Title: The Best Laid Plans…
Author: CocoaSnape
Disclaimer: Alas, I do not own the HP universe; JK Rowling/Warner Bros does. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: This story picks up just days after its prequel, 'Much Madness is Divinest Sense,' left off. Albus is determined to make amends for his previous subterfuge by whisking Severus away on a romantic holiday. Things do not go exactly as planned.
Acknowledgements: Profound thanks once again to my incomparable partner, M, for advice, support and everything in between. Hug of thanks also to Snape's Nightie her brit-picking expertise and for comments along the way.
Notes: This is a sequel to 'Much Madness is Divinest Sense.' I strongly recommend that you read it first. This story was written for the Albus Dumbledore/Severus Snape Buggering Bee, part of the Snapledore Carnal Carnival, in response to the following challenge: Our favorite couple takes a trip abroad (Challenge by Delphi). This story ignores HBP-canon.
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The Best Laid Plans…
by CocoaSnape
Albus Dumbledore could not have been a happier man. Less than one week ago he discovered that his long time Potions Master and friend, Severus Snape, shared the same romantic feelings for him that he had long harbored for the younger wizard. Perhaps 'discovered' was not the most appropriate word, Dumbledore mused – exposed by surreptitious means was more like it. But that deception was long behind him. So what if he had enlisted his own nephew to pose as his young lover in order to spin Severus into a jealous frenzy. It had turned out alright in the end. Everything was now in the open between them, and Dumbledore even seemed to surmise that Severus didn't, in the final synopsis, mind his mass deception all that much. In fact, if the past few days were any indication, Dumbledore smiled to himself, it hadn't mattered in the slightest.
Yes, Dumbledore had everything he wanted, except perhaps some more time alone with his new partner. They had barely left his quarters since they had tumbled into them half-naked five days ago, and yet interruptions seemed to find them. Such was the life of a Headmaster. And yet here it was two weeks into the summer break and six months after the defeat of Voldemort, and still Dumbledore struggled to find some respite. His faculty had apparently not received the owl that it was time for a long overdue holiday.
But Dumbledore knew also that he was himself partially to blame. His faculty was probably only trying to distract him from the young lover they believed had taken him hostage. They had no way of knowing the truth – that Andrew was long gone and had never been his lover to begin with. And they certainly did not suspect that he was actually hiding Severus in his quarters while they chatted endlessly about their latest research into novel wand movements, the watering requirements of various nettle plants, the weather's impact on one's Inner Eye, or Peeves's latest exploits.
Truth be told, things had become rather messy. Despite Dumbledore's exalted spirit of amusement, he knew he had exceeded the bounds of humor. He felt himself embarrassed and found the prospect of explaining everything to his faculty, from Andrew to Severus, more than a little daunting. The simple facts were that his nephew's ad-libbed obnoxious behavior had gone too far and he himself felt like a fool for having gone to such extremes to win Severus's heart. No, honesty would have been better, more forthright, less messy – even if, as Dumbledore faintly realized, it would have also been less seductive and far less fun. Dumbledore recognized that the time might come when he would be forced to confess everything. But as it wasn't now, he happily brushed the thought from his mind.
Instead, he turned his attentions to the idea of taking a holiday. He and Severus had in fact discussed the idea of going away almost immediately after getting together. Severus, remembering Albus's invitation from their first (and only) dinner out together in London, had enthusiastically suggested Australia. But Dumbledore, sure he had a much better idea, had talked him out of it.
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"Where did you have in mind?" Severus asked.
"I was thinking Paris…" Dumbledore replied.
"Oh." A pause. "Is Australia too far then?" Too much of a commitment so soon? Severus wondered silently.
"Not at all."
"Then why not?" Snape asked.
"It's winter over there, Severus. Granted it's nothing like winter here, but I thought you'd fancy some warmer weather."
"I don't care about the temperature," Snape replied flatly.
"Well I was thinking we could visit Australia over the Christmas Holidays. We can warm up from the Hogwarts winter."
