I Had To Fall, To Lose It All

by caramel-dixon

The brunet stifled a laugh, but forced more tears to slide off of his porcelain mask. "This is a sick place; a hellhole, even. They forced us in a room together and said one of us had to die, correct?" Ryan glanced at Felix, who still had his gun raised just in case. "They never said how."

It starts with one thing, I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind

Neither of them knew how it got like this.

"I-I..." the Swede sputtered, his eyes fixated at his opponent and gun raised, aimed at his forehead. The gun trembled in his grasp, his hand becoming sweaty while two fingers laid on the trigger. He was waiting for the perfect moment to defend himself, paranoid about any movement he might make. His face was a light shade of red, tear-stained and covered in blood and scrapes.

"You what?" growled the brunet man, who seemed to have lost all sense of reality as he forced himself to laugh between each breath. He, too, had a handheld weapon aimed at his blond opponent's head and was shaking uncontrollably with anticipation, "WHAT, FELIX?!" he screamed, and Felix jumped back and bared his teeth, his grip tightening on his weapon. The man raised his weapon higher and took a couple steps towards his Swedish friend, breathing heavily.

"I don't...I..." Felix swallowed, "I don't wanna die, Cry!" he confessed, letting a few tears roll down his damaged skin. A dull pain was set in his stomach as he backed away slowly, "And, I...I really don't want you to die either..." he trailed off, not wanting to go any further into this already horrible topic. He forced himself to calm down and loosened his grip on the gun. He leaned against the wall behind him.

All I know, time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It's so unreal

The American suppressed himself and felt tears running down the porcelain edge of a cracked and bloodied mask. He stifled a laugh then eased his arm a bit.

Felix flinched at the sudden movement, but never shot and became quite tense. He then sighed and tried to keep composed, "H-How did we get like this, Cry...?" he managed to choke out a few words before coughing and making Ryan raise his weapon again, leaning forward and tightening his grip on his handheld. He scanned Felix up and down before stepping back again.

Ryan sighed. "I really don't know, friend...but all I know now is... we have to end this," he said carelessly, softly, not wanting to increase the amount of tension there already was in this room. His voice was trembling and uneven along with the tears that were threatening to fall, burning in his eyes. "Dying isn't an option. For you, at least," he insisted.

"Well what the hell are we supposed to do then?!" The Swede raised his voice to Ryan. He began a series of violent sobs as he watched Ryan look at him with panicky, wide eyes.

Didn't look out below, watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on, but you didn't even know
Wasted it all just to watch you go, I kept everything inside
And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when
I tried so hard, and got so far
But in the end, it doesn't even matter

The American chuckled, more tears mingling with the dried blood upon his masked face. He stopped panting and let his muscles relax. He was still holding the gun with one arm, aimed at his Swedish friend's quivering body as he shifted his weight from one foot to the next, "I'm not going to kill you, Pewds-" he said somberly, lowering his weapon to his side, smiling as the confused expression rose upon his blond friend's face. "If it really takes one of us fucking dying to make things right again, then..." he trailed off, biting down on his lip, hard, finally letting those few tears escape his eyes, "I'll do it, friend, for the sake of everyone..." he continued, then took a deep breath.

"I'll die."

Felix stopped. He was completely stunned. Trembling in his stance, he shook his head in disbelief. "No, Cry, you can't! You can't be thinking-"

"Oh, but I am, friend." The brunet stifled a laugh, but forced more tears to slide off of his porcelain mask. "This is a sick place; a hellhole, even. They forced us in a room together and said one of us had to die, correct?" Ryan glanced at Felix, who still had his gun raised just in case. "They never said how." The American made his hand into the shape of a gun and playfully put it to the side of his head. He pretended to pull the trigger and shoot himself, his expression showing he was sure about what he was doing and that he was fully willing to.

I had to fall, to lose it all
But in the end, it doesn't even matter

Felix's eyes were wide, scanning the room as he muttered 'no, no, no' again and again. He inhaled a sharp breath and pursed his lips. A 'tch' noise came from his mouth, "No, I can't let you do this, Cry-"

"Damn it, Pewds!" The American snapped and raised his weapon with one hand. He took a step towards the Swede, whose eyes were brimming with tears. Ryan's eyes were bloodshot and looking directly at Felix's pursed lips and defeated expression. "Stop making this so hard for me!" he muttered through clenched teeth. "It's already bad enough I won't be able to see you ever again, so please, shut the fuck up!" he finished, breathing fast and audibly, but as he thought about the words that had just been released from his thoughts, it hit him.

It came back and smacked him across the face with an unreal amount of force. He closed his eyes, opened his mouth and let the angst pour from him in a steady pattern of developing sobs. "I'm sorry..." He dropped his arm holding the gun down to his side again, sliding down the wall and sitting down. He buried his face in his arms, "I'm so sorry..."

All Felix could do at this point was watch as tears ran down the edge of the American's mask.

One thing, I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme, to remind myself of a time when
I tried so hard

Ryan finally laid off and wiped the tears from his eyes, smearing a bit of blood flowing from his nostril. He stood up, cleared his throat and sniffed a couple times before walking over to the blond, 'You won't even remember me, friend. You'll be...you'll be okay." his voice was raspy and uneasy, followed by the falling of a few tears, "You'll be okay."

The Swede moved away from the brunet, gun shaking in his nervous grasp. His conscience threatened to have him cry, to scream and wail and hug Ryan to never let him go, but he refrained from making things worse. He lowered his weapon slightly when he saw Ryan's disappointed expression. He looked so...remorseful and iso,/i so sorrowful. It hurt Felix, and he desperately tried not to think about it. He turned away, putting an arm on the wall and leaning on it as he bit back tears.

