How Wario...
By TRUE Unknown
Note: I do not own Nintendo, or the Wario/WarioWare games. I only own this fic.
This is the beginning of a series of how Wario and his friends are so great, that they also save many holidays/occasions. I hope you all read this and enjoy it! Although, technically, this is redone with slightly added content, slight cursing, the addition of Ashley, Red, 18-Volt, and Mike, and is now rightfully in the WarioWare section! Praise, suckas!
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How Wario… saved Thanksgiving
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Diamond City; A scraggly man wearing a purple shirt, black overalls, a purple upside-down L hat, and a jagged mustache walks into town, gazing at the interesting cityscape.
"So..." the scraggly man known only as Waluigi muttered. "This is Diamond City. Looks a lot better than the Mushroom Kingdom!"
Who should walk by him but the intrepid reporter dog Ken.
"Excuse me!" Waluigi questioned. "Do you know where Wario lives?"
Ken the news dog suddenly turned to him, with microphone in his hand for no reason. "You mean the inventor of the famous WarioWare Inc. games? Why of course! He resides in the WarioWare Corporation building in the centre of town!" He pointed ahead into the distance with his mike, before disappearing from the scene.
Waluigi was understandably flabbergasted. "Famous? Game? CORPORATION? I'm gonna kill him!"
And so, the scraggly Luigi clone walks off in a burning fervor of determination. Waluigi makes his way into the center of town, seeing the WarioWare Corporation building the dog told him about. He makes it to the door, and knocks on the door, also with the burning fervor of determination. Who should open it but a red and white clothed, multi-colored afro man.
Why, it's our good pal, Jimmy T! (applause) "Hey, groovy cat! What you need?"
Looking at Jimmy strangely, Waluigi simply exclaimed, "I'm here to kill Wario!"
And who should burst through the front door behind the dancer, in his biker treads and his lucky W hat, but Wario. "I'm sorry, we're fresh out of that!" He remarked sarcastically.
"Wario!"
"Now, why are you here?"
"I'm going to make you suffer!" He raised his fist before proceeding to charge at the portly man.
Waluigi tried to leap on Wario, but, thanks to some battle skills he picked up from battling the evil Black Jewel, he performed a one-two-noggin slammer to the skinny guy, stunning him. Wario then grabbed the stunned Waluigi, and performed his infamous pile driver, knocking him deep into the sidewalk!
"Ow..." Waluigi groaned in considerable pain. "when did you learn some new moves…?"
-Some time later-
"So, let me get this straight:" Waluigi started, with a bandage nursing his head. "You saw a commercial about a best-selling game called Pyoro, and this made you realize that the big bucks are in software development. So you and your 'friends' decided to make your own game. And when you wanted to keep the profits for yourself, you flew up in a rocket, ran into a floating scientist in a lemon-colored jumpsuit, and all your profits fell into the hands of your associates. Correct?"
"Yes." Wario said.
"Might I ask then, you asshole, WHY DIDN'T YOU GET ME INVOLVED?"
"You know I like money. But I didn't know that everyone else was greedy too!" His husky gaze turned at the lanky fellow. "And just because we always work together at sporting events, it doesn't mean that I have to have you near 24/7! And I don't like you too!"
"You got that right." Jimmy spun a twirl. "The name's Jimmy T."
"And I'm Waluigi."
Suddenly, coming out of the bathroom was one of Wario's female friends, wearing a red skirt and halter-top, with flowing orange hair and goggles, Mona. Behind her back was an electric guitar.
Waluigi's eyes almost shot themselves out of their sockets, as he looked at her. "Wow. She's hot." He thought to himself before he voiced his opinion aloud. "Wow, Wario! You must be so rich, you can buy your own women!" He then proceeded to do his sinister weasel laugh, before Mona kicks him in the face.
"You must be really stupid." Wario brushed his hand in the air. "My relationship with Mona is platonic. Mona, this is Waluigi. Waluigi, Mona."
