Saving Donna Moss
by Tamara
Summary: Post-ep for No Exit
Spoliers: No Exit, and everything before
Disclaimer: I am Aaron Sorkin, don't let that Tamara stuff above fool you...
Feedback: Definitely! Go for it! Please!
Notes: I have to thank my wonderful beta Natlski, cause she rocks! And the band Evanescence for the song "My Immortal".
Frowning and confused, Donna slowly dragged herself to her car. Was CJ right? Had she wasted the past three years in a job that was below her just to be near Josh? She finally allowed herself to feel the bitterness that she had been pushing down for years. She let her anger over time wasted holding his hand through not only his recovery, but the more mundane things, like a political loss, or let down rise. Hell, she was even there for him through his trials with Amy! And was he ever there for her? To back her up, provide the comfort she needed? Her thoughts drifted to a cold, hard park bench. His hand resting just below the small of her back, as she fought down the embarrassment and fear. Her anger lifted momentarily, until she remembered why she had been sitting on that bench with him. Why she had let a practical stranger read her most personal thoughts and feelings. It was to protect him. In the end, it all came back to him.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
Protecting Josh Lyman. Comforting Josh Lyman. Saving Josh Lyman.
Dark nights holding him while he writhed in pain, or vomited from the medication. Waking up to comfort him after nightmares; watching him night after night relive the shooting. Over, and over, and over again. The hole she would jump into months later to help him out of.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
She was afraid of that hole. Not afraid of jumping in again, not ever afraid of that. She'd do anything for Josh and they both knew it. Her fear was that if she fell into that hole herself, he wouldn't jump for her. He might stand on the edge, he might even try to find someone with a ladder, but he wouldn't jump in for her. She was afraid of being in the hole alone.
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
Joshua Lyman had gone from being a beacon, a light at the end of a dismally long tunnel, to a flashing neon sign that kept her up at night. She finally felt the weight of his trust, and his dependence. A weight that had felt calming and secure before, that once had grounded her, now felt suffocating. As if it were sitting on her chest, slowly squeezing the life out of her. But no longer, she thought to herself. After the CODEL trip things would change. She couldn't base her professional life on being Josh Lyman's savior anymore.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase