Conversations and Observations Revised Prologue Chapter 1: Prologue Part 1 - Classroom 2-A, an evangelion fanfic

Conversations and Observations.

NGE fanfic.

By PitViper

Ok, this is going to be an NGE fanfic. Although you may not understand it (Hell, I don't and I wrote it!), I hope you enjoy it. Besides, anyone who has watched Babylon 5 knows that Understanding is a triple-edged sword - something very difficult to grasp without getting cut on one of the blades.

Of course, Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned by Gainax, and is distributed in the US (And most likely elsewhere) through ADV. I had no part in creating NGE, and I hope no-one sees fit to punish me for borrowing the characters for a little fling in their universe. May you enjoy the words I have written here and may they make sense. BTW, to any large corporations out there seeking to make cents, please don't sue me because I am not going to make a penny off of this.

Remember, its all for fun - enjoy it.

Oh, by the way, there are SPOILERS for just about everything in the EVA universe in here. Keep that in mind while reading this. Also, this story marks a departure from the normal flow of events in the NGE universe at about the 13th angel.

Also, Rei and Shinji may seem to be out of character. I will try to keep this to a minimum, but just the fact that this is a story which involves a great deal of reflection between the characters, Rei has to open up a bit - at least to Shinji. Also, you will find that Shinji is not the spineless wimp he appears to be in the series.

New character alert - I have added a character to the story. Known as the Guardian, he is an observer. I promise, though this character will be powerful, he will also be fallible and most certainly will not be the central focus of the story. His actions, however large or small, will have consequences, both good and bad for our heroes. I am aware of the Ensign Mary Jane/Marissa Picard syndrome that plagues Star Trek fan fiction - which is the primary reason I focus on main characters and not the ones I've created.

I hope that I've done at least a passable job... I am working on several other fanfics as I speak, but I don't know when I'll be able to update. But, be assured, unless I receive nothing but negative responses, (All I need is one, somewhat kind - or at least helpful - review) I will be updating this to the bitter end.

Also, for those of you that want to know, This is going to be a Rei/Shinji fic. I know that this combination gets a lot of flames - mostly from people who love Asuka... (btw, I'm working on a fic or two with her as Shinji's interest as well) Just note. Flames on the Pairing alone will have no affect on how this story proceeds. I will ignore direct attacks of individuals who simply want me to pair Shinji with Asuka. For those who think S/R is incest - I do not support incest, I think incest is repulsive - and I don't think that pairing Rei and Shinji is incestuous. The explanation will be in the story (Not in this prologue).

Finally, I haven't contacted anyone to beta or pre-read my work. So what you are seeing is straight from the author's fingers. I plan on doing at least one spell check before I post - and hopefully my grammar is passable. :)

Reviews are welcome. Flames... I have my own way of dealing with those, but you may send them anyway if this fic disturbs you that much. Any suggestions and criticisms pointing out my many flaws are openly welcomed.

Thanks, Sit back, and enjoy the ride!

PitViper

4/17/2002 –

Well, I'm updating the Prologue to my story by putting it into a much more readable format – and using Microsoft Word. I've been so used to JED (A Linux Console based plain-text editor) that I've forgotten how helpful the functions in word can be to write a coherent story.

I am going to be re-posting the prologue in parts. Hopefully this will make the reading far more enjoyable and easier on the eyes. I plan on having the Prologue re-written in about a week to week and a half. Once it's complete, I'll repost it in its entirety – replacing the existing one.

-PitViper

Title: Conversations and Observations

Author: PitViper

Universe: Neon Genesis Evangelion Alternate Universe

Type: Drama/Romance

Rating: NC-17

This Fic contains Graphic Violence, Strong Language, Disturbing Descriptions, and Adult Situations not suitable for those under the age of 17. (Although you've probably seen much worse)

Version: 1.01.0

04/16 - .1 Minor editing changes.

04/16 - .2 Removal of the -kun (Since I don't know how the use it.)