Dumbledore could tell he had begun to pique Severus's interest. He continued, "And I thought we might recreate our first dinner in London by taking in some fine dining in each arrondissement of Paris." Dumbledore smiled as he said, "And this time, I won't be so hesitant to take hold of your hand."
"Is that where your mind was that evening?" Snape asked curiously. "I did sense that you were rather preoccupied with something."
"Yes, well, there was that. But don't forget, Severus, that when I invited you to dinner your enthusiastic acceptance centered largely around London's excellent assortment of bat wings," Dumbledore answered in a playful sulk.
Severus chuckled and replied, "Ah yes, that was rather clever of me."
"More like exasperating," Dumbledore said with a smile.
A pause. "Paris, eh?" Snape repeated.
"Yes…Paris." Dumbledore eyed his lover a moment before continuing, "The truth is, Severus, for months now I've had this ridiculously romantic notion of sweeping you off your feet. And here instead of courting you properly, I acted a fool. I want to make it up to you, and what better place than the city of romance? And best of all," Dumbledore whispered seductively as he leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on his lover's lips, "we can get lost in the crowd…away from floo calls and interruptions."
"Mmm," Severus murmured, returning Albus's kiss.
"It'll be romantic, Severus," Dumbledore insisted, unaware that he had already sold Severus on the idea.
"I'm holding you to that, Albus."
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The following morning, Albus awoke early while Severus was still sleeping soundly. Unaccustomed to company, Dumbledore forewent his typical routine. Normally, he would start the day with song, often singing the Hogwarts lyrics to whatever piece of music he fancied at the time. This morning, however, in deference to his sleeping companion, he cast a silencing charm around himself, got out of bed, and made his way down the staircase and into his office to check his mail. They would be leaving for Paris in two days, and although he was excited about finally getting some alone time with Severus, Dumbledore's mind was occupied with thoughts of the visitor that would be coming tomorrow. Andrew was returning, just as he had promised.
And Dumbledore was strangely excited by the prospect. After everything that had happened, he was looking forward to Severus meeting Andrew…the real Andrew. He knew they would hit it off. Like Severus, Andrew was intelligent and sharp-witted.
Just as Dumbledore was mulling over the best way to break the ice between them, an owl came through his owl door and landed on his desk. Taking hold of the small scroll, Dumbledore recognized his nephew's handwriting immediately. After reading the note, he made his way back to the bedroom to wake Severus.
Snape was not a man who enjoyed being awakened before he was ready. He grumbled as Albus shook him awake.
"Albus…tell me something's on fire."
"I'm sorry to wake you, Severus. But Andrew just owled. He's coming in an hour."
"What? I thought he was coming tomorrow."
"So did I. But he says he's double-booked himself. Which means we have to get dressed."
Severus sat straight up. "We agreed on tomorrow and he owls to say he's coming now. How is it that he's still managing to infuriate me?"
"He must have a good reason. You'll like him, Severus. You will."
"Hmm," Severus replied, as he staggered out of bed. "Well you say he's doing a Mastery. And he's related to you. So he can't be as dim-witted as he pretended."
Dumbledore chuckled. "Andrew is definitely not dim-witted. But unfortunately your reasoning is flawed Severus…if my other relatives are any indication."
"Oh Merlin, there are more of them?"
"Of course there are. All from my sister, Giarelda."
"So she's Andrew's great grandmother?" Severus asked, unsure if he had the whole family tree straight.
"Exactly. And then there's Andrew's mother and grandmother and great grandmother and all their children. It's a complete circus on that side. Fortunately, Aberforth never had any children. Speaking of Aberforth, the three of us should have dinner sometime. Although not at his place. It smells of—"
"Let me guess," Severus interrupted with a smirk on his face. "Goat."
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Andrew may have been wearing significantly more subdued clothing compared to the last time Snape had seen him, but the smile and fire in his eyes remained the same. He strode forward and offered his hand in greeting.
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Severus."
"And you."
Andrew apologized for the lack of notice of his arrival, but gave no explanation.
The trio chatted as they ate a leisurely breakfast. Dumbledore could feel the tension emanating from Severus. He hoped it was just nerves from finally meeting Andrew, as opposed to discomfort or dislike. He tried to break the tension by asking Andrew what he had been up to this past week.
