Episode 1: Ruby Rose I
«Sir Kirito»
"And who the hell are you?" Roman Torchwick said as he aimed Melodic Cudgel at a man with a black coat. The newcomer held out a black longsword diagonally in front of him while he stood in front of Red.
He made Roman wary. Edgy's loose but tense stance spoke of years in the battlefield, unlike the stance of the relatively green huntress that stood behind him.
"Detective Kirito of Vale PD," Kirito said in his best Batman impression. "I'm on the hunt for a notorious thief who uses mascara, wears a really stupid hat, and smokes cigars like they're going out of style."
Roman fumed. How dare he mock him! He was Vale's Most Stylish criminal for god's sake!
The girl behind him swooned. She looked like an idiot.
Kirito smirked. "You wouldn't happen to be him, would you?"
Roman knew it was a rhetorical question.
"Well, it's been fun Red," Roman said. "But I really don't want to be captured by Edgy here."
Roman pulled the trigger. Melodic Cudgel roared as it launched a blindingly bright flare that would serve as a distraction to aid his escape.
Edgy and Red were engulfed by the explosion, and Roman rushed for the ladder on a nearby building. Cinder was waiting in his getaway Bullhead and he didn't want to keep a lady waiting. Well, a lady that could incinerate him with a thought, but that was besides the point.
=
Ruby Rose swooned as Kirito introduced himself. He was a detective! Like one of the really cool ones from her favorite comics!
"You wouldn't happen to be him, would you?" said Kirito.
Ruby pumped her fist up. She'd ask for Kirito's autograph after this. Then she'd bake him cookies and bust some criminals with him.
Oooohhhhh!
Ruby and Kirito saves the day as the evil villain Grimmzilla invades Vale with his army of troglodytes!
"Well, it's been fun Red," Roman said. "But I really don't want to be captured by Edgy here."
Roman pulled the trigger.
"Oh for fuck's sake! Look out!"
"Good job, Ruby!" Kirito said as he patted her head. "Let's have some more of those cookies."
"Ohhhh, you're the best, Kirito!" Ruby wrapped her arms around him and snuggled into his chest. The gentle warmth that he exuded seemed to be almost too real.
It was too real.
Ruby flushed red as Kirito dropped her on the floor like she was cooked grenade.
"Quit staring at me, it's creepy!" Kirito said.
Ruby dot exe has crashed. Rebooting...
He turned to the shopkeeper and said, "You haven't pulled a muscle, old man?"
He didn't wait for him to answer and instead, turned to Ruby. "Get up, Red. We have a criminal to apprehend! In the name of the law!"
"Oh god, I didn't just say that..." Kirito muttered and sheathed the black longsword on his back.
"Ruby Rose," Ruby said. "My name is Ruby Rose. Not Red!"
"Red," Kirito said. "A quantum supercomputer calculating for thousands of years could not even approach the number of fucks that I do not give."
Uh, what?
"He's escaping," Ruby said.
"Great observation, Red," Kirito said.
He dashed up the building, leaving a trail of dust behind.
Whoa! He was almost as fast as her with her semblance!
"Ruby, not Red!" Ruby said. "Wait for me, Detective Kirito!"
She pulled the trigger of Crescent Rose and let the recoil push her up the building.
There standing on the edge of the roof was Roman Torchwick. He held onto his cane tightly.
"Oh no! It's a dead end! Whatever will you do now, Torchwick?" Kirito said as he unsheathed his black long sword again.
Now that she was a little bit more in control of her actions, she could see that the sword had a weird guard shaped like a half-circle. And it didn't have an apparent gun attachment.
It was black like his entire costume too. Black coat, black shirt, black pants, and black boots. The only items not black that were on him were the second long sword that was green inside the second sheathe on his back and the red sheathe with a white sword pinned behind his waist, just under the two black sheathes.
Roman smirked and aimed his cane. "This."
His unoccupied arm snaked out and tossed a red dust crystal at them.
Roman fired.
