Author's Note: hahaha, I did this as an english assignment.
Disclaimer: I only do this so i don't get sued or something along those lines, but whatever, I DO NOT own Catcher in the Rye. J.D. Salinger does, and he is still alive!
Note: Cross-over with The Ugly Duckling
Catcher in the Rye Parody
Catch Her in the Lake
If you really want to hear about it, I'd better warn you first that you aren't going to believe this. I mean who wants know some crappy story about a "duck" living happily ever after. Well, you see, it's a true story after all.
I was born in a crumby place and was a sister to four goddamned phony siblings. For chrissake! All they did throughout the whole day was groom themselves and flattered each other except me. I'm not kidding! I swear, they would look at their reflections in the pond and spend hours on making sure their yellow feathers were immaculate. I, on the other hand was born with grey feathers. I don't know why, but I was just born that way. I mean, I'm sure there are other birds out there who have grey feathers like mine. So like I said, my siblings just don't like me. There's nothing more depressing than waking up to one of them asking, "Why are you so different and ugly?" Well, that's the way I started my mornings everyday.
Anyway, one day, I got tired of their complaints and crumby remarks about my grey feathers, so I decided to leave the care of my mother. I left screaming "Sleep tight, ya morons!" at the tops of my lungs, and waddled away from them like a madman. I don't know how long I walked for, but it felt like a really long time. I mean, it's one of those moments where you're so bored and mindless that you lose track of time.
On the way, I met this other bird and I asked him, "Do you know any ducklings with grey feathers like mine?" He looked at me like I was a madman and said, "How the hell should I know?" It felt like this bird was one lousy impatient guy. "Well don't get sore about it." I replied as I ran away.
After nights of goddamned waddling and questioning, I came across some swell kids playing along a rocky path near a lake. I didn't know exactly what they were doing, but it seemed pretty interesting so I walked right up to them to see what was going on. I asked them what they were doing, but it looked like they didn't understand me. I asked them again, and one of these kids gave me something to eat. It was pretty nice of them to give me something, and I hung out with them for a while until I got tired and slept.
Anyway, the next morning, I decided to take a swim in a near-by lake. It was pretty goddamned occupied. Lots of different birds were there. Some were white, black, and a mix of colours; there were those with short necks, and long necks as well. As I swam past a large group of brown coloured ducks, they turned their heads at me and started to stare at me. I was getting pretty uncomfortable and so I told them, "What the hell are you looking at you sonuvabitches?" I felt depressed, I mean, everywhere I went birds would be staring at me. Damned phony sonuvabitches! Then I looked at the water and something surprised me. In my reflection I had no more grey feathers; instead they were replaced with white feathers. I felt pretty sexy! I mean, it wasn't so bad having grey feathers, but now that I had white feathers, it made me happier. So I was pretty joyful that day and that's the end of my story. Now one will ever bother to make crumby remarks about my beautiful WHITE feathers.
LOL. Read my other stories, they're much better. - Lingster