Fanning The Flame

by MarshAngel

A humorous adventure in matchmaking and silly arguments. Usagi and Mamoru used their combined intelligence to rid themselves of their new worst enemy.

Fanning The Flame

MarshAngel

PG-13 (adult language, sexual allusions)

Standard disclaimer applies.

Author's Note: This is an intentionally shallow story without much in the way of description. In fact, it's mostly dialogue and the storyline is fairly simple. Therefore, it is merely fluff. But it should be amusing fluff. Enjoy.

Mamoru stared at her mouth intently as she devoured the ice cream cone with a devotion that though familiar, was nevertheless amazing. Her pink tongue maneuvered the soft sweet white cream around the waffle cone with effortless grace and a focus that most people devoted only to the most complex of mathematical theorems. Had she been even vaguely aware of the direction his thoughts were taking given the inspiring sight before him, her face would have turned passion red which would have only been more appealing, urging his thoughts on in an even more wicked direction.

He said her name but it came out as a husky groan better suited for more private moments and she didn't even look up at him.

"Usagi," he said again, this time much clearer. She didn't look up so he tugged on one of her long blond pigtails, twirling his fingers through the strands. It should bother him that his girlfriend was devoting far more attention to her food than to him but why complain when she ate it so very well.

Feeling the pull on her hair roots she looked up at Mamoru, her annoyance at being interrupted when she was at the climax of her ice cream eating faded as she recognized the look on his face. She had seen that look often lately, the focused eyes that seemed to darken a shade to a more seductive blue and completely focused on nothing but her.
The look was often followed by the only thing in the world she knew was better than ice cream.

She giggled when, rather than wiping the ice cream off her nose and lips, he licked the tip of her nose and then her lips, savoring the glorious combination of ice cream and Usagi. Her ice cream cone, feeling abandoned, slipped slowly from her grasp as both her arms wrapped around Mamoru's neck and her lips connected intimately with his.

Offended at the interruption of an intimate moment with its mistress the ice cream settled a few drops of itself on the strands of black hair at the base of Mamoru's neck. It dripped it's way down the back of Mamoru's shirt, unto the back of his formerly spotless, perfectly ironed and overpriced black pants before falling to the ground and settling into a puddle at the back of his shoes. Mamoru didn't notice, not even when a family of bugs in the park took an interest in his head.


"You're late!" the priestess screeched loudly in a shrill voice that made everyone around them wince, particularly the two at whom it was directed.

Usagi and Mamoru's faces took on a pained expression. They had only just come up the everlastingly long steps to the shrine and made their way across the courtyard when they were violently attacked by a priestess of all things.

Usagi opened her mouth to defend herself at the wrath of her best friend but thought better of it, knowing, through much experience, that making out with her boyfriend in a public park, for a half hour longer than she should have, given their appointment at an hour specified by the beautiful girl turned irate hag before them, would not be a suitable excuse.

"Relax Rei," Mamoru said nonchalantly and everyone gasped. Usagi glanced up at him with an expression of terror. Had he lost all his senses? Had she, by kissing him, somehow transferred all his great intelligence to her? She was tempted to reassure Rei that he had been struck by lightning and had certainly not been aware that the words had left his lips and he certainly had not meant them, but it was too late because the tirade had begun and he was already becoming aware that he probably shouldn't have spoken those last two words, an utter waste of language.

"Relax?? You!" Rei screeched, pressing her fingers into his broad chest forcing him to take a step back. "I expect this of your dingbat girlfriend but not you." Her thick dark hair seemed to rise of it's own accord framing her body in a manner that seemed to characterize her anger. She pushed again and he took another step back with a horrified expression on his face. He started to defend himself but nothing came out but a stammer.

"You have no good excuse, no good reason so don't even try to come up with one," she snapped angrily.

He stepped sideways, hovering behind Usagi.

"Don't even think you can hide behind the skirts of your woman." She reached over and pushed him again.

Mamoru couldn't believe this. He was actually hiding in terror from a seventeen-year-old little twig of a child scarcely bigger than his undersized girlfriend whom he was using as a shield. He was older, wiser, and significantly taller. He outweighed her by no less than sixty pounds of muscle. He had no reason to be afraid.

Yet still he cowered, afraid that she might just set his hair on fire from sheer anger alone. And he was simply too young and much too attractive to die, especially for something so small as a half hour of kissing. He hadn't even gotten to fondling, and to be honest this wasn't his fault. Usagi was the one with the ice cream and the lips and the...

"Do you have any idea how many times I've warned every one of you not to be late? Do you think that just because you used to be a prince and you happen to be dating 'Her' that that gives you the right to pick up her bad habits?"

Rei shoved him again and this time he tripped over a misaligned courtyard brick and fell backwards. To his 'questionably good' fortune he hit his head and passed out thus missing the end of Rei's tirade. It mattered little however, since he paid dearly in a manner Rei would have been satisfied with in the form of a powerful headache he discovered ripping through his skull when he regained
consciousness.

Had he been in less pain he would have been far more appreciative of having his head in Usagi's lap and her breasts in his face. He would also have been smirking inside at the glorious sound of Rei's profuse apologies for attempting to kill him, but instead he winced in pain, as her voice seemed to echo and repeat bouncing around his skull and pounding painfully as it hit.

I want a divorce," he mumbled.

"Honey," We aren't married," Usagi replied with evident concern in her voice. He opened one blue eye and peaked up at her face looming above him between her breasts that garnered a good amount of his attention.

"I feel married," he grumbled. "One minute I'm kissing the woman of my dreams and the next I'm faced with a screeching fishwife besieging me with the evidence of all my wrongdoings. The only difference in my case is that they really are two different people."

"Fishwife!" Rei screeched.

Mamoru winced in pain.

"Not now Rei," Usagi said softly. "I doubt he can handle any more of you. There'll be many more days for you to chase him around the shrine with a broom." She smiled teasingly at the frowning priestess. "I always thought you'd give some man a concussion I just never thought it would be mine."


