Epidemic in the Hideout
Naruto: Akatsuki Fanfiction
Rated T: Hidan
"Cough Cough"
"KONAAAAAAAAAAAN, Tobi's sick again!" A familiar orange faced criminal yelled.
"Hold on a moment," Konan yelled.
It was that time of year again. It was the most feared day of the year for the entire Akatsuki. It was worse than one of Hidan's Worship Jashin Festivals. It was the fall. A time of when summer ends and the temperature becomes cold.
Speaking of colds, the entire Akatsuki was suffering a variety of diseases. This was epidemic season.
This was the worst time since Konan was left to caring for EVERYONE. Not just her beloved Pein, not just Deidara, but Tobi, Kisame, Zetsu, Hidan, Kakuzu and Sasori. This was pure hell. Konan was surprised she stayed healthy every year, but that's because she knows proper hygiene.
"Konan, I demand soup or I'll cut you in half." Hidan threatened. Kakuzu was lying on the floor and threw a pillow over his head.
"Shut up Hidan." He growled.
"You shut the hell up or I'll give you the chicken pox." Hidan threatened. He then started Kakuzu began to poke him.
Yes, the entire Akatsuki had something different. Pein had pneumonia; Tobi had some sort of stomach virus that made him vomit everywhere. Hidan had chicken pox, Kakuzu had a cold. (Far by the least serious) Kisame and Itachi had the mumps, Zetsu had a fungi growing in his leaves. Sasori and Deidara both had typhoid fever.
Konan was tempted to capture a medic from Konoha, but everyone resisted. (Especially Tobi)
When the Akatsuki got sick, they would start complaining to Pein, but then he got sick, so the whole group was in trouble. Who would defend their base? Who would feed them? Who would clean every place Tobi threw up in?
Konan was stuck with that job for two weeks. She and Pein were fortunately vaccinated from most of the diseases when they were little. Everyone else except Hidan chickened out to the thought of being poked with long sharp needles.
(There is still no reason why Hidan was sick)
"Konan-saaaaaaan, my tummy hurts!" Tobi complained. He held onto it and then threw up all over the floor. Konan sighed and started cleaning up. Fortunately she was wearing some old clothing and not that beautiful Akatsuki cloak from Pein. Deidara walked in looking dead.
"Konan-san, I want tea un!" He complained. Sasori followed him.
Konan was already cooking 2 large pots of soup and ten tea kettles. Zetsu walked in and Konan looked at him for two seconds and yelled:
"Zetsu, if you're going to shed fungi, do it outside!"
"But Konan-san, it itches...." Zetsu complained.
"Just go back into the ground." Konan ordered.
-----
Deidara was minding his own business and then Tobi looked at him funny.
"Aw hell no! Tobi no!" Deidara cried as Tobi yet again released his stomach right on Deidara.
"That's it un!" Deidara stormed to his room and locked the door leaving the poor masked criminal crying.
"What did Tobi do? Is Tobi a bad boy?" He cried.
Konan lifted him off the ground and carried him to his room and locked him in. She couldn't stand him leaving a mess all over the hideout,
She returned to Pein's room and he could open his eyes, but they looked dark as night.
"Sorry to leave you with so much work Konan-chan..." He whispered. She left some tea by his bed and finally said:
"I'm going to get some help."
"WHAT?" Pein tried to yell, but didn't have the enegy to.
"I said, i'm going to get a ninja from another nation to help us." Konan replied. She stood up and walked away while Pein began to cry and whimper.
Konan was beyond tired of this epidemic hitting the base. Eversince she joined, all they did in the fall was get sick in some peculiar ways.
There was no way she was going to put up with this another year.
"Konan-san! TOBI NEEDS A BATH!" The immature orange head yelled. He tried to get out of his room, but still it was locked. Konan purposfully left it locked for a reason and now everyone was going to suffer deathness from hearing loud banging on the door and screaming...
She decided enough was enough and packed some things up (3 days worth of cloaks and hairspray and a hairbrush and a blanket, toothbrush (she's the only person in the Akatsuki that bothed to buy one.) and went to look for someone who was a medic.
Before she left, she gave everyone last dose of medicine depending on what they needed and of course their regular medicine (Hidan is on prozac) and went off to find someone. She also said goodbye to Pein...But only Pein....no one else cared where she was going.