04/17 – 1.01.0 Conversion to MS Word from plain ASCII text. Grammatical improvements as well as adding some –kun's back into the story. Broke it down into smaller pieces

Prologue: A Tear in the Universe, A Universe in a Tear

"The 'Trinity of the Impacts' is one of the most unusual temporal sequences in the multiverse. This particular causality loop is considered one of the most long standing quandaries in the study of multiversal human evolution. Through observational calculation, (Since we do not know the exact origin of the causality) we believe that nearly forty iterations have occurred since observation began.

The Angelics are the most recent species to attempt analysis of this particular mystery. Please note here that the 'Angelic' species that is performing the analysis is not to be confused with the 'Angel' species encountered in this multiversal sub-domain. (For a detailed description, please see the Species Volume IV, entry 'Interon-Angelic', and Volume XV, 'Homo-sapien-angelic') Detailed analysis of known iterations will not occur here. We will focus on the last iteration before the loop was broken..."

-- Chronicles of the Merging, Vol XXVI, chapter 214

Entry by Gar Hardin, Of the Galactic Council.

-Prologue: Part 1 – Classroom 2-A

Ayanami Rei stared out the window. A simple statement of truth, one that every student acclimated to room 2-A understood without question. In fact, any other action that the First Children might take would most likely fill the class with abject fear and dissonance, as Rei rarely paid attention to anything during the school day.

Of course, the lack of attention was simply an illusion. Ayanami had perfect recall of every word their sensei had decided to impart. In her mind, the fact that she had perfect recall of every word was disturbing. Why would someone want to remember a falsehood?

For, as Rei knew, the information that the Sensei possessed was false. An elderly history professor, the sensei had no knowledge of the truth behind Second Impact. Lies were woven into an intricate web, designed to ensnare, entrap, and entangle people who sought the truth. The more anyone struggled to grasp the true meaning of Second Impact, the more ensnared they became. And like the real webs Ayanami had occasion to see in nature, this web of disinformation had more than its share of poisonous spiders - Spiders that could only be described as swift, silent, and deadly.

Once, Rei supposed, classes like this might have had meaning. She had snippets - fragments - of similar experiences to this. But those were shallow and distant memories of a life that was not hers. But she knew enough to know that her life before her first death was far better than what she possessed now.

However, the existence of the first Rei was a pointless one. The child Rei existed simply to exist back then, and served little to no useful purpose. Rei blinked as she watched sun beams chased away shadows across the grounds outside the school.

'It is darker outside. It shall rain.' Rei told herself. As if to confirm this sudden insight, a droplet of water caught the window she was peering from.

Rei was captivated by the droplet. The sun was still out, yet this tiny visitor from the sky had seen fit to land on the window. It was not that Rei had never seen such a thing before - it was simply that she never had stopped before to actually think about a drop of rain. Immediately, her mind began to dissect the droplet.

Perhaps, for the First Children, eviscerate would be a more appropriate word. Her placid face hid the tremendous processes that drove her mind, and its pursuit of its perceived goals. Examine, analyze, calculate, and execute. Those were the four primary steps she followed in every task she undertook. Piloting Eva was no different for her than learning schoolwork or analyzing a drop of water. It was a vicious cycle that would wear down any opponent or problem - given time.

For this moment, Rei was intrigued by a drop of water. 'What was water?' Rei asked herself, beginning the process. Water was the medium of life. It wasn't really a building block - for it composes no intricate part of a living organism other than for the fact that it, and it alone, is the most perfect solvent known to mankind. Given time everything will dissolve in water. What water does not divide by molecular and ionic activity, it erodes.

The fluid, each molecule a tiny boomerang of destruction and life, tears at everything it contacts. It is dipolar; it will always bend towards charges. Mountains become molehills in its wake, as billions of years slowly allow the water to take the mountain away, particle by particle. In its simplest form it was one Oxygen and two Hydrogen atoms bound together in one of the most stable molecular configurations known to man. Yet there was more to it than this.

