High School Without The Musical.
i do not own Pokemon or Lady Gaga's "Alejandro" Or anything else mentioned that someone else invented.
This fanfic explains A LOT about my other Pokemon fanfics, so pay attention!
Ash Ketchum: July 17, 2010.
Fallon arrived at the Hearthome contest hall in a fitted black dress and hot pink stilettos. I got there in a black T-shirt and skinny jeans that I had tattooed with Sharpie yesterday. Brock's eyes widened and Dawn scoffed. She thinks she's the best-looking girl alive. This Goddess-of-Beauty Fallon is a famous new coordinator who is apparently dating a heavy metal star. Lucky me. my competition is some bad-boy who's rich daddy probably bought Fallon a Pokemon farm. I hope his name is Ash... when we entered the contest hall we saw Fallon run over to some emo in a riveted dress shirt and skinny jeans, unlike mine, his make him look attractive. Me, Brock and Dawn make our way slowly over to them and Fallon swings her long, black, amazing hair around to look at us. Her creepy boyfriend scrutinizes me with his steely blue eyes. When we reach them, he stares at us then says in his weird tone,
"Ash, right?"
"yeah, who're you?" where have I seen this guy before?
"do the words 'forest' and 'sing' mean anything to you?"
"yes... but... you look nothing like... the clothes... you're not...you're so...NANDO?" by the look on his face I can tell he thinks I'm a total idiot now.
"yeah, maybe because I'm not wearing a dress I picked up a girlfriend" (Fallon grins) Nando cracks a Poke-ball and out hops a Kricketune in teeny shoes that look like torture devices and a padlock necklace. Fallon caresses his shoulder and he embraces her harder. Lucky creep. My eyes heat up and a look passes over Brock's face like a thundercloud. Dawn scowls then whines,
"Nando, is your daddy rich?"
"I guess, does a executive producer for infomercials count?"
"wow... I find you... attractive now...can I touch your hair?"
Nando and Fallon look at each other, wait a second, then back up a step. Fallon watches as her creepy casanova takes off down the hall with Dawn in hot pursuit.
"see you in the contest." I suddenly realize she is crouching to look me in the eye. some people do not grow right, I'm one of them.
Dawn approaches me from behind. "Your mouth's open."
The contest begins with the voice of that Marylin person shouting out,
"ARE YOU READY! ARE YA SURE!" Someone screams back, "SHUT UP ALREADY!" from backstage. Nando, obviously. A girl with a seriously overweight Wigglytuff runs onstage and starts randomly using Pound, The obese Wigglytuff wobbles as it slams the floor. The coordinator grins and hands it a badly painted sign.
GO MILEY.
(applause)
Wigglytuff wallops the floor again and Dawn begins to cheer as the pair run off. Everyone in the stadium turns to stare at her. She sits down. The next performance is an elderly couple in line dancing outfits with a Ponyta and a Chansey. They dance around in a very rehearsed-looking choreography until the Chansey finds a piece of chocolate encrusted in the floor and tries to pick it out. The line stops dancing and follows each other offstage, Chansey holding the age-old truffle in it's pink hands. Finally Nando comes onstage in black pleather pants and platforms, him and his Pokemon are wearing emo makeup. Sunflora takes out a teeny guitar and starts playing something OBNOXIOUSLY LOUD. The Roserade is playing a keytar decorated with drawings of skulls and human hearts. Ew. Nando hands Jigglypuff (since when!) a microphone, the emo-ishly dressed Jigglypuff begins to sing into the microphone and everyone claps, I hear Dawn mutter from next to me,
"Amateur."
We meet Nando backstage, he hands us each a brochure,
"Starts in 2 days, please come." Sunyshore Music Camp.
"Sounds good, I'll come," Me and Brock announce in unison, Dawn is stuck sounding out 'Sunyshore."
"SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...NYE...SA...HOW...RRRRRRRRRRRR?" What an idiot.
The next day, Brock and I pack our bags. Brock is ranting about seeing Fallon there,
"I know I've fallen hard for a lot of other girls, but Fallon makes me rethink all that, y'know, she's so beautiful, and how long is she gonna keep dating that freak, anyway?"
"Brock, you are the guy who tought me the meaning of the word 'polygamy', how long can you even stay in love with one girl?"
"I guess pretty long..."
"RIIIIIIGHT..." Dawn comes into our room, We're staying at a Pokemon center.
"I hate Fallon, she's stealing you, Ash. I love you." Her vacant eyes are staring right at me, that freak.
"Oh, really, I like her, and I think she likes me back."
"No! She can't! You're mine, Ash!"
"Aw, zip it, both of you! She's mine, Ash, you can have Dawn."
"I don't want Dawn!"
"Well, I want you, Ash!" Dawn leaps onto me, licking my nose.
