Disclaimer: I do not own the characters contained within.
Shared Sorrows
by PegasusJF
It was a simply gorgeous night, every star in the sky twinkled brilliantly, all crowned by the Milky Way slowly turning itself over the firmament in the heavens.
All that looked up that night agreed it was a breathtaking sight. Many added, usually with their beloved at their side, that it was romantic, others, walking in the mute serenity of nature, said it was peaceful, and even a few hardy souls, sitting beneath massive telescopes piercing the celestial veil, would call it optimal astronomical observing conditions. Those guys where hoping they might even find something new and wild in the skies tonight.
Yep, everyone that looked up that night marveled at the sky, except one. He wasn't even looking at the sky, too content in his own sorrows to even care about the beauty that surrounded him.
He glimpsed it briefly as he laid down on his back, trying to take comfort in the cool grass. His mind didn't comprehend it, the powerful emotions roiling inside him blinded his perceptions to everything but.
Such a pity. He was in a very nice place. Majestic trees surrounded him in the small clearing where he sat almost in the middle; right next to him laid a small pool of clearest water. In nights like this, it brilliantly reflected the stars above, almost like it were glowing with an inner light that surrounded Krillin's reflection.
Pretty much like it was glowing now.
This was his place to get away from it all, to find peace in a universe that so many times seemed to be on the brink of destruction. He used to revel in this place, allowing its tranquil beauty to permeate his very soul, bring his mind to higher things, where the worries of the world seemed trivial in the light of the divine will.
But again, no comprehension outside his own pain. The only thing that he was aware of besides his endless, overwhelming sorrow was the fact he came here because, well, he really should be used to it by now. It wasn't like it was an uncommon occurrence, but tonight, he seemed to be all the more sensitive to the perverse entertainment that his master and Oolong where hooting at.
Heck, he usually just went outside without another thought, thinking, somewhat with sympathetic humor, that it was just who they were, as irritating as that was.
But unlike most times, where he would usually go to the mall, fly around, train, visit Gohan or some of his other friends. Here, now, he needed to get away from everything and everybody.
To this peaceful, unknown, place, where he could relax, enjoy its pristine purity. Well, this fact should be clear by now, it obviously wasn't working.
His mind was flooded with hopelessness, at the very thing he always wanted the most, to love someone and be loved back. That desire, largely considered benign, hopeful, and good to most, scalded his psyche like hydrofluoric acid.
It...NEVER...panned out. His hopelessness threatened to turn his sorrow to pure rage, rage at God, the world, women in general, and one woman in particular.
At the precipice, he stopped himself; he had no reason to be angry. Taking in several quick and deep breaths through his clenched teeth, he finally managed to rein in his emotions and slow his breathing, but not the memory.
Krillin's body writhed with agony when that memory, the absolute focus of his sorrow, passed through his minds eye for the umpteenth time.
Maron.
Let's put it this way, whoever first stated "It's better to have loved and lost than never loved at all" didn't know what he was talking about.
Well, at least not in Krillin's case.
A small cascade of clicks, whirs and machine sounds and the almost imperceptible sound of air bubbles moving through a thick, vicious, slightly translucent liquid...nothing else could be heard...that was her reality...her hell.
She floated in that liquid, slowly, almost imperceptibly breathing it through her slightly open mouth.
From the outside, it was fairly hard to see her through the single porthole in the tube, labeled with the cold number, "18", for the only illumination inside was a dim light over the figure's head.
Several tubes extended into her body, a couple in each arm, a few in her midsection and torso, two at her back and legs, and one particularly large one at the back of her skull, while countless tiny scars of previous tubal intrusions, thankfully healing, riddled her body. These where nothing to the scalpel cuts, all the way up her torso, legs and arms, plus two from the side of her face up to her cheeks. Some of these where still bleeding, but the thick liquid kept the outflow of blood to the smallest trickle. Where was once a beautiful cascade of the the purest blond hair, only a faint shadow remained on her bald scalp.
A quick inspection would lead to a rather understandable conclusion, that she was dead. But...
If one looked closer at her face that was cloaked in shadow, further blurred by the ever present liquid, if that observer glimpsed her face despite all that, he would see her eyelids, twitching all too faintly, a face clenched every so slightly tighter than one would think of a corpse.
Perhaps, if that person, by some miracle of perception, could see the tears streaming from her eyes, thin, almost invisible rivulets dissolving in the oily fluid, maybe then...that person would perceive the mantra that poor girl's mind was constantly repeating:
"Oh God...why did this happen to me..."
...echoed Krillin, for the umpteenth time in his mind.