"First I went to Beauxbatons and visited with Professors Tardieuand Krulik. And then I met up with some friends and we spent a few evenings in Paris."
"Oh how nice," Dumbledore replied. "Severus and I are planning on going to Paris the day after tomorrow."
"Already?" Andrew asked, his voice betraying his disbelief.
"What do you mean, 'already'?" Dumbledore asked curiously.
"It's nothing," Andrew said dismissively, but then added, "I just assumed you both would decide to take it slow and not rush things. Let the dust clear so to speak…"
Dumbledore could tell Severus was trying very hard not to look annoyed. He replied, "Severus and I aren't rushing anything, Andrew. We've been friends for nearly 18 years now."
"Of course, you're right." Andrew said amicably. "I didn't mean to imply…" he stopped. "I'm sure you'll have a good time."
The men sipped their freshly poured tea, and as Andrew raised his cup, a mischievous smile crossed his face as he asked his uncle, "No cappuccino, lemon cookie?"
Albus reflexively swallowed his tea to prevent spitting it out and began to laugh. A glance over at Severus's expression made Dumbledore cease his laughter. Severus did not look happy at the idea of reliving Andrew's play-personality.
"Sorry, Severus," Andrew began. "I couldn't resist. That week was more fun than I've had in ages. I quite enjoyed playing Uncle Albus's boy toy."
"Albus mentioned that you embellished slightly…"
"He was uncontrollable actually," Dumbledore added. "Weren't you, Andrew?"
"Ah yes, but it was so easy, how could I not go for broke? The looks on your face, Severus! They were priceless."
Albus noticed that Severus frowned slightly at that pronouncement.
"Of course," Andrew continued with a wink in Severus's direction, "you can't complain about the results now, can you?"
"No," Snape replied coldly. "I suppose I can't."
Dumbledore felt an icy chill run up his spine at the tone of Severus's voice. He knew exactly what was upsetting Severus, and, quite frankly, he was surprised that Andrew didn't realize how embarrassing that week had been for him. Dumbledore was all too well aware that Severus had endured enough humiliation already in his youth and beyond. Although Dumbledore knew Andrew was just being playful, it did not mean Severus wasn't sensitive to these comments.
Dumbledore did his best to smooth things over. "Fortunately, all that mess is over now so…"
But Andrew had already begun to speak to Severus again. "My only regret is that I wasn't there for your final confrontation with Uncle Albus."
"Oh?" Severus asked.
"Man did I ever wind you up!" Andrew said with a chuckle. "I told Uncle Albus over and over again that that's what it was going to take for you to finally break."
"Break?" Snape asked harshly.
"No, that's not what Andrew means to say…" Dumbledore began.
"Of course," Andrew said. "Severus, I meant…how long it was going to take for you to tell Uncle Albus how you felt about him. But you have to admit, I really pissed you off." Andrew smiled and said with a slight whisper, "I'll bet you enjoyed casting that vomiting charm on me."
At that, Snape smiled back. "You have no idea."
Andrew chuckled. "Nice choice, by the way. A little soft, especially coming from you, but nice."
"Soft?" Snape asked, trying to cover his insulted tone. "What do you suggest I should have done then?"
"Given how I baited you, I might have expected the Cruciatus from you," Andrew replied.
Before Dumbledore was even aware of it, Severus had shot up from his chair and was glaring menacingly at Andrew.
"Once a Death Eater always a Death Eater! Is that it?" he snapped.
Andrew's eyes went wide and he began frantically, "Severus, I didn't mean it like that…"
"Then pray tell…how did you mean it? You've just said you were expecting from me a curse that I would not wish on my greatest enemy! What the bloody hell am I supposed to make of that?"
Regaining his powers of speech, Dumbledore interrupted with a deceptively calm voice, "Severus, I'm sure that Andrew did not mean any offense."
"Severus…I swear to you that didn't mean it like that. You were just so enraged at me, I thought you were going to do something harsher – and rightly so! It was a bad example, but the Cruciatus was the first thing that popped into my mind. I meant no offense."