Nando enters our room (without knocking!) and his eyes pop out of his sexy head.
"Oh, God."
"Hi."
We get to this music camp on a bus. We are assigned cabins immediately. I'm in a cabin with Nando, some Harley Davidson, Brock, and some Lucian Mitchell. 3 other guys are already in the cabin. Nando, Brock and some other kid.
"Ash, this is Harley." Harley waves. His face, hair and butt are familiar.
"Do I know you?"
"Possibly." His voice is kind of screechy. He has perfect skin. And he has already stolen the bottom bunk on the right side. Where I usually sleep.
"Are you a coordinator?"
"Yep, 2 points for Ash Ketchum."
"Are you Cacturne-freak?"
"...Sure...Are you May-lover?"
"Ew and yes, I guess."
"Is she here?" An evil grin spreads across his face.
"Not that I know of."
"Okay. Go look for Lucian." Nando orders. "He's probably hiding in the bathroom, with his keytar." Keytar? I step outside and scan the campus. Girls with guitars and Lord-knows-what-else run and screech and hug each other madly, I finally see another emo kid with a keytar and an Espeon talking to an African-American girl with long, straight brown hair. He looks right at me, his gray eyes covered by purple-tinted oval glasses, his lavender hair reaches his shoulders. The girl pulls his head close to hers and they lip-lock emotionally. The Espeon and the girl's Raichu are deep in Pokemon-conversation, squeaking back and forth at each other, I approach him.
"Are you Lucian Mitchell?" He holds up the Espeon and shows me a handful of his hair.
"What...do you think?"
"I think you're a rude grape."
"Grape...Who's rude now...?"
"Still you. So you are Lucian?"
"YES! I AM, AND DO NOT ASK ME FOR FLINT AUTOGRAPHS!"
"Elite Four, right?"
"YES, I am. Are you Ash?"
"YES, I am, now go back to the cabin." Lucian think this over then drops to the ground and starts convulsing on purpose, Espeon whips out a cell phone, its claw poised over the 9 button,
"ESPEON!"
"What?"
"ESPEOOOOOOOOOOON!" I kneel next to Lucian's face and hold it still. Suddenly, he stops pretending to have a seizure, grabs the front of my shirt and pulls me down to his face.
"I can make epilepsy overtake my body on demand-" He lets go, "And you're gullible." We stand up.
"So you were actually having a seizure?" Lucian goes red, then puce, then blue, then yellow, his hand shoots up, pointing to me,
"MISS WOODS! ASH CALLED ME A SPAZZ!" The camp director's wife turns to me, Lucian smiles. "AND A GRAPE!"
That night we have our first concert, Steve Woods shouts,
"And now, please give a warm S.M.C welcome to Lady Gaga!" A tall girl with a bone-straight platinum blonde wig sashays onstage, takes the microphone, and stares with deep blue eyes into the audience.
"My name is Levy Wilson, but please refer to me as Levy, Lady Gaga, or That Hot Girl. And now, for my first song, Alejandro!" She turns her head to the right and then belts the song into the mic. All them guys in the audience are mesmerized as she undulates and sways and whatever else she does. On the last note, tosses her head back and sighs theatrically. Everyone claps madly.
"Thank you, so much, this next song goes out to Conway Wright!" Some nerd with a black-mushroom cut stands up and waves.
"I love you, Conway."
"THANK YOU LADY GAGA!" Steve interrupts.
"Okay, kids, keep it clean, up next we have 'Bootylicious' by Harley Davidson!" Laughter is scattered around the barn. Harley stands up and walks onstage, he begins shaking his butt. Calling girls onstage,
"Fallon, can ya handle this, Natalia, can ya handle this, Ramira, can ya handle this, I don't think they can handle this-" Harley is thrusting more than Levy! Nando hands me a note scribbled on a candy wrapper, 'Harley got it goin on.' As Harley is being disgusting, A skinny, black-haired girl with a flower in her hair flips over the bench behind us and runs onstage, jumps on Harley and scream, "HARLEY DAVIDSON I LOVE YOU!" as he sings the last few words, Steve sees that as his cue to shout,
"OUR NEXT PERFORMANCE, JOSEFINA CHARLESTON, AKA, JO$EF!NA!" The girl walks slowly and gracefully to the microphone. And sings,
"Maybe I need some rehab, or maybe just need some sleep,
I gotta sick obsession, I'm seeing' it in my dreams
I'm looking down every alley, I'm making those desperate calls
I'm staying up all night hoping, hitting my head against the walls!
WHATCHU GOT BOY, IS HARD TOO FIND
I THINK ABOUT IT, ALL THE TIME
I'M ALL STRUNG UP MY HEART IS FRIED.
