Pairing: Shinichi & Ran

Title: Gotta Go My Own Way (HSM)

Shuffled 1

Another color turns to grey.

Sighing deeply, she kept staring out the window. Like some medieval princess awaiting the arrival of her knight-in-shining-armor. Most likely, she was waiting in vain. The seasons were constantly changing. The colors were slowly fading. Change. The only thing constant in one's life.

Ah, that was not true. A year ago, the one thing constant in her life was her bestfriend. Her very bestfriend. That one person who could find her even when she hid herself. Who never stopped searching until she was found. The one who knew her so well, he could've filled a questionnaire about her and get a perfect mark.

Sigh.

Where was that person? The one constant in Mouri Ran's life was no longer there. Disappeared. Not dead, no not dead. And for that she was grateful. Days never seemed fulfilling anymore. Upon waking up her mind would whirl to think of any menial task that she could accomplish that would tire her mind and body. Graduation was coming up. But she had yet focus on her mind.

Oh, she tried taking exams in different colleges. She tried to resist but consistent berating from her mother, father and Sonoko had pushed her into taking them. They didn't understand her. They didn't understand why she didn't long for college. A change of the scene. She didn't want any of it. She wanted to go to the same university as him. So that they could establish their routine since grade school. Argue on the way to school. Make up on the way home. If only she could establish their old practice she would cope with their classmates constant teasings about them being a married couple.

Along this line of thought she sighed.

The only thing keeping her here was the promise of his return. The promise she kept on for months and months of waiting, watching the leaves turn colors. Putting her life on hold.

She stood up when she heard the mail deposited.

A letter arrived. The letter she's been waiting for. The letter that may or may not contain the course of her next actions. Picking it up, she climbed up to her room, locked the door, sat on her bed and read.

Then re-read it skimming the lines.

"Congratulations! We…"

"…passed and have fit the requirements of…"

"We will be happy to have you onboard our university while…"

"...your tickets are along this letter as agreed on your scholarship."

"We'll be glad to formally meet you soon."

She passed. She didn't think she could have. She really did pass. She hoped taking the exam didn't mean she was going to pass. She secretly hoped she would fail. But the odds of her passing were terrific everyone had said. She chuckled under her breath as he had once said; she never did anything in half-measures.

They were right.

And now, she was going to do as she promised herself one autumn day after she sat and watched the leaves fall.

The leaves fell slowly as her thoughts twirled, zooming past corners.

She had no excuse now.

It was time to go.

She said nothing for the first few weeks. She acted cheerfully, she pretended. Like always. She'd already told her parents and they had agreed. Her parent agreed.

Nonetheless. She went to her graduation ceremony and when asked of her plans she murmured vague comments about their question. Deftly proceeding to change the subject. Not even Sonoko or Kazuha knew. No, it was a family matter. They'd know soon enough. She made her parents promise not to tell a soul her plans until she had left Japan.

The thought hit her hard. It was only now that she truly felt the harshness of leaving, while her fellow classmates were throwing their caps in the air.

Graduate. That was her now. A girl who had fulfilled from infancy 'till now a life in Japan.

A quiet figure looked at her. Simply looked and instantly knew something was horribly wrong. But she pretended so well. So used to pretending she was that her parents were almost convinced. During their family dinner celebration at a fancy restaurant, she smiled, she laughed, she teased but not once has she spoken of her plans. And the little boy grew more worried.

"I'm tired. So I think I'll retire for the night. Good night!" she said as they got home. Eri had stayed for coffee at the agency but as Ran seemed to be really tired they let her retire top her room. And so, the little boy also left for a good night's sleep. Unaware of the packing being done in the other room.

Numb. She'd gone numb. And that feeling would always be there now.

Life keeps getting in the way.

She woke early. Too early for a child to be awake. Her father was awake though. Awake and ready to take her to the airport where her mom would bid her goodbye, tell her a few motherly advice because she was a young woman alone in a foreign country.

She left a single note on her bed. A note in a sealed envelope to be delivered once she was gone.

Shinichi,

Sometimes, I look in the mirror and barely recognize who stares back. A shadow maybe. A mere shadow.

I'm going to try to find who I am now.

Find my place in this world.

You'll be okay. You've always been okay even with me gone.

Keep safe.

P.S. IV revolution

Ran

And when the person who wag deigned for this note read it, one could here a piercing cry so heart broken one cannot help feel his pain. The inconsolable lover left in the world alone. At least that was what it felt. Left behind. A taste of his own medicine. The cruel hand of fate lending another helping hand to his already dark world. Taking the only source of light. No connection to her. He tried, oh, how he tried futilely.

He called the number he pushed her parents to tell him. An eight-year old child demanding from grown ups the number of his Neechan. They called. Over and over but the number was void.

Most likely, she felt their red string so tangled up that she felt she had to cut it as the only way of saving it.

Behind the glasses, eyes of a desolated man struggled free. He packed his bags and left.

Days passed which turned to weeks to months to a year and another half.

London was busy as always. The usual hustle and bustle of a city. A woman with chocolate hair with dark honeyed strips caused by the sunshine strolled along the busy streets stopping at a newsstand. The eyes behind the sunglasses widened a bit but no other signs of surprise had shown in her cool face. The mask of a face. Emotions kept under lock and key had tried to reign free. And she struggled to keep them in. Struggled so hard even after all these years. She picked up the newspaper. Then, bought it and headed back the direction she came from.

As soon as she arrived at the boarding house, she met several women thudding down the stairs.

"Screaming bloody murder, I presume", she murmured to herself.

Then she heard the clatter of noises. The words, death, murder, poison and suicide notes. They echoed around.

No, she got away from that for now. Murder didn't follow her like a card cloud. She chuckled slightly remembering that it was with him when that happened. She stopped at the top of the stairs. Her breath quickened, he entered her dorm room in haste.