Mona looked a little down. "Well, not exactly platonic on my end..." She muttered.
"I don't believe it one bit!" Waluigi raved. "She's hotter than Princess Peach, and you don't even phase one bit!"
"So?" Wario said.
"... Are you into men?"
Wario glared at the evil Luigi counterpart. "... Mona, you know what to do."
"Got it, Wario!" She smirked. Mona walks up to Waluigi, kicks him down, and then grabs Waluigi's leg, spinning him around and around, mimicking Wario's giant swing, until she lets him go, throttling him into the wall. "Like that?"
"Ow…"
"Thanks much, Mona." Wario thanked her, before he gets up, and heads to the fridge. "Now, where's that shopping list?"
"On the fridge." Jimmy pointed out.
"On the fridge?" Wario quizzically gawked, but then looked up. "Oh, there. We need a large turkey for the Thanksgiving dinner. I'll be back." And after he grabs his biker goggles, he sets out.
-Twenty Minutes Later-
"So?" Mona asked, seeing Wario coming back through the door.
"Nope." Wario plainly said.
"Nope?" Mona eyed him.
Waluigi laughed. "He probably ate it along the way. WEHEHEHEHE!"
Jimmy T. then slaps Waluigi upside the head. "Dude. Not cool."
"They were out of turkeys!" Wario plainly complained.
Now, with a lemon colored jumpsuit, a clown red nose, and a red metal visor covering his eyes top portion of his head, Dr. Crygor entered the house, with charts in his hands. "This is terrible!"
"What?"
"Someone leaked information to the turkeys, and they all migrated south!"
Despite the doctor's semi-good intentions, Wario, Mona, Jimmy, and Waluigi looked at him with disbelief.
"Is he always this insane?" Waluigi asked.
"Yes." The answer was so obvious, I'm not going to say who answered his question.
-Meanwhile, with the gang of turkeys; they hitched a ride on a pick-up truck-
The violent sounds of clamouring turkeys were distracting to all who heard it, especially as the lead Turkey Alpha kept gobbling gibberish at the panicked driver.
"I'm driving! Stop yelling at me!"
-Back with the gang-
"If we do not apprehend those turkeys, Thanksgiving will be ruined!" Crygor wailed.
"Don't forget Christmas as well, since people eat turkeys around that time too." Mona added.
Waluigi shrugged his shoulders. "What should we do?"
Suddenly, a scarily determined Wario started surrounding himself with flames of fury. "If those turkeys think they can ruin Thanksgiving by not offering themselves as sacrifices, and getting in my belly, then guys, they are so wrong! Let's go!"
The five of them head off to the garage; Wario, along with Mona and Jimmy, go in his Mario Kart: Double Dash! Wario Car. Waluigi and Crygor go in Waluigi's vehicle, the Waluigi Racer. With no disregard for law or vehicular safety, they weaved hurriedly through traffic!
A small vein arose in Waluigi's forehead. "What was my car doing in there?"
"Holding pickle jars!" Wario answered with a stupid smile on his face.
The lanky black/purple clad man, felt out of the blue that his rump was in something briny and squishy... "EWWW!"
-Continuing on-
And THEY'RE OFF! They wiz past the town, and go down south; not too far ahead, they see a car, whose windows are blocked with turkey feathers. Crygor, in his usual, uh, Crygor-ish way pointed out the location of the turkeys.
Wario got up from his seat. "Someone, take the wheel!" He promptly switches places with Mona, and he pulls a Bob-omb out of his pocket.
The anti-Luigi eyed it, seeing it already ignited. "WAH! IT'S ALREADY ON, YOU FOOL!"
"Oh, crap!" Wario cursed as he tosses it ahead to the car, creating a massive explosion. "Got 'em!"
They, however, are too late to see the smoldering car wreck in front of them, and both of the cars come to a screeching halt. Wario's car stopped with no problems, but Waluigi's car hit the wreckage, sending poor Dr. Crygor flying into da sky!