I JUST CAN'T GET YOU OFF MY MIND
BECAUSE
YOUR LOVE YOUR LOVE YOUR LOVE
IS MY DRUG
YOUR LOVE YOUR LOVE YOUR LOVE
YOUR LOVE YOUR LOVE YOUR LOVE
IS MY DRUG
YOUR LOVE YOUR LOVE YOUR LOVE..."
When Josefina finishes this song, the crowd explodes cheering, Josefina bows, the runs offstage. Nando is sweating next to me.
"That, that was my ex."
"Ex-girlfriend?"
"Yes. I left her in 8th grade for Fallon..."
"You idiot."
Back in the cabin, Harley, Lucian and Brock change behind beach towels strung on lengths of twine meant to serve as clotheslines for bathing suits. Nando breaks the silence.
"What are you taking?"
"What?"
"It's music camp, you get music lessons. you can take 1-4 at a time."
"Crap, I would've brought my guitar..." Nando tosses me a case.
"Here, you can use this one, I always bring a spare."
"Thanks." Harley joins in.
"I brought my guitar, and a spare, but Brock only plays piano."
"Well, sorry!"
"Don't apologize! Most Rock-type freaks here take piano anyway, like Roark."
"No way, is he actually here?"
"Yeah, with Conway and Max."
"Who is Max?"
"May Marksman's brother, he's like, 9, genius, I babysit him sometimes, we put itching powder in her bras. It was funny." Harley demonstrates what May did. Someone knocks on our door. A tall, muscular guy with burgundy hair and rectangle glasses.
"Roark, hi?"
"They...are...suffocating me in there. Pi this, circumference that, they almost set the cabin on fire with their..." He shudders. "Experiment..." Nando is insensitive as usual.
"Awwww, poor baby, OH HI, CONWAY!" Roark jumps and screams. Lucian peeks out from behind his towel.
"He isn't there, Roark."
"Shoulda known. Hi Ash, Brock."
"Do I know you?"
"Oreburgh Gym." He flips a business card at me.
"Sure, okay."
"Harley Davidson, are you hiding behind a towel? Are you hiding?"
"My butt's big."
"oh yeah, I saw your performance, very...masculine..."
"Yes. It was." Harley lifts the towel and steps out in boxers.
"Wow, you liar."
"WHAT?"
"Your butt is not Bootylicious, or whatever you people call it."
"Harley," Nando interrupts, "No flash photography, please, none of us want to go the way of May." Roark and Harley are staring at each until the gong rings for snack.
DING DING DING "SNACK-TIME, CAMPERS, PLEASE REPORT TO THE LODGE FOR SNACK!" All of us rush out of the cabin, even half-naked Harley.
In the lodge everyone stares at Harley. he has no idea what's happening until Nando says quietly through his teeth.
Harley, go back to the cabin, get a shirt and come back, I will save you some food, just GO!"
"What? AGH!" He looks down at himself and screams. Everyone laughs, a girl with curly black hair walks by and smacks Harley on the butt.
"Nice booty, it looks even bigger in plaid."
"Shut UP, Rebbecca."
"Nando, are you a streaker too? I'm sorry, Bye." She walks away guffawing. Harley backs out slowly, Lucian standing in front of him.
"Go quick, it looks perv."
"I'M GOING! Cover me until I get inside." Harley and Lucian run outside, Roark and Brock attack the Jell-o. Nando loads himself with snacks, eventually dropping them down his shirt for safe-keeping.
"You are so weird."
"I know." We find a table, when we do, Nando whispers something across the table.
"Ash, remember when I wore those stupid clothes, got extensions and skipped around Sinnoh with that fake accent and harp?"
"Yeah..."
"Well, it was a lie. Forest noises annoy me, I'm allergic to flowers, I only like to go camping in a trailer, whenever I wear heels like that I pass out a few hours later and the gold paint on that harp inflamed my hands for 2 weeks. I only did that to try not to look like a juvenile delinquent all the time, remember when we were, what, 13? When I got accused of stealing that orb thing? The Jenny who arrested me saw me egg a strip club when I was 11. So, that idea back-fired. But when I found Fallon when I was 14, I dropped it because i had to have radio- never mind, she just kinda converted me."
"Radio- what?"
"Uh, it's kind of personal, I'll tell you tomorrow. It's a long story." Just then, Harley slides onto the bench next to me.
"Hi!" Lucian follows him.
"You took so long, it was one shirt, one shirt, and you tore apart the entire cabin looking for ONE SHIRT!"
"It had to be the black one with the blue stain on the back."
"You have more than 2 million black shirts!"
"My boxers are blue and black plaid."
"It's camp. In the woods. Nobody cares!" Nando wrecks their dispute.
"The two of you are freaks."
The next morning, Steve invites himself into our room.