*****

A few days later he had successfully avoided the evil priestess thus leaving his head intact and attached to his body where he preferred it. He'd confessed to Usagi, in one of their rare private moments, his belief that Rei was in need of some serious anger management. Secretly he was convinced she was sexually frustrated, but telling that to Usagi would be opening a can of worms that would lead to an inevitable argument about him thinking about her friends in 'that' way (ie. any manner which led to thoughts about them as anything other than sisterly). Usagi had accepted his point of view but quite reasonably pointed out that Rei consulted large sacred fires not psychotherapists and she was certainly not the sit-in-a-group, my-name-is-Rei-and-I-have-problems type of girl.

She was right, of course; granted he had to admit that or he'd never hear the end of it, but fortunately in this case it just happened to be true. He had kept thinking on the matter to no resolution and for only one reason.

Rei, being a good friend (not to him lately) with bad timing, was making a mess of his love life. She had been harassing him of late and he swore the only reason was the content of his pants. He was male, and for whatever reason that made him the focus of her rage. That theory only added fuel to his belief that she was sexually frustrated, particularly since his experience on that subject was growing. Perhaps her frustration was behind the reason that she'd been using her psychic talents to choose the precise moment his hand was creeping up Usagi's shirt to call, visit, or yell 'yoo-hoo' laden with a bounty of false cheer.

Usagi had bounced in yesterday afternoon however, and in a rare moment of brilliance he wished she would apply to her schoolwork, come up with an idea that while dangerous in its combustibility would certainly solve their problems. It also had made him wonder just how Usagi had reached a solution based on the theory he hadn't dared to present to her.

Usagi's grand plan was to give Rei something else to think of, someone else to harass, and something or someone else to do. In order to give them both time to get past kissing to other even more appealing ideas, they'd both agreed that Rei needed a man.

Having a good idea was one thing, putting that idea into
action however, was entirely another. The thought of approaching Rei with a man on hand terrified him. But the prospect of finding a man for Rei had him heading towards the stack of weights in the corner of his guest bedroom for fortification. It would take previously untapped strength, patience and vast amounts of energy.

Of course there was always the possibility that having found the perfect guy he would run scared after one date. He chuckled at that thought as he raised a pair of dumbbells to shoulder level. If nothing else, it would be amusing to see someone else on the receiving end of Rei's rage. That however, would leave them where they'd started and that wouldn't suffice. The qualifications for the perfect man would necessarily include a hearty constitution and the ability to withstand bellowing rage and if at possible he should be flame retardant.

****

"You know something Mamo-chan," I think you're getting dumber as you get older," she stated with a frown, walking towards him across the living room, with a list in her hand. She tripped over the edge of the rug and fell forwards towards the couch. He caught her easily, quite used to being the hero in such circumstances, and pulled her down on the couch with him.

"And you're not getting any more graceful," he returned. "Not that I mind," he added quickly added as she settled against the length of his body. Actually he quite enjoyed catching her. He didn't enjoy the feel of an elbow in the ribs however.

"What's wrong with the list?" Mamoru asked, a little offended that she thought so little of the short list of names he'd come up with.

"Yuu is one of your calculus students," she stated as if that should mean something to him. He was paid to tutor some high school students and college freshmen in math and science and a few of them had been added to his list of men for Rei.

"And?"

"He's a much better looking version of Melvin but he's still a dork. Rei would eat him alive. And this kid Takumi is short."

"I take it you have a better idea," he stated dryly.

"What about one of your friends. Don't you have anyone suitable? Someone like Andrew only single and less likely to run scared?"

"Usa my friends are much older than Rei. Somehow I don't think they'd be right."

"Your friends are the same age as you."

Mamoru sensed this argument was heading towards a direction where male logic would likely fail. Granted, there was an obvious double standard, but in his mind it made perfect sense. Usako was his soul mate; their five-year age difference was irrelevant. He had adopted a far more brotherly stance however (and he was damn proud to satisfy Usako in this, and hoped she would see it his way but knew that was damn unlikely), when it came to Usagi's friends. Besides, he wasn't entirely certain anyone his age would be all that interested in a girl Rei's age anyway.

"Usagi," he began slowly. "My friend's aren't all like me you know." He applauded himself for subtlety. Let her take that however she pleased. She could assume they were all desperately horny, hopelessly perverted, and therefore terribly inappropriate for any one of her friends. Perhaps they were just a little bit like him.

"I would hope not," She replied dryly. "We need a guy who won't quiver in fear and fall over at Rei's feet."

She grinned at Mamoru's fallen expression before kissing him lightly on the nose. "You might be a wimp but I understand and I love you. Rei is really scary!" She emphasized the 'scary' pronouncing it much in the way a four-year old would.

The scowl on his face told her he didn't appreciate her babying tone or the references to that less than manly display he would have gladly forgotten, and hoped never to hear mention of ever again.

"None of the guys my age can deal with Rei. When she's not chasing guys with brooms and screaming her head off she's really quite mature you know."

Mamoru looked skeptical.

"She needs a real man, like you."

Mamoru raised an eyebrow. "Now I'm a real man huh? Women!" He muttered. Damn finicky creatures. One minute a wimp the next a 'real man' whatever the hell that meant.

"What makes you think that one of my friends would be interested in Rei?"

"She's hot?" Usagi stated as if it were plainly obvious. He wondered if this were worth responding to and if it wasn't actually a trap. If he agreed that Rei was hot that would put him in hot water wouldn't it? And if he denied that she was, Usagi would take that insult personally. Fortunately he was even smarter than he looked.

"You know if I agree to that I get an elbow in the ribs, and if I question the double standard of you being able to say she's hot while I can't, I'll get an elbow to the ribs. So I'll simply acknowledge your lesbian tendencies and try not to imagine any horribly disgusting thoughts of you and Rei rolling around in honey together. But let's say my friends find Rei hot, what makes you think I'd sacrifice them to her?

He got an elbow in the ribs. He grunted. That one would leave a bruise.

