It was a lie.
Everything the team knew about him was a lie. All the words and compliments he had heard his entire life were lies. He wasn't special, he wasn't anything. No, wait...that's a lie as well. He was something, something that he couldn't ever not be. Something he had been born with, that had been passed down from his mother.
He was a paranoid schizophrenic.
Oh, he was able to hide the signs well, very well indeed. He never took his medication around the team, always waiting until he could escape to the bathroom and down them, before returning before anyone noticed. He kept himself in the background, and yet also in the front, where he had always been. When people came over, he kept them away from the kitchen-where he would burn his bills once they were paid, sure They would find them-, the bathroom-where he kept all his medication behind his duct tape covered mirror-, and his bedroom-where he kept every journal he had ever owned, once again fearing They would find them.
He doesn't really remember when he found out he had it. He just remembered waking up one day hearing a voice in his head. The voice that told him to do the one thing that he had secretly feared his entire life:join the FBI. Why? Simple reason really:to stay one step ahead of the people who had terrified his mother her entire life. He had been terrified when he applied to the FBI, when he went through the Academy, and when he met the team. He was still scared to this day, and he had been with Them, working with Them for years. That just showed Their powerful ways.
When the team went to his hometown, he made sure to keep up the pretense he had meticulously built. He didn't talk about his family, didn't say anything about his mother's health. Sure, some secrets had been unwrapped, but he controlled it. As far as he knew, no one had any idea about his mental disorder.
Oh, how wrong he had been.
He didn't realize that if he could hide his disease from a team of elite BAU agents, someone else could as well. More specifically, Spencer Reid.
Looking back now, it was almost obvious a blind person would've seen it. The tidy desk, the wrinkly but obviously clean clothes, even his cluttered but well-kept apartment, and let's not forget that he would never shake someone's hand. His best friend had OCD for cleanliness and organization.
Maybe that was why they had become so close. Subconsciously, they gravitated towards each other, both knowing each others secrets. Even though neither of their diseases were alike, both knew the time, planning, and stress it took to hide it from others. And, both knew how lonely life could be.
So, once Spencer let him know he knew-he literally came up to him after a case and told him"I know"- the both started to cover the other. While Spencer kept his medication on his person at all times, he always had some hand sanitizer and moist towelettes. They both had each other as their second speed dials-the first obviously already being held as their voicemails-, that way they could call each other whenever they needed to. The schizophrenic even went so far as to secretly move into one of his renovated houses, and Spencer as well. They didn't change their address information at the BAU though. That would just cause too many suspicions. So,every week, both men went to their 'houses' and picked up their mail there. Spencer still wrote to his mother everyday, who was one of two people who knew he had moved in with the other man.
That had been a year ago, and a lot had changed since then. He didn't hear the voices as much, and Spencer was able to tolerate looking at a misplaced item or a mess without having a complete panic attack. And now they were closer than before. Somewhere along the way, the two had fallen for each other. He didn't know when, or why really, but he was okay with it, as long as They didn't find out. And so far, the two of them, were able to keep it a secret. Even their team didn't know about them.
He didn't know how long it would last, how long until it all blew up in their faces. He really wished it would never would, because then he could remain happy. And so could Spencer, who sometimes needed that happiness to keep from breaking down every day. He no longer wished that he didn't have schizophrenia. He was honestly grateful for it, because it lead him to his best friend and lover. If someone came up to him and asked him to describe himself to them in one sentence, he would proudly say:
"My name is Derek Morgan, the love of my life is Spencer Reid, and I have paranoid schizophrenia. Nice to meet you."
A/N:hey!
How have yall been?I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. High school has made me really, really busy. So, I hope yall really like it!
And honestly...i have no idea what happened with this. It was originally gonna be about the idea Spencer lied to Elle in "Derailed" about pretending to understand the UNSUB about what happened in his childhood. And then, I was writing as if it was Derek who had schizophrenia and Spence had OCD, no flames please!
And I don't know if I will make an accompanying story to this or not. What do yall think?
Merci d'avoir lu mon histoire! S'il vous plaît votre avis!