Summary: Alice wants to kiss Frank, but doesn't have the guts to do it. Lily tries to humor her into snogging him senseless and winds up with mild concussions by pillow.
Disclaimer: Jo owns it. If I did, the books would have been much less intence.
Fish Lips
a Siriusly Klutzy story.
Poor, poor Alice.
While she's happy, giddy really, just being with Frank, she's rather frustrated.
You see, Frank is shy. And with him being shy means he likes to take things slowly. It took the lad three weeks just to hold her hand. And she's been going crazy because he won't kiss her.
Personally, I don't know what to do. I have the exact opposite problem with keeping Potter from kissing me. I've had to shove a book between us, hit him multiple times in the head, and catch his face in my hand (which I soon washed after) to prevent it. The boy just won't take a hint.
Anyway, it's taken every ounce of will power that I possess not to grab each of their faces and smush them together. But even then, Frank probably wouldn't do anything but stare up at me, pathetic and wide-eyed.
I will never understand boys.
You see, Frank has been hopeless for Alice for the past two years, and (once again, unlike Potter) he barely did anything about it, except a sweet Christmas rose and a card on Valentine's Day.
That was before I decided to offer the help, which was to cure Alice's blindness and show her that Frank digs her.
"Well, if you were me, what would you do?" Alice asked me.
"I would pull him by the ear," I replied.
Alice looked at me strangely. "What would that do?"
"I don't know," I replied with a shrug. "But if you make his ear numb enough, you could pierce it and get matching earrings."
"And... what would that do?"
I thought about this for a minute. "Well, if he begs you not to, you could say that you won't make him do it. For a kiss, of course."
That's when she threw the pillow at my face.
"What'd the pillow ever do to you?" I asked. Though, pillow throwing was a common occurrence when I said or did something stupid.
"It didn't get to your mouth fast enough to shut you up," she said.
"Jerk."
She grinned.
"But really," she said with a pout. "Lily, what do I do?"
"Well, you could just snog him senseless," I offered. Of course, this is what I've offered her every single day that they've been together after the hand holding thing.
"I can't though."
"You're right, Frank might wet himself," I said thoughtfully.
Damn. Another pillow.
"How do you keep your pillows on your bed at night?" I asked, holding the tossed pillow in front of my face, in fear of another one attacking.
"I like those ones."
Oh.
It was quiet for a couple minutes. I chewed on my quill and tried to make an attempt at my Arithmacy homework.
That didn't work.
"How do you do it?" Alice asked.
I pulled the end of the quill out of my mouth. "Do what?" It had bite marks on it. Bummer.
"Get Potter to want to kiss you every chance he sees you."
My superb good looks and great personality of course!
"Potter's just a psycho."
"I wish Frank were a psycho."
"Oh, God. I'm around Potter too much." She sighed. "It isn't anything I do. He just has too many hormones."
"Hormones that are raging for you, Evans!" he called across the Common Room.
How the hell did he hear that?
"Frank would never yell that across the Common Room," Alice said, though she was smiling.
"For which you should be thankful. You want Potter? I'll gift wrap him for you and everything."
"I think I'll pass." She giggled. "What if I walked around making fish lips at him all day?"
I looked at her. She sucked in her cheeks and cocked her head to the side.
"You look like Petunia!" I said with tears in my eyes.
"What?" she asked, letting her lips out for a second. "You don't think it'll work?" She sucked them in again.
"Um, Alice?" Alice turned around, cheeks still sucked in, only to face Frank.
I laughed harder.
She jumped a mile high.
"Hi... Frank."
"Was I interrupting something?" he asked uncertainly.
I patted Alice on the head. "No, your lovely Alice here was just telling me how much she likes fish."
Alice shot daggers at me. I grinned.
Frank cocked an eyebrow. "Really." I nodded. "Coincidence. I like fishes, too."
Well, I started laughing all over again, much to Alice's dismay. She just blushed.
"I just wanted to make sure that we were still on for Hogsmade tomorrow?" he asked, looking at Alice.
She blushed harder. "Of course. Entrance Hall, two o'clock."
Frank squeezed her hand and walked up to his dorm.
"Make sure you don't offer her sushi!" He looked back and grinned. "See, Alice!" I said once he was out of hearing range. She looked at me quizzically.
"See what?"
"You like fish. Frank likes fish. You made fish lips. Therefore: Frank likes your lips!"
Three pillows in less than ten minutes, that must be a record.
"He probably thinks I'm insane now."
"Why wouldn't he have before?"
Alice thought about this, and then shrugged.
"Just snog him senseless. I could tell he wanted to make the fishy face back at you."
"Shut up, he didn't."
"Oh, his lips were going into the fish pucker."
"He could have eaten a lemon drop before he came down."
"His breath smelled of Chocolate Frogs."
"How would you know? You were six feet away!"
"I have a sense for Chocolate Frogs."
She rolled her eyes at me.
"I've got to go find something to wear for tomorrow."
She stood up and started walking to the dorm. There was a rumbling of footsteps coming from the stairs.
Frank sprinted out, running smack into Alice.
I jumped up. Maybe by some miracle, the only thing that hit was their fish lips.
Frank jumped up, and offered a hand.
"Alice! I'm so sorry! I didn't see you there. I forgot I had to do something."
Alice dusted off her skirt. "It's alright. What did you have to do?"
And then he kissed her, on the mouth, in front of the entire Common Room. I did my "Awe" and let them be. As soon as they broke apart, Frank grinned, hugged her, and went back upstairs.
Alice walked back to me. I was expecting a slightly dazed expression and a goofy smile.
Of course not.
It was a glare. "I hate you."
"What?" I sputtered. "Why me? If it wasn't for my advice and saying how much you two love fish, he might not have come back to do that! We all know it was my connecting that you both love fish that made him do it. So how could you possibly hate me?"
"Because," she said, "when he kissed me... I made the damn fishy face!"
Pillow number four.
A/n: So basically this is Lily's payback for all the times that Alice has embarrassed her in my other fics. Like in Orange of my Eye when she tells James and Sirius that orange is Lily's favorite color. Though, I guess that because this is before Lily/James (but they're still in it... kind of. I love those two) it's more of Alice's payback to Lily after. And after this, she deserves it, right?
I hope you liked Fish Lips! I had fun writing it, even if I should have been sleeping. This was more fun anyway.
34 down, 1 to go. Heh.
Much love, and a gift-wrapped James,
Siriusly Klutzy