A/N: If you like angsty and insecure!Magnus (with some fluff) Malec stories, this is the place for you.
Disclaimer: I sadly don't own Magnus or Alec. I'm not Cassandra Clare. I don't write that well.
The palms blew in the hot, relentless Indonesian wind. The wind was everywhere, the opposite of refreshing in the heat, with no relief anywhere to be found. The people labored in the heat, as work went on no matter the weather. The people found the wind an annoyance.
How lucky they were that the wind was their biggest concern.
The boy, huddled in a barn, filthy and surrounded by the stench of animals and muck, found the wind a relief, a brief respite, just that one breath of air. What wouldn't he give to be out among the people, working and sharing in their joys and sorrows as they all did.
What wouldn't he give to be a person at all?
The dim sliver of light peeping in through the crack in the barn door widened, and the boy's body trembled in fear. He knew who this was, nobody else dared to enter the barn. And the fear, while it consumed his whole young body, was not just of the man in front of him. The fear was also of what he himself might do to the man.
"Demon!" the man who was called the boy's step-father yelled, voice cracking harshly. His eyes swept the dark interior of the barn, ignoring the smell of animals. Once his eyes found the boy, the "demon-child", huddled in the corner, they narrowed cruelly.
"There you are," he snarled. "Come."
When the boy didn't move, the man's voice raised even more. "Come, you demon! Do you not know better in your filthy mind than to listen to your elders?!"
The boy stood, head drooping, and walked to the door. The feeling of dread burned in his stomach, as it was constant, and the only thing there. He kept his hands away from the man as he took his shaky steps towards him, crossing them behind his back.
He kept his eyes down, not even daring to let himself feel relieved at the wind touching his skin.
The man walked him away from the barn, but also away from the people. The man did not touch him as they walked, out of fear of touching a demon's spawn, but he walked in close enough proximity to the small boy that there would be no chance of escape.
"Today is the day the gods thank me," the man muttered, keeping his eyes off the form next to him in his facade of a conscience. "Today is the day I will be remembered by, I will be praised!"
The feeling of dread grew stronger, aching, choking. It would turn to anger but for the boy's self-control, the blank mask of despair over his features.
They walked together, not far from the people, but far enough away. It might have taken fifteen minutes, but it was seconds to the boy. He could not shake the feeling that this would be his last day on earth.
The boy had thought about death before, but he was not learned enough to make much of it, however bright he may be. He had some idea that he would go to hell, but hell was this place, so perhaps he would just wake up in the barn after death. There could not possibly be any worse place than that. Anything was preferable, even with his demon's blood that he knew damned him.
Their destination was a dock, one that looked abandoned, yet still sturdy enough to hold one sturdy man and one very small boy.
They walked to the edge, and the feeling of dread was certain now. The boy knew exactly what would happen, and he wouldn't do anything to stop it. He couldn't, not after what he had done to his mother.
Using his powerful strength, fed by years of working in physical labor and having enough to eat, the man overpowered the boy in a second, knelt on the dock and shoved the boy's head into the warm water.
Struggling and flailing proved fruitless. The boy choked on something much more physical than the feeling of dread; water, and sharp panic.
The next few seconds were a blur, as the only thoughts running through the boy's head as he ran out of oxygen being that he was going to die, he was going to die.
Until a new thought crept in, a thought of rebellion that defied anything he had ever been taught. He didn't want to die.
He wanted to live, to be amongst people, to be loved and accepted, and he was sure he couldn't be the only one in his situation. He had to find others, and he didn't want to die.
Right before the boy would have passed out, a surge of white-hot, shining blue power lent the boy the strength to push back, raising his head out of the water and sending oxygen to his brain. He gulped it in, the wind feeling better than it ever had before.
He couldn't stop, he finally felt like the repression was gone, and the thoughts of defiance only fueled it, but he couldn't stop.
The people heard the screams of the man, but only just, as the sound was mostly drowned out by the roar of the flames that the boy had succumbed to his birthright to create.
Magnus' eyes, the exact same colour and shape as they had been all those years ago, snapped open. He had stopped yelling in the night after this nightmare – he hadn't done that for years, but the shaking, the fast breathing and the sweating were all the same, and all very human feelings.
He hadn't had this nightmare for a long time, although it was one of the many things that had stayed the same, with him, all throughout his life. The last time he had dreamed about that day, he had just broken up with Alec, after finding out about Alec's connections with Camille. It had been particularly bad that time, the nightmare staying until the people had almost arrived at where the young Magnus still stood, shaking from the effort and shock of what had happened.
This time, though, it was different, because Alec was there next to him.
It wasn't like he hadn't had the dream next to someone before, but he hadn't had it sleeping next to Alec. They were at a very good part in their relationship; they hadn't fought recently – so why would the dream come to him now?
And, although he hadn't moved much, waking up had disturbed Alec. They were so close together that the slightest movement would cause them to touch, but Alec had obviously sensed Magnus' waking up.
Alec turned over to face Magnus, who was lying on his back now. He had been curled up next to Alec, but the dream had made him go rigid, stretched out. Magnus simply lay there, not offering explanation, trying to recover his breathing.
Alec didn't speak – he could guess that Magnus had had a nightmare, and knew it would be best not to try and make him say anything. Alec didn't mind being woken up. He had the feeling that sometime in the near future, he could be of use.
After what seemed like a long time, Magnus spoke softly. "Go back to sleep. It's alright."
"Did you have a nightmare?" Alec asked, ignoring Magnus' tendency to pretend everything was fine. It was more of a habit, really – one they were trying to break.
Magnus could remember those talks they'd had, and he really was trying to be more honest with Alec. He could share so much of himself now, and while it was strange to trust someone so much, it was an amazing feeling to know he was in Alec's confidence. And this – Alec had heard this story before. There wasn't any need to share the dream.
But Alec's eyes were open and trusting and blue, making him almost want to tell.
Magnus sighed, knowing he had to.
"It's just the dream again," he said, it coming out more airily than he would have liked. "Always the same dream."
Alec frowned. "Do you often have that dream?"
"Not for a while," Magnus confessed. "Not for a very long while."
Alec was quiet, absorbing what had been left unsaid. He could guess as well as Magnus knew, just how long that while was. Alec wasn't often wrong when it came to things like this.
Magnus closed his eyes, partly because he was tired, and partly out of the self-consciousness this dream never failed to bring to him.
"Don't be ashamed of who you are, Magnus," Alec said softly. "You always tell me that. Why can't you believe it yourself?"
When Magnus didn't reply, Alec continued, in the same tone.
"You helped me so much in that respect," he said. His voice held no pity or chastisement, instead only showing the quiet strength he had always possessed. "I'm nothing without you."
"That's going a bit far, don't you think?" Magnus mumbled, opening his eyes a bit.
"No, I don't," Alec said seriously. "No matter what you may think, Magnus, you're my everything, and that will never change."
Magnus smiled, just a little. Alec didn't usually voice his feelings like that.
"And I'm going to tell you this time to not be ashamed," Alec went on, "because the only things I feel when I look in your eyes are love, respect and awe."
Magnus kissed him, because he couldn't wait any longer, and Alec knew just what to say, and for a million more reasons in addition to that. Alec kissed back with as much enthusiasm, and no matter how many times they'd kissed, the feeling of being in their own little bubble had never changed. Neither of them thought it ever would.
They fell asleep together quickly, feeling safe and secure, and Magnus knew deep down that there wouldn't be any more nightmares that night – or for a long, long time.