This story is dedicated to Inari, of course!
Quicksilver's Quill Offers:
Things Long Past
mbsilvana@yahoo.com
standard disclaimers
And when I saw them, my memories crystallized and it was like no time had passed since I had last seen them. Looking into their cold eyes, eyes belonging to people who had died long ago, I knew they recognized me as well, no matter the form I was wearing now. But we said nothing, pretended that we had never met before.
They hadn't changed in death- their faces were still youthful and grave, but the lack of forgiveness in their hearts troubled me, even though I understood that what I had done could not be forgiven. Not now; perhaps not ever. I had betrayed my miko, and it was only through the gracious intercession of Suzaku that my soul hadn't been entirely destroyed. I had been given a second chance. Truly, Suzaku is the God of Love, to forgive even the worst traitor in the history of our world and offer him the chance to make amends.
Tomite refused to meet my eyes as the ice slowly wound itself around my new miko. I wanted to step forward and beg him to stop, but realized that anything I said would most likely encourage him to judge Miaka even more harshly.
Miaka isn't much like Takiko.... Takiko was much more gentle, but both shared similar trusting natures. When I look into Miaka's green eyes, sometimes I see the shadow of another pair of eyes, equally foreign to the land, gazing back out at me. Poor Takiko... I loved her, and that was where the problem stemmed from.
It seems to be a tradition for the seishi to love their miko romantically. Both Naname and I loved the Genbu no Miko, but unlike Hotohori and Tamahome, our rivalry was bitter. I could not sleep with my back to him, my thoughts untrusting. At that time, I was known as Hatsui, the third seishi. My gift was to kill with a touch, my hands able to drain ki. I used that gift more then I like to remember... ironic that this time around, I am a healer. Part of my punishment; I am forced to watch people die time and time again as penance.
For a while, I raged quietly raged within my soul after Takiko rejected me in favor of Naname. Then that rage festered, becoming a bitter poison. And this was turned against me.
I sold them out. I was so confused- I wish I could remember exactly what I was thinking- perhaps then I could forgive myself. Yet I must be honest and confess that in all likelihood I simply wasn't. All I wanted to do was lash out and make the others suffer with me. And when K'ang-hsi, then the Emperor of Kotou, offered me an excuse, I jumped at it. It was because of my actions that three of the seven Genbu seishi died during the summoning of our God- if not for Hikitsu's quick thinking, they all would have died, and Genbu never would have descended. But I do not like to think of that.
It's rather complicated how the whole mess came about. To simplify matters, I was born in the northern most part of Kotou, yet bore the sign of the encampment, the mark of the Genbu Seishi Hatsui, on my right hand. This was odd in and of itself- why would as seishi be born in a land that did not belong to his honor-bound God? It took me a while to understand why I felt different from those around me- I was never able to summon up any love for Seiryuu. Those few who knew of my branding never spoke of it, but there was a wariness in their eyes when they were around me. Even my own mother seemed unable to love me for who I was.
When I was fifteen, I left home, vowing never to return. Three years later, I was found by the Genbu no miko, and in her eyes, she loved me. For the first time, I found someone who accepted who I was- it was as though I had been spending my entire life existing just for the moment when she needed me. I guess that's true. None of the seishi I have ever known have led happy lives- we all have been separated from the common contacts that keep us human- I can name example after example. Perhaps that's why I feel so guilty about Shoka's death- if I hadn't had the gall to ignore my Seishi duty and love her, perhaps she would still be alive. The Gods give power, but they take away much in return. Perhaps too much.
Miaka shattered the ice, using the magic that was in the bracelets that were Nuriko's legacy. I have never seen her look so noble as she did at that moment, not even when she had been prepared to summon Suzaku, dressed in the garment of the Suzaku no Miko. For the first time since I have known her, she truly WAS the miko, confident in her own powers.
Tomite and Hikitsu must have recognized that as well, for their eyes widened in respect. They led her to Shinzahou and allowed her to take it, but crushed her hopes by informing her that she would need the second one. Then they directed us to the country of the West, and we all left, our hearts heavy. It was true that we had succeeded in getting the first of the Shinzahous, but at such a terrible cost. None of the other Seishi realized how much it tormented me to have to walk into that cave at that moment, confront what I had done, see the loathing in their eyes. These spirits had once been my brothers....
"Oi, Mitsukake!" Tasuki says in his impatient way, distracting me from my dark thoughts. "Hurry up or we'll be in Sailo before you've even left the cave!" he ribs me.
I nod and smile, but not before casting a longing look back at Hikitsu and Tomite. They avert their gazes from me, and I understand that they still haven't forgotten what I've done- nor forgiven me for it. I can't say I blame them.
Slowly I turn away from them again, forced to step back out into the present.
We'll succeed. We'll get the second Shinzahou. I promise you that, Miaka. I failed my miko last time- I won't do it again. And perhaps then, I will have earned the right to be forgiven. I long to talk to you all once again, my fellow Seishi, both Genbu and Suzaku, and know the joy that was in your hearts.
END
A very short premise leads to a fic.... why does Mits' healing look like Genbu magic? I'm working on a longer version, but don't hold your breath for it- it may be QUITE a while *sweatdrop*.
