Memory
Memory
By Rainxface
So, I know it seems like I have disappeared for a while (possibly even DIED), but –ALAS! – here I sit, my laptop in front of me, and Sugarcult music playing rather loudly in the morning.
Just as a quick recap of my absence: I have been off writing an actual novel. A four chapter preview is up on my ficitonpress account (also rainxface). So check that stuff out once you finish reading this.
Disclaimer: Sugarcult- Memory; JP-MR; rainxface-ideas?
PS: yes, I still have stupid writer's block on A Guitar and a Voice
This may never start.
We could fall apart.
And I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
Feelings insincere.
Can I be your memory?
Another quick stop. Another garbage diving experience. When the hell would our lives get easier, let alone normal? Garbage diving was not a normal thing for little fourteen year old kids to be doing just to have a meal for a week. I slumped against the cold brick wall. Max joined me.
"What did you find?" she asked, almost brightly, as she bit into her glob of mush. I shrugged.
"An old burger, fries, and what I think was supposed to be an apple," I replied. I bit in the wanna-be apple. It was not the greatest – by far not – but it was food to keep me going for however long it was going to take us to get somewhere.
"I don't even know what I accomplished," she laughed, her voice light and nearly carefree. "But, hopefully its edible." Max started eating her mush. I watched as the others were still scrounging around fore their own food. Angel was lucky and found something that looked new – a hot dog, maybe – but held nothing else. Gazzy was helping Iggy, but at the same time, piling up for himself. Nudge was trying not to look grossed out, but a small squeak was sounded from her every once in a while.
I finished my 'meal' rested my eyes. Every time I closed my eyes, bright mental photographs of Max and the girls flooded my mind, them being gone and away from the guys and me. Max appeared to be stressed, the time of working with the kids was not in her favor for once. It really hurt to watch her be like that.
"Fang? You okay?" her melodic voice broke through my trance. My eyes immediately popped open. Light was exposed to my eyes too quickly. I squinted to see anything.
"Huh? Oh, yeah," I said. "Why?"
"You looked like something wasn't right." She tucked her hair behind her ear. She turned back to look at the others, now eating their own treasures. I nodded to no one but myself.
12344321
That night, we stayed in a small forest, the dark trees shielding us from seeing the sky. I was on watch, but I knew Max still wasn't asleep. I was sitting a couple of feet away from her, but not far enough away to see the pain etched on her forehead. Without a doubt, she was listening intently on any unsuspected movement. I wanted to take that away from her.
"Max," I whispered. "Max." She started stirring, as if she was actually asleep. "Max, I know you've been up. Please come and sit with me at least." She sighed, but obeyed without anger.
So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.
She sat next to me on the log, overlooking the sleeping figures. The fire crackled a few times. I wrapped my arm around her protectively almost. She leaned her head onto my shoulder.
"Max, what am I going to do with you?" I asked playfully. I smiled lightly, just to please her. "I mean, staying up all night just for five silly kids and their dog? And even when one of them is still on watch!" I chuckled. I felt her face smile, and I looked down. Her eyes followed toward mine. I leaned my head in close, our noses merely inches away. I felt her breath tickled my teeth. I felt both of our hearts beat wildly.
"Why did you leave me, Fang?" she asked suddenly. I was not taken aback. I had been waiting, patiently, as the days passed by, for her to ask that question. I did not want to randomly say why I left her; I knew it would have broken her to pieces.
"You were with Ari. And no offense to the kid, but I didn't trust him. I didn't want him anywhere near the kids. And I'm sorry." I paused, watching for her to be in uncontrollable rage.
She stayed the same.
"And you wanted to save the world. I thought that the world could have saved itself. Not to say that I didn't think you could have done it – God, no! – I just thought that you shouldn't have to be the one to save everyone in the cost of your own life." I closed my eyes, in fear of hers trying to pierce burns into mine.
Minutes passed as silence surrounded us.
Finally, her hands, cold but caressing, cupped my face, my eyes opening. Her brown eyes were sweet, their main color the brown of fresh coffee. Her face was soft, her expression light.
"Fang…," she whispered. Her thumb stroked my cheek and a small tear fell down her face. I wiped it away. Her arms wrapped around me. I returned the hug, holding her head close to my chest.
This may never start.
I'll tear us apart.
Can I be your enemy?
Losing half a year.
Waiting for you here
I'd be your anything.
Lightly, we rocked together, back and forth. If I could, I would have frozen time just like that. Holding her in my arms felt so right. Her face suddenly appeared before mine, eyes set wide and hopeful. Of what, I had no clue. Her eyes gleamed in the shadow of the fire. I leaned in, slowly, centimeters at a time, before stopping a couple of centimeters from her lips.
The unexpected happened.
Max closed what little space was left. Fire and ice raced through me. Nothing was coherent in my vision. Slowly, my eyes closed. But, as any of our other kisses have gone, Max suddenly broke off.
But she didn't run.
She sat back, recomposed herself a little, and then stared at the fire. And although she was trying to hide it, I saw the littlest hint of a smile on her face. I couldn't help but to grin at her. Her cheeks were a shade of red, matching the tan tone of her face.
I, too, sat back, my arms supporting behind me. And, I, too, watched at the fire slowly died.
12344321
The sun started rising around five-thirty. The fire had died by that time. Max had 'accidentally' fallen asleep on me. I was the only one awake. The cold, frosty air bit at my bare skin. It was supposed to be summer, but it acted as winter.
I held Max closer to me.
