The Mission Briefing
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Kinch just started to jump up the ladder when Carter called him back from his bomb-lab: "Kinch! The radio is talking!"
Kinch sighed and jumped back down again. "Never a quiet moment in this place, is there? Not even time to go and get a cup of coffee." He sat down at the radiopanel again and put the headphones on. "This is Papa Bear. Go ahead, Goldilocks."
He listened for a moment; then he paled visibly. "Carter!" he called out. And as the lanky head appeared around a corner of the tunnel, Kinch ordered: "Go and get the colonel. And the others. This is important!"
Within thirty seconds, the whole team was gathered downstairs: Newkirk with a handfull of cards, and LeBeau with a wooden spoon in his hand.
"What´s up, Kinch?" Hogan inquired worriedly.
Kinch switched the radio to the speaker. "London calling, sir. They say it´s mighty important: they need our expertise. Urgent," he read the words he had started to scribble down. "Priority 1 mission. AAA+++. Extremely important. Urgentissimo."
Newkirk killed his cigarettebutt. "I wonder if they´re trying to tell us something."
Hogan nodded. "Allright. Let´s have it."
"Go ahead, Goldilocks. We´re listening," Kinch said in the mike.
"Good evening, chaps!"
Carter´s jaw dropped, and even the others looked at best astonished at the chirping voice of – wasn´t that Wembley? "How is it all going?"
Kinch handed the microphone to Hogan. "Fine. What´s all this about an urgentissimo priority 1 mission? What´s the problem?"
"Well, you see, Hogan, we´re a bit behind schedule. It´s been awfully busy here lately..."
"You´re telling me," Newkirk muttered.
"... and in the process, we discovered that we are no less than a year behind on the Papa Bear Awards."
Carter´s eyes shone instantly. "Gee, I had almost forgotten about those! Are people still making up new adventures for us?"
Apparently Wembley had heard his words: "They sure are. And since you guys are the experts, we´d like your opinion on them, too, of course. We´ll make a bundle of them, and drop them at M14 tomorrow night at 2300 hours. If you´d be so good as to pick them up there?"
"We´ll do. What categories do we have this year?"
"Oh, it´s not the stories from this year, Colonel Hogan. Not yet; we´ll get to those after we´ve decided on the old ones. This time it´s about the stories written the year before!"
Hogan smirked. "Allright then, what categories did we have last year?"
"Mostly the same as it has been, though a few categories won´t compete this year, since there were too few stories that suited the category. Or no stories in that category at all. If you´ve got pen and paper ready, here´s the list."
Kinch nodded; he always had pen and paper at hand when manning the radio.
"Go ahead, Goldilocks. We´re ready and waiting."
"Right. The first category is drama, stories of 5000 words or more. That´s as usual; the story with the strongest, most compelling dramatic impact."
"I like those. Gives me the creeps," Newkirk mused.
"Except when they´re torturing the colonel," Kinch objected. "Personally, I´d rather skip those."
"Second category: short story-drama," Wembley went on. "The same idea, but described in less than 5000 words.
"Third category: comedy."
Carter jumped. "Those are my favourites. I hope there will be a lot!"
"Comedy can be described as the funny stories. Here, too, we have made a division. The third category is for funny stories of 5000 words or more; the fourth category is for short funny stories."
"Less than 5000 words," LeBeau remarked. "Oui, we get the picture. Go on, the fifth category."
"The fifth category is for the most unique story," Wembley droned on. "That is a story with a totally unexpected twist, or a very unusual style, or... well, simply a unique story. One of a kind.
"The sixth category is for the best portrayal of a canon character."
"That´s my bombs," Carter announced happily. "They often play a vital part in those stories, don´t they?"
LeBeau glared at him. "Don´t be stupid. That´s us, you fool."
"That´s everyone," Hogan corrected him. "Everyone we have ever met here over the years: us, the fellow prisoners, Klink, Schultz and the guards, Burkhalter, Hochstetter, the people from town, any visiting Kraut we have met over the years... Even the guard dogs included."
Carter gulped. "That´s an awful lot to choose from."
"And the seventh category," Wembley continued, "is for the best original character. So that would be a character the author has made up all by himself. And you´ll have to choose which of those people you would have liked to meet in your work at Stalag 13."
"A girl no doubt," Newkirk grinned.
"Oh yes!" LeBeau´s eyes glittered. "And no dirty Boche officers; we´ve seen more than enough of those!"
