Anonymity

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion

/\/\/\/\

"Soryu?" Kensuke was hesitant to say it out loud. He was almost positive he was seeing things.

She groaned audibly, didn't bother trying to hide it.

The video game shop wasn't one of the big-name distributors littering Tokyo-3's shopping arcades. It was a sanctuary mixing out of print games from bygone systems with a respectable choice of popular recent titles. It specialized in used cartridges and discs, stacked on thin shelves in rows arranged like a maze. Kensuke enjoyed the feeling of discovery and adventure, searching through piles of junk for a rare glittering jewel from a lost era.

All that was momentarily forgotten as he stood frozen in the entryway of File Now Found, staring at Asuka Langley Soryu perusing a shelf of handheld strategy sims. She turned a lazy eye in his direction and groaned again.

"Well, well," she said. "A third of the Idiot Trio. I should have known you'd haunt a place like this."

"You're here too, genius," was what Kensuke wanted to say. "Um…." was what came out. "So… you, uh, play?"

"No, I got lost on my way to the non-gaming stores and decided to see what all the fuss was about. Of course I play, moron. Why else would I be here?"

"Oh, right." He tried to determine what her exasperated tone stemmed from and failed. He watched her for several long moments as she picked up empty game boxes, gave them a cursory scan, then slam them back on their shelf, getting progressively more irritated. "So, ah—"

"Oh my God," she sighed angrily. "Yes. I play video games. I told you already. Alert the media. Hell has frozen over and the apocalypse is nigh. A girl plays video games."

"I was going to ask what system you have."

Asuka recovered with graceful indignation. "A PockeTech 2. Those are the games I'm looking at."

"Vintage," Kensuke remarked approvingly. "I don't see many of those around nowadays."

"Misato's too cheap to spring for anything newer and I have other expenses." She flicked a lock of hair behind her shoulder. "And like Shinji would ever spend money on anything."

A financially strapped pilot was not a concept Kensuke ever considered possible. Shinji never talked about money and Asuka was never lacking what was new and trendy, so he fully believed an Evangelion was a ticket to unfettered spending. This newfound austerity was deeply disturbing.

"That seems kind of, ah, unfair?" he tried.

"Of course it is. It isn't my fault this was the only thing I could find back in Germany. How can NERV be so stingy with their unlimited funds for saving mankind? Budgeting my behind."

Kensuke did his best not to think about budgeting her behind, mostly because he budgeted her behind on a weekly basis through his slightly illegal photography business. Asuka was still a very big seller. He had to admit she was pretty.

If only that was all there was to it, he thought, giving her a surreptitious once-over. Maybe a picture is worth ignoring a thousand words?

He didn't expect running into anyone he knew. Toji was visiting his sister and Shinji cited the dire need to clean his apartment. He kept insisting Misato was a slob but Kensuke secretly believed it was just because Shinji wanted to keep her for himself.

That left him alone after school and the shopping arcade beckoned. He found the little video game shop a month ago, tucked between a failing internet café and a shuttered convenience store. The owner was short and heavy with thick glasses, of indeterminate age, and an air of indifference regarding the success of his store.

Kensuke was impressed Asuka found it so quickly after transferring to Japan. And on the sly, apparently. Maybe there was something to all her genius talk.

"I, ah, I play, too," he said to her.

"Really. I never would have guessed. Here you are, in a video game store, I'm assuming looking for video games so you can play them, and you tell me you play video games. Shocking."

"Oh, yeah," Kensuke said, suddenly feeling very vulnerable without any backup. "Well, I'll just be, um, looking now." He began to step away.

"Thanks for the status update."

He wandered the store's racks, his eyes passing over the titles without reading them. He made several tours while keeping an eye on Asuka to make sure he didn't cross her path as she slowly worked her way through the PockeTech 2 section.

Eventually he realized it was stupid to be afraid of her, this was a public store and not a dark isolated alley she could viciously murder him in, and let his curiosity get the better of his common sense. He sidled up beside Asuka and cleared his throat.

"Ah, if you're looking for a good action game, try Cannon Breaker. The graphics are a bit dated but it's solid."

