Authors note: I do not own any characters created by Stephen Chbosky. Full credit goes to him for all situations and information mentioned in the book or interviews, etc. as well. However, the storyline of this fanfic is all me and the little voice in my head – and thus, of course, not to be copied by anybody else – that would be stealing my creativity, my ideas – and not very nice

Second note: I had to make up a last name for Sam as I did not find any mention of her actual surname - if anyone happens to know where I can find this, or even if it ever was shared with the public, please let me know!

Who I would miss most and why

By Sam Lerman

There are but few people whom I can say I would truly miss if something were to happen to them.
Most people have passed my path only briefly, leaving nothing but a small imprint, if even that.
Those few people whom I would miss, though, are those who changed my life, influenced the way I look at things and altered how I now see myself in such a way, that I do not think I could ever forget about them.

I think the one I mention first should be my brother.
Because he's the one who has known me the longest, and he's the one who has always been there for me, and to help me, even when I was sure that he would drown in the mess his own life was making.
Because he was probably the best gift I ever got, because he was family, and I just got that, as if it were present, a present for my mum getting maried again, and it was a gift worth more than anything I could ever have imagined.
He changed my life just by always being there, by letting me know he would always be there, and that is something I don't think I'll ever be able to thank him enough for.

The second one is the one I wish I would not miss.
Because although he influenced my life more than I ever could've foreseen when I began dating him, it wasn't in a good way.
When I look back now, I don't particularly like who I was back then.
I don't like that I hurt people then, I don't like what I did because of him, I don't like what I had already done before him.
But he did change me, and now I am glad that he did.
Because the person who I am now, well, I like her a lot more than I liked the person I was before him, and that's partly due to him.
So, yes, I will miss him.
But only what he thought me, and the way he could've thought me those things.
I wish I hadn't had to learn it that way.

The third and last person, is the one I think I would miss more than any other.
And it's strange, really, because he would have been - not even a year ago - the person I would have thought of last if someone were to ask me that question.
Now though, he is the person I would go to if I had a question, the person I would rely on if I needed something, and the person I would trust if it would be necessary.
Because he's the only one who can calm down the chaos that's in my head sometimes.
And he's the only one who can make that chaos sort into order.
Because he's the only one who can make sitting in a library seem like actual fun.
And he's the only one who actually makes it exactly that - fun.
Because he's the one who respected me so much, liked me so much, that he was willing to be unhappy for me.
And he probably actually was, for some time.
Because he's the one who got me to get here, and he's the one who played drag just because one of the actors let us down again, and he's the one who defended my brother when no one else could or would, and he's the one who's been through so much already that it actually manages to give me hope, and he's the one who is always there.
And because he might just be the one.
Who knows.

I once heard somebody say that you should count yourself lucky if you can fit your enemy's on one hand, even luckier if you can count your true friends on the other hand, and absolutely blessed if the hand with your friends holds more weight than the hand with your enemies.
I guess that would make me the luckiest person in the world, because I can do all that - and more.
I can miss, and even appreciate my 'enemy' for what he once was, or could have been to me.
And I have got two of the greatest things one could possibly have, and I don't have to miss either of them.

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