Quicksilver's Quill Offers:
Things Long Past
mbsilvana@yahoo.com
standard disclaimers
And when I saw them, my memories crystallized and it was like no time had passed since I had last seen them. Looking into their cold eyes, eyes belonging to people who had died long ago, I knew they recognized me as well, no matter the form I was wearing now. But we said nothing, pretended that we had never met before.
They hadn't changed in death- their faces were still youthful and grave, but the lack of forgiveness in their hearts troubled me, even though I understood that what I had done could not be forgiven. Not now; perhaps not ever. I had betrayed my miko, and it was only through the gracious intercession of Suzaku that my soul hadn't been entirely destroyed. I had been given a second chance. Truly, Suzaku is the God of Love, to forgive even the worst traitor in the history of our world and offer him the chance to make amends.
Tomite refused to meet my eyes as the ice slowly wound itself around my new miko. I wanted to step forward and beg him to stop, but realized that anything I said would most likely encourage him to judge Miaka even more harshly.
Miaka isn't much like Takiko.... Takiko was much more gentle, but both shared similar trusting natures. When I look into Miaka's green eyes, sometimes I see the shadow of another pair of eyes, equally foreign to the land, gazing back out at me. Poor Takiko... I loved her, and that was where the problem stemmed from.
It seems to be a tradition for the seishi to love their miko romantically. Both Naname and I loved the Genbu no Miko, but unlike Hotohori and Tamahome, our rivalry was bitter. I could not sleep with my back to him, my thoughts untrusting. At that time, I was known as Hatsui, the third seishi. My gift was to kill with a touch, my hands able to drain ki. I used that gift more then I like to remember... ironic that this time around, I am a healer. Part of my punishment; I am forced to watch people die time and time again as penance.
For a while, I raged quietly raged within my soul after Takiko rejected me in favor of Naname. Then that rage festered, becoming a bitter poison. And this was turned against me.
I sold them out. I was so confused- I wish I could remember exactly what I was thinking- perhaps then I could forgive myself. Yet I must be honest and confess that in all likelihood I simply wasn't. All I wanted to do was lash out and make the others suffer with me. And when K'ang-hsi, then the Emperor of Kotou, offered me an excuse, I jumped at it. It was because of my actions that three of the seven Genbu seishi died during the summoning of our God- if not for Hikitsu's quick thinking, they all would have died, and Genbu never would have descended. But I do not like to think of that.
It's rather complicated how the whole mess came about. To simplify matters, I was born in the northern most part of Kotou, yet bore the sign of the encampment, the mark of the Genbu Seishi Hatsui, on my right hand. This was odd in and of itself- why would as seishi be born in a land that did not belong to his honor-bound God? It took me a while to understand why I felt different from those around me- I was never able to summon up any love for Seiryuu. Those few who knew of my branding never spoke of it, but there was a wariness in their eyes when they were around me. Even my own mother seemed unable to love me for who I was.
When I was fifteen, I left home, vowing never to return. Three years later, I was found by the Genbu no miko, and in her eyes, she loved me. For the first time, I found someone who accepted who I was- it was as though I had been spending my entire life existing just for the moment when she needed me. I guess that's true. None of the seishi I have ever known have led happy lives- we all have been separated from the common contacts that keep us human- I can name example after example. Perhaps that's why I feel so guilty about Shoka's death- if I hadn't had the gall to ignore my Seishi duty and love her, perhaps she would still be alive. The Gods give power, but they take away much in return. Perhaps too much.
Miaka shattered the ice, using the magic that was in the bracelets that were Nuriko's legacy. I have never seen her look so noble as she did at that moment, not even when she had been prepared to summon Suzaku, dressed in the garment of the Suzaku no Miko. For the first time since I have known her, she truly WAS the miko, confident in her own powers.
Tomite and Hikitsu must have recognized that as well, for their eyes widened in respect. They led her to Shinzahou and allowed her to take it, but crushed her hopes by informing her that she would need the second one. Then they directed us to the country of the West, and we all left, our hearts heavy. It was true that we had succeeded in getting the first of the Shinzahous, but at such a terrible cost. None of the other Seishi realized how much it tormented me to have to walk into that cave at that moment, confront what I had done, see the loathing in their eyes. These spirits had once been my brothers....
"Oi, Mitsukake!" Tasuki says in his impatient way, distracting me from my dark thoughts. "Hurry up or we'll be in Sailo before you've even left the cave!" he ribs me.
I nod and smile, but not before casting a longing look back at Hikitsu and Tomite. They avert their gazes from me, and I understand that they still haven't forgotten what I've done- nor forgiven me for it. I can't say I blame them.
Slowly I turn away from them again, forced to step back out into the present.
We'll succeed. We'll get the second Shinzahou. I promise you that, Miaka. I failed my miko last time- I won't do it again. And perhaps then, I will have earned the right to be forgiven. I long to talk to you all once again, my fellow Seishi, both Genbu and Suzaku, and know the joy that was in your hearts.
END
A very short premise leads to a fic.... why does Mits' healing look like Genbu magic? I'm working on a longer version, but don't hold your breath for it- it may be QUITE a while *sweatdrop*.