Why did he have to be so blind. He should have known that it wasn't going to last with Maron.
He was such a $!*#%& idiot!
He turned to his side, pulling his legs to his chest in a fetal position. That usually followed that mantra.
Sure, she was affectionate, affectionate far beyond anything he expected that he would ever get from a woman. That was a wonderful feeling, having a woman clinging to him, with her trademark smile and cute tittering. He brought him to the gates of heaven, he never knew such joy.
How that blinded him.
Looking back on it, in the cold cruel light magnified by his broken heart, he saw things in a far less romantic light.
He recalled how she used to manipulate him by implying that he didn't care for her when he disagreed with her. He remembered, in now PIERCING detail. Man, a broken heart does WONDERS for clarity. He honestly should figure out how to extract it's essence. It would probably be a miracle cure for blindness, make him millions, maybe he could use his wealth to FINALLY FIND A GIRLFRIEND, AT LEAST HIS MONEY MIGHT JUST ALLOW HER TO OVERLOOK HIS WRETCHEDNESS!!...
Again he froze, sucking in air through gnashing teeth, the air testifying to his grief with a quick wheezing staccato.
Ahem, let's stop with the crazy thinking...
He relaxed his jaw, relaxed his breathing, trying to regain some semblance of peace, his clenched eyes, drenched with tears and surrounded by crimson skin, relaxed...just a bit...
anyway...
He remembered her flirting with other guys, he remembered her sitting on that red sports car with that guy "with the hair." He heard, after the fact, of her flirting with Yamcha, and probably the most damning piece of evidence, her whole "boyfriend for now" missive.
But even then, he overwhelming desire to have love, something denied him his entire life. He didn't see it, or he just didn't want to. He wanted to have love, at whatever cost.
Only the brilliance light of that pearl, and the ferocity its marine retinue defending it, finally melted his denial. He couldn't argue with his doubt any longer.
Her final statement, that she would have said "yes," when he "set her free," only served to rub salt on the wound. For even if she was sincere at the time, he doubted it would last, she was just too fickle.
That final though brought new waves of depression through his psyche, new tears and groans of pain erupted from him.
Inexplicably, as though nature was tuned into his mood, the once beautiful sky started to darken under the weight of threatening storm clouds, and thunder started to be heard in the distance, adding to the cornucopia of noise drowning out all but a single thought.
"If only if it didn't happen..."
"...this way."
Her thoughts, they were rarely clear anymore. She was rarely lucid enough to even think.. She almost preferred being unconscious, because whenever her mind awoke, she couldn't feel her body at all, and the vertigo, the terror of paralysis was almost overwhelming.
But that was nothing compared to what was happening to her mind. She could have sworn that once she had a life, with hopes and dreams, and even feelings of attraction to a special someone. More ominously, she could vaguely remember this old man, with a manic look in his eye, taking all too obvious and uncomfortable attention on her and...erm...she had a brother...right?
Such thoughts brought her mind to something she did know. She did sense, almost impossibly, a metal probe that lodged itself firmly into the base of her skull. She could almost feel it's nanoscopic tendrils working their way through her brain. Slowly but surely wiping away her very self, erasing her last vestiges of humanity, the memories, cherished memories of her past...she...couldn't even remember her name? Her freaking name!!
Waves of agony washed through her. All she could do in the shell that was once her body was reminisce over the increasing amount of void that was once her life, the void, she hoped, that was once so full of joy.
The tears kept flowing; perhaps they would flow for eternity, even past the point when she will be just a empty shell, void of all that she once cherished. That actually appealed to her, at least it would be a reminder of the tragedy, perhaps it might be enough to help her remember what once was her life.
But she knew that was unlikely. What was done, will be finished.
A strange thought glanced by the edge of her consciousness.
She flinched at it, what was it? She couldn't tell, but it felt ominous.
Just then, it came again, so much clearer, and there was no mistaking it.
It was a thought of hate, hate for...someone. Someone she didn't know, an image in her mind, blurry beyond recognition, but she could tell it was a human. Slowly, steadily it began to focus. It cleared into a smiling man with wildly askew black hair, with a look of complete innocence and acceptance in his eyes.
But, but, she reasoned, to something, she didn't know what...she couldn't hate this guy, he seemed so nice and trusting...could she?
Seemingly in reply, a whole flood of thoughts rampaged through her mind. It was so overwhelming that she didn't even know what to make of it at first. Then it became clear, they were thoughts of hate, not only hate of that man...Goku, how did she know that? But others, his friends, his family, the entire human race!