"Hey guys!"
"Hi, Steeeeeeeeve..." We all moan. Harley (who is on the top right bunk now) deliberately rolls out of bed onto the floor.
"I'm up, Steve."
"I'm letting you boys sleep in because everyone gets to on the first few days, but, don't expect this every day, today I need you guys after lunch to clean the bathroom. Harley lifts his head to look at Steve,
"The girl's bathroom?"
"Both bathrooms."
"I'd rather remove my own fingernails with duct tape." Nando drops a pair of pants on his head.
"Josefina might be taking a shower..."
"Fine, I'm in."
"Good. Breakfast in an hour." Hearing the word breakfast, Brock jerks awake,
"FOOD!"
"Where's Roark?"
"It...was...HORRIBLE!" Harley answers loudly. "Conway and Max almost melted his glasses."
"Harley, you're exaggerating, AGAIN, they just dragged him inside and we haven't seen him yet."
"Nando, if you were an actor, it would suck. Everyone has to exaggerate once in a while, the world would be boring without it."
"CACTURNE!" screeches a pile of shoes. A tall cactus stands up and sits on Harley.
"Cacturne, please get off me."
"CAC!" It shrieks again, joined by a shrill "SUNFLORA!"
"Oh god."
"What?"
"Remember, how I used to have a Sunflora when I was dressed up like that...thing?"
"Yeah..."
"I kept the Pokemon. They're my sister's." The screeching flower climbs into Lucian's bed and under the covers.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! PLANT, TOUCHING, ME...EW!" Lucian wedges his body through the gap between the top and bottom bunks and the wall and lands on top of Brock, who screams. Sunflora makes herself comfortable in Lucian's sleeping bag and closes her eyes.
"suuuuuuuuun..."
"Get her ooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuut."
"Noooooooooooo, do it yourseeeeeeeeeelf."
"She's your poooooooookemon."
"You sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep there." Harley shuts them up.
"You are so anooooooooooyiiiiiiing."
"Fine." Nando whines, "I'll do it because you're too stupid to figure out how to take Sunflora out of the sheets." Lucian tosses a shoe at Nando and misses. Sunflora slides out of the bed and out the door.
"I'll get her." I finally say as she runs down the hill and down to the field and the border of the campus. All I hear as I exit is "Come back, Vaporeon!" Then I collide with someone, landing in a pile at the bottom of the hill.
"Sorry." says a female voice that I would know anywhere.
"Fallon?"
"hi, Ash. Your Pokemon escaping too?"
"Oh, she's Nando's, he just has to settle something with Lucian." Fallon hops onto a bale of hay in the field covered in dew. I follow.
"How long have you been coming here?" I ask.
"Since I was about 10, Vaporeon likes it." I glance toward Vaporeon and Sunflora, who are examining a blade of grass.
"I like it, and I've only been coming here for half a day."
"What are you taking?"
"Guitar."
"Oh, I'm in vocal and ballet, the dance program is really strict, I only got in because I'm half Japanese." She's so hot...
"Really, I'm, uh, excuse me a second." I flip over the back of the hay bale.
"OH GOD ARE YOU OKAY?"
"Yeah, I landed on a bush."
"Heh, I should go, Orientation starts in 2 minutes." Fallon slides off the hay and calls Vaporeon back into it's ball. Then walks back to her cabin. I go back to mine.
In the cabin, I find mayhem. Pokemon everywhere, my roommates and Roark all on Harley's bed.
"WHAT HAPPENED IN HERE? OUCH!" I turn around to find a Geodude pinching me with rock fingers.
"ASH, GET UP HERE NOW, IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE!" The gong dings.
"ORIENTATION, CAMPERS, ORIENTATION, GET DRESSED FOR ORIENTATION!" We all begin to change.
At Orientation, Steve gets up onstage in a top hat and Mardi Gras beads.
"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING, CAMPERS!"
"GOOD MORNING, STEVE!"
"I HOPE YOU ARE ALL EXCITED TO BEGIN A NEW CAMP YEAR, BUT, I HAVE A FEW THINGS TO GO OVER BEFORE WE BEGIN OUR ORIENTATION! The rules, #1, There is no tolerance, whatsoever, for dirty performances, #2, No boys in girl's cabins and vice versa, #3, due to our vow to conserve water, please refrain from lengthy showers, #4, lights out is at 11:00, no exceptions, #5, senior bedtime is 10:30, junior bedtime is 10:00, juniors being all campers under the age of 11, #6, no nudity in public, please, Harley, #7, no looting food, we do not want bears and Ursaring coming into your cabins, #8, no violence on campus, #9, please do not insult people, and lastly, #10, absolutely NO skipping classes, Thank you, and now, the lovely Mrs Woods!" A tall woman walks onstage.
