"For the last time, STOP PLAYING THAT FUCKING OCARINA!"
Navi was flying in irritated circles over Link's head as he played the Song of Storms for the umpteenth time. She had to admit, the song itself was catchy, but after being repeated seventeen times, Navi was ready to take that stupid instrument, break it in half, and stab Link with the shards.
Finally, Link played the last bar, taking the ocarina away from his mouth. "Thank you," Navi groaned. "I have something important to say. You never listen anyway, but just humour me for once! Anyway…we need to go to…Hey! Listen!"
Link, having been struck by a sudden burst of inspiration, brought the ocarina to his lips again, and began playing a fast, peppy, and incredibly annoying jig.
If Navi had a heart, or blood pressure for that matter, she probably would have suffered several simultaneous aneurysms, as the jig drilled right into the center of her brain. "You IDIOT!" she screamed over the ocarina. "This is important!"
Link gave her a wounded look. "Fine, I'll pay attention."
He looked at her expectantly. Navi said nothing.
Finally, she let out a breath. "While you were playing that stupid thing, I FORGOT WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT!"
The fairy swooped in, grabbing the ocarina from Link's hand. "I'm keeping this!" she ranted, practically frothing at the mouth. "Until you actually decide to listen once in a while, you play this only when you need to!"
"What?" Link shrieked, his voice going up several octaves. "You can't do that!"
"I can, and I will," Navi snorted. "Now, we were going to the Fire Temple, weren't we?"
She set off down the path, leading a very depressed Link behind her. She sighed. At last, silence. No annoying tunes invading her mind, no annoying commentary, no smart-ass comments from the insufferable idiot in green behind her…
Her musing was interrupted by a buzzing sound. She flapped her wings irritably, thinking a fly was buzzing around her. Then she heard the sound again, this time creating a series of notes.
Wheeling around, she saw Link playing a slow waltz on a kazoo. Navi started twitching. That thing was even more annoying than the ocarina! "Where the hell did you get that?" she screamed, simmering with rage.
Link looked at her innocently. "I bought it two hours ago. I would have told you, but you were nagging about something every time I saw you, so I just avoided you for a little while."
Navi started shaking in anger. This was the last straw. Her voice rising in rage, she began screaming at Link about everything she thought was wrong with him. Link tuned her out, humming Saria's Song in his head. He decided to experiment with it, inverting an interval here, transposing a minor third there…
Without even being aware of it, he began whistling the new tune as he changed it. Navi, cut off in the middle of her rant, screamed in rage, flying straight at Link's head. Her tiny body smashed into Link's forehead, carrying her full weight of twelve grams behind the blow.
Link glanced upward, amused as the fairy harmlessly battered his head in a fit of impotent rage. He decided to use that opportunity to get his ocarina back. Casually plucking it from Navi's grasp, he stowed it in his pocket, whistling cheerfully.
Several minutes later, Navi finally quit, exhausted and covered in bruises. Panting, she landed on a tree, attempting to straighten her bent wings. While doing that, she began bitching at Link about not listening enough, or something. Link didn't know, as he wasn't really paying attention.
Instead, he went on his merry way, leaving Navi in the tree. Sitting down with his back to a rock, he pulled out the ocarina. Now that he could actually concentrate, it was time for some serious playing. Closing his eyes, he began playing a ludicrously complex piece, with time signatures that seemed to change almost every bar. It was so much that the song didn't even appear to have a beat.
Navi came around the corner, following the sound of the music. Coming into the clearing, she hovered an inch in front of his face, and screamed "LINK!"
Link jumped, hitting a sour note on the ocarina as he did so. Staring levelly at her, he continued playing. Navi simmered with rage again, feeling her ulcer start to react.
"I swear," she growled over the tune. "You are going to kill yourself. You're going to piss off one person too many, and end up with a knife in your back."
Link ended on a high trill, then stared at her. "That's why I have a sword," he replied.
He then began playing again, this time a more subdues piece more suited to elevator music. Navi frowned (or at least the fairy equivalent of frowning). This piece, she actually liked. It didn't drill into her head like the other ones. For once, it was her who listened. Then, the tune broke into a fast, upbeat ragtime medley.
Navi shrieked, flying away as fast as she could. But she couldn't escape the annoying music that continued to drill into her brain. So focused was she on escape that she ran straight into someone. '"Sorry," she muttered, looking up.
She then recoiled, shocked. Standing in front of her was none other than Ganondorf. He wore a strange expression on his face. It was…longing?
"Take me to the music," he begged.
Navi was shocked. Didn't Ganon want to kill them? Wasn't the ocarina an insult to his entire values system?
"Please!" Ganon said. "I never hear music. Conquering fun and all, but I just…I just want…"
To Navi's horror, he withdrew a trumpet from his robes. "I just want to play a duet," he said. "Just once."
Hours later…
Navi twitched on the ground in an apoplectic fit as bar after bar of jazz improvisation echoed through the trees. Ganondorf was really an excellent trumpet player, and a brilliant musician in general. Upon hearing each other play, the two immediately put aside their differences and formed a band. This was their first rehearsal.
The Ganon/Link duet was planning a tour of Hyrule as soon as Ganon disbanded his army. They were already working on a single. And through the entire thing…
None of them listened to a word Navi said.
She flew into the firelight as fast as she could. The music had finally ceased, the two instead writing down their parts on sheet music so they didn't forget. "Hey! Listen!" Navi screeched.
Both looked up, shock written into their features. "You suck!" Navi ranted. "Your playing sucks, your music sucks, your faces suck…Hey! What the hell are you doing with that? Ow! Leggo! What the fuck are you thinki-"
Link sighed, Navi's voice no longer bothering him. She continued screeching from inside the glass bottle, but Link couldn't hear a thing.
"Jeez," Ganon said, oiling the valves on his trumpet. "Tough crowd."
This idea also came to me randomly. Sort of. I play trumpet, and when I'm talking to someone with my trumpet in my hand, I have an annoying habit of playing a few bars of something random whenever there's a gap. That's where most of the idea came from. And, if I don't have my trumpet, I whistle. Or hum. Or do a kazoo-like thing using the trumpet mouthpiece. It annoys my sister to no end.