ACT 1

Dave Strider closed the creaky door of his average sized home in his average sized town. He walked down his driveway and onto the sidewalk where he started walking at a calm, cool pace. It was a mild Saturday morning. The sun was high in the cloudless sky and many kids were outside on their lawns playing soccer or fooling around in the sprinklers that their parents or lusii had set out for them.

You can read in various world history books that Humans and Trolls have lived in harmony on this Earth since the dawn of time, however, they've always had separate governments. Sometime around the 11th century, there was some kind of Great War because the religious beliefs, political views and way of life of the two species were just so diverse, that each species was disgusted with the other. Nobody actually knows who won that war.

Depending on where you live, there's either a higher population of Trolls or a higher population of Humans. There used to be a lot of racism towards whatever species was the minority, but through various political summits, peace treaties, and new friendships made over the years, most of that horrible stuff has been erased from society. There are equal rights amongst Trolls and Humans in the majority of countries around the world nowadays.

In 2003, Trolls and Humans won the right to marry either species of their choice. In the 1800's, schools stopped being segregated so Humans and Trolls could learn together, with the exception of separate sexual education classes for obvious reasons. Also, "mutant" blooded Trolls were widely accepted into Troll society sometime in the 1400's after many protests with signs that read: "If Humans can live with each other despite their "candy red" blood then why can't we live with our own people!?" or something like that.

These are the thoughts that Dave reflected upon on his way to Rose's house, which was just a few streets away from his. He didn't even notice when he'd arrived because he had been so deep in thought. Dave rang the doorbell and after the sound of feet gently making their way down some stairs, Rose opened the door.

"Come on inside my humble abode, Mr. Strider," Rose said in her usual calm and condescending voice.

"Yeah yeah, save the pleasantries, Lalonde. Where's the foxier of the wizardly Lalonde duo?" Dave asked in all seriousness.

"I thought I told you to stop referring to her in that way. Her name is Roxy, and she's my sister," Rose began, "besides, you're here seeking advice on that certain dorky movie lover you're courting in actuality, am I correct?"

"Oh please, Rose! You know you're always fuckin right," Dave said, trying to keep his cool. He wasn't doing so well though, because he could tell by Rose's snickering that he was blushing.

Rose walked Dave into her living room. There were lots of strange wizard merchandise everywhere, but the furniture was nice. It had that certain antique style Lalonde feel to it. They sat down on the couch and faced each other.

"Can I offer you a drink?" Rose asked.

"No thanks. I'm pretty sure I'm still underage and your mom probably wouldn't want me sippin on all her liquid courage."

"Not that kind of drink, dumbass," Rose said, rolling her eyes, "So onto your conundrum."

"Aight, so the Valentine's Day Dance at school is comin up soon, and I'm really not in the mood to be one of those dweebs seen there without a hot date. So I'm here asking you for advice on how to win the heart of Mr. Egberto," Dave said, making many different hand gestures as he spoke.

"Yes, yes..." Rose hummed as she pulled out her black notepad and began flipping through the pages vigorously. "It says here that you've liked John Egbert for, hmmm, ever since you've met him? Why wait till now to make your move?"

"because, Rose," Dave said as though it was completely obvious, "it is just SO much more romantic this way, and the more romantic it is when I let out the most big ass secret of my life, the higher the chances I'll have of him returning those feelings."

"Ahh, we seem to have a hopeless romantic in our midst. Now I'm intrigued. Tell me more," Rose said, readying a pen.

"What's there to tell?" Dave asked.

"Well, let's see...what's your ideal romantic situation?"

"Ahhhh no, I am NOT opening up that can of worms."

"Dave, none of what you say here leaves my office."

"It's your fucking living room, Rose. Tone it down a notch," Dave said. "To answer your question, though...well, I've always thought it would be *the most* lovey dovey situation to meet a beautiful stranger at a park and fall in love while talking on some swings with the sun setting behind us and the summer breeze blowing and...what?"

Dave's fantasy was interrupted by Rose's horribly hidden snickering.

"That's very detailed, Dave, even by your standards."

"Oh shut up!" Dave said feeling violated in a way that only Rose could make him feel.

"How do you and Kanaya do it, huh?" Dave asked.

"Do what?" Rose said after calming down a bit.

"Everything! I don't know! Like, how do you handle your relationship?"

"We just kind of do," Rose replied, "there's no real trick to it, we just do what makes each other happiest."

There was a pause as Dave was left to ponder. Rose took this free time to jot down god knows what in her little note pad. Dave couldn't just do whatever made John happy to win his love, that's a thing that bros should do for each other anyway. Damn! Dave's brother, Dirk, made it look so easy to be in a relationship considering Jake and him were on dates practically always.

"Dave," Rose said, breaking the silence.

"What?"

"You realize he's not gay, right?"

"Well, yeah, duh, but like, maybe I'm the exception? Or maybe if he entertained the thought?"

Dave was cut off by Rose saying, "Sorry to burst your ever ironic bubble, but the odds of that are slim, so I strongly suggest finding a new love interest before the dance."

"I can't just shift the Strider love that easily, Rose."

"Well learn how, unless you want to look like a dweeb, of course."

"Humph!" Dave grunted while standing up. "I don't need you to tell me how to live my life!"

"I thought that's what you came here for."

"I came here for advice, not to be told that there's no hope!" Dave walked to the door and slipped on his shoes. "See you later. Thanks for zilch."

"Come again, Mr. Strider. You're my favourite patient."

"I'M YOUR ONLY PATIENT!" Dave said, slamming the door shut.

Rose grinned, "My work here is done."

Dave began to make his way back home from Rose's house, knowing full well that she was right and that everything she had said during their visit was completely and utterly true.