So here is my first fic for Star Wars.
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, just enjoy creating my own situations for 'em.
Leia was having trouble falling asleep. Strangely it wasn't due to any nightmares or anxiety this time. She just simply couldn't sleep, and decided to wander around the ship in hopes it would expend some of the extra energy she seemed to have. She quietly tiptoed past Chewie, not wanting to wake the sleeping wookiee. The three of them had been taking shifts to watch out for any potential hazards while traveling sunlight in space, and Chewie was on the next shift.
The voyage to Bespin had become a slow crawl, but honestly she didn't mind it so much anymore. If anything, she didn't want it to end. She enjoyed being on the Millennium Falcon with Han and Chewie, and was terrified about the good times ending once they reached Bespin. Han was still determined to pay off his debt to Jabba, and that meant he would be leaving her behind. There was a very good chance she could never see him again.
Her relationship with Han had only gotten better while on this trip, and she couldn't help thanking whatever cosmic event it was that had caused them to be stuck in this situation. They had been sleeping together both in a literal and figurative sense for almost a month and a half now, and honestly Leia was glad they had. The fighting had become less frequent, and Han was an excellent lover.
As Leia passed the cockpit, she heard a noise. She stopped just outside the door and focused. It was Han, and it sounded like he was talking to someone. Leia thought this was strange because neither she or Chewie were in the cockpit with him, and it was too dangerous to try and reach out to anyone while basically free floating floating in deep space with no hyperdrive to escape if necessary. Surely Han wouldn't be stupid enough to get them caught just because he wanted to comm someone. Leia decided to to stick around and figure out what was going on without interrupting him..
"And she is just so wonderful and smart and honestly she's absolutely gorgeous. I mean I'm just a low-life smuggler who doesn't deserve her. She should be with a prince or some other royalty. I can never give her the life she was use to before the war, and she deserves to have the universe."
Leia realized he was talking about her and her jaw dropped. She leaned against the wall and slowly slid onto the floor. Once there she pulled her knees up towards her chest and just listened.
"She has had so much taken from her, and yet is somehow willing to give even more. I don't know how she stays tough through it all. I mean I didn't lose as much as her, and I turned to a life of crime. Yeah the circumstances were different… but still. I think the best thing to do would be get the Falcon fixed, then drop her off at the rendezvous and just leave. She will find someone else, someone who could love her better than I can. But in doing that, I'm pretty sure I would rip out my own heart. I don't know what to do, ma."
He was talking to his mother?
Leia didn't know a lot about Han's past, and what little she did know was from the digging the rebellion had done when he became one of their contractors. However she did know his mother had died some years ago.
She was still mulling over everything she had heard and didn't notice the cockpit door opening, and she wasn't sure Han would have noticed her sitting there if he hadn't almost tripped over her.
"Leia? What in Force name are you doing sitting outside the cockpit? How long have you been sitting out here?" He asked.
She looked up at him and realized he seemed almost nervous, and not angry as she expected.
"Long enough." Was all Leia could say.
Han sighed and looked back down at her. "I'm sure you have some questions." he gathered. "I was on my way to get some caf. Why don't you go make yourself comfortable in the cockpit and we can talk when I come back."
Leia was shocked Han didn't seem upset that she was eavesdropping on what she could only consider an very personal conversation. She walked into the cockpit, sat in Chewie's seat, and waited for Han to return. When he came back in, she could see he brought a mug back for her as well. She gave him a smile once he handed it to her, and he sighed once more when he sat down.
"Before you ask me any questions, I just have one for you." he began.
Leia braced herself for some question that would lead to a fight.
"Why were you sitting outside the cockpit, listening to me?"
"I couldn't sleep, so I just started wandering around. I heard you talking and I was curious at first, but the more you talked the more intrigued I became. I'm sorry for listening in on such a personal conversation, but I didn't know it was one at first."
Han listened to her answer, took a moment to process it, just nodded.
"Honestly, I'm shocked you aren't upset with me." Leia stated.
"While I'm not all that thrilled you heard it, but if the roles had been reversed I would have probably done the same thing. So what exactly did you hear?" He asked.