She immediately clamped down on her mind, fighting the strange and horrible thoughts flowing through her consciousness. Threatening to snuff out what little that was still her. Her body became visibly tense as she struggled, her teeth clenched, her eyelids clamped shut, beads of sweat spewing from her forehead onto her beet red face, mixing with the surrounding fluid in little rivulets.
However, the end result would be obvious, she knew she would lose. She knew what was causing this, that tube feeding those tendrils into her brain, seemingly intent on erasing her completely.
"NO!!"
Krillin screamed at his mind as the rain began to downpour, lightning flashing throughout the sky. Krillin launched on to his feet, arched his back and sent another resounding "NO!" into the tumultuous heavens.
He will not be like this, he was better that this! He screamed at himself.
He always confronted the darkness that threatened his friends, his world, or even the universe. He stood up tall, despite his weaknesses, despite his fear, and made a decent account of himself, regardless how weak he was compared to who he was fighting.
Even if now, he's fighting what is perhaps his worse adversary, himself.
His fists and teeth clenched, and even his ki flared a little, as he fought down a new wave of that damn paralyzing sorrow. He would not let it overcome him anymore.
He will have to wait. He believed in destiny, he knew, that if it was going to happen it would. But it wouldn't happen if he was continually like this! Always sabotaging himself when it came to women.
"NO!" "MORE!" He screamed into new peals of lighting and ear splitting booms of thunder..
He will wait, and should he be blessed to have the woman of his dreams. he will be strong, for her, he will be patient, for her. HE WILL BE THE BEST MAN HE COULD BE FOR HER! He will give his entire self, his very life, for her.
The woman's body was thrashing violently, her small fists crashing against the edges of the tube.
She thought about the last vestiges of her memories, her very self, about to be swallowed in a vast empty NOTHING of hate.
She could almost perceive, as those neurons that held the last of her being, being electronically and chemically manipulated to oblivion by those damned microscopic tendrils.
All her joys and sorrows, her very humanity, being sucked into that bottomless pit that she, the very last vestiges of herself, slowly began to make the terminal drop into nothingness.
She, though much more vaguely now, remembered feelings of love, from her parents, her mother in particular, her brother, and friends, and perhaps even someone special.
In unrelenting agony, as she hovered over the precipice to nothingness. Her mind clenched tightly on that feeling of love.
"Goodbye" She meekly whispered, to everything and nothing, as she finally began her terminal descent into the void.
Then she felt something else.
Krillin stood, back arched and his face to the heavens, oblivious to the rain that drenched it. Inside, he wrestled with his emotions, trying to blast away his sorrow with this new determination;
Amazingly, a faint smile graced the very corners of his lips. He triumphed; he fought his agony and won. He wouldn't let himself be depressed anymore; he would be patient, and work to make himself the best he can be.
Though, he conceded, it might be a long wait, and may still have to struggle with those damned emotions.
No matter, he will continue to fight, fight for whoever his beloved was to be.
"I will be the best for you," he whispered, his closed eyes finally relaxing into peace, "I will do anything for you."
Suddenly, the rain froze about him, Krillin's head shot up in bewilderment. The clearing itself seemed to diminish into darkness, and move farther and farther away like it was a projection on a movie screen. Krillin, his peace turning into fear, tried to fly towards the faraway scene of his reality, but it faded into nothing, leaving Krillin floating in darkness.
In mounting panic, Krillin was about to let loose a blood curdling scream, until he felt something nearby.
Krillin's eye bulged...he didn't know how, but it was a person.
And she was in great pain.
For the first time since she entered that tube, the woman lurched forward violently, her eyes bursting open in shock as if her eyelids didn't exist. Her jaw fell slack in wonder.
She felt something...what was it? She peered around in the confines of her tube.
Well, it was a tube, no help there.
But then, her already dishpanned eyes widened as her senses darkened, the scene of the tube floated further and further away. Until all that was before her was a gaping hole of nothing.
Her mouth made to scream, but nothing came out. Her brief respite from her fate, gaining full consciousness seemed to be only a cruel joke, doing nothing but prolong her suffering.
Again, she felt her inexorable descent, her eyes tearing in bitter agony. She couldn't even bring herself to say goodbye this time.
She ignored the small flicker of feeling something above her, it wouldn't matter. Her arms were floating on the surface of this void, and began to sink in. She was sick of fighting the inevitable, and laid back into the void's surface, letting it consume her.
But just then, she felt a strong hand grasp her left wrist and a mighty pull wretched her upward.
Krillin, disoriented, jerked his head about, trying to get acclimated to his surroundings.
It all felt very strange, not like anything he experienced, even when he was dead. Quickly, he calmed down as he got his mind around what he could sense. He couldn't see, but yet he was fully aware of everything around him.