"You're such a perv! Your friends should be so lucky as to get Rei for a girlfriend."

"If they survive the experience," he muttered.

Usagi chose to ignore that. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Your friends? The single ones?"

"Fine." He grabbed the list and tried to sit up but with her on top of him it required effort.

"Gained some weight Usa?"

She frowned and pinched his ribs but sat up and allowed him to get up. "It's all muscle," she announced with pride, flexing a bicep.

He placed a large hand on one of her breasts. "Not all of it," he stated grinning. She swatted his hand away.

"Stop playing around, Mamo-chan." He rolled his eyes but picked up a pen and wrote down some names.

When he was done she picked up the list and looked at it.

"Sueo?" She questioned raising a brow.

"What now?" He slumped back on the couch, his head tossed back in a gesture of defeat.

"He's an asshole."

"And Rei's a hag. Don't we both just have wonderful taste in friends," He stated with weary sarcasm.

Serena sighed. "You really need to associate with some better people; in character not just looks. Your friends are hot but most of them are just asses."

"See now, that's just unfair" Mamoru commented, slightly offended.

"What? You are so not about to tell me that my friends suck," Usagi demanded.

"No. But you get to say my friends are hot, but the last time I mentioned one of your friends was hot you stomped on my toe."

"That's because you were looking at Mina's ass you asshole!"

"It looks just like yours. I appreciate anything that resembles your derriere."

Usagi sniffed rudely. "Yeah. Right."

"Anyway, It's not all bad," she said looking at the list again.

"Toyo's not a bad guy."

"But he isn't flame retardant," he voiced her thoughts. "He's a nice guy but I'm not sure he'll survive Rei."

She thought for a moment. "No I don't suppose he would. She'd run all over him. We need a guy who'll fight back."

"You want someone to beat her down?" he asked, smiling at the thought.

"Don't be ridiculous." Her voice trailed off as she looked at the list.

"Who's Jace?"

"Forget him. He isn't even here yet." I just added every guy I knew."

"Yea but who is he? I've never met him."

"He used to live here a long time ago but then he left to go back to England and now he's coming back to complete his masters degree."

"What's he like?"

"What does it matter? He's not the right guy."

"Just tell me," she snapped impatiently.

"He's studying architecture. He's my age. He's single, I guess."

"You guess?"

"I didn't exactly ask him about his love life. Somehow our conversations never ran that route."

Usagi rolled her eyes. Her boyfriend was a pain when it came to in depth conversations on personal matters.

"What does he look like?"

"Ahh the important matters," Mamoru began with a does of sarcasm that was as familiar to Usagi as air. "I haven't seen him in years so I have no idea how tall he is but he was blonde, blue eyes I think, maybe green, could have been hazel."

Usagi groaned.

"I wasn't exactly staring into his eyes and examining his lovely complexion," Mamoru defended.

"Maybe you aren't gay but you could have paid more
attention to the details."

"Maybe?"

"Well men come on to you all the time. Maybe you decided I wasn't enough for you," She teased. "Maybe this Jace is your long lost love coming back for you."

Mamoru looked scandalized. "It's not my fault I'm hot. Women come on to me all the time too."

Usagi grinned. He was gorgeous (which he knew a little too well); she would give him that. Especially now that he was relaxed and unaware of his sex appeal, slumped on the couch with his long legs stretched out. Being his soul mate was a truly wonderful thing. The thought of having to love a man who looked like a toad made her mouth dry.

She doubted Rei would appreciate a toad either. "Is he good looking?" She asked.

"I don't know," Mamoru replied, with a touch of annoyance in his voice. Why were women always asking these questions? What was he supposed to do? Check the man out and write a formal report on how stunning he was?

"Why are you hanging all your hopes on him anyway?"

"I'm not. I'm simply investigating all opportunities."

"You didn't ask about Noa or any of the others."

"I already said they were asses."

"You could at least pretend to like them."

"I like them just fine. They're still asses."

"I don't even want to attempt to understand your logic," Mamoru stated wearily.

******

Usagi yawned widely, just barely managing to cover her mouth. She leaned over and put her head on Mamoru's shoulder. He glanced at her blonde head, grabbed both rolled balls of hair atop her head, and straightened her. She whined like a puppy. Airports were no fun at three in the morning.

"You're the one who insisted I pick Jace up from his 3am flight. And I'm damned if you're not going to suffer with me." Mamoru took another sip of the steaming black coffee in the Styrofoam cup.

"You're his friend. You're supposed to pick him up," Usagi mumbled sleepily. She couldn't believe he was forcing her to stay awake.

"He was perfectly happy to arrange for his own pickup. But you just had to meet him right now," Mamoru complained petulantly. "He's probably not even good company at this time in the morning."

"You sure as hell aren't!" Serena muttered in annoyance.

He had shown up at Rei's door an hour and a half ago, woken her up, and kidnapped her. She'd complained all the way to the airport but he'd thrown her idea back in her face just as he'd done just now. When she'd said he should pick Jace up she hadn't known it was going to be so late or was it early? If she had, she would have thought twice about her very bad idea when she'd suggested it last week.

"And I guess you just fart sunshine," he said snidely.

"Don't pick a fight with me just because you're cranky," Usagi snapped.

"Whatever."

Usagi rolled her eyes. She might not be a morning person but a sleepless Mamoru was worse. He reverted to the maturity level of a ten year-old brat.

"Is that him?" Usagi asked suddenly awake. A tall, gorgeous, blonde man with broad shoulders entered the waiting area looking around for a recognizable face.

Mamoru opened his eyes and sat up straight. He immediately recognized his friend. Even though years had passed, and he'd changed, he still recognized him. Apparently Jace recognized him too because he grinned and began walking in their direction.

Usagi got to Jace first and greeted him happily, introducing herself as 'The Asshole's girlfriend.' Jace grinned down at the pretty little blonde with the weird hairdo.

So this was Usagi. She was even smaller than Jace had expected and much much younger. But she was certainly a very good-looking girl with the largest blue eyes he had ever seen.

