Because I Asked You To Stay

(A Dream of a Dream)

I was staring at him from across the tavern.

All I could do was stare. Heh, what a brave woman I was. There was the man of my dreams, the legendary Cid Highwind, and all I could do... was stare.

With a sigh I turned back to the bar. "Fill er up, barkeep." I mumbled.

Tifa looked down at me with empathy. She knew about my feelings, without me having to tell her. She had experienced quite a few pains from love as well. Her feelings for Cloud had always been unrequited. If I hadn't been so busy feeling sorry for myself, I might've pitied her.

"This'll be your fourth tonight. I thought you didn't drink?" she asked with a smile. Tifa took my mug anyway.

I shrugged. "Better than just wasting away out there... I just don't know what to do with myself." Her eyes darkened and Tifa sighed. I didn't want to hurt her, but it was true. Since I'd been somehow taken forcefully from my home planet, and sent to a whole new world, my life had taken a darker turn.

In fan fictions and stories, going into the realm of your favorite book or video game was always a good thing. What people don't think of is the loneliness, the suffering, the loss. Not being able to see your friends or family, not being able to return home. God, how I missed home.

Worst of all was knowing that your heroes, your idols, where out there somewhere, and you knew them, but they didn't know you. What were you supposed to do? Walk up and say, "Hello, I'm from a different universe where you all are video game characters. Nice to meet you."

It had been the summer of my thirty second year. My friends and I had been on a trip together, traveling through Vietnam. We had saved up for a long time to make it, to visit the family of one of our friends. I remembered sitting outside, picking ticks off the family dog, when I suddenly felt light headed. Then, something wrapped around me like a rope and I was flying through time and space.

It took me a moment to realize that tendrils of green light were dragging me away, and that the Earth was fading into the distance. I could hear screams... my friends? I was so confused, I thought I was dying.

Later I awoke in a desert wasteland, the sun beating down on my back. Was I high? What the hell? I knew I wasn't in Vietnam, the United States, I wasn't anywhere on Earth. I'm not sure how I knew, but I did. It was the painful, sharp feeling in my gut, a horrid sense of great loss.

Home was gone, behind me, and I was never going back.

So I walked forward. For days I stumbled through the wasteland, not sure where I was going, or for what reason. What was left for me?

Eventually I succumbed to darkness. After a while I awoke and found myself in the arms of a stranger. I wasn't really awake, but I realized that a strong man was carrying me, a very tall man... and I heard a little girl asking questions.

Barret Wallace had found me and taken me to Edge, which apparently had been close by. As soon as I awoke, I found I had a new friend in his daughter, Marlene. She was sitting by my bed, grinning broadly.

"Are you feeling better, miss?" She had asked. I didn't know what to say. Marlene!? From Final Fantasy? Not... possible...

Tifa had walked into the room next, and to my great embarrassment I screamed and fell out of the bed onto my ass. Marlene could've been explained away as just a little kid that looked like the character... but Tifa and her... "assets" were unmistakable. I did what any self respecting fan would've done... I immediately crawled under the bed and closed my eyes, chanting the mantra, "You're dreaming, you're dreaming..."

"Uh... are you okay?" Tifa kneeled by the bed and I immediately scooted away in fear. Great, a grown woman acting like a child. I didn't really care.

"Daddy! The girl's awake!" Marlene ran out to find her father. "She's under the bed!"

I flushed scarlet. Great, just tell the whole world I'm a coward.

Of course, eventually others decided to come see the spectacle. Barret came upstairs with Denzel, and both tried coaxing me out from under the bed. Barret essentially said, "Fuck's the matter? Come on, we ain't gonna hurt you!" I squeaked and covered my eyes.

Denzel, I learned, was intuitive. While Tifa, Barret, and Marlene tried to convince me to come out, he ran after the one person who could calm me down.

The room grew quiet and I began to believe they'd finally left. But then a new pair of eyes showed by the edge of the bed. For a moment, the man just looked at me, trying to show he was no threat. It was like a person trying to approach a wild animal. Then he beckoned me. "Come on," He said gently. "We won't hurt you."