"Hello, campers! As many of you know, every year at S.M.C the campers are divided into houses, like in the famed Harry Potter books, and these houses are inspired by our yearly themes, and the theme this year is The Bayou, now I'm sure you seniors can't wait to hear who the group leaders are going to be, but first I have to name your animal groups, the first group is the Crawfish, led by Levy! Second is the Fireflies, led by Fallon! Third is the Possums, led by Lucian! Fourth is the Pelicans led by Roark! Fifth is the Bears led by Gary! Sixth is the Tree Frogs led by Harley! Seventh is the Catfish led by Josefina, and eighth is the Gators, led by...Dawn, so your groups will be competing for these beads," She holds up 3 necklaces, one green, one purple and one gold. "Green represents 5 points, purple 10 and gold is 50, and you can earn these Swamp points by doing odd jobs, entertaining younger campers, helping out with meals and answering trivia questions, and every night at 7:30, we will have a camp meeting down in the field to award these points, and at the end of the week, the house with the most points will be the winner and each member will have unlimited Tuck Shop credit." Everyone cheers.
I turn out to be on the Possums, with 6 six-year olds, Lucian, 'Conway' or whoever, and 2 bored-looking twelve-year old twins. Harley's group is next to us.
"Hey," says one of the six-year olds, "are you the kid who came into the lodge in your underwear yesterday?"
"Yes." Harley replies.
"Are you trying to get girls?"
"No, I have a girlfriend." Soledad, who just conveniently was put in his group, wraps her arms around his neck and squeals.
"Is that her?"
"Hell no."
"Good, is she the girl he jumped on you during Bootylicious?"
"Josefina?"
"Sure..."
"Yes."
"well, she's MINE!" Harley pats the kid's head.
"Awwww, you gotta little crush on Josefina, how sweet, I'm sure you'll find someone when you're old enough!"
"I kissed Lindsay Lohan!" His friend pops up from behind him,
"IT'S TRUE, I WAS THERE!"
"Are you trying to top my relationship status?"
"Yes. TOPPED!" Lucian is sharpening his nails.
"Just...be quiet, you're bothering Steve." A six-year old turns her head over to him.
"Can I call you Baby-Cheese?"
"What's that s'posed to mean?"
"It means you couldn't get a tan if you were lying on the sun."
"I'm naturally pale. And I seriously don't get what the color of my skin has to do with babies or cheese."
"Babies are pale, so is cheese, Baby-Cheese Mitchell. And BTW, dye your hair."
"When I was a baby, I kicked the doctor so hard, I broke his nose." another female six-year old lies. Harley joins in,
"When I was a baby, I had purple hair."
"You still do."
"I meant to say, I didn't choose to look like Baby-Cheese."
"Shut your face-gash." I try to settle things.
"Aren't we supposed to be listening to Steve?"
"He's not saying anything, other Baby-Cheese."
"Why, kid?"
"I have a name, it's Leanne."
"That's nice, and I have a name too, it's Lucian, Baby-Cheese is not my name."
"You still haven't answered my question 'Lucian', Can I call you Baby-Cheese or what?" Lucian turns blue, then puce, then green,
"Fine...call me Baby-Cheese..." Steve shouts an interruption,
"OKAY, WE'RE ALL ACQUAINTED, LET'S START MAKING OUR TIKI TORCHES!" Steve drops a torch in front of Lucian, Harley, and everyone else and tells us to decorate them with our team colors, we got purple.
"Okay, Baby-Cheese, gimme your head, I'm gonna pull some hair out."
"Okay, Leanne, get away from me!"
"No. I'm in your group. Steve said we AREN'T allowed to change!"
"I meant just...don't pull out my hair."
"Okey-dokey Baby-Cheese! I learned Okey-dokey from my grandma, she's a body-builder!" Lucian shudders, Leanne continues,
"My grandma even let me poke her muscles! They're pretty big, bigger than mine." Leanne flexes her arm. "She's gotta Afro! It's blue!"
That night after Orientation, just as I begin to fall asleep I hear Harley whisper to me,
"Ash?"
"Harley?"
"Yeah, I just wanted to tell you, if you think I'm not fully...male...I am. I just grew up without a father figure."
"I spent the last 10 years of my life without a father figure."
"Well, I spent the last the last 16 of mine. And I AM 16."
"I thought you were older."
"You were wrong."
"Goodnight, Harley."
"Goodnight, Ash."
The next morning, I wake to see Nando shaking me madly.
"GET UP GET UP GET UP GET UP GET UP GET UP GET UP GET UP GET UP!"
"Why?"
"BECAUSE EVERYONE SLEPT IN AND IT'S BACON DAY!" I drag myself out of the cabin. Nando has already changed, showered and applied a new mountain of eyeliner to his face.