"Cute kid you got here 'Asshole'," Jace greeted Mamoru, grinning widely and putting an arm around Usagi's shoulders while shaking Mamoru's hand with his other.

Despite the brilliance of that white-toothed smile and her immediate sense of comfort with him, or perhaps because of it, she pinched his arm hard, a difficult task since so much of it was hard muscle. It wasn't much of a retribution for calling her 'kid' but she was certain she would have plenty of opportunity to get back at him in the future.

Mamoru scowled at them both. "There's nothing like the love of a good woman," he stated dryly glaring at Usagi nestled in the arm of his friend.

"Nice to see you again Jace. "Now can I please have my girlfriend back?"

Jace looked down at Usagi. "Are you sure you want her back? Because I could..."

"I'm not sure I do, but I'll take her anyway."

Usagi stuck her tongue out at Mamoru. "His eyes are green," she announced triumphantly.

Mamoru rolled his eyes. "I keep telling you to keep that thing in your mouth if you're not going to make good use of it."

Jace raised an eyebrow. "There was a debate about my eye color?"

"She asked and I told her that I didn't spend the last few years mooning over you so I couldn't recall," Mamoru replied.

"I'm really hurt Mamoru. I thought we had more than that," Jace teased, with a hurt expression on his face.

Mamoru grinned. "I got over it. Besides that bit of blonde fluff under your arm would castrate me if she thought I had a single thought that wasn't about her."

"I'm thinking of castrating you anyway," Usagi snapped.

"That ought to be painful," Jace snapped. "Call me if you get around to it; I wouldn't mind watching." He glanced at Usagi. "Technically one eye is green and the other is more blue-green."

She stood on tiptoe and looked up into his face more closely and he leaned over so she could have a closer look. He was so close he could feel her breath on his face.

"I don't see it," she stated after a little while, frowning in disappointment.

"That's because they're both plain green and he just wants to aggravate me," Mamoru growled from behind her.

Usagi scowled at them both. "I can see why you're friends."
"Asses" she muttered under her breath.

"I like her," Jace said grinning.

"So do I," Mamoru said pulling Usagi to him and holding her in his arms. He rested his chin between her two buns. "Most of the time," he added. She elbowed him in the ribs.

****


"I thought you said you had a two-seater?" Jace remarked as he and Mamoru loaded the last of his luggage into the back of the sport sedan."

"I did. But I traded it in earlier this year. I needed more room."

"I can imagine. There are just some things you need a backseat for." Dirty minds thought alike.

Mamoru grinned. "Two seats can be very uncomfortable."

Mamoru tossed the keys at Usagi. "You're driving. I'm tired.

"Gee thanks," she muttered.

Jace suddenly looked worried. "She can drive?"

"Of course I can drive!" Usagi snapped, turning away from the driver's side door with her hands on her hips.

"Aren't you a little young for a license?" Jace questioned.

Usagi glared at him, sniffed and folded her arms across her chest in a challenging pose.

"Relax. I taught her myself," Mamoru reassured. "We'll get home quickly."

"What exactly is that supposed to mean?" Jace asked worriedly.

"Get in and buckle up," Usagi advised with a grin.

Jace got in and hurriedly buckled his seat belt as with a squeal of the wheels, Usagi spun the car out of its spot and into traffic. Mamoru hadn't been kidding. She could drive and he had definitely been the one to teach her, perhaps a little too well. The girl had no respect for the speed limit.

*******

"So Mamo-chan," Jace teased having heard the endearment from Usagi last night, "just how old is she?"

"She who?" Mamoru faked ignorance. He continued slicing the mushrooms on his kitchen counter. Jace was having breakfast with him since his apartment two floors down had no furniture and absolutely nothing in the fridge.

"Usako," of course.

"That name's for me and me alone," Mamoru said simply.

"Avoidance," Jace stated bluntly.

"She's seventeen." Mamoru didn't even have to turn around to see the raised, questioning eyebrow and smirk. "Don't start with me."

"I just didn't know you enjoyed babysitting. She looks fifteen."

"Have your fun. Your day will come."

Jace looked skeptical. Mamoru's relationship with Usagi was… he couldn't quite describe it. That Mamoru loved her was plain to see, and he could see why. He generally thought of girls her age as kids but Usagi was adorable and very attractive.

He wasn't looking to be in love. He could live without that kind of drama in his life. It was just hard to accept that the hard-hearted Mamoru he'd known had fallen for someone so improbable and so… young! He'd fallen hard too. Their relationship seemed natural and free of what he liked to term as relationship politics.

"How the hell did she get a license at seventeen anyway?"

"I have friends," Mamoru said simply. They worked something out."

"Bribery, it's what makes the world go round," Jace commented knowingly.

"The road to getting what you want is paved with lots and lots of cash," Mamoru replied grinning.

Jace picked up a framed photo of Usagi. "How long have you two been going out?"

"Is this one of those questions that invariably lead to your mocking me?"

"Absolutely."

"Two years," Mamoru replied and waited for the commentary. He smiled when he heard Jace's whistle.

"Robbing the cradle. Oh how her parents must adore you."

Mamoru grinned. "I'll have you know her mother loves me."

"That's because she doesn't know what you do to her baby girl when you're not under her watchful eye."

"Probably. Still, I think she has a vague idea. Her father is… tolerant."

"And that means what?"

"He intends to remain in denial. And if he comes after me with a weapon, he sleeps on the couch." Mamoru grinned at the appeal of that thought. It was only that threat that kept Kenji Tsukino from throwing him out of his house regularly when he came to get Usagi.

"He's only just now begun to let up on the warnings to keep my sleazy fingers off his little girl. I like to think of that as progress."

The sound of the front door of his apartment opening caught both their attentions. Mamoru glanced at his watch. Surely Usagi wasn't actually up this early in the morning. The sun hadn't even reached its high point.

The sound of two arguing female voices came from the living room. Mamoru's eyes widened in surprise. She didn't! She wouldn't dare. She'd brought Rei here and was about to subject Jace to her ill temper. How could she not see that this was definitely not going to work?