'How did the drop get here?' Rei continued. A drop of water, formed by the condensation and cooling of water vapor in the atmosphere, pulled by gravity to the Earth. Rain is the lifeblood of most of the world, and brings relief to those who toil on hot farms and in paddies of wet rice. The water follows a cycle. It falls from the sky as rain, as a result of cooling in the atmosphere. It proceeds to fall and strike the earth at some point. After striking the earth, the water tends to flow from high ground to low ground, simply following the path of least resistance. As the drop grows into a small puddle, then a tiny brook, then a small stream, and finally a river, the droplet finds itself carried to the ocean, where warm air in tropical zones cause it to become water vapor once more.

'It will never die. It will continue onwards, dying and being reborn ad eternum.' She narrowed her eyes at the tiny droplet. 'It is alone, on the window - As I am alone in this world.' Suddenly, the droplet had a companion. The next droplet was much larger than the other, possessed far more intricacy, and as gravity tugged at it, slowly moved to engulf the other droplet. 'The cycle… Two become one.' Rei, in an unusual expression of emotion, sighed ever so softly - neither her countenance nor stare changing direction, but the soft gasp revealing the slightest inkling of the emotions swirling beneath. 'The water has found unity with others of its kind. Where do I seek unity?'

Of course, even this small, almost imperceptible flicker of an emotion outside the norm was immediately recognized for what it was, and Ikari Shinji turned his head slightly towards Ayanami Rei's form. Imperceptible to others, the slight downturn in blue-haired girl's expression struck him like a fist. 'She is concerned. I wonder if it is another angel about to attack?' Soon, however, even this minute trace of discomfiture was washed away from her features as rain drops began to pelt the window with something approaching consistency.

One is tempted to ask, 'Precisely how did Ikari notice such a small thing as Rei's sigh?' For Evangelion pilots, empathy is a part of what allows them to do what they do. The more 'synchronized' with their Eva's they become, the more the empathic sense grows. While Shinji could not perceive this analysis at quite that depth, he could reflect that he was overly sensitive to the states of the pilots - In particular the emotional states of one Ayanami Rei. 'Perhaps it is because she shows so little of her true self,' Shinji reflected, 'that is why I feel her so much more.' He focused on this thought as the rain increased in intensity.

Shinji allowed his glance to drift to the window, which showed the rain, and interspersing columns of bright sunlight. The sunlight in the distance shown through brightly for a brief moment revealing one of nature's natural wonders. 'A rainbow… An almost perfect and beautiful rainbow.' He enjoyed the view for a fraction of a second; then he redirected his gaze to the designated pilot of Unit 00, who by now had noticed the refracted light. To Shinji's eternal surprise, he noticed that the natural optical trick had indeed washed away the concern he witnessed earlier upon the placid face of the albino girl. While not a muscle on her face had moved, her eyes reflected the sight of the rainbow. And despite the girl's best efforts, a small smile reached those eyes - a smile that would never grace her face in any other place due to the iron control she wielded upon her body when not in the presence of the Commander.

'Why is she so…' Shinji thought, 'so…' Further contemplation, however, was interrupted by a sharp pain.

-Thwack!-

"Baka! Shinji," Asuka Langley Sohryu admonished between clenched teeth. "You and your little hentai mind are always undressing Wondergirl!"

'Wondergirl…' thought Shinji, slightly perturbed at the sudden pain from Asuka's strike. 'What is it about Rei that so infuriates Asuka?' Shinji asked himself, finally turning back to the Sensei's lecture.

Asuka, not one to leave Shinji with an easy escape, added to her soft-voiced tirade: "I should know better, Little Shinji obviously likes to play with dolls. Perhaps you play dress-up with the Doll?" Her tone of dislike obviously was directed at Ayanami, and it left no doubt whatsoever in Shinji's mind what the Third child thought of the First. "Maybe that is why you pilot EVA, Eh, Shinji? Ikari-sama, hero of the planet, the greatest puppet master alive! See him and his amazing EVA do tricks!." Asuka's cruel eyes narrowed at the back of Shinji's head. "And in this tent, see the most amazing wonder of the natural world: The living doll, Ikari-sama's greatest masterpiece, Ayanami Rei. The doll that can control dolls! See her strip buck-naked for you as she follows Ikari-sama's orders."