"You should change."
"I know. Do you only wear eyeliner in the summer?"
"Nope. EVERY SINGLE DAY."
"Oh." HI FALLON!" I scream as a very damp Fallon tears across the campus from her cabin to the lodge,
"HI ASH! I'M WET BECAUSE I JUST SHOWERED!"
"OKAY!" I turn around to face Nando, he yells at me the same way,
"STAY AWAY FROM MY GIRLFRIEND!"
"OKAY!"
"GOOD!"
"LET'S STOP YELLING!"
"OKAY!"
We get into the lodge and sit together, but Steve pulls our chairs away, causing us to fall on our butts.
"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?"
"Nando, you know what it was for, I told everyone to sit with their groups, so go sit with your group, you too, Ashton." Nando is cracking up now.
"Ashton! Why did'nt you ever tell me?"
"Possums keep secrets."
"Yeah, well 'Gators' find them out."
"The first time we met, I thought you were a woman!"
"When I first met you, I thought you were 8."
"Go sit with the Gators." I sit down at the Possum's table.
"Where the hell were you?"
"Shut it, Baby-Cheese."
"Only Leanne can call me that!" Steve begins the announcements.
"HELLO CAMPERS, I would just like to clarify something before the staff make their announcements, we have a new camper joining us today, please welcome, MAY MAPLE!" A short brunette girl walks in front of the table where all the food is. Harley inhales sharply from the table behind us.
"Hi everyone, I play the Bassay! Or as you might call it, 'Bass'." Harley's eyes turn completely silver, he presses a button, and with a BANG, May's hair is full of bacon. I turn around to face a grinning Harley.
"How'd ya do that?"
"Easy, I've had springs under that table for 5 years, just in case someone came here who I hated." May storms to Harley's spot at the Tree Frog table.
"HARLEY, YOU DID THIS!"
"Who, me? Why would I do something so horrible to you, May? God, blame someone else for cryin' out loud." May turns puce, Lucian turns blue, May turns green, Lucian turns yellow, Conway goes into a lecture about chameleons. Lucian scratches him with his sharp nails.
"Ow!"
"Heh heh heh." Lucian cackles, this obviously makes Conway uncomfortable because he inches away.
"Get away, you freak." Lucian turns to me,
"Hey, Ash watch this, HEY DAWN, LOOK HERE!" Lucian holds up the box of Cheerios on our table. Dawn rushes over, a crazed look on her face.
"Are those...Doughnut seeds?"
"Real doughnut seeds."
"Really?"
"Would I lie to you?" Dawn smiles, and plunges her hand into the box. The first faculty member to say the announcement was the ballet teacher, Miss Artie Fellon Gautieri. She has a thick Southern accent.
"Hello, campers, I would just like to say that dance begins at 3:30 pm, please don't be late!" Then the strings director,
"Hello, campers, I'm Anya Callahan, violins and violas, please report to the Office Cabin at 9:30 am."
"Hey campers, I'm Frank Derikson, I teach guitar. All guitar players come to Guitar Town, which is at the bottom of the hill behind the Tuck Shop, at 9:00 am."
"I'm Samantha Bush and I teach vocals. All campers interested in taking vocal coaching please report to the Vocal Shack at 10:30 am."
"Hey, I'm Dan Silver, I'm the Orchestra director."
"I'm Ron Terry and I teach cello and bass. If you're interested, please come to the Torchic Shack at 10:20 am."
"I'm Steve Callahan, I'm teaching piano, all piano players please come to the piano shack at 2:00 pm."
"I'm Jerry Morasse, I teach all winds. All wind people, we will be playing in the Spoink Shack for the foreseeable future, so please go there at 3:00."
"And finally, I'm Vic Menzel, and if you play any kind of horn, please see me in the square at 4:00 pm." The square being a square formation of green benches between the Barn Hill and the Motels.(A long motel-ish line of cabins. The Barn Hill is a hill with a barn on top. We have our performances there. Steve stands up,
"And now, we will have an announcement from the nurse!"
"Hello, campers. I'm Carol Angakotri, I'm the camp nurse, I would just like to say that my office is in the camp kitchen against the wall with the door leading outside, from the outside, the door next to the water fountain."
"Thank you, Carol, now campers, I would just like to clarify one more thing, this won't happen today because of sign-ups, but every day at 4:00 we will be going to the beach in town, so bring your bathing suits. I'll stop bothering you now, so you can get to your breakfast."
Every table's heads go down into their bowls except ours. We just look at each other, Lucian asks,
"Ash? You gonna do it?"
"Oh no. Never."
"Leanne?"
"Not a chance, Baby-Cheese."
"Rita and Harry?"
"Nope." answer the 12 year old twins.