"Will you shut up Rei! For the last time Mamoru is not a…" her voice dipped so he couldn't hear just what Rei was calling him today. It must have been bad for Usagi to decide to protect his dignity by whispering.

Both men went into the living room to meet the two arguing young women.

Mamoru kissed Usagi good morning. "Up before noon? To what do I owe this honor?" The look in his eyes told her that he was really questioning what the hell she thought she was doing bringing Rei here.

Usagi stepped back, looking slightly guilty and trying to come up with an excuse. Mamoru looked at her expectantly with his arms folded across his chest.

"Rei and I thought we'd just stop by and say hi." That was bad. But she gave herself an A for effort and for not sounding entirely like an ass.

Mamoru was not amused, so she stood on her toes and kissed him again. Appeasing the beast was going to take more than that however, and she did not have the time or the privacy so she decided to do what she came here for in the first place.

"Rei," This is Jace. Jace, Rei," She introduced, watching Rei's expression as she took in the gorgeous blonde man. Unfortunately Rei was very good at hiding what she thought when she tried and she was certainly making an effort now.

Usagi had known her too long to be fooled, however. She was practically staring the man down and just barely managed to get out a stiff 'hello'.

Jace wasn't fooled by Usagi's casual introduction. He had to admit he'd never thought of himself as an object worth traveling to see but Usagi had obviously considered him just that and had brought her friend to watch the spectacle. He grinned down at the raven-haired girl, unable to hide his amusement and barely resisting the urge to preen.

Rei was not impressed. When Usagi had said there was something worth seeing she hadn't thought it would be some preening peacock. He was gorgeous. Now if he could only stop smiling. He looked like a toothpaste commercial.

"I'm going back to the kitchen," Mamoru announced. "Can I talk to you for a second Usa?"

"Sure," Usagi squeaked and followed him out of the room.

"Are those natural?" Jace asked; his curiosity peaked.

For a moment Rei was confused. She knew he wasn't talking about her breasts but she glanced down all the same just to make sure. They were the same two eggs sunny-side up that she'd left the house with this morning; definitely not what he was talking about.

"Your eyes," Jace clarified with apparent amusement.

Rei glared at him annoyed that he found anything funny about her response to his ambiguous question and he could have sworn her eyes changed from purple-grey to a deeper angrier shade of violet.

"Of course they're natural," Rei responded tersely.

They both glanced towards the kitchen. Rei was annoyed at having been left out here with The Peacock to fend for herself. Conversing with strange men was not her forte. To end the awkward silence she asked a question.

"Where are you from?"

Jace seemed stunned by the question. His mind had been wandering. He normally took pride in his ability to make people feel comfortable, but right now he really didn't mind the tension in the room. Rei was fidgeting. Moving from foot to foot and for whatever reason he found that funny.

"You forgot?" Rei asked wondering what was taking so long. There was that grin again. He really should audition for a Colgate ad.

"I'm English. I'm surprised Usagi didn't tell you."

Rei shrugged casually. "She didn't mention it." Of course Usagi had told her that. Usagi had told her everything she knew about the man as if she had plans to drop Mamoru for The Peacock.

"Your Japanese is very good."

Jace nodded. "I lived here for a long time when I was younger."

The conversation, if you stretched the meaning, was once again at an impasse.

Rei looked at her watch. "I hope those two aren't making out again."

"And if they are?"

"It's really rude!" Rei snapped. "They're always wasting my time with their endless spit swapping. May I never fall in love," she grumbled. "It weakens the mind."

"Aren't girls your age supposed to be drawing hearts on their notebooks and dreaming about falling in love and all that?" Jace questioned, surprised at her outburst.

"'Girls my age'" she said contemptuously, "don't have to conform to your expectations of what we should or should not be doing. Believe it or not some of us actually write notes in our notebooks. But I guess you think we all spend our time dreaming over your Colgate smile."

So he had a Colgate smile, he barely resisted the urge to show it off again. "You're very bitter for someone so young."

"You just met me. Could you save the insults for when you know me?" Rei glared at him, her eyes narrowing. This is why she never bothered with guys. They always seemed to think she had some interest in what they thought of her.

"I'm a big believer in not wasting time. My dad always said 'never put off for tomorrow what one can accomplish today."

Rei rolled her eyes. "You don't seem like the type to listen to your parents."

"On the contrary, my dad has some very enlightening things to say. His new favorite quote is: "'Women were put on Earth to please men and when they realize it, maybe then there'll be peace on earth'."

"Your dad's a pig!" Rei snapped. She couldn't believe she was hearing this or that she'd just said that to him.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that," she apologized. Your dad's probably a chauvinist pig but I shouldn't have said so. You probably love the man."

Jace laughed. Her idea of an apology was amusing. "That is, quite frankly the worst apology I've ever heard."

The sound of laughter brought Mamoru and Usagi from the kitchen. Jace stood on one side of the room laughing while Rei stood on the other, her arms folded across her chest and a familiar scowl on her face.

"You're supposed to accept apologies not laugh at them. Were you raised in a barn?"

"If that were an apology I would consider it, but that was... hell if I know what that was," Jace replied still grinning over the situation. Her tone had been snobbish at best.

"I was trying to be..." Rei began but couldn't find a word to describe what she'd been trying to say with that apology.

"Careful Jace," Mamoru warned. "She has claws and she just might be rabid."

Jace was surprised Mamoru was being so cruel, not that he couldn't see for himself that Rei had a temper but that was a bit harsh.

"Relax Mamoru. She was just apologizing." Rei looked at Jace oddly. Was that a defense?

"Rei?" Mamoru questioned as if shocked. "Apologize?" He glanced over at Rei as if seeing her for the first time.

"Are you ok?" Mamoru asked her. "Perhaps you should sit down."

"That's really sweet Mamoru," Rei said with a healthy dose of sarcasm. "It brings to mind nostalgic memories of you hiding from me behind Usagi's skirts."

