Hi - So I thought long and hard and once upon a time, I found joy and peace in writing and sharing my words with you all. Due to some personal reasons, and a desire to move forward with something I very well had no place going, I pulled my stories. For that, I apologize to my readers. I plan to slowly edit them, reword a few parts and then repost. This will happen over the next month or so, as time permits to get them all back online.

For those who still want to read what I have to write, thanks for sticking around.

SbP

Life Support

"Cullen, Volturi, and Denali tech support, this is Edward Masen. How can I help you?"

"Edward, I think I broke my laptop. No, I know I broke it and in turn, lost every file I own. I pray that you can fix it and well, if you can't fix it, I think I just might have to take my heel to the damn thing. At least then I will get justice for the agony I'll be in when my boss finds out."

Oh no, she's upset. I don't handle upset well.

"Don't you worry, ma'am. I should be able to be of assistance. First, what is your name?"

"Bella Swan. Sorry, Isabella Swan," she said with a light giggle.

"And Ms. Swan, what is your employee code?"

"Three eight six two."

"All right then. Just give me a few minutes to find out what system you have and then I'll tap into your laptop."

"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. If you can get this fixed and the documents back I'll owe you big time, Mr. Masen."

"It is my job. Nothing to owe me."

"Well, still."

I asked her for the VNC number on her laptop and then I was there, in her computer.

Some would say it was a mild invasion of privacy, but for me it was a way to the outside world, without having to go out. Plus, it was my job.

After thirty minutes of idle chit chat, I was able to let Bella know I had restored all of her files and that she had a cute dog. I didn't let her know that the girl holding the dog made my chest tight and my knees weak.

Thank God I was sitting.

I could hear the smile in her voice as she told me about her puppy, Jake, that she had just gotten from the pound. She sounded happy. Carefree. Full of life. She sounded amazing. I was slightly jealous.

"Well, Mr. Masen-"

"Please, call me Edward." My chest tightened even more at the request. I wasn't used to being forward with the few friends I had - who coincidentally were also related to me - let alone a stranger.

"Edward, thank you very much for the assistance you've given me. And one of these days, I'll return the favor. If you ever need legal assistance, I'm your girl."

I swallowed the huge lump in my throat. My chest was tightening to a level I had never experienced before and I thought I was going to pass out.

"Edward?"

I tried to say something but it just came out as a grunt.

"Mr. Masen? Are you okay? Is there anyone else in the office that can help you?"

I gargled and coughed before I was able to push sound through my throat and out my mouth to make a word. "I'm…fine." My voice was hoarse and my words were strangled, but at least I got them out.

"You don't sound fine." I heard papers shuffling. "Fuck, where is IT located in this building?"

I heard beeping on Ms. Swan's end of the line as I tried to take control of my breathing again.

"Mr. Cullen? It's Bella. I called tech support and I got this guy on the phone and I think he's choking or hyperventilating or something. I don't think anyone else is in the tech office to help him." A pause. "I can hear him breathing." Another pause. "His name? Edward Masen." A short pause. "Oh. Well then can we get someone there to him help, sir?" She was silent for a while other than the occasional 'mmmhmmm' and 'yes sir.'

"Edward, are you still with me? Say something. Make a sound. Please."

I knocked on my keyboard, still unable to make a sound that would make sense to her.

"There is someone on the way there to help you. Just stay with me. Come on, Edward. Take a deep breath in with me."

I tried my best to do as she asked.

"Okay, good, now breathe out."

I was still struggling, but it was getting better.

"Keep with me, Edward. Let's see... what can I do to help you? You liked Jake, right? Well he's a mutt of sorts. Mostly Chihuahua with some beagle. He's a cute little shit. Eats a lot though."

I wanted to laugh, but I had to focus on breathing.

"Yeah, that picture of me and him on my laptop that you saw, that was from the first weekend I had him. I took him to the park. He ran and ran. Tried to run away." She paused. "You still breathing there, Edward? Mr. Cullen said he would get someone to you soon. Very soon. Just hang in there. Say, do you like the park? Maybe we could chase Jake around sometime, if you're feeling up to it."

I needed to respond to her. I had to, but I couldn't. Right then I heard the click of my front door opening.

Carlisle Cullen; boss, uncle and all around savior walked into my apartment.

He took the phone from my ear and let Bella know I would be taken care of before disconnecting the call.

I wanted to stop him, I wanted to still hear her voice, talk to her, but I knew I wouldn't be able to have an intellectual conversation with anyone for a while.

"Edward, what happened? I thought you had moved past this." Carlisle was kneeling in front of me, flashlight shining in my eyes. He used to keep one in his car, guess he still did.

"I…she…" My breathing was getting all out of control just thinking of what she said.

