Title: This is not what I do

Summary: What if Derek robbed a bank? An answer to Cristina's question in 'From a Whisper to a Scream'. Mer/Der

AN/Disclaimer: I don't exactly know what this is. The title is from Damien Rice's 9 Crimes and the quotes are from 'From a Whisper to a Scream'. The bit in between is mine. Except for the characters of course.

CRISTINA: "What if Derek robbed a bank?"

"Dr. Grey, I need you to focus."

The room was bare. Someone who wasn't a doctor would probably even call it sterile. But it wasn't. The green tiles on the floor and on three of the walls probably resembled an OR, but the wooden table and the three dirty white plastic chairs certainly didn't. Behind the huge mirror, there were most likely people watching, but Meredith couldn't see them. That too, was different from what she knew from the hospital.

Instead of other people's faces, she saw the reflection of the back of Inspector Jackson's bald head. It was dotted with red blotches. He was getting frustrated and this wasn't good for her. She should just tell him what he wanted to hear. She should concentrate. But she couldn't.

"Once again, Dr. Grey, how were you involved in the case?"

The case. The bank robbery. The failed bank robbery that was. The reason Derek was in jail now. The reason for her world crumbling down. Again. Meredith closed her eyes for a moment. She remembered it, the anxious waiting. Her view was blocked. She wasn't in there with him. She wasn't by his side. She didn't even know if she wanted to be.

Her hands were shaking, her palms were wet with sweat. It was a good thing that she wasn't the one with the gun. But how was she involved then? What was her role in the whole scenario?

She couldn't have been of much use to Derek. Shaking and weak knees and sweaty hands on the steering wheel. The steering wheel.

"I was to drive the getaway car."

MEREDITH: "Why would Derek rob a bank?"

The inspector nodded and jotted down a few words in his notebook. She had finally reacted and he quickly asked another question, afraid that he would lose her again.

"And why did you try to rob that bank?"

"Why?"

"Yes why. What was your reason to rob the bank? It seems that your boyfriend has quite a lot of money."

He saw her eyes glaze over as he mentioned Derek. Her focus was no longer on him, instead she was staring into space.

There was a reason. It had been the only solution. Solution for what? There was no other way. Derek had been desperate. But why? Meredith couldn't remember. She remembered no words. She remembered the cold, the hopelessness. Derek's fear. Derek's body heat. Derek's hands travelling over her tiny body. The sound of the rain against the metal of the trailer. But the reason?

"I don't know why."

CRISTINA: "And he gets caught, but no one knows you're involved, 'cause you were driving the car."
MEREDITH: "Okay, Derek's in jail and I'm in the mystery car. What's the question?"

"We probably should stop this for today, Dr. Grey. We are not really getting anywhere."

She could have done it. She could have gotten them away. But Derek went into the bank and he didn't come back. It would have been so easy, had he returned, then everything would be alright. It wouldn't have taken them long to leave the country.

Without him, leaving didn't seem possible. It wasn't even an option anymore. He wasn't in the car with her. There was no purpose in driving it. There was no purpose in leaving. Derek wasn't there, there simply was no purpose at all.

Every plan, every question, every answer. Nothing mattered anymore. Because Derek was in jail and Meredith was alone in the car.

She was handcuffed and taken out of the room with the mirror. They walked her down a long corridor, the rhythmical sounds of their feet connecting with the floor echoing through the silence. She didn't care where they were taking her.

And then he was there. Walking towards her. Handcuffed and escorted by two officers, just like her.

His eyes were an intense shade of blue, troubled, panicked. He hadn't thought that he would see her at the police station. She had been in the car, how could they know that she was involved? It slowly dawned on him that she must have turned herself in.

He closed his eyes in pain. She was there. She was there because of him, his idea, his stupid plan. But why the hell hadn't she simply pretended that she didn't know about anything?

CRISTINA: "Just go with me. Please?"
MEREDITH: "Okay, Derek's robbing a bank. Well, whose idea was it to rob the bank?"
CRISTINA: "I don't know. I don't know. His. But you helped? Could you live with yourself if you just walked away and let the man you love take the fall?"

She was now so close that he could smell her hair. Lavender. That made it even harder for him to think. It pained him to see her. Their eyes met and even though the officers at his side were urging him to go on he turned towards her.

"Why are you here?"

His voice sounded strange. Husky. Pained.

"Because that's where you are."

Meredith looked at him, her gaze unwavering. She was certain that there was no other place where she possibly could be. For walking away there had to be a place to go to. And for her there wasn't. If Derek was going to fall, then she would fall with him. Without him there wouldn't be a purpose in going on.

The officer on her right tightened the grip on her arm, dragging her on; away from Derek and out of his view.

End

AN: I've had this on my computer for a while now and thought that I could post it. Thought that somebody out there who'd probably like to read it? Just a thought (which you could confirm by pressing the review button and leaving a few words. Yes, that was a hint).

Anyway, thanks for reading.

Lya