"Darrel?"
"Never."
"Sheena?"
"Keep dreaming."
"Brenda?"
"I'm lactose-intolerant."
"Kienan?"
"No way, Baby-Cheese."
"Joseph?"
"TOTALLY!" The six year old boy dunks his face into his cereal, Lucian leans back on his seat to avoid the flying Corn Flakes.
"Ick." says Leanne.
"I know." says Brenda.
"Wash your face." says Lucian.
The next day it rains a bit in the morning. Nando and Harley get into a heated dispute about who's guitar sounds better, Lucian and Brock compare keys. I practice my number. 'Single Ladies.' Apparently Lucian's girlfriend 'Ramira' wrote it and she got famous. And apparently Lucian has 2 CD's. His stage name escapes me. The bell rings at 4:00 for the beach. We all change quickly. On the bus, hail begins to clatter against the windows. The bus driver turns around sharply and drives back to the camp. Everyone runs for their cabins when we return. When me, Lucian, Brock, Nando and Harley are safe in the cabin, we notice our feet are getting soaked...from the crack under the door. Harley panics and hops onto his bed screeching. Lucian pinches him. Me and Brock and Nando pile towels at the crack to absorb the hail and rain. I get tired of this and slam the door open and run out the door to see a silver haired girl in a long white dress standing, arms spread, in the middle of the square, hair spilling down her arched back, I slowly approach her, her eyes are a metallic blue.
"You a camper here?"
"Yes...who are you?"
"Raine. Raine Ilusio. I work for Carol."
"What do you do?"
"I handle the kids who are really sick, who she can't get to because some other kid touched...goldenrod or whatever. My boyfriend works researching legendary Pokemon."
"Cool. What kind?"
"Like, Giratina, things like that. He's good at what he does."
"So, how many people see you here?"
"Only the ones who I have to look after. I'm referred to at this camp as a ghost, a vision, an angel. A lot of things. My job is hard. My Pokemon make it harder, but I love them." Raine opens 2 Poke-balls and a Gardevoir and a Milotic pop out.
"Wow."
"I guess you should go back to your cabin, Nando DeValdez will begin to worry."
"You know Nando?"
"I met him before. Bye."
"Bye." Raine walks with her Pokemon into the nurse's office, I go back to the cabin.
"Nando?"
"Yeah?"
"How do you know Raine?"
"Who told you about Raine!"
"I met her. In the square."
"Listen, Raine and I met last year, it was something really personal, and if you're so inclined to find it out, ask Raine." Nando opens the door and walks out onto the now sunny campus. I follow him.
"YOU SAID GATORS FIGURE OUT SECRETS, AND POSSUMS KEEP THEM!" Nando ignores me and keeps walking. I run to catch up to him, I finally reach him as he proceeds to the field. His face is completely white.
"Don't follow me!"
"Too bad."
"Ash, leave."
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because..." Nando stares at me blankly, not moving the tiniest bit.
"What's your problem?" I ask as he stares at me, his eyes glazed, he finally says,
"Ash...get Carol."
"What?"
"NOW!" I run to the nurse. I find her playing Old Maid with Raine and a heavily tattooed chef.
"What's wrong, Ash?"
"Nando told me to-" Raine stands up quickly, and runs out the door, so does Carol, dragging me with her,
"WHAT'S HAPPENING?"
"Nando's really sick."
"What? That's the big secret?"
"Yes. He doesn't tell anyone."
"He didn't tell-"
"Ash," Carol says, facing me and holding my shoulders, "He has cancer."
We reach Fallon and Nando. He's collapsed on Fallon's shoulder. Raine whips out a phone and dials 9-1-1.
"Hello? Yes, 16-year old male, leukemia, remission, Sunyshore Music Camp. Thanks." I slap Nando's face, to attempt to wake him up, he's dragged away by Carol and Raine.
The ambulance comes. I sit in it with Raine, Carol and Fallon. Fallon is completely flustered. Nando still hasn't woken up. I wait for him to regain consciousness for about an hour before he sits up in the hospital bed and tosses a box of Kleenex at my head.
"Hi."
"Hi."
"Did I collapse?"
"Yep."
"Damn."
"Was this the big secret."
"Obviously."
"I feel awful."
"Is Fallon here?"
"Yeah, she's downstairs, on the phone with Brock."
"Holy crap."
"Looks like Possums can figure out secrets."
"Ash, are you gonna turn this moment into a scene from a bad sitcom?"
"I guess so..."
"Well, don't." Nando's phone rings.
"What? Oh, Harley. Why are you calling? Don't you have a guitar lesson? Tell Sunflora to calm down- He did what? Yeah, whatever, bye." Nando stares at me, "What a fool." A nurse runs into the room.