The world turned red in a haze of smoke and fire as the dust crystal exploded.
"Oh wow, Roman," Kirito said as a purple barrier blossomed in front of them and took the blast head on. "Are you sure that dust wasn't expired or something? 'Cause you know, we're still alive and breathing."
Roman didn't hear him as when the smoke cleared, he was already in a Bullhead.
"That was because of me, Professor Kirito," a blond huntress with a wand said. She stood behind them with her wand raised and a serious expression on her face.
Wait, what? Professor Kirito?
"Whatever, Glynds," Kirito said. "I still think that it was expired."
"Professor Goodwitch." Professor Goodwitch gaze turned into one that resembled a winter night.
"Whoa, sensing a lot of hostility here," Kirito said. "Why don't we calm down and focus all of that aggression on the criminal, that's, you know, currently escaping from right under our noses?"
"I concur, Professor Kirito," Professor Goodwitch said and hurled rubble at the Bullhead using her semblance.
Ruby aimed Crescent Rose at the Bullhead and opened fire.
"I'll just stand here," Kirito said. "Since I can't fly or levitate objects with a riding crop."
"It's a wand, Professor Kirito," Professor Goodwitch said as she hurled a spear fashioned from rubble at the Bullhead.
Kirito grinned. "Sure, Glynds."
Fire burst out of the Bullhead and incinerated the rubble.
It was too far away for any of them to pursue now.
Professor Goodwitch sighed.
Ruby collapsed Crescent Rose into its compact form, placed it under her cloak and said, "Your huntsmen! Ooooooh, can I have your autograph?"
=
"If it were up to me," Professor Goodwitch said. "You would be sent home with a pat on the back."
Ruby smiled. She can't wait to tell Dad and Yang about this!
"That's my little Rubaby!" Yang hooked her arms around Ruby's neck. "A hero."
Professor Goodwitch paced in front of her and Kirito was leaning on the wall behind her. Ruby was sat on the desk facing both.
"And a slap on the wrist!" Professor Goodwitch slammed her wand on the table.
Ruby flinched, the fantasy evaporating into thin air.
"Oh come on, Glynds," Kirito said. "Where did you learn that bad-cop-good-cop routine? From Saturday morning cartoons?"
Hey! Those were great!
"Professor Goodwitch."
Professor Goodwitch stared, unamused, at Kirito.
"Kirito."
He smirked, clearly enjoying it.
Professor Goodwitch turned around and her flat stare turned soft.
"Anyway, there is someone here that would like to meet you," she said.
The door opened. The man who came in had gray hair and a green suit.
Ruby caught the aroma of freshly brewed coffee in his mug as he sat down on the only chair in front of her.
He placed a plate of cookies on the table. "Ruby Rose... You have silver eyes."
"You know, you totally sound like a pedophile, Oz," said Kirito.
"Professor Kirito!" Professor Goodwitch said.
Ozpin ignored the quip. "Where did you learn how to do this?"
He gestured to his scroll where a footage of her beating up goons was displayed.
"Signal Academy."
Ruby ate all the cookies in one go. Kirito went wide-eyed.
"What the hell? Is that your semblance?" Kirito said.
"Sort of," Ruby said.
"And they taught you how to use one of the most dangerous weapons in existence?" Ozpin said. "I know of only one scythe wielder of that skill before-"
"A senile, old, drunk," Kirito said.
"Hey that's my Uncle! Anyway, I was complete garbage before he took me under his wing," Ruby said, waving her arms around. "but now I'm-" She finished with exaggerated noises.
"Do you know who we are?" Ozpin said.
"You're Professor Ozpin, Headmaster of Beacon Academy," Ruby said. "She's Professor Goodwitch, the Deputy Headmistress."
"And I don't know him." Ruby finished. Ruby saw the tiniest of smiles on both Professor Ozpin and Professor Goodwitch's lips.
"Red, I am shocked and appalled that Qrow hasn't mentioned his best drinking buddy to you before," Kirito said.