"I thought you said you only had one question you were going to ask." Leia joked, and she could see Han lifting his hand and starting to point his finger in his signature defensive move. Wanting to avoid a fight she leaned over, and put her hand over his. "I was kidding. I don't want to fight with you Han, I want to talk." She saw Han calm down, and then decided it was safe to continue. "I heard you talk about how wonderful you think I am, how you don't think you are good enough for me, and how you think you should just leave plus a few other things." Leia paused for a moment, debating whether she should bring up the last thing. "I also heard you say ma." That's when Han's head snapped up.
Leia had never seen the look that was on his face at the current moment, but it seemed to be a mix of panic, shock, and a tinge of sadness.
Han hadn't consciously realized he had said ma and it was going to bring up a lot of questions about his past. He was aware Leia knew a few things about his past that came up when he was vetted by the rebellion, but there were certain things he didn't want her to know. For the simple fact it would only reenforce why he wasn't good enough for her.
"What happened to her?" Leia asked, and Han visibly flinched and she could see his muscles tense. The sheer reaction he had caused Leia to recant her question. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."
Part of Han wanted to avoid telling her about it, but she was a resourceful young woman, and if she was curious enough she would find a way to learn more about his life. He preferred she heard it from him and then came to a conclusion rather than have to make one that was wrong based off of what she found.
Han took one last look out the viewport in front of him and satisfied that there seemed to be no immediate danger, turned to face her.
"She died when I was 16." He began. "I never knew my father. I'm not even sure if she knew who he was. Anyway, I didn't have the fortunate life you had. I wasn't part of any royalty, pretty much the opposite actually." He looked up to see her reaction, and when her face gave no indication of anything other than she was listening intently, he continued.
"She was a servant for one of the richer families in Corellia. When I was young, the family she worked for loved her and me. The actual employers were an elderly couple with grown children who were all older than my mother. They had an apartment for us, paid her well, and were always buying us gifts and just giving us things. They treated us like family." Han smiled at the memory of the wonderful couple he saw almost like they were his grandparents. Suddenly the expression turned somber.
"When I was about 6, they died and their spoiled, entitled brats inherited the money obviously. The oldest moved in to the house, and she didn't want to spend extra money paying for all of the stuff her parents had for my mom and I. Unlike Alderaan there are no laws to protect servants. My mom did horrible, backbreaking work that should have taken 3 people to do. Since her parents had loved my mom and I so much it was stated they couldn't fire my mom in the will, but some of the other help weren't so lucky, and the daughter got rid of most of them. She also decided she wasn't going to pay for a place for us to live and cut my mom's pay to almost nothing."
Leia had a hard time wrapping her head around that. Both of her parents had made sure Alderaan had laws in place to protect the people who served the wealthier ones. They knew society tended to look down on those who did the serving, but they were important to everyday life of the royal and wealthy. Bail and Breha thought all people should be able to live comfortably, because sometimes life had a way of throwing things at a person that was out of their control.
She reached for his hand and laced her fingers with his, rubbing the top of his thumb with hers, hoping that it was helping him.
Han continued his story. "Since they treated her like bantha crap, we had a difficult time living. She was barely scrapping in enough money for the horrible shack we had to move into, and food was slowly becoming less and less."
He pulled his hand from hers because he felt like what he was going to say next was going to cause her to think less of him and he couldn't handle her being the one to break the contact.
"I ended up having to do some not so legal things to help out. I'm pretty sure she knew what I was doing, but she never said anything. So I would steal things, hide them for a while, and then once the heat had been off for a while, I would sell them to make money so we could eat. I knew my mother loved me, and she hated that I had to live like in those conditions."
Leia was stunned at how open and honest he was being with her. Her heart broke for young Han, and was aching for the Han sitting in front of her, telling this story.
"She was one of the few people who actually gave a flying care about me. We couldn't afford for me to go to school, but my mom was so smart, and she taught me a lot. When she would come home from work, she would spend time with me, teaching me how to read, write, do math, and most things a kid learns in school. She also taught me languages she had learned throughout working with others and having to do business with various beings. Who knew all of it would come in handy?" Han scoffed bitterly, and then his face became somber once more.