"Please, Asuka." Shinji whispered, practically begging the redhead to stop. 'Is it possible, in a sense I did pilot for Ayanami-kun. At least the first time…' Shinji thought to himself.

This brought a devilish light to Asuka Langley Sohryu's features. 'Soon… I just might get under his skin enough…' She thought, "You and your little hentai mind. What can you possibly see in that doll? Eh Shinji-kun?" Asuka thought hopefully, 'Maybe… just maybe…'

Asuka expected many things from the young Ikari. Foremost on that list was silence. Next to that was another impassioned plea for her to cease her taunting. The last thing she expected Shinji to do was grow a spine, although she hoped for it secretly. But of all the possible combinations that entered Asuka's head, she didn't expect what came next.

"I see many things in Rei." Shinji defended without tearing his gaze from the instructor. Had he looked back, he would have noticed a very soft rosy hue forming on the pale Pilot's cheeks. "She is a beautiful person. I just wish I could see in a little more, and that she would let me." Shinji rested his head upon on the desk, "I would like to be her friend, Asuka. I feel as though I fail her each day I do nothing." 'Just as I feel I fail you each day I do not live up to being your friend, Asuka.'

These simple words seemed to hit Unit 02's pilot like an AT-Field. "Mein gott. You actually like that little... little... windup toy?"

Just then, the classroom bell rang, as Hikari quickly guided the class through the 'Stand, Bow' Routine before lunch. Seemingly sensing the fiery German's temperament, the students quickly filed out of the room. As the crowd thinned, Ayanami redirected her attention towards Asuka.

"Shinji no BAKA!" Asuka flared, not noticing that Rei was still in the room. "How dare you? What am I saying? Spineless Shinji! You can't even stay around for long. Poor little Shinji hates getting in his little toy day in, day out. Idiot! Shinji the great defeats angels - even if he doesn't want to!"

"Eva is pain, Asuka." Shinji said softly. "Don't I have a right to be… hesitant when it comes to Eva?" Before fully comprehending the consequences of his next words, Shinji muttered, "Sounds like you're jealous."

Asuka, in full form, quickly displayed her outrage at the thought: "ME! JEALOUS OF YOU! HA!" She flicked her hair back quickly. "I'm worth ten of you, Ikari. You remember that!"

As Asuka stood haughtily over Shinji, who had refused to move from his desk, Rei decided to take action. Asuka, Second Child, was now the sole focus of her attention. For a few, long seconds Ayanami simply stared at the Second Child's back, standing less than a few inches from it, then finally reached her conclusion about the Second Child and the statements she was making.

"You are incorrect, Pilot Sohryu." Rei stated softly, but with enough force to cause Asuka to literally jump in the air and crash into her desk.

For his part, Shinji raised his head and looked at Ayanami standing nearly toe to toe with Asuka. The first Child's impassive gaze penetrated deep into Asuka's clear, blue eyes as though those azure orbs were mere puddles of muddy water below the drill head of an oil rig.

"Wha..." Asuka stuttered, recovering from the shock of having the enigmatic First Children standing so close without even realizing the girl had still been in the same room with them. Ayanami's crimson eyes were doing a great job of piercing her own with deadly effectiveness. She felt as though she were an onion, and Rei was peeling back each layer, examining what was there, and throwing it away to proceed to the next. Asuka felt her control slipping, and didn't like it - so she countered the only way she could. "So someone charged up Wondergirl's batteries? Good for what, say, five minutes or so? Same as that pitiful excuse for an EVA you call Unit 00!"

Rei's eyes narrowed. "You are incorrect. I surmise that you are worthless compared to Ikari-kun."

"First Child! How dare you! I am Asuka Langley Sohryu. If I am so pitiful, Ayanami, then why do I have a higher sync rate than all of you!" Asuka spat.

"You pilot for glory." Rei said, allowing her eyes to return to a normal impassive stare. "Yet you have been defeated on the battlefield numerous times. It only stands that your core reason for piloting is flawed, and as time progresses, will not support you as you continue to fail."

"I won't fail." Asuka countered, 'I never fail.'