This was her Uncle Qrow's best drinking buddy? But he looked so young! And didn't Yang say that drinking was only for old men in their 40s or something?
"Professor Kirito here is the new combat teacher at Beacon Academy," Professor Goodwitch said.
Kirito nodded and closed his eyes.
"You want to go to my school?" Ozpin said after he sipped his coffee.
"More than anything in the world," Ruby said, a smile blooming on her face.
Oh my god! This was her chance to go with Yang to Beacon!
"Let her in, Oz," Kirito said. "She did attempt mass homicide in the name of justice, after all."
He snickered.
"Well alright," Ozpin said and downed all his coffee in one go.
=
Ruby Rose collapsed on her back as the crabby girl and the not-so crabby girl left. Her first day at Beacon and she was already making friends.
"Welcome to Beacon..." Ruby said.
"Oh wow, Red," a familiar voice from behind her quipped. "First day at Beacon and you already exploded ?"
She couldn't place the voice, but she knew of only two people in the world who called her Red.
"Oh, don't mind me," Professor Kirito, black coat and three swords and all, spoke and held out a hand for her to grab. "Just passing through."
Ruby smiled and took his hand. Maybe her first day won't be so bad after all.
"I mean, what would it look like if a professor of this fine academy would just leave a student who exploded only a few moments ago?" Professor Kirito said with a smirk.
"Eh, Professor Kirito?" Ruby said. She had a feeling she was being teased, but she wasn't sure. It seemed to be a talent of his.
"Kirito is fine, Red," he said and waved his hands in front of him. "I'm not like Glynda who has a stick up her ass."
"Uh, I don't know where the others went," Ruby said. It was lucky of her to run into a teacher she already met before.
"You don't say?" Kirito said. "You've only been following me for like five minutes so far."
"Buuuut," he continued. "Since I'm going to the main hall, you can come with me."
"Gee, thanks so much," Ruby said. Was she that much of a burden?
"I have this thing," she said and revealed Crescent Rose with a flourish.
"Sweet, merciful, Buddha!" Kirito jumped back a few meters away. "Is that a fucking sniper-scythe?"
"Yeah," Ruby said. "This is Crescent Rose. She's my baby."
"What do you have?" She continued.
Kirito had three swords sheathed on his back, and she had only seen the black one in action before. She didn't even know their names! What sort of friend would she be if she didn't even know her friends' weapons?
He unsheathed two and twirled them a little. In his right hand, was the sword that he used at the night of the robbery. It was a pitch black sword with a grey trim. It had a black hilt connected to a circular hand guard that sloped down on one side. A small cross was engraved on the flat of the blade, just beneath the tip.
"This is Elucidator." Kirito held the black blade, named Elucidator, up for her to see.
"Ooooohhhh, cool," Ruby said.
In his left hand was an aquamarine blade. Its grip was darker than the rest of the blade and is completely straight. It lead up to a crossguard that was perpendicular to the grip and the crossguard looked like a pair of conjoined daggers. At the center of the guard, a large aquamarine gem was embedded.
"And this is Dark Repulser." Kirito sheathed both blades.
"Wait what about the other sword?" Ruby said.
Kirito gave her a smile that reminded her of Taiyang's whenever he thought of Summer. It was one of those that hid just how broken he really was.
"It's name is Lambent Light." Kirito walked ahead of her, black cloak fluttering in the wind.
"And I don't really reveal it unless I need it's strength," Kirito said. "Sorry, Red, but you need to be as strong as Ozpin or Qrow to see it. Maybe even stronger."
«Sir Kirito»
Trivia #1 : The inspiration for this story came from SWE's SAO Abridged series.
Trivia #2: This story's Kirito is a hybrid between Canon!Kirito and SWEAbridged!Kirito.
Trivia #3: This story will only get frequent updates in the summer.
Trivia#4: This story is my way of getting over writer's block. So don't expect great writing.
Edited 6/26/17 for minor bugs.
Adios!
Edited on June 3, 2019. Reincarnation go!