So, this came about when I was talking to Tromana about the Big Bang over on LJ that will be starting up in January and how it is going to be a REVERSE Big Bang (meaning the Artists make the art first and the Authors write a fic based on the art). Being nervous about it, Tromana quickly offered to make me some art for me to try out doing a fic from a series of pictures. This is what came of it. The art is posted on my LJ, so if you'd like to see the inspiration that inspired this one-shot, you should do so!
WARNING: There is a part in this one-shot that gets a bit graphic and has some self-harm in it. So this is my warning for that. If you are under age or if you can't handle graphic material, please do not read.
I do not own Skins, nor the characters.
Thank you to Miss_Peg for beta'ing for me!
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It started off when I was young. It was just a niggling feeling, but as I got older it wasn't just a shiver that would run down my spine. I began to have full on hallucinations of monsters and demons that would chase after me. I'd learned that I could push them away with drink or drugs, and so most of my days were spent in an intoxicated state. It clouded over them, chasing them away when I couldn't handle the fact that they were always one step behind me, like my shadow when the puffy cotton balls would disperse, leaving the sun to shine down on me.
When I met Freddie though, everything changed. Those visions of horror began to break through my haze of drugs or alcohol. He made me weak, or maybe it was the fact that he led them to me and made them stronger. They were no longer just following me around, they would challenge me in broad daylight and they would hide under my bed or in my closet as I tried to lie down for a much needed sleep. A sleep that would never come.
Insomnia came next, which only made me unable to keep them at bay because of the exhaustion I was feeling all of the time. They slipped into my conscious and subconscious mind and harassed me.
There was one day that I thought that maybe Freddie could chase them away. He brought me to the park in a rickshaw for an adventure. We ran and played and chased each other until we could do little but lie in the grass looking up at the fluffy clouds and try to make shapes out of them. I had thought that they were gone, that the monsters couldn't touch me. I had been wrong when they came up over the hill, slowly coming into view, looming on the horizon. I didn't notice them at first. Freddie had distracted me and my guard had been let down.
I started to panic, and soon after my wannabe knight in shining armour ran after them. It was at that moment that I realized that Freddie had to be working with them. They quickly scattered, a bit too quickly. When Freddie came back I was ready to be home in my bed, at least the monsters could only come from a couple of places instead of all around me.
He peddled as fast as he could but he took a wrong turn, right into a parade. I couldn't sit there like a deer waiting to be shot, so I vacated. I ran into the throng of people as fast as I could, using my thin frame to slip between dancers and people in makeup. I really started to freak when I saw the crimson face of a demon, right there in the flesh. I cried out in horror when he ushered me toward one of the floats, wondering what plans he had in store for me this time.
I looked up, and the face of an angel, my saviour, came clearly into view. She was reaching out for me. Her skin was like silk and she pulled me up with her, holding me in her arms. I could feel the demons around me slinking back into the darkness. I held on for dear life. I'd never thought that an angel would come to protect me, especially one so stunningly radiant. I inhaled her scent, lilacs and jasmine, and let it overwhelm my senses. The calming effect it had on me was like no drug I had ever consumed. It was magical.
After I had sufficiently calmed I chanced a look at the angel holding me firmly in her embrace. Her warm chocolate eyes melted into me and as I looked down at the scantily clothed body I felt a slight heat warming me from the inside out. I hadn't realized until I looked back up at her beautiful face that my angel was none other than Katie Fitch.
How had I not realized this before?
How could I have hit her over the head with a rock? I could have killed my fucking angel.
Regret started to flow through me, and before I knew it I was being ushered by my seraph and the demon follower. Katie kept her arm around my shoulders the entire time and I had to concentrate on that fact so I wouldn't freak out completely.
Freddie's grandpa had seemed like a nice fellow, but I simply couldn't stay in that room. Katie brought me to the toilets and let me go in alone, which I was surprised of. Maybe my angel knew what was going to happen in there, maybe she knew I would make it through and it would make me stronger. Whatever her reasoning, it was perfect.
The monsters came at me from every angle, one holding a knife. He pressed the cold metal into my hand and forced my grip to tighten around it. I watched helplessly as the blade easily slipped into the skin of my forearm, dividing it in two. The thick ruby red liquid flowed from the wound and I was watching it drip down my arm to my hand and fingers. The beast took it upon himself to slice down my other arm so they would match. He dropped the bloody blade onto the ground and the lot of them disappeared into thin air, leaving me in a pile on the floor. I could feel my essence exiting my body.
My senses got weaker. My eyesight blurred and faded until I decided to close my eyes to keep the nausea away. The room I was in was cool, but the ground I was on was cold, and even that was starting to disappear. For a bit I could vaguely hear the pounding on the door, but it soon went away until I could only hear the beating of my heart, which was fading itself as well. The only thing I was aware of was the stench of blood, and I knew I was lying in a pool of it. It didn't last long though before everything went black and I was lost in the abyss of my mind.
I remember seeing Freddie and basically told him to fuck off. It was exhilarating, and also exhausting. I know I didn't stay up for much longer after that, and let the darkness take me once more.
xxxxx
The next thing I knew I was in a sterile room, looking up at the blank ceiling with unblinking eyes. A warm hand on my arm made me jump, until I realized that it wasn't a demon but Katie Fucking Fitch, instead. I relaxed into it then as her fingertips moved along my bicep, then down along the crease in my elbow and finally stopping right above the bandage that hid my stitches. She was tenderly brushing her skin against mine and it felt heavenly, which made complete sense, with her being an angel and all.
She didn't speak to me very much, but every moment I found myself awake, I found my guardian angel sat right next to me, usually having some kind of physical contact with me. It was relaxing and she seemed to be keeping the monsters from getting me.