Mamoru scowled. "Has no one ever told you that miserable people get deep wrinkles that reflect their sour personalities?"

Usagi giggled but her giggle stuck in her throat when everyone turned to look at her.

"What are you laughing at Meatball Head?" Rei snapped.

Jace laughed at the sound of the nickname and Usagi shot him a warning look.

"You guys sound like me and Mamoru two years ago. I never realized how immature we sounded until now."

Mamoru and Rei both looked equally annoyed and embarrassed at Usagi's subtle insult. She was right. They were acting like brats. Mamoru had been holding a grudge against Rei for weeks. She'd given him a headache that lasted two days after the incident at the shrine. And weeks before and after she had been a Grade A pain in the ass.

He'd told Usagi in the kitchen that the matchmaking scheme between Rei and Jace wouldn't work but now he was quite determined to make it work. He'd be in a much better mood when Rei was out of his hair and had someone else to wail on.

******

"Usagi's friends are very…unusual." Jace said to Mamoru a week later after having met them all during the week.

"In what way?" Mamoru asked, knowing full well exactly what he meant. Five very different and very attractive girls, all good friends was highly unusual.

"They're all so…"

"Hot?" Mamoru filled in. "Are you sure? They're a little young for you aren't they?" Mamoru teased.

"Age is irrelevant since I'm not trying to get into their pants. But I'm not blind either."

"That's too bad," Mamoru goaded. "I think Rei definitely would like to get into yours."

Jace froze, stunned at the thought that the abrasive black haired girl with the snapping violet eyes could possibly have a thing for him.

"You're joking right? Rei?" He supposed it was possible and she hid it very well. She had said he had a Colgate smile.

"What? You don't believe me? Ask Usa." He wanted to say more, but he decided not to push it. As far as he knew Rei barely acknowledged Jace's existence, a fly in their plans to get the two together.

Did it really matter if Rei found him attractive?

******

"Your plan's not working Mamo-chan," Usagi sighed. She plopped down on his couch with her face in her hands.

"Now that it's not working it's my plan huh?" He sat down beside her his own frustration evident. He had finally got his hand half way up Usagi's short skirt then the loud pounding sound on his door had shocked him so much he'd fallen off the couch.

Naturally it had been Rei pounding on his door because Usagi hadn't
Answered her communicator. And knowing Usagi was at his place, she had of course volunteered to pick up the notes Ami had lent Usagi earlier and she couldn't possibly wait until Usagi went home.

"Well we haven't really done anything to help them along," Mamoru admitted.

"There's been nothing to help along. I've been gushing over Jace to Rei to the point where she thinks I'm ready to dump you for him."

"If she were such a good friend she'd do her duty and offer herself to him to make sure you weren't tempted to do anything stupid."

"I know, Usagi agreed. If only it were that easy."

They sighed together.

"We need a plan," Mamoru began. "Something really good. We can't just introduce them to each other and hope they jump each other's bones. I told Jace that Rei had a thing for him but I don't think that helped."

"You did what?" Usagi asked with obvious surprise. "You told him that?
But she barely knows he exists and they've only seen each other twice."

"I had to do something. Besides at least he's thinking about her now."

"I suppose. But what if they're not attracted to each other or they don't belong together?"

"Oh please. One good-looking guy and one pretty, sexually frustrated girl; nature couldn't have come up with a better combo. Who cares if it lasts forever just as long as it gets the little witch off my case so I can have a decent amount of time with my girlfriend," Mamoru growled with ill temper.

"Mamoru!"

"I just don't see why she needs to take it out on us because she's not getting any. All I want is some peace and quiet so I can..."

"Get up my skirt?" Usagi snapped in annoyance, standing up and glaring down at him. "You one tracked, sleazy, jerk. What about Rei? Don't you think she deserves someone who loves her and not just some guy to distract her and try to get up her skirt? Could you be more selfish?"

Mamoru groaned. What the hell did he do now? How did he suddenly become the enemy?

"Usako I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated that's all. You do realize that almost every time we get a good amount of time alone she somehow manages to disrupt it? I love Rei as much as you do but she's been railing at everyone with a… who has the misfortune of being male," he corrected. Even her grandfather's been hiding from her.

"Maybe I didn't think about her feelings, but Jace is a good guy. It's not like we're trying to set her up with some jerk."

Usagi sniffed and sat back down. She simply wasn't good at holding a grudge against him. "I just don't want to do the wrong thing for selfish reasons."

"You're not being selfish," Mamoru whispered nuzzling her neck. You're doing what's right for all of us." He kissed her neck. "We need to make
Rei happy before she castrates me. Where would we be then?"

Usagi's face looked horrified. "She wouldn't dare!"

"I don't know," he whispered with skepticism. "Her temper gets the best of her. Next time I might not survive with all my body parts intact." He placed her hand on his crotch. "You must protect me and our future."

He sounded so serious that she couldn't help but laugh. "I promise to protect you and your... manhood, even if it means sacrificing Rei' to
Jace."

"My heroine," he groaned as he kissed her.

****

Jace walked up the steep steps of the shrine. He was here to appreciate the traditional Japanese architecture. He was not here to ascertain if there was any truth behind Mamoru's statement.

The priestess he was looking for was patiently sweeping aside fallen leaves in the courtyard. He was NOT looking for her he reminded himself. He looked up at the façade of the shrine, admiring the lines. His eyes strayed to Rei who had yet to notice him.

She looked so much more peaceful from a distance dressed in her red and white robes, her hair flying in the wind. He'd guessed immediately that she had a fiery temper the day he'd met her. It was a real pity she wasted all the passion on anger. He could think of a million better things for all that energy.

He cursed beneath his breath. "Good clean thoughts," he reminded himself returning his attention to the building. Teenage girls were more trouble than they were worth. Mamoru was truly brave and fearless. He had a little sister only a year younger than Rei. She was a terror.

"Can I help you with something?" Rei asked tersely.

"Just admiring the building," he replied.

"Does something about it bother you?"

"No? Why?"

