A/N: I will probably use a lot of music references throughout this story. Can anyone tell me the two songs in this chapter without looking it up?
*OK, so I got some feedback that the bold italics of Jane's thoughts made it too distracting. I don't think the italics alone stand out enough but I want people to enjoy the story so I changed it back to my orginial format.*
I woke up to the sound of screaming. It was only when I was out of bed, holding my gun and frantically searching the room that I realized the noise had come from me. My clothes were soaked with sweat and my sheets were tangled. Putting the gun on my nightstand, I sat on the edge of the bed with my head in my hands.
What the hell was that all about?
Slowly the nightmare crept back into my thoughts. It was fluid and movie-like; images that I would rather never recall .
** Hoyt on top of me. Pinned to the floor by the scalpel driven through not one but both of my palms. Shots fired. Familiar voice. Cold, so cold. Korsak, yes, it was Korsak who found me. Then: Hoyt restrained in a hospital bed. Gravely voice haunting me. Maura screaming. Can't move. He's above me again. Have to keep him talking. Maura, Maura, where is she? Severe pain across my neck. Have to get to Maura. I hear her whimpering. He cuts her neck. Red; blind red rage is all I can see. The guard is no match for me. On the floor, struggling. I have the scalpel now. "I win. You're going to hell alone." **
I take several deep breaths and I realize that I am crying. Maura. I could have lost her that day. A sob escapes me and I curl back up in bed.
I woke up to Jo Friday licking my face. "Hey Jo", I said, as I pulled her close to me. "I hope you had a better nights sleep than I did" I shuttered as I remembered the events of a few hours ago. My head was pounding and I went to the kitchen to take something for it. I picked up my phone from the nightstand on my way to the bathroom. I had a text from Maura.
"Good morning, hope you slept well. Meet you in the café for coffee?"
I sent a quick reply before hopping in the shower. " Hey Maur, slept ok. Coffee sounds perfect"
Showering has to be one of the best parts of my day; it's where I do my best thinking. I replayed the nightmare in as much detail as I could manage. Nothing new, same images that were always there… my tragic dealings with Charles Hoyt. Something was different this time though; I couldn't quite put my finger on it. As the shower progressed, I started half humming, half singing a song. This happened a lot. Very often, I would wake up with what I called a 'song of the day' in my head. It happened with other things too. Seemingly random words, the name of a suspect or witness, a phrase, or even a picture of something. It would stick with me for a little while and then my day would consume me and it would be gone. Sometimes it stayed longer than others or would reappear for more than one day. Maura, says that it is basically my subconscious mulling something over. So today's song is not one I recognize right away but I must know it somehow to have it rattling around in my head. I can only seem to repeat two lines and have only a vague idea of the melody. Over and over it plays in my head…
"The worst is over now and we can breathe again. I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain . . . Away"
I make a mental note to remember the lyrics so I can look it up online later. I get out of the shower and look at my phone again. Another text from Maura.
"Fantastic. See you soon! " A smile spread across my face. I felt the nightmare and headache ebbing away.
This might not be such a bad day after all.
Jo Friday looked up at my expectantly. "Don't give me that look, I will feed you in a minute", I said to the tiny dog. She seemed to find that acceptable enough and trotted out of the room.
Hmmm, no phone calls yet. Maybe the streets of Boston were safe for one night. Good, I have a lot of paperwork to catch up on.
I finished getting dressed and headed to the kitchen to feed Jo. I decided not to eat since I was meeting Maura for coffee and didn't want to waste anymore time. Grabbing my keys and throwing Jo one last look, I left the apartment.
"The worst is over now and we can breathe again. I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain . . . Away"
Damn! I HAVE to look that song up before it drives me crazy!
I arrived at the station and made my way to the café.
"Hey Ma, what's cooking today?" I said to my mother, Angela, who was refilling the pastries.
"Hi Janie. I can make you anything you want. How about an omelet?
"Ummm, I'm not sure yet. I will start with a coffee. Hey, where's Maura? We were supposed to meet here."
"Oh, she said she had to run down to her office first. She should be back any minute."
Just then, I heard the click of high heels approaching. Maura touched my arm to get my attention away from the pastries I was eyeballing.
"I certainly hope you plan on eating more than that for breakfast" Maura said as I turned to look at her.
I suddenly felt lightheaded.
Maybe that headache did more of a number on me than I thought . I guess I do need to eat something.
Maura stood smiling at me. I suddenly thought of the song again. Despite the food cooking in the café all I could smell was the mixture of conditioner and perfume that was washing over me. It was overwhelming and intoxicating and I simply couldn't move.
