Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who but there is some fruit in my fridge...
Written...Because I spend too much time talking to Lar and getting stupid ideas such as this. i apologise for any spelling mistakes, and for the generally rubbish thing that is the fic's 'content'..
Negotiating With Fruit
The Doctor groaned slightly as he stood up after being bounced to the floor of the Oval Office by the guards who had now left the room.
"You are the planet's champion?" A voice scoffed from the President's chair.
Funnily enough it wasn't the President in the chair though – It was of course an alien – A very scary orange coloured thing with the round physique skin and the rough texture and the little green stalk thing on top, it was… It was…Ok it was a giant orange.
"Yep – That's me – Hooray!" The Doctor blustered and he heard the thing cackle…Though as the orange had no mouth The Doctor decided he didn't want to know where thee cackle came from..
"You think you can beat me!?"
"Nope!…Could eat you though – Absolutely starving!" The Doctor grinned, but surprisingly enough that comment didn't much please the leader from the planet of The Planet Of The Utterly Terrifying & Almost Unbeatable Killer Oranges.
"Imbecile! I am going to have fun bouncing you to death – and then take over these pathetic people who eat our young! This planet used to be a nursery for all the systems in the Fruity-Way! You people are just cannibals – You even smash them up to put them in jam and marmalade!" The Orange shouted evilly, bouncing out of the chair.
"Technically that makes them fruitibles…Or something – Aaaaanyway! The point is, you really don't want to take over this planet and turn the population into slaves, and yadda yadda yadda." The Doctor replied as he began to pace round the room slightly as he talked.
"Uh hu – And why's that?" Came the sarcastic response
"Well, for a start your people would take heavy casualties in the manVfruit war, then if you did take over there's soooooo many things to worry about when being an evil ruler for a much much more inferior planet!" The Doctor continued, putting a lot of exaggeration and emphasis into his voice.
The Orange rolled back slightly. "Like?"
"Well think about it – There's all the liaising you have to do with the orange-subs in charge of each country, then there's things like housing, the health service - education! Don't think just because your in charge you won't be expected to sort out all the problems the other governments have left! & then there are the famines in Africa, the war in Palestine – The French!" The Doctor grinned and finally ceased his rant, watching smugly as the orange went unusually pale for an.
"Keep your damn planet – We've still got the Fruit-War II to win, Grape Harbour was squeezed a few weeks ago and we can do without the hassle of these pathetic and deformed freaks now – But our quarrel isn't over – and tell them to keep out of our damn nurseries! And with that the orange teleported out of the room, followed by the sounds of teleporting all over the world.
The Doctor smirked and took a jar of marmalade out of his pocket and unscrewed the lid…