even notice and completely ignored Elliot's soft, bemused smile.
"You need to get to the hospital right away," it was Cragen "We've got a victim discovered early this morning in her apartment. Beaten and raped."
"Okay," Olivia nodded "I'm on my way."
"I'll call Elliot and tell him to meet you there," Cragen said, unaware of what was going on.
"No," Olivia said perhaps too quickly, then clearing her throat nervously she added "No, you don't need to do that… I'll call him," her face was turning red again and she was suddenly conscious that she'd let the blanket slip. She quickly pulled it back up, much to Elliot's dismay.
"Okay," Cragen said oblivious to the situation "I'll see you two at the precinct."
"Okay, bye Cap," Olivia flipped her phone closed and looked over at Elliot "We've got a case," she explained.
"I figured as much," Elliot tried not to laugh; she was so damn cute when she was nervous… and naked.
"You might wanna go home and get a fresh change of clothes," Olivia suggested.
"What's wrong with what I've got here?" he asked teasingly.
She hid her face in the blanket. She could already feel the numerous pairs of eyes on them and they hadn't even left her apartment yet. She just knew that everyone would know, whether Elliot went home and got a fresh change of clothes or not, they would somehow know. But at least if he left, she would have some time alone to think about all of this mess that she had gotten herself into. She realized that Elliot was still sitting there, presumably waiting for an answer to his question. She cleared her throat "Uh…" she began "Aside from the fact that you've already worn them?" she quipped, trying to hide the nervous energy again.
Elliot laughed and smiled, pulling on the clothes from the floor "Okay," he said gently "I'll go home and change. "I'll come back and pick you up in, half an hour?"
"Sounds good," Olivia said, standing to her feet. She involuntarily took a step closer to Elliot, intending to show him to the door but stepped back, remembering that she wasn't wearing anything under the blanket. She blushed again and shifted uncomfortably. At that moment, when she thought things couldn't possibly get more awkward, she dropped the blanket. She froze, looking down at herself, not noticing that Elliot was looking at her too. She was broken from her trance when Elliot bent to hand her the blanket.
"Here," he said gently, smiling at her with understanding in his eyes. He took a step forward and touched her face gently "Thank you," he whispered before kissing her.
Olivia was stunned into silence for a moment. Finally, she replied quietly "You're welcome," and she kissed him again.
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FOURTEEN WEEKS LATER
"We got a call," Cragen informed the assembled detectives and uniforms "Someone spotted Monroe going into a warehouse down town. I don't have to remind you that this guy is dangerous. He's killed fifteen women. Let's bring him down people. One way or another," he waved his hand dismissing the group "Get going." As they departed, he shouted one last thing after them "And be careful!"
The group headed out in pairs. Elliot and Olivia were in the first squad car to pull up to the warehouse. Neither one had spoken about the night they had spent together since that morning when Elliot had left her apartment. When Elliot had returned to pick her up that morning, they both pretended like it had never happened.
As the car rolled to a stop, Elliot turned to look at his partner "You ready?" he asked.
Olivia nodded. Davis Monroe was a vicious predator and she knew that countless women, herself included, would sleep a lot easier once he was off the streets. She took a deep breath, she had to remain focused. She had found out two month ago that her night with Elliot wasn't going to be so easily swept under the rug. She knew the risk she was taking in keeping the secret to herself but at the same time, she had to bring this guy down and the little plus sign hadn't become anymore than that to her yet. Only her job was real to her. The prospect of a baby hadn't even registered in her mind yet, perhaps because of her fear that she would lose her best friend. She took another deep breath before she said evenly "Let's get this guy."
They exited the car and walked up to the warehouse in perfect unison as they had several times before when shots rang out. Elliot grabbed Olivia and pulled her behind a nearby trashcan "Where is that coming from?" he asked before looking down at Olivia. In his desperation to protect her, he hadn't noticed that she had already been hit.
She was losing blood fast. Her mind was growing fuzzy. And that was the first time that the magnitude of what she had done hit her. That little plus sign wasn't just a plus sign on a pregnancy test anymore. It was an actual life inside her. It was a life that, by her own stubborn actions, she had most likely ended. She searched for her remaining strength as she heard more gunshots and Elliot frantically screaming into his radio. She forced her eyelids open, forced herself to look into his face. She took a deep shuddering breath. The pain in her chest, unbearable "El…" she began "I'm… so… so… sorry…" and blackness took her.
