Hey everyone, I have decided to try my hand at a BTR Fanfic this time. This is a Kendall/Logan fic. It could be brotherly, friendship, or slash. Either way it's still Kendall and Logan. On with the ONE SHOT!
I sigh as I feel the cool metal of the razor glide against my skin like a knife through butter. I hiss as I feel the sting against my wrist. Somehow, it feels good.
I've been doing this for a while now, nobody notices. Nobody ever notices.
To the Rushers, I'm a waste of space. To my band-mates, I'm a geek. My own father hates my guts. What good am I to the band? James is the good-looking one, Carlos is the fun one, Kendall is the 'Bad Boy." What am I? I'm not talented, all I have going for me is becoming a doctor. Gustavo himself said that I should stop forever! I don't know if he meant, beat-boxing, singing...or living.
I slide the blade across my wrist a few more times. It hurts but yet, it feels so good.
I know if someone would come in here and see me like this they would freak out. I mean, I'm in the bathroom of the apartment I share with my bandmates and Kendall's family and cutting myself... Who wouldn't freak out? The sad part is, whoever it would be wouldn't care that I was cutting myself, they would only care that I was cutting myself.
They wouldn't care that it was me, Logan Mitchell, cutting himself. They would only care that they saw someone cutting themselves and they are, in every sense of the word, required, to help. They literally have too! If they don't then Mama K would have their butts handed to them!
Blood is dripping into the sink at a rapid pace. I should stop doing this to myself, but I can't stop. It feels too good to stop. I hate the fact that I am doing this to myself. I don't want to do it...
It all started because of an accident, I accidentally sliced my palm with a knife while opening a package and it felt so good. Turns out the package was filled with stuff from my father that I left at his house when I was eight, that day, I started cutting.
Despite what people would think if they saw me cutting, I'm not depressed. I just need some kind of sanctuary and that's cutting. If someone asked me have I ever cut, I would say no because no one would understand or let me explain. They would just rush to conclusions and never let me explain myself. They would all think even less of me if I did. If that's possible...
I start to wrap my wrists, if I keep cutting I just might pass out blood loss. I'll do it tomorrow, I know I will. "Hey Logan, you in there? I have to pee!"
Oh shit! That's Kendall! What the hell do I say? " U-um yes... I-I'll be out in a couple of minutes!" I shout through the door. Hopefully, he'll go wait on the couch while I sneak away to our shared room.
"Okay" Just after he says that hear him take a step but I just had to ruin my master plan by dropping the blade on the floor which, in the process, made a very loud clattering noise.
"Logan! Are you okay in there?" He shouts sounding worried, he's not worried about me, he's probably worried that he'll pee himself if he waits any longer...
A rush of woozyness courses through me causing me too hold my head and gasp. I must've been cutting too much if I'm starting to feel the minor effects of blood loss. I stumble a little but manage to reply. "Yeah I'm fine."
I fall on the tiled floor and groan in pain when my wrist hits the toilet.
"I'm coming in there buddy!" Kendall yells from the other side of the door. Before I could say that in fine he barges in the bathroom and gets a good long look at the blood in the sink and blood covered blade on the floor.
He picks up the blade and stares at it. I can't help but be surprised that he hasn't yelled yet. Key word: yet.
"Logan, why are you doing this to yourself?" He asks sadly. I look into his eyes and see hurt, confusion, and compassion. The way his jaw is clenching and unclenching means that he is trying to keep himself calm. I look into his eyes again and I see the fire in his eyes that means he is royally pissed off.
"I don't know, Kendall, I really don't" I say, it's an empty lie, and he knows it.
"Bullshit!" He spits out. His eyes burning with an emerald fire now. He drops to the ground beside me and holds up the razor. "I just want to know why Logan. Why you cut yourself, how long, and what made you do it. Most importantly, how can I make you stop." He says holding up the razor with small tears in his eyes that he is trying so hard not to fall.
"Do you really want to know?" I ask and he just nods. "Because I'm a fucking waste of space Kendall! Nobody cares anymore! My father hates me! And all I am to the band is a waste of space! I hate not being able to do anything about it! All anyone cares about anymore is fame!" I yell out exhasperated. "I don't think you can stop me Kendall, I'm sorry." I say it all with tears in my eyes.
"Logan, you are more than just a fourth member of the band. You are an amazing singer and you're only getting better. And you are not a waste of space, and if you are, then that waste of space is my best friend. I know the fame has been getting to all of our heads lately, and thats why I admire you! You don't let it get to you, and as for your father, well, who cares about that drunk anyway?" He finishes off his speech and I can't help but agree.
"Can you promise me something Logan?" He asks.
"Depends." I say.
"Anytime you feel like cutting, come to me okay? I don't want you doing this to yourself anymore." I nod but say.
"The only way I can keep my promise is if you promise not to tell anyone else about this." I say looking at him seriously.
"They have a right to know" Kendall says.
"I know, but I'll tell them soon enough" I say hoping he keeps my secret.
"Fine, I promise" He says.
"Then I promise too." I say looking at him.
"I'm starving, wanna go get a burger?" He asks me, all seriouness gone.
"Sure, but I thought you had to pee?" I ask smirking.
A look of realization comes across his face and promptly turns into pain, probably from holding it in for so long.
"Get out I have to pee! And get changed!" He yells scrambling up and shoving me out of the bathroom.
Maybe people do care about me, maybe they don't. But I'll always know that Kendall has my back. I think as I change into a new shirt.
Did I end it well? I wrote this at 4 in the morning due to the fact that the plot bunny woke me up. I was having a dream about BTR and Danny Phantom singing Sexy and I Know It, Weird huh? That's what I get for drinking coffee before bed. Anyway R&R!