Snape did not reply.
Feeling not a little bit rattled, Dumbledore said, "See. This is all a big misunderstanding. Severus, please sit." Dumbledore reached for Severus's arm and pulled him down next to him on the couch. He could feel Severus positively trembling with rage.
Naturally, Dumbledore took the opportunity to refill everyone's tea and tried to change the subject, albeit badly. He began talking about the faculty and how they had been annoying him this past week. Dumbledore noticed that neither man was looking at the other.
"…Fortunately Minerva hasn't been here to bother me. She's getting back from her holiday late this evening."
Snape spoke suddenly, directing his words to Andrew, "What Albus is saying is that he hasn't yet told his faculty about the little ruse the two of you cooked up. And since he doesn't want to be humiliated, he'd like it very much if you could leave before Minerva gets back."
"That wasn't what I was saying, Severus," Dumbledore reassured gently. Oh this was a disaster. Now Severus was angry with him too!
"Intimating then," Snape grumbled.
Dumbledore started to speak, but Andrew interjected, "Don't worry, Uncle. I'll be gone. I have no desire to run into Minerva again."
"Again?"
Andrew hesitated for a moment. Dumbledore could plainly see that his nephew suddenly appeared troubled. But he said replied dismissively, "It's nothing. I'll firecall you after your holiday."
"Andrew, what are you not telling me?"
Andrew looked over at Severus and then back at Dumbledore. With a great deal of discomfort, he began, "Perhaps we should speak about this…later."
Severus caught Andrew's meaning immediately and with a hardened look on his face and a growl under his breath, he made to leave. Dumbledore placed a hand on Severus and said softly, "Severus, don't go. Please." Then turning his attention to his nephew, Albus said firmly, "Andrew, whatever it is, you can talk to me in front of Severus."
"Alright." Andrew sighed deeply before beginning. "It has to do with our game last week. I think it might have gone a bit too far in some areas…"
"You think?" Snape snapped.
"It was all in good fun, Severus. I thought you'd be able to take a joke," Andrew said with growing irritation of his own.
Dumbledore spoke before Severus had a chance to add more fuel to the fire, "Obviously there are still some hurt feelings on both sides, and I know that in time the two of you will move beyond them. You both have so much in common, I know you'll be great friends."
In reply, Dumbledore heard a huff from Severus and saw the disbelieving look on Andrew's face.
"Please continue, Andrew."
"Yes, well…I was saying that things went too far, but I meant with someone else. Minerva had a serious talk with me the night before she left."
"Oh dear Merlin," Albus breathed.
"She was absolutely adamant—"
"About you not coming to meals?" Dumbledore interrupted. "I know. She sent me a letter."
Dumbledore didn't notice the brief flush on Snape's face and he certainly had no way of knowing that Snape had in fact forged McGonagall's handwriting and written that letter himself.
"Actually this had nothing to do with meals."
"Then what was it about?"
"Well…" Andrew began, nervously rubbing his hands together. "She wanted me to leave Hogwarts. She told me that when she returned from her holiday she expected me, well, to be dearly departed."
"She ordered you to leave?" Dumbledore asked with some amusement.
"Yes. And I sort of lied to you before…the reason I came today…this morning actually, was because I remembered she said she was coming back tonight. I didn't want to chance a meeting with her."
"I had no idea she was so concerned about me. Granted no one was happy about my 'relationship' with you, but to banish you from Hogwarts…"
"It's worse than that, I'm afraid. She told me if I was still present upon her return, she would make it her mission to transfigure, those were her very words, my life into a living hell!"
"Minerva threatened you?" Dumbledore asked dumbfounded.
"I couldn't believe it myself."
"This is ridiculous," Snape interjected. "I mean, Merlin knows you were acting like a righteous arse and a bloody moron and a—"
"Severus, I think we get the point," Dumbledore interjected.
"Not really," Snape muttered under his breath.
"I had no idea she would be so protective," Dumbledore insisted. Noticing Andrew's anxious expression, Dumbledore inquired, "Andrew, what is it that you're not telling me?"