Weird...
His senses started to sharpen, and the sensation of someone else around him focused into a some woman, right below him. Immediately he felt her sorrow, her fear. It was so strong, so omnipresent, that it seared his senses, almost causing him to double over in pain.
He looked down, and "saw" her sinking into, well, a bottomless pit of something beyond horrible it seemed to transcend his perceptions. She was slowly, inexorably being swallowed in, seemingly resigned to her fate. Her arms, just slowly floating on that pits surface while the rest of her body listlessly descended into the void.
Krillin didn't even think, he threw his entire body down at her, quickly bringing a hand and clamping it down hard on her wrist as she weakly closed her hand on his. With all his might he started to pull her out. But the void, clearly intent on keeping it's prey, pulled even harder down, stretching Krillin's arm muscles to their breaking point and even threatening to send him sprawling into that void.
But Krillin struggled mightily, he would not let this person be consumed, whomever she was, wherever this was, he will not fail!
Back in normal reality, Krillin's body, with it's mind seemingly on vacation, drenched in the rain, started to flare it's ki. As Krillin continued to struggle, the ki flared even brighter, even farther, as he managed to pull this stranger out inch by inch, until finally he gave out a deafening roar as the ki flare reached beyond the clearing, up into the sky, rapidly parting the clouds above until a wide swath of twinkling stars were seen above.
At that moment, with one final overwhelming pull, Krillin pulled her out as though the void wasn't there. Deprived of it's prey, it quickly collapsed into itself and vanished.
For a moment, they clung to each other, their bodies throbbed in fear of the horror they just experienced. Krillin almost felt nauseous as the adrenaline coursed through his system and finally dissipated.
She was on the precipice of a emotional breakdown and tears began to flood from her eyes. She felt violated to the most fundamental level. Those furious thoughts that ramrodded themselves into her psyche were gone, but they left vast burning wounds in their wake.
She quickly pushed herself away from her rescuer. She felt so weak and worthless. Grief and shame were her only perceptions. She couldn't let anyone see her like this.
Krillin quietly regarded the person before him, surprised at her reaction. Why did she push herself away? He was still amazed why he was even here, and even more surprised on what his senses could perceive.
He saw her pain; he could see quite clearly that she was suffering from things he couldn't even imagine. He didn't know exactly what, but something was being forced on her, almost completely eliminating who she is. But there was still something there that was still hers, something that hasn't been touched, and might never be. Despite all the darkness that permeated her soul, it continued to glow brightly, bravely against the encroaching darkness. It was simply beautiful, and Krillin would not let it be snuffed out.
He reached out to her, gently touching her shoulder. He tried to push forward his emotions of compassion and comfort, hoping, praying that his feelings will reach her, and give her some semblance of peace.
Her world was agony, she rocked herself quickly, her arms clenched around her bent legs as she wept bitterly, in a vain attempt to ease her sorrow. She was out of danger, for the moment at least. But so much was already taken from her. She couldn't see herself recovering from this raping of her very body and soul. Even if she could escape from whomever did this to her (but she really doubted that.) She would most likely be a pariah, a freak of nature in the eyes of all. Something that would never, ever be healed, even in the one in the million chances that anyone would want to.
Then she felt a hand land gently on her shoulder, and a flood of compassion streamed from it, banishing the darkness within her and filling her entire self with a warmth that she (probably) never knew.
She turned a bit so she could see him. She saw his own sorrow, a sorrow of a different kind but still one that cost him of his joy for so long, and a new wound that for awhile seemed to douse it, but thrust its blunt edge even deeper into his heart, causing him pain almost as horrible as hers.
Her heart almost broke at the sight of that pain, even though his was bravely trying to fight it. She could tell it would be a bitter struggle, one that threatened to consume all the compassion that shown like a beacon to her.
Then, to comfort him as much to be comforted, she reached over and warped her arms around him, holding him tight.
Krillin's eyes bulged, he wasn't expecting this at all, but instantly her embrace filled his very soul with a feeling that couldn't be described. It zeroed in on the void that was his misplaced love for Maron and filled it, obliterated it until only the warmth of her embrace was his entire world. It was such a wonderful, pure feeling, one that he never experienced; even with...
Hmm....I don't quite recall her name.
Krillin melted into her embrace; it seemed like a titanic effort to reciprocate her gift. Once he managed to bring his arms around her trembling form, he dropped his restraints and let himself go at his badly hurt, unknown, but unbelievably wonderful and lovable woman.