"You're frowning at it."

He wasn't really seeing the building. He'd been deep in thought. "Just thinking," he replied.

He glanced down at her. "It's amazing how peaceful that costume can make you look. Quite a contradiction."

"My robes are not a costume," she reprimanded. "Just because I'm a priestess doesn't mean I spend all day meditating and attaining inner calm."

"I could have guessed that much."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rei snapped. Men were so damn presumptuous, constantly making assumptions about her.

"You're always angry."

"I am not."

He smiled. "Then why are you scowling at me?"

"Because you're aggravating!"

"And you're easily aggravated."

"Well I wouldn't be aggravated if you didn't work so very hard at aggravating me. Unless, of course, you're naturally this annoying."

"Someone so young should really learn to relax. Your face might get stuck that way."

"That's the second time you've mentioned my age. Do you think you're old and wise or something? Being almost thirty doesn't make you any wiser. You're still a guy."

Jace balked. "Thirty! You think I'm thirty?" He desperately wanted a mirror. He didn't look thirty did he?

The smile on her face gave her away. He breathed a sigh of relief before scowling at her. "That was NOT funny."

There was a moment of silence before she said: "Vanity, my favorite sin."

"I love that movie," Jace admitted grinning. The Devil's advocate was a staple in his movie collection.

"Me too," Rei admitted.




"What if we locked them in a closet?" Usagi asked brightening.

"They're not us Usa. Just because they are in a room together alone for an extended period of time doesn't mean they're going to automatically start practicing mouth to mouth on each other," Mamoru shot down her suggestion.

They'd been trying to come up with ideas to get Rei and Jace together, but whoever had come up with the old theory that two heads were better than one obviously hadn't met these two particular heads. Their ideas seemed to be getting worse the longer they thought about it.

"They would if they had any brains," Usagi commented. "What else does one do in a dark closet with hours to waste?"

Mamoru shrugged. She was forever asking difficult questions.

"Why don't we simply invite them to double date with us and set them up on a blind date with each other?" Mamoru aked.

"Because Rei would bash us both over the head and walk out, assuming she even agreed to that, which she wouldn't. Apparently watching us go at it has soured her on the idea of romance altogether."

"What?" Mamoru snapped in shock. "We're the prefect couple."

"I think so too," Usagi replied. "But Rei thinks that all the kissing kills brain cells."

"And the lack of is turning her into a raging cavewoman," he retorted.

"What if they were naked in a closet together?" Usagi asked brightly.

"Horny any Usa?" Mamoru questioned with a raised eyebrow and audible humor.

"As if you're any better," she grumbled.

He grinned and leaned in for a kiss but they were interrupted by Rei as she slid into the booth across from them.

"I'm here now; cut it out!" She ordered,

"Hello Rei," Mamoru greeted through his teeth.

"Hello Mamoru, Usagi. How are you two today?" She smiled.

Mamoru and Usagi glanced at each other. The smile seemed genuine. There didn't seem to be any sarcasm. She was definitely a pod person. Perhaps evil, but good-tempered aliens from outer space had stolen her body and killed the real Rei.

"We're fine," Mamoru replied tentatively. "Are you ok?"

"Of course. Why do you ask?"

"You seem a little strange," Usagi commented.

"Strange? How?" Rei asked in what seemed to be genuine confusion.

"You're being nice," Mamoru stated bluntly.

And that's when Rei's face changed and she glared him down with her patented violet-eyed fury.

"How is that strange? What exactly are you trying to say Chiba? Am I not nice regularly?"

"I just meant..."

"I know what you meant idiot." She sniffed and slid out of the booth. "I'll just keep my niceness for people who deserve it."

"Hello Andrew," she greeted with a bright smile as she headed towards the counter, launching a bright and happy conversation with the arcade's proprietor.

Mamoru's head hit the table with a thud. "How the hell does she do that?" He groaned. "She's like the PMS Demon Queen from Hell."

****

She giggled as sauce ran down her chin from the shrimp he'd just picked up from his plate and fed to her.

The urge to clean up the little mess with his tongue was nearly impossible to resist. He watched painfully as her tongue cleaned her lips and she dabbed the side of her mouth with a napkin.

"You're beautiful you know," he commented. It wasn't so much a compliment as a fact.

"I know," she smiled and he smiled back.

"I figured as much. I'm sure you have many mirrors that tell you that."

"Not half as many as you do," Rei replied. "I'm guessing you probably enjoy looking at yourself."

"I have to make sure that my looks aren't fading," Jace stated with forced seriousness. "They're all I have. It would be a shame to turn thirty overnight, or worse yet, LOOK thirty." He shuddered. "Do you have any idea how much night cream and moisturizer it takes to keep up this stunning visage?"

"I'm trying not to imagine," Rei replied grinning. His Colgate smile was back. She loved it.

"Now shut up," he commanded, turning back to the TV screen. "This is one of my favorite parts." Keanu Reeves ran out into the empty streets of New York City, in shock at the sight before him.

Rei rolled her eyes. "The whole movie is your favorite part."

"Shush," he repeated and put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close as they continued to eat take out.

****

"I'm beginning to reconsider the naked in a closet idea," Mamoru growled. They'd been on a date. This time it hadn't been Rei but Mina who'd called Usagi just to chat. Getting her off the phone had taken a while. After Rei, she just might be next on their hit list.

"I told you it was a good idea," Usagi yawned. "I have to go in soon," she said wistfully, glancing at her house with it's brightly lit living room and her father peaking through the curtains before her mother pulled him away. "Keep thinking about it. Maybe you'll have an idea by tomorrow afternoon."

She started to open the car door but he pulled her hand away and back towards him."

"I could come up with a dozen better things I'd rather think about than Rei and Jace right now."

"Don't start something you can't finish," she whispered huskily.

"I was just thinking," he said against her mouth. "Maybe if we spent more time kissing, perhaps naked, in a closet, and less time thinking we'd eventually come up with something."

Usagi smiled. "I know we'd come up with something. But we want to actually come up with something useful."