"'Shoot for the best'," she quoted. "It was overrated." She laughed once to herself. "Just like Shinji. Where is the rest of your little pitiful party? Like I care."

"Toji's visiting his sister in the hospital," Kensuke lobbed at her, hoping for a cringe of remorse. He got none. "And Shinji's—"

"Let me guess. He's staring at a ceiling somewhere listening to that stupid SDAT until his ears bleed."

"… he's cleaning your apartment." Again, no cringe of remorse. Well, that is kind of lame, Shinji.

"Figures," Asuka grumbled. "That's his idea of an exciting night." She glanced at him. "What? Are you a clerk here or something? Do I look like I need help?"

"… well…"

"Oh, shut up." She picked up a game, seemingly at random, and pulled her wallet out of her school satchel to check her funds. She sighed and put the game back.

"I could spot you some cash…" Kensuke began.

Asuka looked at him oddly. "Thanks, no," she said, like he just offered her malaria. She started for the exit. "I have to get home before Shinji scrubs a hole in the floor."

He watched her go then picked up the game she was looking at to check the price. He sighed too.

/\/\/\/\

Kensuke returned to the shop on Sunday but found only the owner. After window-shopping the surrounding stores for two hours he gave up and called Shinji. There was a last-minute test that morning and the pilots were sleeping it off. Shinji sounded drowsy, but not irritated. Kensuke told him to get some rest.

He slept in on Monday. Toji called to demand his whereabouts and Kensuke told him to go ahead without him.

He took a circuitous route and got to school a few minutes before homeroom began. He saw Asuka ringed in by a group of girls, speaking in some alien, unknowable dialect secret to boys.

"Hey," Kensuke said to her with a wave as he passed.

The conversation died and the girls stared at him with faces ranging from disbelief to ridicule. Asuka's was unreadable. He began to sweat and inched his way past them. They stayed silent until he was out of earshot, then a hushed wisp of giggles floating past him. Kensuke sighed.

He collapsed into his seat and shrunk as far as the desk allowed.

"Sleeping Beauty makes his grand entrance," Toji said to him. "Thanks for ditching me this morning. It's not like your house is out of my way or anything."

Kensuke grumbled an apology. He turned to Shinji, who still looked sleepy. "How much money do you make from piloting?"

Shinji looked uncomfortable. He blushed a little. "I don't really know. Ms. Misato said she'd take care of all that."

Somehow, that did not strike Kensuke as the brightest decision.

"She gives me a monthly stipend," Shinji went on, "so it's not like I'm… um, why are you asking?" His voice had a dull edge of suspicion.

"Well," Toji drawled, "you and Ayanami look like you've both taken vows of poverty next to Red's spending habits."

"She does have a lot of stuff…"

"I remember that day she moved into your place. You couldn't see the floor."

Kensuke grinned. No wonder she didn't buy anything the other day. If she was blowing her money on all that other stuff, a secret vice like video games wouldn't get as much consideration.

"I'm going to be busy this week," he told his friends. "My dad needs some help at home. Don't wait up for me after school, okay?"

/\/\/\/\

It was next Sunday when he finally found Asuka at the store again.

"Do you come here every day?" she asked with a light smirk as he hurried in.

"O-Of course not. There's just been some stuff I wanted to pick up." At mounting expense to me. Going to have to take some more pictures soon.

Asuka's smirk grew. "Hmm. Is that so. I didn't know you were such an old-timer in your gaming tastes."

"You're here too, genius," was what he again wanted to say. What came out was a nervous chuckle. The humiliation at school came back in a painful flash. "Ah, about the other day, when I said hi…"

"Huh?" Asuka looked at him in total incomprehension. "What are you babbling about?"

"… never mind."

Kensuke tried not to stare. She was wearing a pleated skirt that showed off her legs to a disconcerting degree and a sleeveless button-up that seemed several sizes too small. A spaghetti-strap purse dangled carelessly off her left shoulder. He wished he had his camera.

He again carefully watched her as he roamed the store, waiting until she again failed to buy anything and turned to leave with a huff. Kensuke slipped ahead of her while pretending to shop.