"You already have." Rei said, her tone of voice declaring the statement as absolute fact. Then she looked at Shinji. "Ikari is at least honest to himself. He knows what limits he has, and makes few excuses for his behavior. He does not wish to pilot EVA for EVA. He knows this in his mind. But he does not wish to see humanity end. Shinji's conscience drives him to pilot Unit 01. Since his purpose is clear and his cause just in his eyes, he will succeed."

Shinji, listening to this, softly contradicted Rei, "If only it were that simple." Shinji whispered. He took a long glance at Rei before continuing, "I pilot Eva… for him - For the chance that by doing well, I could possibly… Know my father again. It's a foolish wish. I wish I piloted for the reason that you said. I think…" Shinji paused before continuing, "Sometimes I pilot for the people of the world. But I still do it for the hope that Father might recognize my worth, in some small fashion." Shinji admitted.

"Still, Ikari is better than you, Pilot Sohryu. Shinji faces his truth." Rei said unblinkingly. "Ikari can face and confront his truth in many ways. In what ways do you face your truth, Pilot Sohryu?"

"I don't need to face any truths. I am who you see before you, Asuka Langley Sohryu, Second Child, and Pilot of Evangelion Unit 02!"

"It is just a name and title." Rei observed. "You have no purpose. No direction other than Eva. Remember, Eva consumes that which tries to possess it. Unless you face yourself and accept your truth, you will always fail."

"I will not fail, I will be great! You will see, all of you, I am Asuka Langley..." Asuka stopped to look at the young girl who just closed her eyes. "What!"

"You lie." Rei accused. "My words are wasted," Rei admitted almost sadly. 'I hate wasting my efforts.' She thought. She looked at the clock, "Ikari. We should eat; there are synchronization tests after school. Hunger would be an unwelcome distraction." Asuka no longer occupied a single iota of Ayanami's attention - for in Rei's mind, Asuka Langley Sohryu had no purpose.

Shinji nodded, and moved to gather his lunch. He moved slowly, realizing that Asuka had simply collapsed back into her seat. 'Why did Ayanami do that to her?' he asked himself. He realized that a shadow was standing over his desk, and looked up from gathering his things to stare at the shadow... "Ayanami?" He asked, noting her staring at him.

Rei, softly, very quietly: "May... I walk with you to lunch, Ikari-kun?"

"Umm... Yes, sure Ayanami. Of course you may." Shinji noticed that she appeared to be nervous and slightly concerned. 'Perhaps it was the confrontation with Asuka, after all - before this she had barely said more than ten words of her own volition in the classroom.'

Asuka watched as the pair walked out of 2-A together. A small part of her mind realized what was happening, but her selfish pride refused to allow it to manifest as jealousy. Instead an irate anger gnawed at her, until several minutes later she gathered her food and went to lunch.

Rei walked slowly towards the cafeteria, Shinji beside her. "You said you wished to be friends." Rei stated, her face as impassive as ever.

This entire situation was very weird for Shinji, noting that Rei had never acted this way before, and it felt completely alien for her to be acting like this now. Although he could not place exactly what the source of this nagging feeling was, he understood that he cared for Ayanami, and wanted to be friends with her. 'So why does it disturb me? Is she any different?' Shinji reflected upon this for several moments when he became aware of two red orbs observing him quietly. 'Best not to let her think that you're ignoring her, Shinji.' "I'd like to know you better." Shinji finally stated.

"No... you wouldn't." Ayanami said at barely a whisper. "You don't know how terrible..."

"I don't care," Unit 01's pilot quickly countered, "Ayanami, being friends - having friends, is important. We can't keep all this, what we do, and everything else inside ourselves. Without friendship... we'll break from the stress. I have no one that I can talk to besides Asuka and Misato. But Misato is an adult, and I can't always relate to her - Asuka is... Asuka! She's more frustrating than keeping these things inside. You don't know how much I wish that wasn't true, but it is."

Rei nodded. "You like Pilot Sohryu." She looked at him. "Despite her hostility, you still like her."

"I like you too, Ayanami. I care for you." He stared into her eyes, "I care for both of you. But Asuka was hostile against my attempts at being friends, and you were indifferent. It was so hard, Ayanami. But I can't give up, because I consider both of you to be friends, even though I don't really know you... either of you." He stopped and they turned into an empty classroom, short of the cafeteria.

