Duuuuude!
Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers, or Nehru jackets
Warning: Brief mentions of drug-like substances.
Author's Note- this idea came to me when I was reading a Bathroom Reader, and I wish I could've been there to see how wacky the 70's were.
-(Armada)
"What ever happened to the rest of the minicons?" Hot Shot asked Optimus, looking at the blank search screen.
Optimus groaned and looked at Ben. "Ben, do you remember what happened? My memory banks were purged of those particular memories…"
The little Archangel that looked like a half-bat, Ben, smiled and pulled out an old, musty bean bag chair.
Sitting down, he said "STORY TIME!" and all the Autobots and the kids came over.
-
1970 High Desert
Ben was walking around with hair that was longer than he was tall (3 feet 2 inches). Naturally, he was followed by the whole gang: Megatron, who had bell bottoms built into his legs, Red Alert, who had sunglasses and both his hands, Optimus Prime, who also had long hair (metal, of course), but also wore a blue vest over his armor, Starscream, who wore a long beard and jeans, and Demolishor, who had a flower on his long-haired toupee.
As usual in the 70's, there was a rock concert everywhere, and High Desert was no exception.
"DUUUUUUDE! HIGH DESERT LOCAL BANDS ARE PLAYING TODAY! YAHHH!" The announcer, a stoned Scavenger yelled.
Of course, Ben and the gang went in to see the show.
"AUTOBOT DUDES AND UHH…NON-DUDES, AND OUR DECEPTI…OK, THEIR NAME IS TOO LONG, BUT YOU GET THE IDEA, ARE YOU READY TO ROCK!" Scavenger howled.
Everybody there cheered vehemently.
-
(present)
Rad raised his hand.
"yes?" Ben inquired, pointing to Rad.
Rad put his hand down and frowned. "Ben, the Autobots didn't live in High Desert yet!"
Ben laughed for a second and then his face was somber.
"That's what you know!" He said. "They were here before, but everybody was too drug-addicted to notice!"
Alexis then raised her hand.
"Yes?" Ben said flatly.
"Wait. Weren't the Autobots and Decepticons fighting at this time?" Alexis asked.
Ben shrugged. "Dude, it was the time of Peace, kiddo, so calm down."
"ANYWAYS…"
-
1970
Optimus and Megatron sat across from each other, showing off to one another.
"DUUUDE! LOOK AT MY JACKET!" Optimus yelled.
"Pretty colors!" Red Alert said, hypnotized.
"Dude, peace man. Peace." Demolishor said, randomly.
Naturally, Ben was nibbling on a moth in the corner, far from view.
"Dude, you know there's a red face on your jacket!" Megatron pointed out.
Optimus promptly looked at it. "Oh yeah, that's what happened at last night's rave, dude!"
Then, his eyes widened. "DUDE! I FORGOT ALITA 1 THERE!"
Starscream was rolling over in laughter. Red Alert joined in, not getting it at first, but laughing anyway.
Then, Megatron looked at his own jacket. There was a purple symbol on it.
"Hey dude, what happened to my jacket!" Megatron asked, turning the symbol for all to see.
Optimus laughed this time, and Energon-soda came out of Demolishor's nose.
"DUUUUDE! YOUR JACKET GOT…UHHH…JACKED!" Demolishor sputtered.
Starscream and Red Alert kept laughing like hyenas, until a doll fell out of Red Alert's leg compartment.
"DUUDE! WHAT'S THAT!" Starscream asked, pointing at the doll.
"Action figure…it's the future dude, it's the future…" Red Alert said quietly, stuffing the doll back in his compartment.
-
After watching five bands pass out on stage fro O.D.ing on Energon-dust (a drug similar to "Angel dust" but for Transformers), the gang decided to have a picnic.
"Dude, what about the war?" Demolishor asked.
Meanwhile, Optimus and Megatron were both sitting, parallel, with their legs folded.
From Megatron's mouth protruded a pipe, which upon closer inspection turned out to be A crumpled-up cassette from Soundwave.
Optimus looked normal, but from a corner of his faceplate, the corner was slightly moved over, and a massive bong stuck out, protruding blue smoke.
At the same time, Megatron and Optimus answered Demolishor's question.
"PEACE, DUUUUUDE, PEACE!"
Meanwhile, Ben was up a tree, hanging upside down, rambling on about 'metaphysics' and 'the colors dude, the colors'. Upon later investigation, it was found out that he had eaten three poisonous moths and a toad.
"Eats, guys!" Starsceram said, pulling out several Minicon plates (six minicon chips duct taped together on the bottom), and putting them in front of every person.
After serving everyone with Energon ( and moths in Ben's case), the gang drank and ate happily.
Afterward, Starscream picked up all the plates, put them in a garbage bag, and was about to throw them away when Optimus stopped him.
"Dude! We don't throw stuff away! We RECYCLE!" he said, grabbing the bag.
- (meanwhile, in the present, no one saw the Decepticons sneaking by, holding the Star Saber and Skyboom shield. Megatron motioned for the group to sit down and listen
"It's my favorite story!" Megatron said happily)
(Back to 1970)
Holding the bag, Optimus immediately threw it into the Aluminum section, which were immediately torn apart and crushed.
Several minicon screams accompanied the recycling.
"DUUDE! I HEAR SCREAMING IN THE COMPACTOR!" He then, in his drug-induced euphoria, stuck his hand in to rescue the minicons, losing the hand in the process.
"DUDE! YOU L:OST YOUR HAND!" Demolishor yelled, laughing.
"DUDE, THAT'S FUNNY AS SLAG!" Red Alert responded, laughing with him.
Looking around, Megatron noticed more plates.
"DUUUUUDE! WE GOTTA RECYCLE ALL OF THESE WE FIND!"
-
Megatron stood up and wagged his finger indignantly.
"IT WAS OPTIMUS THAT SAID THAT!" he hissed.
"oops." He said, covering his mouth.
However, the Autobots were to wrapped up in the story to fight.
Ben grinned. "Actually, it was you, but I got it wrong. First, you took a long whiff of your Energon-dust. Happy?"
Megatron sat down and didn't speak again that day.
-
1970
After about three days of Minicon destruction, the group went to see Scavenger's band.
Following this, they ran like little girls to Cybertron.
-
Present.
"The moral of the story is…don't watch Scavenger sing. It's creepy. He sings like a little girl." Ben said, unfolding his arms.
"HEY! THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Scavenger protested.
"No, it's true." Megatron, Optimus, Red Alert, Demolishor, Starsceam, and Ben said at the same time.
Scavenger promptly went off to cry.
Hot Shot looked at Optimus sideways.
"So, you and the others RECYCLED THE MINICONS!" He asked, amazed.
Optimus nodded. "Yeah."
Hot Shot laughed until his sides hurt.
"DUDE, YOU GUYS WERE STONERS! AND YOU YELL AT ME! HAHAHAHAHA!" he burst.
-
I leave you with the image of Optimus, Megatron, Starscream, Red Alert, and Demolishor cracking their knuckles and looming in threateningly.
"Hey, what are you guys…NOT THE FACE! NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Hot Shot howled as he got the ass-whupping of the century.
-
R&R!