"Still hurting for funds?" he joked nervously.

"Please. I'm going to the movies."

"Oh?"

Asuka heaved an agonized sigh. "Yes. Last Millennium Eulogizer started this week." She waited for derision and received none. "Hikari hates sci-fi," she said as way of explanation.

"I was actually on my way there, too," Kensuke blurted. "I've wanted to see that for a while."

"It just came out."

"Y-Yeah, but I read about it before and, I mean—"

"Whatever," Asuka said, rolling her eyes.

They left the store together before Asuka pulled ahead with a longer gait. Kensuke trotted after her, fumbling in the school satchel slung over his shoulder. He reached in and blindly produced a game case featuring a cute girl in a strange bathing suit.

"Oh, uh, Soryu," he called and she slowed until he could show her the game. "I, uh, yeah, I thought you might like this since you were scouting the sims last time. It's called Sapphire Ocean Mystery. It's a bit closer to strategy but it's good. You see, you guide this submarine and—"

"I know the game," she interrupted. She hesitated then came to a halt. "… how much?"

"Don't worry about it," he said with an attempt at nonchalance.

"I don't take handouts," Asuka said crossly. "Now name a price or keep it to yourself."

"Ah…" He struggled for an appropriate amount and failed. "A hundred yen?"

"That's an insult. Do you think I'm poor or something?"

"No, no," he said quickly. "I was going to get rid of it anyway, so—"

"So now you're giving me trash?"

"No, I—" Kensuke grappled with the inefficiency of his very male brain. "I meant I'll need to check how much it's worth. I'll get back to you." He saw she still wasn't sold. "I promise?"

"You better not give me any kind of 'girl' discount or anything—"

"I won't."

"Fine." Asuka took the case and dropped it into her purse. "Your business acumen is lacking. You're terribly unprepared."

Kensuke offered a humble chuckle and decided he was better off not enlightening her to the efficiency of his tightly run photo empire. Though boys are much easier to deal with, he thought.

They resumed walking and passed a large media store. In one of the windows a poster displayed a bulky, jagged bipedal robot lumbering over a war torn wasteland, twin arm cannons raised menacingly. Her eyes lingered over it.

"It's the new Victorious Armor game," Kensuke explained, following her sight. He went on without thinking. "The seventh one. I played the beta and the control system was fundamentally messed up. No way they can fix it before the May release." He cringed. Way to geek it up. Real smooth.

"Can't be worse than 3's system was," Asuka said.

"… uh, well, yeah," he managed to say, poorly covering his surprise. "I mean, no, 7 wasn't that bad, but it was getting there."

"4 was the best." She gave him a slow stare when he failed to respond. "Oh. You disagree?"

"No, 4 was great, but… come on. 5 had the better options and combat immersion. Plus you could change your class in-game. It opened up a whole new world of playability."

"4 was a masterpiece," Asuka stated. "Fans of 5 are just suckered by the prettier graphics and the illusion of depth from the superficial customization."

They were quiet for a moment, staring at each other.

"Well, they were both better than 6," Kensuke said diplomatically with a careful smile.

"… true. Do you remember the 'storyline' they threw at you? Who cares? That kind of stab at modern context was insulting. Just give me the mech and get out of my way."

"Yeah." He smiled easily. "I tried to get Shinji to play 6, it's the easiest for newbies, but, well… for someone who does, ah, what he does I thought he'd at least be decent, but… no."

"I know! He's terrible! He's always like 'it's just because you're so good, Asuka', which is true, but he's pathetic!"

She was right: Shinji was terrible at video games. He seemed unable to show competency with any genre. Toji was better, providing a challenge on occasion, or at least more than what Shinji's total lack of skill offered. Kensuke seriously believed he was losing on purpose at first. No one could be that bad. Shinji was that bad.

"Even when I max the handicaps in his favor he loses," Asuka went on. "You usually have to work at being that bad, but he just sucks."

"I'm glad he's a lot better at piloting an Eva than a video game mech," he said with a laugh. Asuka did not laugh. Her face went placid and Kensuke mentally kicked his own ass.