Cloud Strife managed to calm me down because of one reason. In my head, Cloud equaled the closest thing to home: my brother. My brother had been the one to introduce me to Final Fantasy. He once told me his favorite characters were always the lead heroes, like Cloud. I had only been a kid at the time, but from then on, Cloud made me think of my brother. He made me feel safe.

So, nervously, I crawled out, still blushing. He smiled kindly, as if it didn't matter that a thirty two year old woman, older than him, was acting like she was five.

I stood, hanging my head, before I glanced around at the group. It hit me again: This can't be happening... this is a dream...

Cloud held out his hand. "I'm Cloud." He said. I nodded, and instead of shaking his hand, I suddenly hugged him and began to cry.

I was never going home, I remembered. All my friends... my family... did they think I was dead? What was going to happen now?

I had nowhere to go... no one who knew me... I had nothing.

I clung to Cloud desperately as if doing so might give me a reason to live.

A few days passed and I finally began speaking to them. Tifa was the first one I talked to. Girls always made me feel more comfortable anyway.

"What's your name?" She asked. I hesitated. For some reason I wondered if my name mattered, since it was the name everyone from my past called me. Should I make up a new name? For a new life?

No, because I was still the same person. Usually I was so optimistic! What would my friends think? I knew what they'd think. They'd probably hit me and call me an idiot, or hug me real tight and tell me it's okay. I smiled for the first time, and told Tifa,

"I'm... Amanda."

Tifa and Cloud gave me a place to stay at the Seventh Heaven, and I began to work for them. Cloud was always busy with his deliveries, so it was usually just me, Tifa, and the kids. It was fun. I usually wasn't very good with kids, but I began to get use to them. They weren't so bad, and Marlene was the only really loud one. But she was nice enough. Barret visited often as well.

During those days I slowly revealed to Tifa what had happened to me, hoping desperately she wouldn't think I'd hit my head on a rock or gone bonkers. In the end, she asked me to prove it, to do something to prove my story.

"The only way, I guess, is personal information." I murmured. "Well... there was Mideel, when Cloud was sick and you took care of him."

Tifa shrugged as she cleaned the bar. "A lot of people know that."

"Do they also know you two fell into the lifestream together and you helped him piece together his past?"

She looked surprised, but still skeptical. "Well... anything else you could say?"

Oh there was. "I can't say it." I told her with a sigh. "The best way I know to prove it to you is to tell you personal information of the most secretive one in your group. Stuff no one would know about, but him. But I'd never do that."

Tifa's eyes grew wide. "You mean Vincent?" I nodded. Curiosity shone in her eyes. She wanted to know. But she respected me for not telling.

"All right. Well... do you want me to tell the others your story?" I nodded.

"I'd rather not tell it twice."

I found out a few days later that all the AVALANCHE members were going to have a meeting at the bar. It shocked and scared me.

"Why?" I'd asked Barret when I found out.

"Tifa has somethin' to say. Don't ask me!" The man said. "She's the one that set it up."

So it was about me. I asked her why. "I thought if we told everyone, we might find a way to send you home." Hope rushed through me, with fear as well. Was it really possible?

Not to mention... all of AVALANCHE? That was... Nanaki, Reeve, Yuffie, Vincent, Cloud, Barret, Tifa, and... Cid.

My faced flushed and I rolled my eyes. Every "fan girl" has a crush, right? Mine was Cid. I had a thing for southerners. Ironically, any thoughts I'd had of my romantic interest back on Earth were gone. He and I had only gone on two dates... and he had a rather bland personality, anyway. He looked nice, but rather empty headed.

The day came and I found myself really excited. Unlike my first meeting with Tifa, Barret, and Cloud, I was prepared this time, and I was thrilled. I was gonna meet Vincent! And Cid! And Nanaki, and Reeve! How cool was that? How many fans would've killed to be in my place? I desperately wished my friends could be with me.

