Nothing
is mine, but Mari, Cassi, and the twins. The song belongs to bbmak. Oh and,
very soon I will be taking my name is Sirius Black down to edit it. I have several new scenes and some new
theories to change. Hopefully, I'll have the completely new version up by the
end of summer. My friends and I are writing a series for all the
marauders, she is working on My name is
Remus Lupin, and I'm working on My name is James Potter.
1987, a small
house outside London.
Mari turned over in her bed, unable to
find a comfortable position. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't
sleep.
Then in a flash she realized what it was.
The bed was too empty. She looked over
to the spot that was usually occupied by her husband. It was empty , of course, as it had been for years now. His bed
was now on the floor of Azkaban, while she got their empty bed.
What am I supposed to do with all these blues
Haunting me
Unable
to sleep, she slipped out of bed and went to the kitchen to make some tea. Perhaps
that would help her sleep and keep away
the dreams that plagued her all the
time. Slipping past the room in which her almost three-year-old daughter slept,
she sighed as she paused and opened the door, just to check.
Cassi
slept like an angel, like her father. But appearances could be deceiving.
Unable to bear the sight of her fatherless daughter, Mari finally reached the
kitchen.
Everywhere no matter what I do
Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow
As she sat at the table, sipping her tea, her
eyes rested on the empty mantle and
shelves.
Everything
had been packed away, read for their move.
Mari's mother had been after her for months now, ever since it happened
to move back home. And finally, she was.
There was nothing to keep her here anymore.
I can't let go
When will this night be over
Her
gaze traveled to one box, still open. Lying on top were several photos.
In almost every one,
either him and herself, or one of their many friends grinned and waved from the
frame. She tore her eyes from one of
Lily and James on their wedding day.
They were dead, gone, and nothing she could do could bring them back, or
erase the fact that they had been killed by their best friend, her husband.
Unwelcome
memories flooded over her and she pushed them back. She had long ago given up
on hoping it was all a bad dream.
I didn't mean to fall
In love with you
They had met on Mari's graduation. Addi, had
been best friends with her at school, and it was she who had introduced
Marianna O'Connell to her dashing mysterious brother, Sirius Black. And later
he had told her everything, all about the world in which he and his friends
lived, what they were, even who they were fighting.
And
she had fallen in love with him. It hadn't been planned. He had just been
another boyfriend, nice, cute, the kind of thing that was good for a while then
tapered off. But when he looked into
her eyes that night on the pier, she would have done anything for him. and she
did. She married him.
And baby there's a name
For what you put me through
Mari
slammed her cup down on the table. Those were not real memories. That had not been the real Sirius. He had lied to
her, as he had lied to everyone. He
had taken her into his life, his bed,
taken her as his wife. Had he been plotting
even as he proposed to her?
It isn't love
It's robbery
He had stolen everything from her. He had taken her from her family, taken her
away from her friends. He had stolen everything from her, her friends, her
life, her innocence. For even after learning the truth about her best friend
whom she had known since the age of ten, a marriage, and the birth of her first
child, Mari had still been innocent in many ways. She had still believed there
was good in everyone. But she had been wrong, so very wrong.
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me
Even now she could hear the ghost of his
voice, whispering to her, making her laugh, tickling her ear. But that's all it was, a ghost.
Seen a lot of broken hearts go sailing by
Phantom ships
Lost at sea and one of them is mine
She'd
seen a lot of thing in the past few years. Raised a muggle, Mari had had no
knowledge of the existence of magic until
her graduation party. There Addi
had called over her brother and Mari
had met him. After a few dates, the relationship grew serious, to play on
words. But Mari had always thought her perfect boyfriend was hiding something
from her. But when he confessed, she'd loved him all the more.
In
those years, she'd seen people killed by terrible curses, families torn apart, children abandoned,
wives widowed. But never, never had she thought it would be her children raised
without a father. Never had she thought it would be her sleeping alone at
night. But it was.
Raising my glass I sing a toast to the midnight sky
I wonder why the stars don't seem to guide me
She
walked to the window, unable to sleep, her head too full with memories. Looking out into the sky, she could just see
the constellation Canis major rising
over the sky. The star, Sirius winked
at her.
I didn't mean to fall
In love with you
She
slammed down the shades, blocking out his namesake. Everything had gone so wrong!
And baby there's a name
For all the things you do
It isn't love
It's robbery
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me
Falling
to floor, her strength failing for the first time since it had happened, Mari
cried. She poured her soul out and
rocked herself back and forth, letting everything wash over her. She would never see any of them again, never
hear Lily and Addi giggle with her as they discussed their mischievous
husbands, never hear another sudden
explosion coming from where ever the Marauders were, never hear Sirius laugh, or hear him tell her everything would
be alright or that he loved her. She would never feel him sleep, his arm
resting lightly on her stomach, pulling
her close in his sleep.
The ghost of you and me
when will it set me free
She
sobbed, when would it end? Would she ever stop feeling this pain, this sorrow,
this grief, this guilt? Why? Why
her? What had she ever done to deserve
this pain? Mari sobbed again, grief
renewed as the photographic Sirius of
hers kissed the wife he had just received in the picture.
I hear the voices call following footsteps down the hall
"Mummy?"
Mari looked up. Cassi stood in front of
her, the small stuffed dog clutched close to her as if it
were her lifeline.
"Yes,
darling?"
"Mummy,
I can't sleep. I had a bad dream." Her
heart lurched again. Cassi was so much like her brave husband. She had the same long black hair that fell
in locks, framing her face. She had the
long thin face, with huge black eyes that made her seem all the more thinner
and her eyes all the more bigger. She even had the same laugh, the loud contagious laughter that filled the
room and the hearts of all those that heard it.
Trying to save what's left of my heart and soul...
This
child, this daughter and her brothers,
they were her salvation, her only reason for living. She was wrong in thinking she was alone, and had nothing to hope
for. As long as she had her babies, she
could live. At least Sirius had left
her something to remember the man he had once been. He had left her children, something that was apart of him and
a part of her.
She
took her daughter in her arms and held her tight. Cassi hugged her back,
sensing something, perhaps the deep pain that her mother always carried with
her.
Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow
I can't let go
"It's
alright, baby. Go back to sleep. " Cassi nodded and slipped back into her room,
leaving Mari alone again.
When will this night be over
I didn't mean to fall
In love with you
Perhaps
things were not so hopeless. Things hadn't not gone the way she had planned,
but then didn't God have a plan for everything? If this was hers, she
didn't like it.
And baby there's a name
For what you put me through
Silently,
she gazed up at the star again. She wondered where Sirius was tonight, if he
was lonely, afraid, guilty. She almost
felt sorry for him, almost. But then he had put himself there. It had been his choice and he had made the
wrong one. And then he had betrayed
them all. Leaving her alone, to live
her life without him.
It isn't love
It's robbery
"Goodnight,
Sirius." She whispered, and then she responded to the insistent cry of a hungry
baby that beckoned her from down the hall.
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me
And
far away, a man stared out a tiny window, into the night, wishing to a star,
his star, that he could change that one
mistake that had cost him everything.