He kissed her again but broke off quickly and groaned as Usagi's front door opened and her father stood impatiently in the doorway.

"Time's up. Do say hello to your dad for me," he muttered.

"Does this 'hello' of yours include words I shouldn't be using in front of my dad?"

"You know me too well. Now go inside before he comes out here or I drive away with you."

****

A week later they were ready to give up. Neither of them could come up with a single reason why Rei and Jace should be dating.

"Perhaps we should just tell Rei how we feel about her intrusions," Usagi said defeated.

"Are you insane? I have a better idea."

"This had better be good," Usagi moaned propping her head up with her arm on the wooden park table. "Don't get my hopes up for nothing."

"Maybe we should just tell Rei and Jace that we think they are perfect for each other and they should go out."

Usagi was silent for a moment. "That has merit. It's honest. It's simple. And we could get back to uninterrupted make-out sessions rather than wasting our time thinking about their love lives."

"It's a bit lacking in drama though," Mamoru said a bit disappointedly.

"Yeah. I like drama."

"Maybe we should go see a movie," Mamoru suggested.

"Huh? That was random."

Mamoru shook his head as if attempting to clear it of stupid thoughts. "We should invite them over for dinner tonight."

"As long as you're cooking and cleaning."

"Why do I have to do both?"

"Your apartment and your great idea."

"Which is precisely why you should do the dishes. I had the brilliant idea and I'm cooking. Don't you think you should do something?"

"I should. But I don't want to."

"Well if my plan works I'll just deprive you of my glorious presence," he threatened. "No more kissing, no touching..." his voice trailed off.

"Figured out you'd be punishing yourself?" Usagi commented smartly.

"Yeah. Not to mention it would make the plan redundant."

Usagi kissed him on the cheek. "Fine I'll take pity on you. I wash, you dry."

****

Rei sat on the couch next to Usagi as the smells of Mamoru's cooking wafted through the apartment. It had been decided that cooking was Men's work so Jace was helping him.

"You didn't invite any of the others?" Rei asked suspiciously.

Usagi shook her head but didn't elaborate.

"Why?" Rei asked impatiently. Usagi could be so aggravating.

"We loved you so much and didn't want to share your company."

Rei snorted at that ridiculous statement.

"You don't believe me?" Usagi questioned as if surprised and upset that her statement could possibly be called into question.

"I'm not quite sure why," Rei began sarcastically, "But NO."

"I'm hurt Rei. How could you not believe that we love you?"

Rei rolled her eyes. "Oh come off it. Now answer the question. Why didn't you invite anyone else?"

"Mamoru and I were thinking…"

"You may as well stop there. I'm sure the world will end at any moment," Rei drawled.

Usagi scowled at her. "You know if you weren't such a bitch guys would be lining up to jump your bones."

"And if you weren't so 'available' Mamoru would…." Well he couldn't get any hornier when it comes to you. Never mind."

"I should claw your eyes out just for fun," Usagi muttered. "Anyway, as I was saying. Mamoru and I were thinking that since we love you so much we should tell you that your bitchiness is getting on our nerves and we've decided that you need to get laid and we think Jace is just the man for the job." She hadn't quite intended to put it that way but Rei had a way of making bald honesty the only available option.

"Let me get this straight. You want me to get laid for your good?"

"Something like that," Usagi said squirming.

"And why should I oblige you?"

"Because we love you?" Usagi said weakly. Rei looked skeptical. "We think you're a goddess and we're offering Jace as a sacrifice to your greatness?"

"Is that what they're into in Tokyo these days? Religious sacrifices?" Jace asked from behind her.

Usagi turned, her face flushed red. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to realize I'm being pimped out."

"I wouldn't use those precise terms," Usagi said slowly.

Jace smiled. "And how exactly would you put it?"

"I prefer to think of it as…"

"Doing the right thing for your friends," Mamoru finished for her. "You'd be doing us a huge favor by occupying her time."

"And why would I want to do that?" Jace questioned.

Mamoru and Usagi glanced at each other and said the words at the same time. "She's hot?"

"God you guys are idiots," Rei muttered.

"It's a lucky thing I don't hold a grudge Mamoru. I'll take her off your hands." He walked over and put an arm around Rei. "All you had to do was ask."

"Wait a minute," Rei snapped.

"Shut up Rei," Jace said and kissed her, quieting all her objections.

"I don't see why we should make them happy," Rei muttered. Jace leaned down and whispered something in her ear and Rei's face flushed red.

"I suppose that's a good enough reason."

Usagi and Mamoru stared. Was it really that easy? Had they really spent days thinking about this? Time better spent on 'other things' for it to be this easy.

"Well that was anticlimactic," Mamoru muttered in disappointment.

"Yeah. I was hoping for…. I don't know. Something," Usagi complained.

"I feel kind of empty."

"What's the matter with you two?" Jace asked at the sight of two downcast faces.

"It's just that we spent days thinking about how to get you two together and this just kind of…" Mamoru's voice trailed off.

"Days?" Jace asked amused. "We got together last week. We've been on three dates while you guys were busy 'thinking'"

"What!" Usagi and Mamoru snapped.

"You guys were getting it on while we were sitting here plotting…

"Wasting valuable make-out time" Usagi continued. Both of them were advancing on Rei and Jace who begun to step back in fear.

"Do you have any idea how frustrated I am?" Mamoru snapped. "I could…."

"Break you both in half and feed you to your sacred fire," Usagi finished.

Rei and Jace had backed their way to the front door and by mutual agreement opened it and slipped out before Usagi or Mamoru could get their fingers around either of their necks.

"I could kill them!" Mamoru yelled.

All was quiet in the apartment for a while then Usagi suddenly smiled.

"What?"

"Guess what?"

"What?" Mamoru asked, finally beginning to calm down.

"We're alone. No interruptions. Rei is occupied, and we got what we wanted."

"I think I follow you." He grinned and pulled her close.

"Want to watch a movie?" Mamoru asked.

"Sure."