Ayanami looked at him suspiciously, but followed him in anyways.

Inside, Shinji sat on the edge of a desk and looked at Ayanami while pulling out his lunch. She found a desk and did the same.

Shinji turned himself to face her, "Tell me about yourself Ayanami, what was your childhood like?"

"It was... Difficult." Rei started. "I'm... not like other children." She opened her own lunch and began to pick at the food absently. She finally ate a few bites, not bothering to elaborate. Shinji realized that she would not do so on her own.

Shinji nodded. "You don't have to tell me if it bothers you so much, Ayanami. Its usually that people who are friends share things about each other. You must have had good memories, even if they were just a few. What is the happiest memory you have?"

Rei's eyes narrowed. Then a small smile lifted the corners of her face, "The day you rescued me after the 5th angel attack. Smiling was pleasant. It is probably the most cherished memory I have. That and the day Commander Ikari rescued me from my plug. Those two memories are my most precious."

"Nothing else? Have you no memory of your family? Any brothers?" She shook her head in the negative. "Sisters?" Rei hesitated. "Rei, do you have sisters?" Somehow he had always imagined her as an only child.

"I... I can't tell you. Literally, I have no family." The stoic Evangelion pilot felt tears tempting the edges of her eyes. 'Why does this hurt now, this truth?'

"A-Ayanami? You have no-one? No memories of family?" Shinji knew she had no family now, but never?

"I have none. Commander Ikari is my guardian. He is the closest thing..." Rei took a deep breath, focusing herself before speaking again, "Closest thing I have to a father."

'My god, that my father is the only one?' "That is sad, Ayanami. Terrible. It should not be." He saw her analyzing her hands very carefully. "It is worse than what my father did to me."

"He told me you ran away from him, Pilot Ikari." Rei stated bluntly, almost accusingly. She wanted nothing more than to move the focus of Ikari's inquisition from her past.

"He- He told you I ran away?" Shinji said aghast, then calmed down noting Rei's impassive stare, "Well, I guess that's how he perceived it. He told me that he had no use for me, and sent me to live with my Uncle." He looked at his own hands, "It must be how he saw it, that I didn't try to stay with him so... In his mind I ran away. In my mind, I simply went where he told me to go."

Rei looked into his eyes, "He lied to me." Rei said, and in her mind it was true. "He lied about you. When you first arrived, I asked why he did not allow you to stay with him. He told me that it was because you ran away from him."

"It's probably because I am a reminder of Mother." Shinji admitted. "He threw everything related to her away. Not even a single picture of her - she has faded from my memory, I no longer know what she looked like. He'll probably dispose of me in the end. Just like my mother's things, useless."

'I believe he will.' She thought, then moved closer to Shinji, noticing that even though his food was there, he had not touched it. She touched his hand, and knelt before him. "He had lied to me. He does not deserve my respect anymore, Ikari-kun." She grasped his hand and used her other to lift his face to hers ever so slightly. "I think, though, I would like to be friends."

Author's Notes.

Ok, this re-write started as a simple conversion to Word. Since that was something that was too easy, I started editing the story, and revising it.

So, please, tell me what you think. I plan on re-posting the Prologue as I correct it. I look forward to your reviews on this. Hopefully I've managed to undo some of the more blatant spelling mistakes (Dear god, I misspelled Sohryu's name all over the place!) And got rid of a lot of the repetition with the names: "Ayanami" this and "Ayanami" that… I guess that could get quite irritating after 47K words of text.

Like I said in the intro, I am going to keep both this and the Original posting up. I expect it to take me about a week or two to revise the Prologue and… fix it. Once it's done, I'm going to replace the original fic with the revised version, and continue to use the original Conversations and Observations as the primary posting location.

I am also in the process of editing the first half of the second chapter, and I'm roughing out the second part. I expect to be done with the second chapter in about three to four weeks.

Again, I want to thank those who have reviewed. Please keep reviewing,.

Thanks,

P.V.