Reflection.
By Megumi, The Absconding One.
No.
No, I'm not.
I'm not talking to myself.
You, whatever you are. You're sure as hell not me.
You're laughing. Why are you laughing? Oh, I see. Yeah, I do curse, you got a problem with that? You can't spend as much time as I do around Castle Town and not pick up a few things.
...Where are we, anyway?
Oh, thank you. Yes, that's very helpful. Oblivion, you say. Yes, very helpful indeed.
You're laughing again. Stop it, damn you!
This is a dream. This has to be a dream- No, a nightmare. No way is this real, there's just no way.
Why are you here? Why are you taunting me like this?
What do you mean, you're not really here? I suppose next you're going to tell me that I'm not here either, right? Really? I'm not? Well, I thought so.
Oh, so you're asking the questions now, huh? Who am I, you ask? Well, I don't honestly think that's fair, considering I don't even know who you are...
No, you're not! You're not me! I'm not evil, and bad, and I don't kill things for fun!
...Yes, yes I do kill things. But never because it's fun...
What do you want with me?
Oh. You want to know... Who I am? Why? What's the point? I mean, I don't really see why you need to know...
Yes, yes I am trying to avoid the question. Shit, you can read me better then Navi can.
And of course, now you want to know why I'm avoiding such a simple question. Simple answer? I don't know who I am.
You still want to know... Why do you want to know? What do you want with me?
My story?
You want... my story? You want me to tell you about my life, my problems, my issues...
My story, huh.
Well, why not? I don't suppose I can just get out of this dream by pinching myself, or impaling myself on the Master Sword, or something... No? I can't? I thought as much.
My story.
Hmm. Goddess, where can I start? Oh, at the beginning? Again, very helpful, Mr. Mysterious Shadow.
...I was a Kokiri.
Yeah, I said was. I guess I'm not anymore. Shouldn't you know this stuff already? You know, seeing as you're 'me' and all that?
Allright, allright, I'm going, I'm going, geeze. No need to get all mean about it. I was a Kokiri. And then I met Navi.
No, I don't blame her. Why do you ask? Something about the way I said her name, huh? Well, I suppose I do sort of connect her with the beginning of all of this, but I don't blame her. She's been the only real friend I've had through everything. I can't blame her.
So I met her, yeah. And I went to the Deku Tree, and I killed that spider, and I left the forest. I went to the town, to the castle. I met the Princess, Zelda.
Yeah, you're right. She's the one I blame. Something in my voice again?
"Find the rest of the stones," she tells me. "Save the world," she tells me. A hero. She told me that if I did what she wanted, I'd be a hero.
...And I believed her. Silly me.
Back home, I'd always pretend that I was a hero. I'd have my stick-sword and my make-believe shield, and I'd pretend that I was fighting off zillions of bad guys and rescuing the forest. And when I won, I'd always make believe that the Kokiri- even Mido- would accept me and call me their hero.
Funny how it meant more to me coming from Zelda then it did anytime I made believe them saying it. When they said it, it was probably more true than when she did.
Yeah, I found the stones. Yeah, I opened the Door of Time. Yeah, I drew the sword.
Yeah, I became the Hero of Time. But I told you already, I'm not really a hero.
Why aren't I... Ah. That question. I can't tell you how long I've spent trying to figure out the answer to that one. But I think I have it now, here, in this dream. It's something that Saria said to me once, when I told her about my pretending and my make-believe.
She told me that a hero isn't just someone who beats up the bad guys. A hero is a person who, even when they have lots of chances to turn back and go home, don't. They keep going, keep fighting, stay strong, even when the evil that they're up against is so huge that it could swallow them whole. That's a hero, and that that's why I can't be a hero.
Sure, I keep fighting. But I don't have the chance to go back home; If I did, I'd jump at it. I'd get out of here quicker than you can say Hyrule. I don't want to persevere, I don't want to stay strong, I don't want to win. I just want to go home.
...Home.
Where is home? Well, it's the forest, I guess. Even if I don't really belong there. I don't belong here, either.