Maura touched my shoulder. "Jane? Jane, are you alright?" She looked suddenly very concerned and I somehow snapped out of my daze.
"I… I think I just need to eat." I stammered. "I think I will take that omelet now, Ma"
"Ok sweetie. Maura, what can I get you?"
"I will have coffee, a fruit bowl, and perhaps a whole wheat bagel with just butter please."
I managed to sit myself down at a table with Maura settling in across from me.
"Are you sure you're feeling ok, Jane? You don't look like you slept well." Maura asked again.
I sighed. " Honestly, I didn't sleep well at all. " I peered up at her from my coffee before continuing. " I had a nightmare and I woke myself up screaming" I confessed.
Maura's eyes grew big and she really looked worried now. " Can you talk about it? Was it Hoyt again?" She asked.
"Yeah, it was him." I took a sip of coffee and looked away.
"Well? What happened in the dream?" Maura asked.
"Same thing that always happens… I go through every single detail and moment from every encounter I've ever had with him. " I noticed Maura watching me rub my hands.
"Are your hands bothering you?" She asked, knowing full well that was my unconscious response whenever I was upset or nervous.
"It just… it just reminds me, ya know? Everyday I look at my hands and there is the reminder of HIM and what he did to me…to us." I looked down into the coffee cup trying to think of a way to change the subject. Maura was not having it.
She reached across the table taking my free hand in hers. I shivered slightly.
Woah, that's new. I really need to get over this nightmare… it's really messing with my head .
Maura cocked her head to the side for a second.
"Jane, I heard a song once that says '…scars are souvenirs you never lose, the past is never far…' I don't recall what the name of the song is but it is quite lovely."
" YOU don't remember a fact and yet you are using it as an example? That is quite unlike you Dr. Isles!" I interrupted.
" Jane, quit trying to change the subject. You can't just ignore your feelings about what happened to you. What I was trying to say was that those scars on your hands are proof of how brave and strong you are. "
I rolled my eyes. Maura frowned slightly and continued.," It's true. You are the strongest person I know and I truly believe that it comes from your experiences, the good and the bad." She was holding my hand again and looking at me with such sincerity.
"You really think I'm that strong? Boy, I've got you fooled." I rolled my eyes again and tried to lean back but she wouldn't let go of my hand.
"Jane, stop trying to blow this off. It's important that you face it. Would you like me to recommend someone that you can talk to?"
"Maura, I'm not seeing a shrink. Besides, I have you to talk to."
"I'm not that kind of Doctor and you know it. Why are you fighting me on this?" Maura said.
I could feel myself starting to get more upset. " I don't want to talk about this anymore! " I pulled my hand from Maura's just as Ma was putting our plates down.
"Everything ok over here, girls?" Angela asked.
Maura spoke up, " Jane was been having…" "Everything is great, Ma…" I interrupted, shooting Maura a 'don't even think about it' look.
Angela paused to look at both of their faces. She was either convinced that nothing was wrong or she decided not to pursue it. She went back to the counter to help the waiting customers.
"Why did you say you were fine? It's not true." Maura asked.
" I don't want to talk about the dream and I REALLY don't want Ma to know about it. Can you please drop it and promise not to say anything?" I pleaded.
She looked at me like she could see into my soul and I shivered again. If Maura noticed, she didn't let on.
Her eyes are amazing. The way the color of her hair brings out the golden tones but then her sweater brings out the green. Wow. What am I thinking? What the hell is wrong with me?
I shook the thought away.
"I will only drop this conversation for now but we WILL talk about it, Jane. I am very concerned about you. My place. Tonight. You bring the wine and I will pick out a movie. We will talk and I promise not to say anything to Angela. Deal?" Maura raised an eyebrow waiting for my answer.
Her place tonight. Why does that make me really happy? We have done movie night tons of times, why am I so excited for this night? God, I really need to get to work and get my mind off this.
"Jane?" Maura started looking worried again.
"What? Oh, right, sorry….yeah, sure movie night sounds great. But no subtitles this time, I don't want to be bored to tears." I smiled and this seemed to satisfy Maura's concerns.
" You could use a little more culture in your life, Jane Rizzoli" Maura quipped.
"Yeah, but that's what I got you for" I winked and turned to leave. "See ya."
I left the café and headed to my desk in Homicide, not realizing I was grinning like a fool. Little did I know, Maura's eyes followed me until I was out of sight, a small smile on her lips.
A/N: So nothing too eventful in this chapter but I am trying to set the tone and all that. Again, this is my 1st attempt at a FanFic so I hope it is acceptable. I would love some feedback, so don't hesitate to submit reviews. Thanks.