"You boys alright in here?" Nando answers,
"Yes, we are. Now can I go back to camp, please? I'm performing tonight."
"Uh, I guess so..." The nurse is completely confused. "How do you feel?"
"I feel fine."
"Okay. I guess you can leave now." Nando stands up, and walks out of the room. I follow. We walk right past Fallon and Brock on the way out. Nando turns sharply around to face me,
"No-one...finds out about this...okay?"
"But-"
"NO-ONE."
"OKAY!"
"Thank you. Let's get out of here."
"Oh crap."
"What?"
"The Possums had to clean the bathrooms again today. And they're doing it right now."
"And how would this affect us?"
"Steve's gonna kill me."
Back at camp, Steve confronts us in our cabin.
"Where were you?"
"In town-" Nando covers for me,
"I collapsed. We were in the city." Steve looks less mad now,
"Oh, alright, I'll go away now..." Steve walks away whistling 'Tiptoe Through The Tulips.' Lucian runs up to us, along with the rest of the Possums.
"WHY THE HELL WEREN'T YOU HERE TO CLEAN THE BATHROOM?" Nando glares at me,
"I-uh-vomited...and I stunk of previously enjoyed hot dog." Nando picks up on this,
"Yeah, barf everywhere, I almost drowned in it..." Lucian buys it, or at least pretends to.
"We explained it to Steve." All of a sudden, Lucian looks like he's high, with a look of highness on his face,
"I'm meeting Ramira tonight."
"She's in the same theory class as you."
"Noooooooooooo," Lucian winks at me, "You know..." He looks over his shoulder at Leanne, who has her hands on her hips.
"Lucian?" She asks in her innocent 6year old tone, "Are you and Ramira having a sleepover?"
"Almost, yeah, I guess we are..."
"NO BOYS IN THE GIRL'S CABIN! THAT'S THE RULE!"
"We aren't gonna be in her cabin... We'll be in the barn!"
"My Mommy told me not to lie. Are you lying, Baby-Cheese?" Lucian puts his hand on a tree branch, his eyes widen and he screams,
"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"
"WHAT? WHAT IS IT?" Lucian lifts his hand, sticking to it is a long string of goo.
"Bird crap?"
"It's orange."
"Vomit?" asks Lucian as he scrubs his hand.
"It's not that sticky."
"What if you ate glue..."
"Out of all the Elite Four, aren't you s'posed to be the smart one?"
"I am the smart one."
"They must be total idiots then..."
"Ash Ketchum, if you insult my family ONE MORE TIME, I will rub your face in the weird sludge on the tree."
"Have fun tonight, with Ramira, at your sleepover."
"WE'RE GONNA WEAR CLOTHES!" I imitate Leanne,
"Baby-Cheese, my Mommy told me not to lie, are you lying?" *Bats eyes*
"Okay, maybe just underwear, but STILL!"
"I can't even believe you touched that goo on the tree and then you decided to be dirty with Ramira Thomas! The most conservative-" An 8year old walks into the bathroom,
"Dirty, like...rolling in mud...you know, you're gonna roll in the mud with Ramira, right?"
"Oh, definitely, yeah, mud...brown, wet, mud..." The kid butts in,
"Are you gonna make a baby with a girl? Because if I was a girl, I would tell you the nerd store called, and they want you back you perverted crazy." Lucian raises an eyebrow,
"Does your mom know you talk like that?"
"No. But she got me this," He digs in his pocket and pulls out a box of Tic Tacs. Orange flavor.
"I'm Michael Woods. Son of Kathy and Steve Woods. Brother of Kimberly Woods, and cousin of Katie and Matthew Woods!"
"I'm Lucian Mitchell, son of David and Nora-Anne Mitchell, brother of Lorianne and Lucinda Mitchell, and cousin of Aaron, Jason, Petra and Cheyenne Mitchell and Harriet, Mary, Daniel and Marcia Menkov."
"You're really weird."
"That isn't nice, kid, I might tell Steve if you talk like that again."
"What're you, my mother?"
"Well, no, I'm a camper, but just to tell you, girls aren't attracted to jerks."
"Yes, they are."
"No, actually, they're not, just a word of advice."
"Actually, it was 4."
"Yeah, sure, 4."
"Okay, we're on the same page. Bye!" Michael runs out of the bathroom.
"Cute kid." I say.
"Exactly, now what was that goo? I asked you 50 times already!"
"I bet it's some kind of concoction Dawn made."
"What, food for doughnut plants?" We both crack up.
"Probably not, Dawn's stupid, but not stupid enough to trust herself with something that's not edible."
"Really? How does she wear clothes...?"
"I think her clothes are made of meat."
"Like Levy's meat dress?"
"Exactly. Now what was the goo?"
"I really have no idea."
End Of Chapter One.