Sometimes I wonder if every family is like mine. On the outside the Scott family seems perfect. Inside it feels like each of us is broken, well almost each of us. First off I'm the 'baby' of the family. Which sounds ridiculous considering I'm almost ten. I remember this story I heard in school when I was a little younger. Basically it was a family like mine – 3 children. And the middle child wrote the story, more like a diary really. It talked about how the youngest was always the baby, and the oldest always the first and that the middle child lacked identity. That's not the case in this family. True I'm certainly the baby. But my big sister Emily, the middle child does not lack identity. If anyone lacks identity it's my oldest sister Lauren. For as long as I can remember Lauren has always loved me more than Emily. And in turn Emily has hated Lauren as much as Lauren hated her. They've never been close at all. As we've grown up into our own person there has been definite ways in which we've become like our parents. I look like my mother, I have her dark hair and green eyes, my sister Lauren looks like me and our mom too, except she has blue eyes like my dad. Emily is blonde. She looks exactly like my mother did when she was her age, except she's blonde. But it's more than the way we look. Lauren and I have never been particularly academic. But Emily has excelled at school from the start. That makes her like my dad.
Just before I was born my mom realised her dream and opened a clothing store. Almost ten years later and she's expanded outside of Tree Hill, she now has four stores in North Carolina all selling just her designs. As the store became more successful and she opened more stores she settled back into just designing and employed people to make her creations real. Her heart is in her Tree Hill store.
Then there's my dad. He wrote a novel before my sister Emily was born. He wrote two in the time between her birth and mine. In fact the older I got the more he seemed to write. There was a time when I was younger that he helped my Uncle Nathan coach the local high school basketball team the Tree Hill Ravens. But he had to give that up the more he wrote. He just wasn't around enough due to the fact every time he finished a book he'd do a book tour.
My sister Lauren is 17, she's the outsider of my family I think. The trouble with Lauren is she's a lot older than the rest of us. Lauren was 5 years old when my cousin Hannah was born, she was almost 7 when my sister Emily and cousin Jamie were born. And to make things weirder was 6 when our aunt and uncle were born. Five years might not seem like a lot, but when there is only a matter of months between Jamie, Emily, Lily and Leo, with Hannah being just over a year older than them and me being just over a year younger it does seem like a lot. Lauren has never been great at school, and that is where dad excelled, there and on the basketball court. In fact when she was younger I remember there being jokes about the fact Lauren was the mail man's child because apart from her blue eyes she didn't seem to have inherited anything from our father. Lauren has grown further and further away from my family over the past few years. She fights with Emily a lot of the time, and when they're not fighting they just plain don't speak. My mom gets mad with her a lot, she blames the problems between her and Emily on her because she's older and should know better. My dad isn't around a lot because of his writing. When he is home from the tours or meeting his publishers in New York he mostly locks himself away to write. Lauren told me she can remember when mom and dad spent all their time together, but I can't really remember it like she can. My dad and Lauren don't seem to spend that much time together, in fact Lauren doesn't really spend time with any of us. Sometimes when she's grounded she'll let me come sit in her room, or she'll come sit in mine. Even though we don't always talk I like when she does that because she once told me she feels invisible in our house, so it's nice to know that she knows she isn't invisible to me. I like the fact Lauren is 8 years older than me. She knows a lot more than me, and she remembers better than I do. Sometimes when dad is around and he and mom fight Lauren will come and lay in bed with me and tell me stories about how it used to be before all the fighting. I always ask her why it changed but she never seems able to tell me.
Emily never does anything like that with me, and Lauren doesn't go near her either. Emily cries when mom and dad fight, even though she's almost 12. When I'm almost 12 I won't let anything make me cry. Emily is closer to my dad than me or Lauren. She writes, ever since she was little she's said she wants to be a writer like our dad. When dad is home she'll spend hours in his study with him, they both just sit and write together, sometimes I can hear Emily asking for my dad's help with what she's doing. A couple of times at dinner I've seen them talking about their writing and I see Lauren look at them with a real sad look on her face. But soon as I blink it's gone and she just goes back to looking angry.
Me, well I probably have the best relationship with both parents. Emily doesn't get on so great with my mom, because she is a real daddy's girl. I like having my dad around and spending time with him, playing basketball with him. But sometimes I think it's better when he's not here. Emily doesn't have anyone to show off to, Lauren isn't as sad and my mom has no one to fight with.