"Slow down, son. Should I call Esme?"

I shook my head 'no.'

I look a few more deep cleansing breaths before I looked at my Uncle again.

I thought of the words I wanted to say carefully before I opened my mouth to try and speak them. "M-ms. S-sswan, sh-she ju-ust ssaid ssso-something and I-I don't know, I los-st control. She's just s-so pretty."

S's were always the hardest after I panicked. Talking face to face was hard enough, but then after an episode it was even worse.

Then to talk about Bella; I felt like such a pathetic child talking about her like that. In the little I did know about her, she was well rounded. She was an attorney, so she was obviously smart. She was beautiful, caring, loving. Perfect. She sat on the phone with me, trying to keep me calm. No one had ever done that for me, ever.

Carlisle chuckled. "I suppose she is. She is a good attorney. That's what matters to me." He winked at me.

Point taken.

I sucked in another deep breath before blowing it out slowly. I was starting to calm down and feel better.

"S-sorry you had to come all this way for me."

"Not a problem. I told your mother and father I would always help you out. That will always be how it is. I'm going to go get you a drink of water. Why don't you take the rest of the day off work?"

"No, I'll be okay in a few."

Carlisle left off to the kitchen, with his cell phone in hand, surely calling Esme, while I focused on breathing, calming down the rest of the way and not thinking of the picture I saw on her computer.

I was used to this. I've always been prone to panic attacks. Ever since I was little, they were how I reacted to even the mildest of stressors. From not getting the toy I wanted or having to go somewhere I didn't want to.

Kindergarten... school was hard enough as it was, getting called on and not knowing the answer, or knowing the answer, but not knowing how to get the words in my head to form and make sound. Then there was my first holiday concert. I cowered in the corner and cried, begging my mom to let me go home and not do this. I ended up peeing my pants before I even got on stage. The thought of it alone scared me to death.

After that, I begged my mom to let me stay out of the concerts. I asked her to write notes, anything that would get me out of them.

For a while, she urged me to keep trying. She told me I would get over it, and for a while, I did keep trying, but it got to the point that I couldn't even function in social settings because I always felt on edge.

My mom stayed on my side. She told me that I would overcome the fear if I just kept at it. To continue to put myself in situations that were difficult and, in time, I would overcome the anxiety. I never did, but she never gave up hope that someday, I would.

As for my father, he wasn't as understanding. He hated taking me out anywhere, because he said I made him look bad. He was more than willing to keep me home to save his own face. He was all for me staying in if it meant no one had to see his son that was a social misfit.

My mother fought for me to go everywhere with them, trying to help. He fought her to get her to see I was better off not going anywhere with them.

"Edward, you still with me?" Carlisle's eyes were concerned.

I coughed. "Yeah. S-sorry, just thinking."

At least the words flowed out better now.

"I am going to call the IT manager and let him know you are going to take the rest of the day off."

"Uncle-"

"Don't Uncle me. You need to rest. You haven't had an attack this bad in such a long time. You need the time to rest. Those attacks put a lot of stress on you."

I sighed in defeat. "Fine."

"Good. Now look, Esme will be by in a bit to check on you. Go lie down, watch a movie or something."

Carlisle left me to myself once I agreed that I would sign out of all Cullen, Volturi, and Denali software.

My uncle was an amazing criminal defense attorney. He, along with Aro Volturi and Sasha Denali, made up one of the best law firms the West Coast had.

He only hired the best of the best. I had the brains to be part of his firm; it's the fact that being out and then in a courtroom with people watching me was something I would never be able to do. So instead, I worked IT, helped behind the scenes, and I was the best of the best at that I did. Normally that was.

I curled up at my desk in my bedroom and decided I needed to do what I did best, communicate silently with Isabella Swan.

To: Isabella Swan

From: Edward Masen

Date: Thursday, May 12th 2011 1:35 pm

Subject: Sorry

Ms. Swan,

I am so sorry for how I was on the telephone with you. I don't know what came over me. Please accept my apology for what happened. I hope I didn't inconvenience your day at all.

Hope your laptop is still in working order.

Sincerely,

Edward Masen

Tech Support

Cullen, Volturi and Denali Law Firm

I hit send and knew that email was full of BS. I knew why I acted as I did. She said she was my girl…and then she confirmed that she was the girl in the photo on her laptop background. Such beauty. Smooth brown eyes that could tell a story just by themselves. A smile that even radiated to the dog she held. Lips that…that I couldn't think about again if I wanted to be able to keep breathing.

Deep down, I knew that she was just being figurative that if I ever needed her legal assistance she would be there to help, but my brain took everything so literal that before I could fully think a situation out, I would go and freak out.

Just as I did on her. At least it was over the phone so she wasn't able to laugh at me to my face.