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"She was pregnant?" Elliot asked the doctor in disbelief. He stood in the waiting room, tears still running down his face and trying to absorb the news that he had just been told.
The doctor nodded "Over three months at least."
"So she knew," Elliot whispered, staring at the gray carpet "All this time and she didn't say a thing. Why didn't she tell me?" he collapsed into a chair and fell silent. The doctor returned to the operating room and left him to his thoughts.
After several minutes, he stood up, walked into the hallway and pulled out his cell phone. He dialed Kathy's number, knowing exactly what he had to do. He couldn't lie to himself or to his family anymore. She picked up and he wasted no time in telling her the words that he knew had to be said "It's over," he hung up and returned to his seat in the waiting room.
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The room was white. It was too white. The blanket that covered her was itchy. She tried to move her hand to puch it off of her but she was too weak. The room was too cold anyway. If anything, she wanted more itchy blankets to protect her from the cold. She heard the sound of someone breathing. She wasn't alone in this cold, white room.
She turned her head and tried to say something, to ask the person who they were or perhaps why they were there or for that matter, where there was. But when she saw Elliot, all her questions were answered for her and the memories crashed down hard upon her. "Oh God," she whispered.
"Liv," Elliot said quickly, springing forward and grasping her hand "Thank God. We thought… the doctors weren't sure… Thank God."
Somehow, she found the strength to weave her fingers with his "El…" she began but it ended in a cough. Her throat was very dry.
"Shhhh," he whispered, digging a spoon into a cup that he had picked up from a nearby table and placing an ice chip between her parted lips "Don't try to talk too much," he said soothingly.
"Monroe?" she asked after a long moment.
"Dead," Elliot told her simply "I guess he wanted to go out in a blaze of glory," he laughed humorlessly before turning his gaze downwards "You were one of the lucky ones."
"No," Olivia whispered, feeling the tears burn her eyes "How many?"
"Three," Elliot said simply "Daniels, Welch, and Messer," he stopped talking and Olivia could see the tears in his eyes.
Olivia was silent for a long time. They were all good officers. She and Elliot let silence descend upon them, neither one willing to bring up the elephant in the room. Olivia hadn't even noticed the machine that Elliot stared at every few moments. When she did, her jaw dropped out of pure relief. She stared in awe at the fetal monitor, her free hand slowly moving its way to her stomach where it rested. She turned back to Elliot "The baby…"
"Is fine," he reassured her with a soft smile before his face fell back into an expression of seriousness "Is it mine?"
Olivia nodded "I… I couldn't have told you," she whispered, looking away.
"Why not?" Elliot asked, forcing his anger deep down. He couldn't be angry at her right now, not about this, not when he had nearly lost both her and the child she was carrying, the child he hadn't even known about until a few hours ago.
"What would you have done Elliot?" Olivia asked, pulling her hand away from his "You have four kids already and another one on the way without this one. What would you have done? You couldn't have done anything. You would have wanted to do something but you wouldn't have been able to. If I had told you, it would have broken your heart," she would have been screaming if her throat wasn't so dry.
"So, you were planning on keeping this to yourself?" he asked indignantly.
"If I had to," Olivia said, her limited strength waning and her resolve crumbling. She closed her eyes and tears slid out from between her lashes "Just…" she began in a hoarse whisper "Just… go…"
"No," Elliot said defiantly "I could have lost you today," his grip on her hand tightened "I did a lot of soul searching while I was in that waiting room," he began to rub his thumb over her palm "It's over with me and Kathy," he told her straightforwardly.
Olivia's eyes shot open "Elliot…" she began.
"Don't," he cut in quickly "I'm not gonna expect you to come rushing into my arms or anything. I'm leaving the next move up to you. If you never wanna see me again then I'll transfer, walk out of your life, whatever you want, I'll make it happen; what ever you decide, I'll support you," he was babbling. He took a deep breath and plowed on "I think you're right, it's best if I leave," he stood up and headed for the door "Let me know when you decide what you want." His shoulders slumped as he reached for the door knob.
"Elliot," she called feebly just as he had pulled the door open. He turned back to look at her, hopefully, expectantly, praying for what he knew he wasn't worthy of "I want you." The sentence was so plain, so simple and yet so meaningful. He came back to her bedside and bent down, kissing her lips.
"I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy," he promised as he held her and to his cheek and cried softly.
She smiled because, even though things would be complicated, she knew that he would keep his promise.
THE END