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GET THE TURKEYS!" Crygor fazed as he went out with a twinkle.
"Well, that was unexpected." Waluigi felt an anime sweat-drop go down the back of his head.
The Turkey Alpha was still standing tall, along with some minor turkey officials behind it, as it started gobbling commands.
"They've initiated battle!" Jimmy T. pointed out.
"Bah, I fought demons! Turkeys should be wimps! Right, guys?" Wario gloated aloud.
"Right!"
"Most certainly."
It was a death-defying battle as plump flightless birds with waddles and large brown feathers took on a scraggly man, a disco dancer, a student and pizza delivery girl and guitarist, and a greedy antihero who likes the bling-bling... Oh! Here comes the finishing blow! OOH! That little sucker's gonna feel it in the morning!
"Get that bugger over here and in my belly!" Wario bellowed.
"Wait!" Came the plea of Dr. Crygor, returning to the scene.
"Why?"
"If I can clone that turkey that you're about to kill," Crygor theorized, "then I can repopulate the area you violently ripped apart!" The Turkey Alpha seemed to gobble in agreement, though it was weakly due to the fact that it got a severe beating.
"Can't you just clone it from dead turkeys, Mr. Big Shot?" Waluigi was irritated.
A grim glare hovered from the doctor to the scraggly guy. "I'm going to ignore what you just said."
All around the crew, we see... death. All the turkeys that tried to rebel against our hero(es)? are now dead. The only alive one, the Turkey Alpha, whom they promptly stuffed in a cage, is the sole survivor. Had they continued their assault, the turkey would be extinct near Diamond City.
Waluigi whistled in awe. "Wow. Look at all the death!"
"Yeah."
Wario held the cage up in his mighty hands. "Well, with these, we can at least re-stock the stores!" A 'heh' was heard from his lesser cohort. "What?" He turned to Waluigi.
"You're not thinking about the green this time!" Waluigi smirked.
"Are you kidding me?" Wario went on. "When we re-stock the stores, people will thank ME-- I mean, us, and in turn, pay us more for the birds to save their holidays!" He laughed his trademark laugh as money signs glazed his eyes.
-Nighttime at the WarioWare Compound-
At Wario's house/the WarioWare Corporation building, here we see the WarioWare gang (Kat, Ana, Orbulon, 9-Volt, 18-Volt, Dr. Crygor, Mike, Dribble, Spitz, Ashley, Red, Mona, Jimmy T., Waluigi, and Wario) about to feast on delicious Thanksgiving meal, including turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, etc.
Wario raises his champagne glass; soon the others follow suit, although Kat, Ana, Ashley, and 9-Volt can't have champagne, so, uh, ginger ale will do. "My friends, a toast! To me! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA--I'm just yanking you there this time."
"Mean it this time, man!" Jimmy T. cranked.
"I am! I am! I shall give thanks to all my friends! For without friends, I wouldn't have made WarioWare Inc.!"
Everyone seems to face-fault RIGHT at that moment.
"You have some nerve!" Waluigi complained.
"Yeah!" Mona followed up.
"Well, I guess that was a little uncalled for." Everyone looks at him angrily. He growled in a bitter defeat. "Okay, it was uncalled for! Let us just enjoy our meal, god dammit!" He raises his glass again. "A toast! TO US!"
"TO US!"
And so after the meal, everyone was 'a little tipsy' and played Twister. You wouldn't believe how easy Waluigi found it, thanks to his drunken gangliness. When it got a little too far, Kat, Ana, Ashley, 9-Volt, and Spitz had to get everyone home. Remember; ALWAYS have some designated drivers at drunken parties... Waluigi ended up following Kat and Ana home, as he stupidly slept outside in the cruel cold.
"WHY IS IT SO COLD?" Waluigi groaned, letting loose a massive sneeze!
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Well, whatcha think of da REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMIX? R&R