For what seemed like years both Krillin and the woman who would be known as Android 18 cuddled and caressed each other. Mutually both mourning over their pain but finding peace and strength in each other, in a place that was seemingly created just for them.
No words were shared, no words were needed. Only love, yes, love was felt as they healed each other.
Then, they finally parted. They knew it was time for them to go. As a gentle current pulled them apart, they slowly released their embrace with other, their hands sliding down their arms until at last their hands parted. They looked at each other thankfully, but also sorrowfully for they finally had to leave.
But that sorrow was full of hope, they knew, somehow, that they would see each other again.
Krillin woke up with a start. He looked around quickly, trying to get his bearings. He was still in the clearing. The sky was clear, the stars and moon (and the pool) were glowing brightly. The grass was damp, and his gi was thoroughly soaked.
"Was I dreaming?" He asked himself. He remembered what happened clearly, but it seemed to perfect to be true.
He moved his arms in a circular motion, trying to loosen them up.
"Ow!" He shouldn't have done that, they were very sore, one was almost dislocated. But why, he hasn't trained for almost three weeks. Unless...his eyes bulged, it WASN'T a dream. It wasn't a normal experience, but it definitely wasn't a dream.
Then, someone was out there...who...actually...could...love...
...him.
He almost didn't believe it, but...she...whoever she was...was real.
She felt like she was worthless, despite the wonderful beauty Krillin could see in her.
Perhaps, when they met, she would see the same in him.
That possibility was so overwhelming that he had run the whole situation through his head just to make sure...
"Somebody...actually could...
...love me."
18's eyes were again crying, but for the first time that she could remember, they were tears of joy.
Not only for what she had experienced, but also for the purely miraculous changes she noticed since it ended.
The scars on her body, while still visible, were in a definite state of healing, and even more remarkably, the appendage that was attached to her head was retracted. Apparently whomever or whatever put it there had figured that it's job was done, and her mind was remade in that hateful image. But that was no longer the case.
She could still feel those thoughts, she still had lost most of her memory, but they were no longer dominant now, and they would no longer be dominant as long as she had hope.
Hope...for the first time since she was here she felt it. She knew what had happened was true, and she knew that there was someone out there that could accept her, and even love her.
She gave a silent prayer of thanks to whoever made this happen.
She knew that there would probably be tribulations ahead, that whoever did this to her would try to destroy her hope, to finish what it started.
But for the sake of the man who helped heal her, and for her brother, yes, she remembered him now, She would resist as much as she can.
For the first time since she was interred, she fell into a soft and peaceful sleep, and dreamed of a short man with innocent eyes and a happy smile.
Krillin, for the first time that night, truly soaked in the beauty around him. His heart was finally at peace. He didn't know when he would finally meet this mysterious person that it already seemed that he spent a lifetime of love with her.
He didn't know, but he would be ready for that day, to protect from whatever was hurting her, and to be the best man he could be.
For her.
Krillin stood up, and patted away some of the mud that collected on his wet gi, and took one last look around him. Everything that seemed to be so beautiful before seemed to shine ever more brightly.
Yes, including the pool.
Krillin basked in it for another moment. To who he knew was behind it, he added two more words.
"Thank you."
Krillin powered up, and launched into the starry night and sped home. When he finally arrived, Roshi and Oolong were unconscious on the couch. He took a comforter and put it over them both, and silently walked up stairs to his room.
He fell asleep the second he fell on the bed, and dreamed of a blond haired beauty with sparkling blue eyes.
His angel, beautiful beyond comprehension.
7-24-08: I did a little more proofreading and put in a little more story into this chapter, resolving some issues brought up in the reviews and fleshing out the story a bit more in preparation for new chapters.
As a long time reader of fanfiction at this site I have often wished to make some contribution to the excellent body of work here. But in any attempt to do so I always ran into brick walls because I felt whatever idea I came up with was too similar to other well known and renown pieces.
Well, I believe I have finally came up with a premise that has not been done or at least not frequently covered. It was a beast to write, despite it's length and my wishes I could only write it in spurts of inspiration. There may be more, I have some ideas that might transform this to a novella at least.
Finally, I would like to thank my beta-reader and inspiration Krillin Fan. I have never seen someone start out as he has and so quickly become so renown in the K/18 fanfiction community. He has become my friend and has frequently encouraged me and (tried) to help me find an idea I could work with. Here's to your man!
Also, as a final shameless plug, let me highly (well, there really is no word for it) recommend another good friend's work What She Can't Say by the Wise Duck. I don't care if you're not a Kim Possible fan, as Krillin Fan would say: GO! READ! NOW!
I hope you enjoyed this work, reviews are appreciated.
God Bless
PegasusJF