"When someone asks for me today, I'm not here. Please".

"Oh, sure, Ran. Not likely though since it's the middle of the week. No pup with a crush will come barging up the stairs", the blonde replied.

She locked her room for good measure.

She laughed at herself then. Just because he was the body magnet did not mean that he was the only one and that coincidence didn't happen. Picking up the newspaper, she skimmed it and as if the activity had drained her.

The photo was grainy but that was him. Her Shinichi. No, not hers. Never hers. NEVER. It was a stolen picture with his back leaning on the wall while he watched the arrest of the syndicate. His eyes, his lovely blue eyes burning with coldness. No, this wasn't how his cool, sea blue eyes normally were. She never saw him with these kind of eyes. It stated that after missing for four years, Kudo had been investigating. And worked with several of people, including, Hattori Heiji to bring the syndicate to justice.

She had one more year before she totally try to forget him. Not that she wasn't trying. She just couldn't. No matter how hard she tries and no matter how far away she was.

Eleven months later, came the letter. Short and direct to the point.

Ran,

He's getting married this Sunday. He told me to pass it on t you. You know how he is with words. You know, for that last moment. He'll want you there. His bride requested you be there too as Maid of Honor. As long as you're there it would be perfect".

Sonoko

Enclosed were the details of the wedding, the date and time, color motif and venue. She squeezed her eyes shut. After so many years of not seeing her family of not being with them, she felt the pang of homesickness that she had never felt before. It was almost the end of her four year allowance. So much for giving him a period to come after her. Baka. Why did she ever think that he would. And now, he was getting married. Great. Just great. More heartbreak from him. But this time, she'd make sure that this break clean and that after this she would stay halfway 'round the world away from him permanently. She packed her bags ready to go home.

The bells were chiming. The bright morning of the wedding. But it seemed like she missed the wedding. No one was in the old church. It was set up for a wedding, yes, but no one was present. She missed it. She didn't know if she was relieved or a bit disappointed. This was supposed to have been the closure she needed to move on. But, apparently, fate had something else in store for her. She checked Sonoko's letter. The reception was supposed to happen at the restaurant at Beika tower. Her shaking hands dropped her purse and she picked it up wobbling. Sobs rising from her throat. Stupid.

And a hand simultaneously reached for it.

"Ran", he whispered.

Her dream. Only hers. And this scene was going to turn into a nightmare. She stared hard. A few years had matured him. He was dressed in wedding finery. His blue, blue eyes melted her in an instant.

Her Shinichi.

"You were supposed to have married me!" she sighed beneath her breath.

She gasped when she realized she said it out loud. In horror, she ran down the aisle but he caught her wrist before she escaped.

"I wish I could."

"Of course you don't! If you did you could have married me! You could have."

"You were gone. You didn't even tell me goodbye."

"How could I? You were never there! NEVER." Now that she knew was a lie. He was there when it counted. Always there for her.

He remained silent.

"Did you think it was funny to invite me here? How could you be so cruel? How could you? You knew how much I love you and still you continued to hurt me. Over and over and I just allowed you because I thought I had a chance. But I didn't, did I? Because a year after you came back as some big hero you were going to marry someone else. I gave you four years. You didn't even call. Not once. Just one call. Did I get that? No. You left me alone. I thought I meant more to you even though we were just friends. Too bad I hoped. Too bad." She lowered her face to avoid his eyes.

"Four revolutions". She jerked her head up.

"Four revolutions. Four years. Four revolution of the earth around the sun. I gave the only star in my life four years to find herself. And I decided that when those four year were up, you were going to be mine, fair or foul", he replied. His eyes pleading him. Not a hint of a joke in his tone.

"That was what I've decided."

"But, but. But. You didn't even bother to check up on me. Not once".

"That's because I knew how and where you were for the last three years, and this last year, I always knew where you were and with whom."

'How?"

He shrugged his shoulders. A casual gesture but his next words proved just how serious he was.

"I attended the same university that you did. I watched out for you. I wanted to approach you but I knew that you would've left if you knew I was there."

"But you're getting married today!"

"I am? Who told you? I've known who I wanted to marry years ago. She didn't know it though. But she is mine and I wouldn't marry anyone else other than the person I love. Unfortunately though, she's been away at university for four years and she just returned." A smirk on his lips.

"But… But… You and, um, but. Sonoko said- ".

"No, I didn't! I said he was getting married today', she replied pointing to the chapel doors. A lot of people she knew were going inside the church in formal clothes. And her heart stopped. She was pointing at her dad who had her mom on his arms. To happy for words, she ran and hugged them both.

A few hours later Ran was staring out the window. A pair of arms surrounded her. It took hours of explaining. He had conspired with Sonoko so that she'd come home. Her anger had abated. Now with her parents' guest at the background, both of them stared ahead.

"I've missed you so bad."

"So, did you find out who you were for the past four years?" Shinichi asked as he nuzzled her neck.

"I did. I found out that I was completely yours."

She turned around in his arms, tiptoed and kissed his lips. Home, she was home.

She never did find the 'good' in 'goodbye'. Now she knew why she didn't.

AN: Kinda dark in the beginning? I pressed the mushy-gooey-gooey love stuff button on the keyboard XD Sorry. I intended it not to have too many conversations focusing in feelings and vague chatter. I didn't plan on it being this long though, but once I got writing I couldn't just stop and minimize. This is just a challenge I set up myself so it had no rules except that I write thru whatever song came up. I'm turning eighteen this December so I told myself that I should at least write eighteen new stories. I'm not a fan of HSM so I don't' know why I had that on my playlist. Hope you enjoyed reading. Click the button below and review please! Merci beaucoup! 3