A/N: This is an old one shot I wrote some time ago. I posted it once as a chapter of a "moments" multi-chapter that I deleted (because it was really bad. I'll use the 'it was my first fic experience' excuse for that) so I decided to re edit it and post it again :) So, thank you Terrie for the help! You dah best! 33

Disclaimer: Downton Abbey and its characters belong to Julian Fellowes.

The cottage was warm and cosy. Anna hung her coat and took her hat off.

He'll have to tell me why he went to York! she thought. From their front hall, she called to him.

'John? I'm home! Why didn't you wait...'

He was coming down the stairs in his undershirt with his rolled up sleeves and his braces down. Her husband was indeed a fine figure of a man. She felt flushed.

'I was washing up,' he said smiling at her. 'I was waiting for you.'

'You were? But you didn't wait for me...'

'I didn't because I couldn't.'

'You couldn't?' Anna stared at him.

John put his hands on her shoulders and squeezed them giving her the sweetest smile he had. Anna just looked confused.

'I have a surprise for you my darling. I had to arrive home first so I had time to...you'll see.' Turning her around, he gently moved her in the direction of their living room.

'When you said you were going to London I thought, John Bates, you could arrange something nice to surprise your beautiful wife with, and that's what I did.' He stopped her just as she was about to enter the room. 'So, I went to York and I looked and looked to see if I could find something special. I did after a few hours,' he said, sounding quite proud of himself, 'and then I thought about making us dinner so we could have time to ourselves tonight. I knew that they were giving us the night off after the bazaar.' He sweetly kiss her forehead. 'Now, you may enter,' he said with a soft on his lips.

There was not a single corner of the room without a burning candle, bathing everything in a golden hue. Their little table was set for dinner, with a fragrant bouquet of her favourite pink wild roses in the middle and two candles either side. Anna felt her eyes brim with tears.

'Dinner is almost ready,' he whispered, looking at her, his green eyes filled with love and shining in the candlelight. 'I hope you'll like it. And...' he said moving towards the sofa, 'here is your present.'

He handed her a big box, she recognised the letters, it was from a shop in York that sold women's wear and accessories, it was new and very modern. Lady Mary had bought some hats and shoes there, and a beautiful skirt.

'John, this shop is terribly expensive,' she said, shaking her head.

'My love, I'm giving you the box not the bill...open it. I hope you like it. It took me hours to find the perfect dress...'

She opened it quickly then, consumed by curiosity. 'John!' she gasped.

She felt the fabric, it was so soft, so beautiful. Then she placed the box on the sofa and pulled dress from the tissue paper lining the box. It was a beautiful violet dress, with a lower neckline and shorter hemline than anything she had ever worn. The sleeves were short and they had white lace at the hems. It had four velvet buttons on the chest and it was the most beautiful dress she had ever seen.

'John, I can't. This must have cost a fortune. And it's quite scandalous. So short!'

'Do you like it?' he asked.

'I love it!' she said teary eyed.

'Then, there's no more say about it. And is not that short,' he said pointing at the dress.

'How do you know it fits me?' Anna asked him.

'Because I took one of your dresses.'

'You what?'

'I took your blue dress, that one you love, and the one that fits you so well,' John explained.

'John,' Anna marvelled, 'You know a lot of tricks, don't you?'

'I have to, if I want to keep my beautiful wife happy. Now try it on, please?'

'Now?'

'Of course now! Oh, I have to see if dinner is ready. You go up and change into your new dress. We'll have a fancy dinner right here at home.' He was so pleased he could do this for her.

'What about you?' she giggled and pointed at his undershirt. 'Is that fancy to you?'

'Don't worry, I'll put a shirt on in a minute,' he smiled at her. 'Plus, this is about you, not me.'

Anna didn't move. She just stared at him for a moment. He was still smiling. She loved her husband so much, how could she have ever doubted? Holding the dress gently against her chest with one hand, she reached for his left shoulder with the other and pulled him down to her and kissed him. It was a very chaste kiss but so full of love. John didn't try to deepen or to hold her, he just caressed her cheek and smiled at her when she moved away from him. 'Now go on, Mrs Bates, you'll be late for dinner.'

The dinner was perfect. John made two delicious pies. A shepherd's pie and an apple pie.

They took their time eating in the glow of the candlelight. It was better than any fancy restaurant in London. They held hands across the table, sharing soft smiles and words of love. Then John made tea and they sat on their sofa enjoying the silence and the warmth of the fire. He read a bit of the newspaper he had brought from the Abbey and Anna just watched him.

She had always thought their relationship quite extraordinary. They could sit for hours in silence just enjoying each other's company. And she was glad that they were able to do that, still. They knew each other so well and were so comfortable in the others presence.

Her mother used to say that communication was essential in a marriage, and they did communicate, but not always with words. She had known from the first moment that she made up her mind that her husband would be John Bates, that their love and marriage wouldn't be like most relationships that she'd seen during her life, and she was so thankful for that. Her mother was not that happy after all. Nor were most of the women she knew.

xxxxxx

Since that horrible concert Anna would sleep all night and wake up as tired as ever, or she would wake up in the middle of the night in a sweat. Tonight, she did wake up, but for a different reason. She was having a nice dream. John was in it, and they were sharing a beautiful moment. He was wearing his undershirt, rolled up sleeves and his braces were down. His hair was wet and he was beautiful. He was kissing her deeply and passionately. When she woke up it was to the comforting sound of her husband's gentle snoring.

She got up and went downstairs so as not to wake John. It was still dark. She hadn't been sleeping for long. Once downstairs she made fresh tea. Thank God, she thought as she sat down at the table with her cup. Thank God, her body had responded pleasantly to her dream. Just like before...before everything.