The dying night and the growing day, both made me curious. Curiosity, they say, is what killed the cat. But by the fact of me not being even partly cat, it does entitle me to becoming a murder victim of curiosity. And this may sound like babble, but it is not. I'm curious of Max. Not in the perverted way, but what could happen between us.
The night brings wonders. And the day brings joys. Both cannot last, but neither can cease. Metaphorically speaking, if we were to break that night and day rule, we could have eternal passion.
I smiled.
Max began to wake up, and I fell limp as if I were sleeping.
So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.
The next night, the six of us (seven if you include Total) were perched around the fire. Max was next to me, Angel to her other side, and it came all the way around to Iggy on my other side. Bad jokes were being told from everyone. But, no matter how bad they were, we still laughed at the stupidity.
And yes, even I laughed.
The atmosphere was light, the fire glowed brighter then natural, and more stars could be seen above. All together, it was a fairly nice summer night. But nothing can last forever, sadly. Because I would have wanted that night to last.
The others fell asleep pretty fast, only Max and me being the two left awake. Crickets, wherever they lay, chirped loudly. Faint hoots were echoed from far off owls. Soft snores sounded from our flock. Max rested her head on my shoulder.
"Don't you wish for some moments to last?" she asked, moving her head to look at me a few minutes later.
"Yes," I said. "All the time." She nodded in agreement. My arm wrapped around her small figure. Her eyes, still locked with mine, closed lightly. She was not sleeping, but listening closely. I wanted to ask her what she was listening for, but I didn't want to interrupt her.
I, too, then closed my eyes.
I listened hard, anything besides the calming nature. Minutes passed, but I couldn't hear anything.
Then, soft lips, who I knew belonged to one girl, met mine. Both of my arms were now wrapped around her waist. As seconds ticked by, I waited to see if Max would stop.
She didn't.
Fire burned where she kissed me. Ice was left where my blood flowed. Her arms were around my neck, and they didn't let go as her lips left. Our heads were resting together, our breaths coming in quick and sharp.
12344321
The next morning, and Max was grabbing food out of our packs, we acted as if it was a normal night. Everyone ate their breakfast in silence.
This may never start.
Tearing out my heart.
I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
(I'd be your memory)
Feelings disappeared.
Can I be your memory?
As we were in the air, directed in the who-knows-where-the-heck-we're-going direction, Max and I were flying side by side. It was calm, the two of us flying together without a care in the world.
"That never happened." I looked at Max. Confusion panicked my senses, but I held my façade. "That thing never happened. It couldn't have."
I couldn't even muster up a light, "Why?"
I looked her in the eye. She wasn't lying. She wasn't joking. She was serious.
"We can't do that to them. Do you know what would happen if we continued that?" she pressed.
I could only lie and nod.
I fell back in our group, taking up the rear. My heart, so strong I had thought, was now tearing. I'm not trying to sound emo, but it did hurt. What we had, or so I had thought we had, were mere mirages. Dreams. Not memories.
I sulked for the rest of the flight. And some more once we arrived at Dr. Martinez's house. What had driven Max to take us there, I did not know. I was zoning at the time of the decision.
We sat in the big family room, where everyone was huddled around Max, except me. Although I was acting off, no one doubted my façade. I sat in the back, only hearing the important stuff, not caring about the other stuff.
When asked what I wanted for dinner, I accidentally gave Dr. M the glare. Max and Dr. M just sound so much a like that I didn't fully register who was talking to me. And when I did learn it was Dr. M, I didn't even apologize.
I was pissed.
Dinner came and went without a memory. Everyone had to share the living room as a place to sleep. We were squished, to say the least. Angel and Gazzy were lucky with the couch; Nudge had the arm chair, which left Iggy, Max, and me on the floor. And with the limited amount of space on the floor, I was luckily (sarcasm) placed next to Max.
I tried moving over to the far end of our shared space, but still I was less than an inch away from her. That just added to my anger.
So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.
I waited as everyone drifted off into their own dream lands. The girl that had broke my heart lay awake, as every night she had. It hurt me even more to be next to her, waiting to talk to her.
I wanted to talk to her. It was weird to hate her, but love her so dearly at the same time. And that's what made me want to talk to her.
As she turned – faking to move in her sleep – I tried moving over more, as if her skin was acidic. I waited moments to pass. I finally mustered the nerve.
"Max?" I asked. She didn't move or anything. "Max. I know you're awake. I need to talk to you. I need to talk to you as a best friend."
Still nothing.
"Fine. Be stubborn." And with that, I turned and stole all of the blankets that we had to share. She gasped loudly, her arms flailing for the sheets. I held on tightly to the whole of the material.
"Fang! What the heck is wrong with you?" she whisper-screamed. Her eyes shot to mine before looking away a millisecond later.
"Just talk to me. What is wrong?" I demanded. I held the blanket hostage, still.
She stared at me. Her eyes were almost glossed over. She was mad, yes, but there was something else in her eyes. Something that she probably wanted to hide from me just in case.
She was right.
"Max, please, tell me."
Silence.
"Goddammit. Tell me. Please."
"Nothing is wrong," she said quietly.
I let out my breath. I lightly smiled at her. "Thank you for finally talking. But, please, I know something is wrong. Tell me."
More silence.
This may never start.
We could fall apart
And I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
Feelings insincere.
Can I be your memory?
Can I be your memory?
"Please." I sighed and looked away for a moment. "I won't stop bugging you until you tell me."
A sigh and wrinkling material.
"We're nothing. We can't be."
No, I am not a faxness hater. I just thought it would be good to write out something that was not in my general genre of fax. Love or hate it, you know Max would do that.
Gots to go!
Smiles
Rainxface
PS: about 2,500 words.