A/N: So I was talking to Ben the other day, and how I haven't sent him any of my fanfiction in ages. And he told me to write this story. So, yeah, the plot is his.
Enjoy!
Warning: This is meant to be funny. Unfortunately, I'm not very funny, so I don't blame you if you don't get it. Just please don't be offended.
Lalala, here he his! The Sex God himself. Tsukiyomi Ikuto, sitting in a lab, seeing as this is so obviously his natural habitat. God, when do you not see Ikuto working on an unknown project a computer in a dark blue laboratory? Sheesh.
Anyway, here he is, typing away speedily, when suddenly an email from his girlfriend appears. A smirk crawls across his face as he pondered on all the kinky things he was going to do tonight. Meow.
As he opens it, he notices Amu's poor use of grammar and overuse of the caps lock button.
"ZOMG!1!!!" it reads, "IKTO MA LOV HELP ME PLEASE IM IN TRUBLE AN I NEED YOU HERE TONIGHT AN I NEED U MOAR THAN EVA AN IF YOU .... ANYWAY!!!! HELP MEEEE!!!ONEONE"
'F*ck,' he gasps internally, 'I really need to show her how to spell.'
So, he stylishly gets up and, as gracefully as Robert Pattinson in the Twilight movie as Edward –i.e. not very–, glides out of the room, and jumps on his motorbike.
Despite his girlfriend being in deep peril, he couldn't help but admire the slick, shiny coat of his black Varadero. His eyes glaze over as he stoked it affectionately. Man, those paychecks were so worth this.
Regardless, he races out the building, managing to do a backflip off a ramp that seemed to be on the building, loving the wind in his hair, the glistens in his teeth and the sun gently warming his face. Some girls giggle as he rode past, and he felt for them, seeing as his heart was already taken, so he smiles sexily at them, being a generous person. Obviously.
The day was that extra little bit pleasant today. The birds were smoothly gliding across the sky, the clouds were only little white wisps of candy floss, and they enhanced the rich beautiful blue behind them. The plants were singing and the birds and the sun were almost down from the top of the sky; it was a nice day.
He, unexplainably, knew which roads to turn to. Call it fate, call it destiny, call it 'they-love-each-other-so-much-they-have-their-own-magnetic-force' -I just call it a plot hole. (Sorry Ben).
Eventually, he made it onto the country side. And, stupidly, in the midst of the fields of golden wheat and fields and meadows of grass so green, was a girl with a mop of shimmering pink hair. Being attacked by a giant bird.
Not only that, but there were zombies, and aliens and about five other giant birds all pushing and shoving and pecking at her.
Ikuto couldn't decide which was strangest, the fact that they were randomly attacking her, in the middle of a bloody field, or that his girlfriend, who lived in the city centre, was there in the first place.
Despite his confusion, he decided to whoop the sh*t out o' them fools anyway. Don't ask how; it perhaps, had to do with some abstract form of kung fu. Maybe.
Breathlessly, he punches the final bird in the face, knocking it to the floor so that it became a coin like the rest of them had. He picks it up, putting it in his pocket.
The girl smiles widely at him.
"You should have come sooner!" she giggles, hitting his arm playfully.
He joins in the laughter, before throwing her on his bike, and riding into the sunset.
FIN