----
After leaving the base, she knew the world was cold, but not -24 degrees below zero. she couldnt use her paper jutsu either since it was cold, wet and about to rain. "Pein-sama, make it stop" She whispered.
After walking about a half a mile, it was time for her to get something to eat, but realized that most shop owners knew who the Akatsuki was and there was no way they would serve her something to eat.
She arrived in Konoha after 3 days of being wet, cold and tired. But sadly for her, some ANBU were waiting at the gate and they immediatly arrested her.
"WAIT I AM NOT GOING TO DESTROY KONOHA!" She yelled. The ANBU were pretty sure she was being honest and released her.
(Akatsuki Base)
"KAKUZU! Where the hell is Konan-san? I am tired, my damn throat it killing me and...and....who the hell am I supposed to annoy while she's gone?"
Everyone stared at him (Minus Tobi) and gave him a glare.
"YOU ARE SO ANNOYING I BET EVEN JASHIN CAN'T STAND YOU." Kakazu remarked still with a scartchy voice.
"Take that back you son of a- TOBI'S A GOOD BOY!"
Everyone was startled by Tobi's voice and were very suprised and wondered how he got himself out of his room.
"Ehhhh....Tobi, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! IF YOU LET ONE DROP OF YOUR STOMACH ON ME I WILL MAKE SURE JASHIN HAS THE BEST RITUAL FROM HIS NUMBER ONE WORSHIPPER!" Hidan yelled.
"Calm down Hidan." Sasori growled. He had a headache and Hidan usually makes them worse.
Deidara walked over and smashed Tobi on the head with a pot. It knocked him out instantly.
"SHUT UP UN! I WANT TO SLEEP AND ALL YOU DO IS MAKE FREAKIN NOISE....CANT A TERRORIST GET SOME SLEEP?"
"You all are idiots." Pein moaned as he walked out of his room for the first time this week. He looked drowsy and tried to order everyone around in his usual demanding voice...
"Uhhhh...hi Pein-sama." Everyone greeted through coughs and sneezes.
"GO TO HELL ALL OF YOU! CAN'T A GUY GET SOME NEEDED REST AND ALL OF YOU WON'T SHUT UP!" Pein yelled. Everyone was shocked.
Kisame and Itachi were the first ones better so they decided to leave the Akatsuki for a while for their much needed vacation...
--
"Hello, I am Konan from the Akatsuki....I have a request...." Konan began. she was standing in the Hokage's office and Naruto was sitting in that beloved Hokage's chair with his Hokage Hat.
"Wasnt I supposed to kill you?" The ADD Hokage asked.
"Uhhh....no....well anyway, can you send a medical specialist out. All of us are sick and we need some help." Konan replied.
Without another word, Naruto burst out laughing. He fell over in the middle of his fit and could feel tears drip from his eyes.
"GIVE US SOME HELP OR ILL PAPERCUT YOU TO DEATH." Konan warned. She was beyond furious.
"Alright Alright....calm down Konan, I will send some help...OH HERE SHE IS NOW!" Naruto added in a cheery voice.
"Alright, why am I here?" A certain pink haired ninja asked. She looked like she was dead tired and her eyes looked scary.
"Sakura-chan! Konan from the Akatsuki needs some medical help..." Naruto began.
"Is she pregnant?" Sakura asked.
"HECK NO! WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT!" Konan yelled.
"Calm down Konan, ill go see what the problem is." Sakura replied and walked to the base with Konan.
--
"Pein-sama, Tobi needs more tea!" Tobi yelled. He was back on the couch and this time not vomiting.
"Pein-sama, can you change the channel?" Hidan yelled. He was beyond tired of watching Seifeld and Everybody Loves Raymond for the 5th hour in a row.
"Pein-sama, I need more clay!" Deidara yelled from the other side of the base. He was resting on another couch and playing with some of his clay while Sasori was quietly making puppets.
"Pein-sama....I-I-ACHOO!" Zetsu sneezed yet again sending uncontrolled fungi into the air. Everyone was grossed out.
"THAT'S IT! KONAN-SAN I DONT CARE WHERE YOU ARE, GET BACK TO BASE OR ELSE!" Pein yelled. He also was tired from caring for everyone. It should be everyman for himself.