Angels in Manhattan ripped my heart into a billion pieces.
But now I want to let it all out.
Enjoy!
The atmosphere in the TARDIS was heavy. The silence was deafening - nothing could be heard but the soft hum of the engine and the clack of River's heels as she walked around, fake-maneuvering a series of controls that did absolutely nothing. The Doctor watched, sitting on a staircase beside the main controls. He himself knew that the controls River was pulling didn't make any sense, but he let her do it anyway, fully aware that she only did it to keep herself distracted and give her an excuse from having to confront him directly.
"One psycopath per TARDIS, don't you think?" She said innocently - and it was scathing. The Doctor flinched; he knew it was true. So terribly, horribly true. He frowned, his eyebrows in a tight knot, his lips pursed together in a hard line.
"No more." The Doctor muttered angrily to himself, clutching his face in his hands. "I've killed enough."
His last statement hung in the air, more of a confession than anything else. An unpleasant mix of guilt and sadness dripped off every single word, the crack in his voice echoing all the pain he felt.
"Sweetie, I didn't mean it like that." River motioned closer to him, her smile apologetic. "It's just that -"
"But you know it's true." He lifted his head up, revealing his tear - streaked face. He was a total, complete mess - so vulnerable and fragile. River watched as the Doctor slowly stood up, balling his hands into fists until his knuckles turned white. He turned his back on her then, not wanting her to see how much the Ponds' sudden departure had left him broken into a million tiny pieces.
"Maybe... maybe I should just stop." He whispered, barely audible even to himself. "There's just no use... in all THIS!" The time lord held out his hands and gestured outwards violently, his sadness quickly escalating into uncontrollable anger. "I try to be good, River, I really do. And how does the universe repay me? By making me lose everything I've ever cared about! Isn't it preposterous?!" He laughed bitterly, his eyes atrociously mocking. "But even if I stop, I don't have anywhere to go home to!"
River stood, shocked. In all the time she'd been with him, not once did she see him act the way he did.
Furious. Hurt. Resentful. Tired.
Sad.
All his pent up frustrations - easily a thousand years' worth - erupting out in one huge outburst.
"And the funny thing is... that's my fault, too." His smile faded. "Sometimes... ah, what I'd give to be human."
Another silence filled the room.
River watched the Doctor, paying attention to his every move. In strange ways it fascinated her, the way he handled all the damage. She noticed that his look was a mix of wistfulness and pain while he was staring blankly into the TARDIS' controls, absent-mindedly flicking a nearby lever on and off. For the first time, she realized, she was a loss for words.
"River." The Doctor snapped out of his little reverie and abruptly turned towards her. "We're good people, aren't we?"
"Y-yes, why do you ask?"
...
"Then why do we always have to lose?"
AN: Yeah, random little plot bunny. I've been practicing on my writing. Hopefully it's a little bit better now! Please review, too! :)