I was waiting in the bar, nervous now, anxious for people to arrive. I heard an engine outside and leapt to my feet, but before I could make it to the door, in walked Cloud.

My face lit up when I saw him. He smiled lightly and nodded. We sat together and shared light conversation until the others showed up.

Yuffie was next, and though she hadn't been my favorite character, I had to smile as Cloud introduced us. She gave me a big hug and told me to cheer up. Somehow she knew I was a little depressed. I took a liking to her, and found she wasn't as annoying as she had been in the game. Then again, years had passed, hadn't they?

Almost right after, Reeve walked in, and he politely shook my hand. Reeve, I noticed quickly, seemed to have taken a liking to Tifa. Once the woman entered the room, he immediately walked over and began talking. I filed that information away for later use, hoping I could help Tifa realize that though Cloud didn't love her, someone else could, and did.

Next was Nanaki, who immediately knew I was from another world. He said so aloud, shocking Cloud, Yuffie, and Reeve, and making me flush red. Immediately he apologized, but it was really no big deal. During all that commotion, someone else arrived.

"Vincent!"

I was a little nervous to look up when I heard his name. Even though I had a crush on Cid, I knew Vincent was handsome incarnate. My heart was thumping in my chest just from hearing his name. But I didn't want to be rude so I looked up.

Man, was he tall! I was Cloud's height, but he towered over everyone but Barret. His burning crimson eyes landed on me, and I could tell that he too knew I wasn't from Gaia. Like Nanaki, he had extraordinary senses.

For a moment I was desperately afraid he could see right into my mind, that he knew every secret in there. He did NOT need to know about the day dreams I'd had about him in the past... though it felt like an eternity, his eyes finally left me, and I let out a sigh of relief.

"He's not as bad as he looks, really." Yuffie assured me. I immediately, and in a flustered manner, tried to cover up my response.

"N - No! I - I wasn't afraid of him or anything..." I didn't want Vincent to think I didn't like him, but I didn't want him to know I thought he was hot either. So I fell silent.

Cid was, ironically, the last one to show up. My heart fluttered in my chest. This feeling was different from the feelings that Vincent inspired. It was light, warm, like a burgeoning flower; Vincent's were like a burning fire, tearing away inside of me.

He was just as rugged and handsome in real life as he had looked in the movie. My cheeks flushed and I bit my lip. Cid walked in with a commanding gait, a big grin on his face, and hands on his hips. His usual goggles were on his head, and his blonde hair was ruffled and it made him look cute.

"Since everyone's here now, let's get started." Tifa sent an encouraging look my way. I took that as my hint to say goodbye so that she could tell everyone my story. I nodded to the group, and ran off to deal with my conflicting feelings.

I went outback and found the kids playing. Denzel and Marlene smiled when I appeared, and Denzel held up a ball.

"Wanna play?"

Apparently the neighborhood kids were playing soccer. I saw about ten of them spread out across the backyard. I smiled. "Sure. But isn't it a little unfair for one team to have an extra player?" I asked with a smile.

Marlene grinned deviously. "It'll be all the kids against you!"

I feigned a shocked gasp. "What? How will I ever win?" Then I grinned at her giggles.

A distraction; just what I needed. The kids looked thrilled at the chance to gang up on me, so I took the ball from Denzel and shouted, "Let the game begin!"

It was a lot of fun, more fun than I thought it would be. Most of the time I spent chasing after them and trying to guard my goal at the same time. I didn't do a great job of that. I think I lost the game 38 - 2. But it didn't matter; they were all having fun, and I was forgetting all about my problems, and my feelings. I couldn't afford to get attached to anyone if I wanted to go home.

But if ... if I didn't go home?

I ignored those thoughts and kept playing the game.

"Aha! A goal for Team Amanda!" I cheered with a whoop.

"So! That's like three to a zillion!" One little girl replied.

"We still win!" Two little boys cheered.