When dad's away a normal routine for our family is get up, Lauren and Emily fight, mom and Lauren argue, Lauren storms out, either to school or a friend's on a weekend. Emily sulks, mom gets angry and calls dad and shouts at him. I just watch them all and wonder if everyone's family is like mine. I don't think it can be though because my grandma and granddad have two kids, Lily and Leo who are 12 years old and they all seem happy. Lily and Leo are best friends. But I don't know whether that's normal either because my cousins Hannah and Jamie aren't best friends. I think with Lily and Leo it's different because they're twins. Hannah and Jamie play together though. They fight sometimes but they love each other still. And they said that their mom and dad hardly ever fight. Lily said the same about my grandma and granddad. Plus no one else's daddy is away like mine is. When Lauren finally comes home she just disappears off to her room, unless my mom is already back from work – which isn't very often. It feels like my mom is always at work these days. She tells Lauren she has to pick me and Emily up from school and watch us until she's home. But Lauren doesn't. Aunt Haley always brings us home, she waits until either mom or Lauren gets back. I think Lauren would do what mom asked if it was just me.
I never really understood why Lauren hated Emily so much, especially since it feels like I'm the only person Lauren really likes being around in my family. Lauren doesn't like being around my dad when he's here, or my mom really, she hates Emily. I think because Lauren and I get on so well is why Emily doesn't really spend time with me. And my mom and dad sure don't seem to like being together. When he's here she's at work, when she's not at work he's in his study. I think the only time they're in the same room is to argue. Lauren said we all used to sit down and have dinner together when dad was here. But now Lauren or Aunt Haley make the food for us, or dad if he's here. I can't remember the last time mom ate with us. A lot of the time we eat at grandma's house, or her café on days she is working. Sometimes we go to Aunt Haley's for dinner too. Everyone else always seems to have a family dinner. I guess it's just my family that are different.
There's a soft tap on my open door and I look up, I'm surprised to see my mom there.
"Hey buddy, how was school?" She comes further into my bedroom and towers over me expectantly. Her voice is real soft and she looks tired.
"It was ok. I got a B in a maths quiz." A smile graces her face and for a minute I can almost remember when we were happy. She gracefully manoeuvres her body until she is sat in her expensive suit, crossed legged on my messy floor beside me.
"A little boy was in the store with his mom today, and something he said made me think that tomorrow I should take my little boy to go see the new Shrek film." The way she looked at me so expectant of my happiness made me almost agree – almost.
"Mom I'm not a little boy anymore and Shrek is for kids." She looked vaguely surprised by the response and it was clear it was not the expected reaction. The shock dissipated and she softly smiled at me before leaning to place a kiss on my forehead.
"Sometimes I forget how old you are now Connor, but you could be 30 and you'd still be my little boy. My baby." If I'd been older I might have been able to name the look on her face as she said that as wistful, but given my young age I could only identify it was sad. "I miss us spending time together sweetie."
"We could see the new Transformers movie instead." I tried to hide the hopeful tone in my voice but my mother was clearly still far more observant than I thought she was.
"And what rating is that?" I hung his head and whispered hoping she'd not hear and agree anyway.
"PG-13." To me it seemed like she'd immediately dismiss it, so I played my ace. "Dad let me watch the first one on DVD last month though." Her features hardened at the mention of my father. When she answered her gaze rested outside my window, her face unreadable to me.
"Well since the damage has already been done I don't see why not." I was mildly surprised she'd given in so easily, but it had become standard to play one parent against the other in my household. At least for me, it appeared I was the only one on good enough terms with both to do so. I once heard my Aunt Haley tell Jamie that parents loved all their children equally. Most of the time I don't think that can be true, or maybe that's just another thing only my parents do. My dad certainly appears to love Emily best, and my mom has a softness with me that she lacks with my sisters. But thoughts like that always make me sad for Lauren. It always seems like she's the neglected one. "I miss us spending time together baby." My mom's soft voice shake me from my thoughts and I look at her, she looks so sad now and for a second I think it isn't just me she misses. I almost want to ask if she misses time with Emily or Lauren in the same way – but I don't. I think maybe I'm not sure I'll like her answer. Or maybe that's it's not really my place to question the relationships she has with my sisters.
"I miss you too mom." It hits me how tired she looks then – but someone older would have labelled the look as defeated.