They reached the theater's ticket counter. It was a small establishment, only two screens, but it saw a healthy clientele by catering to the customers of the surrounding stores. Kensuke rifled through his wallet, hoping to scrounge enough money together for two tickets.

"I'm not paying for you, too," Asuka said, already receiving her ticket from the clerk and heading to the concession stand. "And I'm not going to miss this movie."

"Oh, oh, no, that wasn't—" He swallowed the rest with a brief frown. "No, I have enough." He bought his ticket.

Going to the theater with someone was a novel experience. Toji hated sitting still for long and Shinji always looked bored. Going to the theater with a girl was surreal.

"Shinji hates the movies," Asuka was saying as she bought a soda. "I have no clue why. He always makes up some lame excuse, even when we're at home. Like sitting quietly with me is a fate worse than death."

"… ah…"

"Exactly. He just needs to find something wrong with everything." She shook her head.

They entered the theater. It was mostly empty, a few boys scattered about whispered in oblivious conversation. Asuka took a seat towards the front, crossing her legs as she started on her soda. Kensuke hesitated before carefully depositing himself in the seat next to her, cringing as he waited for the order to move away.

"What kind of movie does Shinji like?" Asuka asked. "Probably something boring like a cleaning documentary. Did you know he made a rotating schedule for cleaning, for himself? It's like it's a hobby for him."

Kensuke sat rigidly, trying not to sweat. Did I wear deodorant today? I… I think I did. I did.

"And he's always passive-aggressively trying to foist his responsibilities on me and Misato with all his little looks and comments. But cooking and cleaning are the only things he has any competency with. Without them he'd just be freeloading off Misato. He's so infuriating, isn't he?"

The lights dimmed and the screen flickered to life.

"Now clam up," Asuka said, eyes fixed on the screen. "The previews are starting."

Kensuke clammed up.

/\/\/\/\

It was twilight when the movie ended. Most of the film was lost on Kensuke as he battled valiantly not to notice how nice Asuka smelled or what it would feel like to hold her hand, set so agonizingly close on the theater seat's armrest.

The shopping arcade was mostly deserted, free of the afternoon rush but before the nightlife began. Kensuke watched the streetlamps, waiting for them to light so he wouldn't be tempted to look at Asuka. They walked together since he said he lived in the same direction she did, which was a lie, but he figured it was safer for both of them.

He felt warm and restless. His hands refused to stay still. He fought against the dueling desire and fear of someone from school stumbling upon them out together.

"Well," Asuka said as they neared a crosswalk, "it was certainly… a day." With that she stepped off the sidewalk.

"Hey," Kensuke blurted, and she stopped. "Do you want to, uh, g-go… out somewhere else? Well, maybe not now, but sometime? Like, out out? Like, um, you know—"

"A date?" Asuka finished blandly. She turned away. "Not interested. Today was a hiccup in the universe's natural order. Don't read anything into it."

He pushed down the humiliation and regret to a bitter, red-hot ember in his gut. He clenched his fists. "It's Shinji, isn't it?"

"What?"

"You… you like him, right?"

Asuka paused a moment then laughed hard. "Oh, oh, jeez. You almost had me. You sounded so sincere, too. Nervous and wimpy, but sincere." She crossed her arms and grinned. "This was a long way to go for a gag, but now I know you had to be joking about everything. I mean, come on. No one could ever be serious about me liking Shinji." She looked him straight in the eye, waiting for him to take the out.

"Yeah," he finally said. "You got me. I was just kidding about the d-date." He managed a shaky smile. "I've always been bad at jokes."

"I can see why. It's all about confidence and timing. You were lousy with both. But at least you had commitment." She sighed good-naturedly. "You know, when I think about it I have enough games to occupy me."

She reached into her purse and retrieved the game he gave her earlier. She tossed it to him and he fumbled to catch it. Kensuke didn't trust himself to speak.

Asuka turned and laced her fingers behind her head. "Don't throw it away on my account, though."

She walked away without looking back.

/\/\/\/\

The grass tickled his hands as he walked. It was sharp and cool and made a pleasant rustling sound as he passed through the field. The flicker of campfire and the scent of cooking rice guided him. Overhead a lonely trail of smoke disappeared into the night sky, untouched by the lights of the city at his back.