"Oh yeah?" I put my hands on my hips. "Who says?"

Next thing I knew I was covered in a swarm of small children. Note to self; do not bait children. Children tackle and bite.

"Hey! Hey! Let me go! Ahh!" I was laughing as I tried to stand, pulling them all up with me. "Wraaaagh!" I tried pretending to be a giant monster that the kids were fighting. They seemed to like that.

"Don't worry Marlene I'll save you!" Denzel cheered. I could imagine him as Cloud, and Marlene as his Aeris. I didn't say that out loud though, most certainly not!

"Ah! The monster has me!" I hugged the girl to my chest as she pretended to scream, freeing myself from the other midgets.

"Ahem."

We all turned and saw Cloud leaning against the door. I blushed.

"Um... right." I grinned nervously. "Time for me to go kids."

They all complained as I left, which made me feel really cool. Then, I felt a little silly for thinking I was cool because a bunch of twelve year olds wanted to play with me. But I cut off that train of thought. AVALANCHE wanted to talk to me.

All my nerves were back as I walked into the room. How had they taken it? Had Tifa told them I knew their secrets? Their pains, their joys? Their pasts?

No one seemed annoyed or angry when I came in, so that was a relief. Cloud had me sit down in the circle, and when I did, surrounded by the heroes, I felt very small.

We didn't say a word about what I knew. All we talked about was getting me home. Vincent soon left without a word, clearing going to look for something. It felt good knowing he was on my side, trying to help me out. Yuffie promised to search her home country's annals for any information, and Reeve left to search the WRO database. Everyone was helping, and I allowed myself to feel a little more hope.

Nanaki left for Cosmo Canyon, likely to ask his own people for information. After that, Cloud, Tifa, Barret, and Cid were left.

Barret went outside to play with the kids, while Cloud helped Tifa clean up dinner.

It was like fate. It was perfect. It was just me and Cid, sitting there. I could say something. I had to say something.

"Y'know... smoking's really bad for you." I muttered. Then I winced. Great way to start a conversation, very nice.

"I know. Damn it if I can stop, though. Too fuckin' addictin'." Cid complained, lifting the cigarette back to his lips.

"My father was a smoker. Heh, half the people in my family were." I said. He looked at me.

"You?"

I shook my head. "Asthma." He cocked an eyebrow, confused. "It's a medical condition in my lungs. I have a very weak respiratory system, I would likely die if I smoked."

Cid laughed darkly. "Most every smoker dies from smokin'."

I smirked. "Well, I'd die a whole lot faster." His last sentence worried me. "If you know that, why continue?"

He shrugged. "Can't quit. I tried during the journey to beat Sephiroth, but once Meteor came around, well... fuck, if the world's about to end, might as well smoke, right?" He looked at me and my face burned. I prayed he didn't notice. "After that... I never got back around to trying again."

Something bold in me surfaced and I reached out and plucked the cigarette from his fingers. "H - Hey!"

"Why not try now?" I said, putting it out in an ashtray. I could hardly believe what I was doing. "The sooner you quit, the sooner your lungs start to heal."

"Huh. Really?" He looked a little pissed, but not nearly as much as I thought he would. Finally he shrugged. "All right, I'll give it a shot." After he said that I held my hand out.

"What?" I pointed at his goggles, where his cigarettes were tucked away. He cursed as he took the carton out and handed it to me. I tucked it into my pocket, satisfied.

From there, talking to him was easy. I was really proud of myself, being outgoing and all. I couldn't believe what I was doing. There he was, my crush, and I was managing to keep my voice from shaking. I'd never been so brave.

Cid hung around for a few days after that, helping Cloud in the garage work on Fenrir. How I loved that bike. The thing was fuckin' gorgeous, as Cid might say. How much I wanted to ride it. But, I didn't know how, and I knew Cloud would never let it out of his sight. Maybe one day I'd ask him to take me for a ride.