...Where do I belong? Hmm. That's a good question. I don't know that one, either.
Yeah, yeah, technically I can go back into the past. But that's not really going home. Especially not now that I know about my mother. Like I said already, I could never really belong there.
I suppose, the only way I could ever really go home would be to lose all my memories of these past few weeks, and go back to the Kokiri, and be an outcast there again. Sure, I'd be bullied and picked on, and I wouldn't have a fairy anymore, but I'd be home. I could see the Deku Tree, and Saria-
...Saria.
Damnit! This is all Zelda's fault! I'm never gonna see Saria again, and it's all that goddess damned princess' fault!
Do you know what I'd do, if I could? I'd find the princess. I'd find her, and I'd smack her really hard in the face. Maybe I'd pull her hair. Anything to make her less beautiful. And then, when I'd done all that, I scream at her. I'd get right up there in her face, and I'd try to make her feel all the fear and pain and anger that I've felt over the last month.
And then I'd tell her that I want my life back.
Why? I don't know- She's a princess, I'm sure she could do something. With the ocarina, maybe. She could send me home. And then that spoiled little princess could deal with Ganondorf by herself.
What do you mean, she couldn't do it? Sure she could. She's the smart, powerful, beautiful heroine. They're the one's who always win in the stories. Mind you, they usually have some sort of talking animal friends, but there's that crazy old owl flying around, he might do...
What do I feel for Zelda?
What kind of a stupid question is that? Goddesses, the answer's so obvious, a waste to ask something like that. I... I...
Yes, I'm trying to avoid the question. Again.
Yes, I don't really know the answer. Again.
...I think I hate her.
Yeah, I did say she was beautiful. I hate her, sure, but there's something else, too. I don't know what it is...
Love?
Goddesses, no. Not love. Please, not love...
Damn you! Stop laughing! Why do you find this all so amusing, anyway?
My reaction? Excuse me? You think my reaction is funny?
What do you mean, why don't I want to love her? Why should I love her?! She sent me on this crazy quest, she took everything away from me! If she hadn't made me collect the stones and open the door, Ganondorf never would have gotten into the Sacred Realm and gotten the Triforce. Everything that's happened to Hyrule is her fault. It's her-
...It's not?
It's... not her fault?
What are you... I mean, of course it's her fault, it has to be...
Well, yes, it was Ganondorf who killed the Deku Tree, and blocked up Dondongo's Cavern, and poisoned Jabu-Jabu. And yeah, I suppose that it was Ganondorf who tried to steal the Ocarina...
He would have gotten into the Sacred Realm anyway, huh.
...Don't laugh at me. Just... Stop, allright? Please? You don't understand; I have to hate her. I just have to. It's all I have left....
Hmm. Would you look at that. This place is fading away. Looks like I'm waking up. And oh, look, you're fading away as well. Too bad...
Did I answer your question, whatever you are?
...You're laughing again. Damn you. Why are you laughing at me? Oh well, you're nothing but a shadow, now. Back to the waking world I go...
What will I do, you ask? I don't know if I should answer you, seeing as how you're almost totally gone. But I think I will.
I'll fight. I'll free the Sages. I'll save Hyrule. And all the while, I'll hate Ganondorf for what he's done, I'll hate the princess for what she's done, and that's what will keep me going. And when it's all over and done with, and Ganondorf's gone... Well, I don't know what I'll do.
...And that, I suppose, is my story.
A/N: Wow! Nothing like your best friend in the universe writing a kick ass Kingdom Hearts fic to get the ol' fanfiction wheels a'movin', eh? That was, by the way, a shoutout to kamikazecreampuff, aka Deb, who rox like no tomorrow and has just written a loverly ficlet called The Sun Will Rise. Go read it. Now. Because it's far better than my twisted little piece of... twistyness.
Another note, to any rabid LoTR fans out there... Yes, the little bit about heroism was stolen pretty much directly out of LoTR: TT, which I don't own. If you don't know who the acronym means, then you aren't a real fan, are you?
...I still don't own Zelda. And I need caffeine. Bwahahahahaha...