Coward.

The brunet pivoted on his heels as he faced the camera and microphone hung on the corner of the grungy room. His brow furrowed and he let out a harsh grunt, kicking the wall next to him with the force his anger fueled him with.

"You bastard! This is all your goddamned fault!" He charged the camera in the corner, jumping up as high as he possibly could, but to no avail. The camera was cleverly set in the highest corner, and even if he did get to it, the defending spikes surrounding it would only give way to more pain than was already known.

Ryan screamed. He yelled and he didn't know who to, but he yelled at the accursed camera. "Who do you think you are, huh?! You think you have all the power over us?!"

The ground shifted, and suddenly, the entire room felt like it was shuddering and moving. The apparently hollow ceiling drew back as bits of concrete fell from the cracked surface, and finally, the ceiling had settled into it's spot beyond the room.

My God.

An entire, ten-foot wide collection of sharp points creaked with the whoosh of hydraulics as it slowly began to descend upon the two, but all they could do was stare, mouths agape. It reeked of flesh and death and it's rusty ends were drenched in the dried blood of past victims. In a vivid kaleidoscope of images, Ryan could almost feel and understand the brutalizing, morbid pain that it would bring them.

Ryan would not show them weakness. He would not fall victim to the hands of depravity, and he would do what he had to do to make sure Felix was not harmed.

So, as the two were forced to their knees and their last inches of space were beginning to fade, Ryan had enough. He couldn't let this happen to Felix.

"Damn it, wait!"

And almost immediately, the platform came to a halt. It creaked and clicked and eventually groaned back to life, making it's way back up from where it emerged.

The two let out a relieved sigh in near unison.

Ryan knew what he wanted to do. Walking backwards to his original spot, his free hand reached to the back of his head where the latches that held his mask to his face were. He grinned as the mask fell to the concrete.

I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There's only one thing you should know

Felix glanced behind him and saw the golden shadow of a face...a bare face.

"There's...one more thing I want to do before I die," Ryan didn't give the blond any time to realize he was actually seeing his face before getting onto his knees and kissing him gently.

The Swede was startled just like any normal person, but kissed back soon enough and ran a hand through Ryan's hair. The kiss wasn't invasive, it was full of apologies, love, and passion, and Felix accepted it all completely, letting Ryan hold his head in place and take control for the first time. He pulled away and his lips lingered over the brunet's and found himself staring into the American's deep blue eyes. Though they were bloodshot and dried tears covered his cheeks, Felix found him to be perfect.

"I'm doing this for you, friend," Ryan finished, and he took three long strides back to where he was standing. "For everyone."

I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There's only one thing you should know

The American laughed half-heartedly as he put the gun to the right side of his head. "Ha...who knew this would be the death of me, huh?" he forced a smile, but just a little. "I guess you never know until you try."

Felix sat in a sprawled out position against a wall facing away from Ryan, glancing over at him every once and a while.

Watch.

An electronic voice sounded over their heads and startled them, but it quickly took effect. The Swede spun around until he was a couple feet away from the brunet's legs, quietly sobbing and shaking uncontrollably, looking into his blue eyes once again.

"I-I...I won't forget you if that's what you're thinking, Ryan." Felix confirmed with a neutral expression. He forced himself to chuckle. "B-Bro-day every day, right?" he joked, pursing his lips and choking back sobs.

"A-ha...yeah," The brunet chuckled as the gun trembled in his adhesive grasp. "It's still going to be even after I die. I won't forget, but...Felix..." Ryan let the salty tears fall down his face as he looked to the ground. He took a deep breath, blinking a few times to look Felix straight in the eyes. "Try to forget all of this, okay? For me?" he pleaded softly. All he got in response was a slight nod he barely made out and he smiled again...

"I knew I could count on you."

I tried so hard, and got so far
But in the end, it doesn't even matter

"Well, I guess this is it, huh?" whimpered Ryan weakly, his voice raspy and a horrible pain in his chest. "I...I really do love you, Felix."

Felix looked up at Ryan's tear-soaked face and into his eyes. "That's the thing I don't want to forget." he said, lip quivering as he tried not to cry. The dull pain in his chest got worse when he heard the clicking of a gun and he panicked, "Why-Why can't we just go home? Why can't we just...go back home and play games like the good old days before they mis-accused us, Cry?! Why can't we just do that?!"

"Goodbye, friend."

"Wait! No!"

And the Swede's eyes filled with horror as he watched Ryan's head jerk to the side as the bullet entered his head. He saw how the blood shot out, splattering the wall beside him, and saw the way his eyes rolled back into his skull, and how he fell limp to the ground.

That was it.

He's gone, and they won't care.

It's all just some sick, twisted game.

Felix collapsed in a sobbing, convulsing heap onto the ground in the pool of Ryan's blood before standing up, pointing at the camera that was watching them the whole time, "You! You did this! It's all your fault!" he screamed hysterically until workers unlocked the metal door. Felix hollered and yelled at the top of his lungs, crawling away as fast as he could, 'NO, NO, NO..' over and over again as the men began to hit him repeatedly until he quieted down. He was dragged across the ground, bloody, bruised, red and all, until out of the horror-filled room.

Being dragged carelessly across the halls of the industry, he stopped crying. He thought about what Ryan had said before he met his demise and he smiled. The rushing sound of his ripped jeans being pulled across the hard surface filled his ears...

"Goodbye, friend. I won't forget about you."

I had to fall, to lose it all
But in the end, it doesn't even matter