Suddenly I realized how dirty my thoughts sounded, and it reminded me of how my friends and I use to joke around like that. I laughed out loud, and both Cid and Cloud turned and stared at me. I awkwardly said goodbye and ran like a bat out of Hades.

I only saw Cid with a cigarette one time, which I frowned at him for, but he promised it was the first one he'd had in a while. I let it go.

That night I remembered I still had the cigarettes I'd taken from him. Nervous, I took them out. I wondered what was so good about them, that half of my father's side of the family smoked them, and Cid too. I'd never even thought of trying them because of my health...

I took one out and looked at it, but before I could give into the temptation, I ran into the bathroom and threw them all into the toilet.

0-0-0

A few days later I walked into the garage and saw something that made me want to laugh and cry at the same time.

Cid was kissing Cloud. And I could tell Cloud liked it.

When you see two men kissing, there's something in your mind that shuts off. It's like seeing a car crash. You want to keep staring, but you know you shouldn't. I stood there in awe of what I was seeing and it took me a minute to realize tears were streaming down my face. Cid was... gay? Sure, I'd read fanfics about it... but he really was gay? And with Cloud?

Both of them were covered in grease from working on Fenrir. I guess somehow they'd found a connection as they'd worked together. I'd get over it.

It was good anyway, right? Because once I went home I'd have to say goodbye anyway.

If I ever went home.

0-0-0

"Fill er up."

Tifa frowned and shook her head. "You've had enough Amanda. I'm sorry." How desperately I wanted to share with her the knowledge of Cid and Cloud's relationship. I had to tell somebody. But Tifa was in love with Cloud, and it would hurt her as much as it would me. She'd have to find out eventually... but not from me.

"C'mon Teef." I mumbled. My words were slurring. I was drunk off my rocker. "Just... one more, for old time's sake..."

She laughed a little. "Old times?" Tifa shook her head and came out from behind the bar. "Come on, time to get you to bed..."

"I'll take her."

Cid walked over and sent Tifa off. "You're busy workin' anyway, I'm just sittin' on my ass." I felt him tuck his arms under my shoulders and my legs and felt like crying again. Everything was so wrong.

He took me upstairs and I began to cry.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Whaddya mean?" I asked him. I feigned ignorance.

"You know fuckin' well what I mean. You're cryin'."

Sighing, I tried hiding my head in the crook of his neck. Cid set me on the bed in my room and pulled a chair up nearby. I turned away.

"C'mon. Give me somethin' here." His voice was soft. He really did feel bad. So I rolled over.

"What am I supposed to do?" I asked him. I didn't elaborate. Cid understood.

"Well... either we're gonna find a way to getcha home..." He began. "Or you're gonna hafta find a way to start over."

Start over... my heart lurched in my chest. My family... my friends... if I never went home I would have one regret; not saying goodbye. I had been wrenched away too fast.

I sat up quick and hugged Cid, and thanked him. Then I was too tired to remain awake, and fell asleep in his arms.

Voices... I could hear voices...

"Is she okay?"

"She'll be all right. Reminds me of you. Doesn't say fuckin' nothin' bout her problems. I mean, we all knew she was missin' home and shit, but she didn't open up about it."

"It's hard. Showing your weaknesses to others."

"Tough shit. That's what friends are for! You numbskulls need to get it through your heads!"

"Cid..."

"... Cloud, I ... oh fuck it... I fuckin' love you... don't ask me how or why... but I fuckin' do."

"I ... I don't know Cid. I really don't."

"... fuck!"

"Cid! Wait -!"

SLAM.

I woke up with the world's worst hangover. I think each hangover is the worst, simply because it is. Each time it hurts like hell. I decided to stay in bed and sleep.

Had I dreamt about last night? Had Cid and Cloud really had an argument?

As I thought, I made a decision.

The people of AVALANCHE were helpless. Tifa loved Cloud, Cid loved Cloud, Reeve loved Tifa, Cloud still loved Aeris. They weren't helping themselves.

So, for as long as I was around... I would help them.