Anna loved her husband and desired him more than anything, but since that day, she hadn't been able to even think about being intimate without cringing. She was confused. She wanted John but she didn't at the same time, and her body was not responding the way she wanted it to, it was not responding at all. But she had been feeling "things" for the last couple of days.

'What are you doing here? Can't you sleep?' He made her jump. 'Sorry...what's wrong, love?'

She turned her head to face him and stared back at the table. 'I should have mentioned it before. Mr Green is dead.'

He said nothing at first, just walked towards the sink and stopped there facing the window, staring at the darkness outside.

'I know,' he said finally, with no emotion in his voice.

'You know?' She looked up from the table and was worried again.

'Mr Carson told me.'

'How does he know?' Anna asked.

John turned around to look at her and leaned back against the kitchen counter crossing his arms over his chest. 'He saw Lord Gillingham at the bazaar and asked him if he was staying for the night, if his valet was with him, and he said that Green was dead. Got hit by a bus in London.' He watched her.

'Oh, I see...' she averted his gaze.

'So, Lady Mary told you?'

'She did.'

He was looking around the kitchen.'I'm not sorry you know. I'm just upset that he didn't know I knew.'

She was speechless. 'I don't understand...'

He looked at her. 'Don't! He's dead now. Please, stop lying to me.'

'John...'

'I'm not blaming you or accusing, I'm not even mad. I know that you didn't tell me because you were afraid I would kill him and risk jail again but...he's dead now, Anna. Please.'

'I'm so sorry John,' she sobbed.

'You don't have to be. You were right. I was afraid too. Every time he was here, I was afraid that I would forget what I had to lose and in an act of anger and despair I would kill him...God knows I asked for strength and calm, but I wish he had died knowing that I knew. And now...' he took a shuddering breath.

'And now he's gone for good and we don't have to worry about him anymore,' she said looking down at her hands.

'Are you alright?'

'I am.' She looked up at him.

'Because you thought I did it. Because you thought I was lying when I said I went to York and now that you know that I didn't do it you're alright. But...are you happy that he's dead?'

She couldn't believe it. He knew everything. He even knew what she thought. Of course he did, you foolish woman, he knows you better than anyone else. He knows you better than yourself!

Anna thought for a moment.

'I'm glad he's dead. I'm glad that I don't have to worry ever again about the possibility of facing him somewhere. And I'm glad he's dead because after everything...after all the suffering he put us through he deserved it! God knows, how many times I wanted to kill him myself, in my dreams, in my thoughts. God knows I asked for strength to do it if he ever tried to hurt me again, but I'm glad that I didn't have to nor did you.'

He sighed.

'Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you say that you knew, and that you knew I was thinking it was you?' Anna asked him.

He sighed again and looked at her. 'I'm sorry.'

'Whatever for?' she said,confused.

'Everything.'

She stared at him while he walked towards her. He stopped, looking down at her, place a hand on the table and she turned to him in her chair. He knelt in front of her and hugged her middle, resting his head on her chest.

'I'm so thankful for you Anna. So happy that you are my wife. I love you so much. And I'm sorry for everything you've been through,' he looked up at her. 'I love you so much.'

Anna couldn't speak. She pulled his head against her chest again and hugged him tight. They stayed like this for quite a while. She ran her hands through his hair, kissed the top of his head several times and caressed the back of his neck, while he ran his hands up and down her back in a soothing motion. He then turned his face and kissed her just above the middle of her breasts through her nightgown.

'Your knee, John...' she begged.

'My knee is fine. I don't even feel it when I'm with you,' he said, smiling into her chest.

Then she asked him, 'John?' He looked up at her. 'Do you still desire me?'

He smiled. 'But of course I do. That's a silly question, my darling.'

'Is it? I don't think it is,' she said, smoothing his hair. 'After what happened...I was afraid that you would look at me differently. That you would feel like you couldn't think and want the things you used to think and want. You know...that you feel…,' she ran her hand through his hair, 'that you have to change your ways.'

'My ways?'

'Your ways.' She raised her eyebrows. He knew exactly what she meant.

'Anna, I love you. More than anything. And you are my wife and God help me you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I desire you so much. And I always will.' He took her hand from his face and kissed her palm. 'I desire every inch of you, but I know you need time and I will wait, as long as you need. I'll wait forever, if it has to be.'

'You don't have to wait forever...' she said giggling. 'I miss us, I miss being in your arms and I miss our jokes and our intimacy, our flirting...'

'I miss that too, Anna. So very much.'

'And...I'm speaking about this because...well, when I arrived home, you came down the stairs, so handsome in your undershirt,' she smiled and blushed a little, smoothing his hair once again. For some reason, smoothing his hair always made her calmer. 'And I felt…I felt alive again. Even though I was worried about… you know, but still...'

'That's wonderful, my love! For both of us.' He gave her a genuine smile.

'Soon, I think that we can start to get our life back...' she told him.

'Anna, you are my life. And as long as I have you by my side, I'm happy. Now all I want is to see you smile and laugh and be happy too.'

'I will John. Give me just a little more time and I will,' she promised.

'As I said my love, I'll give you all the time you need.'

They went to bed again. Once there Anna reached for John and hugged his middle, resting her head on his chest, inhaling his scent, the scent that she loved so much. 'Sorry I doubted you.'

'You don't have to be sorry Anna.'

'It was the first time that I doubted you, ever,' she said sadly.

'There's always a first time for everything, plus, you had your reasons.'

'John?'

'Yes, my darling?'

She looked up at him. 'Not for one second did I stop loving you. Not even for one second. I just…'

'I know my darling. And I understand. Let's walk step by step, no running or jumping. Step by step.'

She rested on his chest again and he kissed the top of her head. 'Your hair smells so good.'

She giggled. 'Thank you.'

'I love you, Anna.'

'And I love you, Mr Bates.'