Leia watched him swallow the lump that was forming in his throat, and his eyes glaze over as though he were back on Corellia living this life.
"Anyway when I was 16, there had been a raid on the house she was working, and everyone inside was killed. The cops had been waiting at the door for me when I came back from hiding my latest grab, and I thought they were there to arrest me. So I bolted. Just when I thought I lost them, one found me hiding. He told me I wasn't in trouble, and they had something they needed to talk to me about. They took me down to the office, and told me what had happened."
Han started to get choked up remembering everything about that day. Leia got up, walked over to him, and gently sat on his lap bringing his head toward her chest, running her fingers through his hair. "They- They needed me to identify her body. It was the worst thing I have ever had to do." And the sobs began.
The only other being he had ever told this story to was Chewbacca. Han hated telling it because he relived the pain all over again.
Leia sat there with him, trying to comfort him as best as she could. She couldn't believe what he had been through. She empathized with him because her parents had also been murdered, and the pain she felt still got to her, but unlike Han, everyone knew what happened to Alderaan. He suffered all alone. Once his sobs died down, he wiped his eyes, sat back up and pulled her into his arms, just reveling in the comfort she brought him. She was laying her head on his chest when he started speaking again.
"It was after that when I decided to enlist in the Imperial Academy. I figured I had nothing to lose, and I could learn how to do the one thing my mom couldn't teach me… how to fly. I had wanted to go into the academy since I was young, and my mom always supported my dreams, so I figured this is what she would want me to do. Which is when I saved Chewbacca from being a slave like my mom basically was, and the rest is history." He concluded.
Leia knew about the major points of what he had done in his life once he had entered the Imperial Academy. She sat there completely transfixed by the story he had just told her, and spent a few moments trying to piece together a response. Finally she came up with one.
"Han, I had no idea what you went through, and all I can say is I think your mother would be proud of how you turned out." When he scoffed at her, she looked into his eyes so he could see the sincerity. "No really I think she would. I mean the smuggling part she probably wouldn't be thrilled about, but you saved Chewbacca, you helped blow up the Death Star, you are a hero to the rebellion, and you have such a kind heart. She raised an amazing son, and she would be proud."
There was some silence before Leia asked a question. "How often do you talk to her?"
She was curious, because they had spent a lot of time together on the ship, and she had never heard him do it before.
"Not often really, usually when I have a lot on my mind, or something big happens in my life. You probably think it's silly because she isn't around to respond or even actually hear me, but it gives me this sense of… peace I guess you could call it."
Han was looking down at his hand, which had suddenly become quite interesting.
"Honestly Han I don't think it's silly because if we are being truthful here, I do the same thing with my parents. I talk to them just like you do with your mom. And this may be the weird part, but I get the feeling that somehow they can hear us. Never be ashamed about talking to your mom."
He glanced up at her, trying to decide what he was going to say next. He couldn't think of any other revelations he wanted to disclose tonight, so he went with the next best thing he could think of.
"Thank you for not thinking I was absolutely mad, sweetheart. And it makes me feel not so alone that you do it too."
They sat together in the pilot's seat for a while longer, and Leia was finally starting to fall asleep in Han's arms.
"Hey Princess." he nudged her gently. All he received in response was a muffled groan, which caused him to chuckle. "I think it's time for you to get some sleep. It will be Chewie's shift in a couple of hours, and I will come join you. Sound good sweetheart?"
Leia nodded against his chest and slowly got up, kissing him before making her way towards the door. Just before exiting the cockpit, she turned back to Han. "I love you hotshot. Thank you for sharing with me."
"I love you too Princess, sleep well, and thank you for listening to me."
She smiled at him, and he watched her sleepily shuffle her way to his quarters before the door of the cockpit slid closed once more. He looked out at the space and stars in from of him in the viewport and took it all in. He took a deep breath and said "I love you Ma."
I hope you enjoyed this chapter! If you have any questions, don't be afraid to PM me. Leave a review if you are so inclined (they are very much appreciated).