Another deep sigh. "She was being more than protective. She attacked me, Uncle."
"What?"
"I asked her what her problem was – you know, in my persona at the time – and she petrified me and hung me from the ceiling."
Dumbledore's eyes were bulging now.
"Are you making this up?" Snape snapped angrily at Andrew.
"I wish I was."
"I don't understand what could have come over her."
A moment's hesitation and then Andrew confessed, "She's madly in love with you."
"No!"
"Now I know you're joking," Snape insisted.
Andrew threw his head in his hands and whispered, "I wish I was. Believe me." Andrew looked up and met Dumbledore's confused stare. "She told me to let you down easily – to make something up in order to spare your feelings. She insisted that I must have somehow confused you, bewitched you even, because she knew there was no way you liked men."
"Oh Merlin!" Dumbledore was at a loss. How was he going to explain this whole deception to Minerva now? And what would she do when she found out he was with Severus? Would she turn her vendetta against him?
"She told me thatwhen she got back she was going to tell you the truth…finally, after all these years."
"The truth?"
"That she wants you. That she has for a very long time. She told me she had been waiting for Voldemort's defeat; that she was finally getting up the courage to tell you all of this just when I arrived and spoiled everything. And she added that I'd better be gone before she returned because she was going to speak with you as soon as she got back."
"That's tonight!" Dumbledore said in a panic.
"It's really ironic if you think about it," Andrew continued, "All that time when you were trying to woo Severus, you were winning Minerva's heart. It's pretty funny, actually."
"This is not the least bit funny," Dumbledore snapped, hearing his words being echoed precisely from Severus as well.
"Severus," Andrew added, "…a word of advice. Protect yourself. She's gone off the deep end."
"I can't believe this," Dumbledore mumbled to himself, and then snapped, "Why didn't you say any of this before?"
"I didn't want to spoil our plan, and I thought this might have distracted you."
"I can't imagine what would have given you that idea!!" Dumbledore exclaimed. This was a disaster! Just when he thought everything had worked out for the best, he was finding out that this whole situation had blown up in his face. What was he going to do now?
Dumbledore stood sharply and began pacing in tight circles, half-mumbling, half-exclaiming, "I never would have thought!" "What am I going to do?" "She's clearly lost control if she threatened you…" "I have to work with her…" "I'm going to have to sit her down and explain that it's nothing to do with her, but that I prefer men, that I always have…bloody hell!" "I'm beginning to feel sick…"
He glanced up and met Severus's and Andrew's stares of amusement and within a second, something clicked in Dumbledore's head. Andrew was completely doubled-over with laughter, so much so that Severus was supporting him with his arm.
Severus looked straight at his lover and said through a narrow-eyed victorious glare, "I got you, Albus…hook, line and sinker!"
Albus knew he was staring open-mouthed at Severus.
Snape continued, "You didn't think I'd let that whole scheme you cooked up and force fed me last week slide without getting some revenge, did you? I contacted Andrew, and he was very happy to oblige."
Andrew managed through his choked laughter, "Severus, did you see his face when I said Minerva was going to seduce him tonight? I nearly burst a vein trying to contain myself."
Albus sank down in the armchair. He was so full of relief that he didn't have to deal with his deputy Headmistress that he wasn't even angry at the deception. "So this has all been part of your plot. You two weren't really fighting?"
"No," Severus replied with a smile.
"And Minerva's not in love with me. Thank Merlin for small miracles."
"Thank you for your help, Andrew," Snape began. "You were very convincing."
"Please don't thank me, Severus. I owe you for this! That was the most fun I think I've ever had. And if I was convincing, you were incredible! That Death Eater bit you threw in there…I thought you were being serious for a moment. You scared me half to death!"
Snape, who was clearly pleased, made a mock-bow in reply.
"I'm never going to live this down, am I?" Dumbledore inquired from his armchair.
"No," the two younger wizards replied in unison.
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to be continued...
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Author's Note: I hope you all enjoyed this first installment of this 6-part fic. Pending revisions along the way, I will be posting fairly regularly.
I can't wait to hear your comments...