"I wouldn´t mind meeting any of the girls they´ve made up for us," Carter added his two cents. "As long as they´re on our side, that is."
Kinch sighed. "Perhaps we should let Goldilocks continue first?"
"Thank you, Papa Bear," they heard Wembley sigh. "Right. Onto the eighth category. That´s a new one: the best quote!"
"I know nothing!" LeBeau and Newkirk chanted in chorus.
They heard Wembley laugh. "I agree: it is a great quote, but this time we´re looking for new ones. Original ones. We´re looking for a line, or maybe two lines: funny, moving, silly, very true... anything. But it has to make sense even outside its original context."
Hogan took the mike. "Can it be a conversation between two people as well?"
Wembley chuckled. "I suppose you´re hoping for one of your crazy discourses with Klink to win this prize?"
"Well, hoping doesn´t hurt anybody."
"No, Colonel Hogan. Entire conversations do not qualify for this category. Keep it short. A line; at most a line and a reply. Like the famous ´Klink, shut up and listen´, followed by ´Yes sir, shut up and listen´ between the Kommandant and General Burkhalter. But no longer discourses. Is that clear?"
"Yes sir."
"And then the last category: simply the best story, long or short. If someone agreed to read only one story about you chaps, this should be the one you´d recommend."
LeBeau grabbed the microphone out of Hogan´s hands. "Hey, what about my favourite category: the songs and poems?"
"I´m sorry, but no songs or poems have been published during this particular year. But let me assure you that this category will be back when we start on 2008´s awards in a few weeks time."
"And what about crossovers? I like it when we get to work together with people from other era´s," Carter pouted.
"Sorry, chaps. There were so very very few stories in both crossovers and challenged stories, that we´ve decided not to have a special category for them. You may nominate them in any other category you think appropriate though. And the same goes for the stories written in German."
Hogan nodded. "Understood. Are the general rules the same as they used to be?"
"Not quite. There has been one major change," Wembley replied. "Everyone is still entitled to – though not obliged to – two nominations in each category. But the author is not allowed to nominate his own work anymore."
Newkirk grinned. "Now that´s a pity! I´d have nominated every letter I´d ever written to me Mum!"
"Well, I´m afraid that possibility is out now," they heard Wembley say. "Once your work has been nominated by someone else, the author is allowed to vote for his or her own creations. But the author is not allowed to nominate his own work to enter the election."
"Makes sense," Kinch commented wryly.
"Can a story be nominated for more than one category?" Hogan enquired.
"Yes, that is possible. The only restriction is the distinction between short stories and stories over 5000 words. But for the rest you may nominate one and the same story in each of the categories you see fit. But I suppose that would require a really exceptional story, to fit in every category."
"And when do the nominations have to be in?"
"The last day for nominating is February 7th. The list of nominations in each category will then be published, and then people will have the opportunity to vote – one vote in each category – until March 31st."
"Where is it going to be published?"
"On an electronic highway. There, you´ll find all the information you need. The address is www konarciq net / fanfiction / PapaBearAwards / index html ." (A/N: add dots in the logical places and remove the extra space around the slashes)
Carter blinked. "Say that again...?"
They heard Wembley chuckle. "Don´t worry, we´ll send you a copy. At the moment a list of all the eligible stories is published there. But if you chaps happen to know of any other ones that were completed during the year 2007, we´ll be more than happy to add them to the list. We have two new librarians, you see. They might have missed something."
"Allright. How do we nominate?"
"You chaps may do so over the radio; others can find detailed information on the homepage at the electronic highway I mentioned before. They will have to send their nominations by mail to papabearawards at yahoo-dot-com."
"Address?" Hogan prompted.
"That is the address."
The men looked at each other in puzzlement.
"What will they think of next..." Newkirk muttered. "Not even a street or a town...?"
"Well, chaps, I´d say: have a good read! I hope to hear from you soon!"
Carter jumped up and down with excitement. "I wish it was tomorrow night already! I want to start reading now!"
And Kinch answered Wembley: "Yeah, roger. Over and out."
Hogan nodded, with a mischievous smile playing around his lips. "Well, it seems we´ve got some reading to do... Priority 1, wasn´t it?"
"Urgentissimo," LeBeau recalled. "We´d better start reading right away. If we have to get those nominations in by February 7th..."
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Librarian´s note: Hope you´ll all join us to revive the famous Papa Bear Awards!!!
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For any questions, check the mentioned website, or contact snooky-9093 or konarciq (aka Sue and Margherita)