Toji headed towards the flowing mountains ringing Tokyo-3, passing by long-abandoned bus stops and muddy trails. The grass was a waist-high wilderness and the air was wet and clean.

He eventually came across a clearing with a tent and campfire, with a single log serving as a seat by the fire. On a spit was a beat-up can of rice. Kensuke sat before it on the log, holding a stick in one hand and his chin in the other.

"Yo," Toji said.

Kensuke glanced up then grunted in recognition.

Toji took it as an invitation and flopped down on his back in the clearing, hands behind his head. "You know, it's kind of peaceful way out here. You can barely hear the city."

He looked his friend over. He was in his homemade military fatigues but wasn't wearing any face paint and wasn't armed to the teeth with replica artillery. His skinny arms looked like bones without a fake rifle slung in them.

The fire was warm on a warm night. The moon was a slice of silver in the deep blue. He felt relaxed enough to drift off to sleep.

"It isn't like you to skip school," Toji said. "Figured something was up after day two. You weren't answering your cell."

"I turned it off." Kensuke poked at the fire with his stick. It snapped at him. "What do you think of Asuka?"

His friend raised an eyebrow. "Say what now? Why are you asking?"

"Why do you think?" Kensuke asked seriously.

A secondary route to piloting, Toji almost said, then thought better of it. He'd seen Kensuke depressed over piloting before. This glum fatigue was something similar but different.

"Do you think she likes Shinji?"

"The way somebody likes a bad pet, yeah." Toji laughed. "Why? Did he say something?"

"No."

"Did she say something?" He was incredulous.

Kensuke didn't answer. "What do you think of her?"

"She's a monster."

"I'm not talking about… I mean honestly, what do you think of her?"

Toji hesitated. He had a vague inkling of what his friend was getting at but dismissed it immediately. He sighed. "As long as this stays between you, me and the rice you're burning… I'll admit she's good-looking. But her personality is… I don't know. I've never seen her be nice with anyone but the Class Rep and even that's sort of…" He gestured to indicate he thought it wasn't an equal relationship. "I think she's a mean person."

"Mmm."

He paused, staring at the fire. "My little sister told me girls are mean to guys they like. Doesn't make sense, right? I mean, a bunch of girls are pissy towards us and I doubt it's because they're all secretly in love with us. Soryu's mean to us and Shinji. And any other boy that breathes in her direction."

"She picks on him a lot."

"Yeah, and I can't imagine he likes it. Shinji can be… well, weird sometimes, but I don't think he goes out looking for abuse."

"But they don't change," Kensuke said in frustration to get his point across. "She gets angry over stuff he does but he doesn't try to change it, so she always gets angry. She never tries to help him so he keeps doing the stuff that makes her angry. They're… they don't…" He struggled for a moment before sighing through his nose. "They act like they're stuck with each other."

"They are. He has to live with her."

"That's not it."

"They're weird," Toji stated. "Pilots are weird. Look at Ayanami. Pilots are weird so of course they'd be weird together."

"That's not it."

The flames curled lazily in the campfire. The moon passed overhead in a slow arc. The city and everyone in it felt far, far away.

"Shinji might be stuck with her," Toji finally said after a time with a smile, "but you're stuck with me."

Kensuke turned his head away. His shoulders shook once. He wiped at his eyes. "Damn smoke," he managed to get out.

"Yeah." He kept his eyes on the fire. "Yeah."

/\/\/\/\

End

Author notes: outside certain spin-offs, one-sided Kensuke/Asuka isn't that farfetched. She's essentially his wet dream; a hot-blooded, hot female mecha pilot who plays video games? Sign him up. And of course there's their manga introduction. He had heart eyes and everything. Poor Kensuke. Maybe he and Mana could commiserate.

OMAKE

"Shinji might be stuck with her," Toji finally said after a time with a smile, "but you're stuck with me."

Kensuke whipped his head around towards his friend. "Are you… are you hitting on me?"

"Yeah." He kept his eyes on the fire as he stood and began disrobing. "Yeah."