There have only been two times when I have seen her sleep. The first time was a few days after I found myself in hospital. She was curled up with her legs being pulled up to her chest, her head resting gently on the chair. I got up, pulling a blanket from my bed, and I laid it over her, tucking the corners in around her shoulders and feet to make sure she felt warm. I don't know if it did anything. I'm not sure the rules of angels or their needs, but she snuggled into it and took a deep breath in. The second time was much more of a shock for me. I had woken up from a nightmare. I'd tried to open my eyes to see into the darkness. I had obviously been thrashing about in my sleep as my duvet was kicked to the ground. I wasn't cold though, and after a few moments I realized why. I had a warm body pressed into my back with an arm wrapped securely and protectively around my waist, holding me to her. I managed to twist my body around and by this time my eyes had adjusted to the darkness. My gaze followed the soft lines of her face and neck. She was beautiful with her body relaxed against my own, keeping me safe. I even surprised myself when I lay back down and grabbed her hand in mine and brought it up to my chest and I held onto it tightly. Sleep took hold of me shortly after that, and I let it, and I didn't have one single nightmare.
xxxxx
I suppose I should have been thankful that I had my own personal guardian angel, but I had been so used to dealing with everything on my own that I started to push her away. She never entered my bed after that night, and I'm not sure I was okay with that. I knew she was close by at all times, but that physical comfort was something I wasn't willing to give up so easily. I found myself reaching out to her form as she sat in the chair next to me, flipping through Heat a bit too quickly to be able to use the excuse that she was reading it. I didn't actually make contact, stopping a hairs width away before pulling back.
I found myself speaking without thinking, "I don't need you to save me."
Katie glanced over the top of her magazine. Her chocolate pools were once again melting into me, filling my entire body with a comforting warmth. I wanted to look away but I found that I could do no such thing. Her mouth curled at the tips, and then the rest of her face followed into a knowing grin.
Who was she to be able to see me inside and out? I'm the one that can read people. I'm the mysterious one that can reply with a smirk to let the other person know I'm on to them. Katie's got me all off kilter though. I felt exposed in that gaze.
She was still smiling and I started to feel my defences going down.
"Who said it was you who needed saving?" she said softly and cryptically, her lips curling into a half smirk.
I'm sure my eyes were as big as saucers at her question. Well why else would she still be here? It wasn't as if I was doing her any favours or assisting her in any way. I'm just sat here in this bed in the room that I'd been imprisoned in for far too long for my liking.
"It's not like you need me for anything, I'm useless," I respond, again without the consent of my brain.
I watched as Katie got up, setting the magazine on the chair she had just vacated, and plopping down on the edge of my bed. It felt better with her closer. I wouldn't tell her that though. She picked up my hand, her fingers running over the bandage then sandwiching it between her own.
"You're far from useless, Effy," she said, her voice was still gentle.
"Fuck off, all I've done is sit here and..." I said indignantly.
"... kept me company." Katie interrupted finishing the sentence I had started but with words that hadn't been on my mind. Her pupils were dancing, like obsidian fire only being held back by the brown of her irises. For the first time since before I hit her with a stone, I could see the fire in her again.
"Yeah, but..." I tried to counter, only to feel two fingers press against my lips, effectively silencing my retort.
"But nothing, babes," Katie said again, her voice back to being soothing and soft.
The way the light was shining behind her made her look like a Goddess. I didn't bother trying to respond again, especially now that her fingertips were brushing along my lips. I chanced a look up to her eyes and they were watching her digits run along my lips. My face flushed, which was an odd feeling because I'd blushed maybe once in my entire life prior to this one currently gracing my cheeks... I had been six at the time. The heat, which had started only in my cheeks, soon moved down my neck, over my collarbone, and continued its decent. The warmth soon enveloped my entire body; every inch of skin had a temperature that was steadily increasing.
I pulled her hand away from my mouth and moved myself to the opposite end of the bed. If Katie was upset, she hid it well. She simply got up from the bed and sat back down in her chair, cracking open the magazine once more.
I knew I was staring at her, but unlike most, she seemed unfazed by the lasers that should be burning into her skin. She didn't move a single muscle, other than to turn the page. So apparently she'd become immune to my gaze. That's not how it usually worked.
"Babes, if you take a picture, it lasts longer," she stated dryly out of nowhere, not even glancing up from the pages as she spoke.
Ah, so she can feel that I'm looking at her, but she's not affected by it. Interesting.
I spent the next hour or so trying to get under her skin by any means possible with the exception of touching her. Nothing seemed to work. Apparently she had the patience of a saint, then again, being an angel... I suppose that's part of the job description.
"Katie," I whispered when I had finally conceded and stopped trying to piss her about.
"Hmm?"
"I'm sorry," I said guiltily as I looked down to the duvet I had crushed up in my hands.
Katie promptly sat her magazine on her lap and looked up to me with one eyebrow lifted, "For?"
I managed a quick glance up to her before averting my gaze again. "Everything." My eyes shot up when I heard the guffaw slip through her lips.
"That's vague, babes," she said between chuckles.
A frustrated sigh slipped through my lips and I brought my head down to rest in my hands. This woman took so much out of me, but she gave me a lot as well. "For Gobbler's End."
"Oh," I heard the shock in her voice. Obviously she hadn't thought that I would apologize for that. Truth was that I'd felt horrible about it since the day it happened, but it wasn't as if I could have simply said that to her. "Water under the bridge, yeah?" she said with a smile on her face. She had recovered much quicker than I thought she would. She's constantly surprising me, my angel is.
"S'pose so," I answer a bit non-committedly.
"No sense in drudging up the past, is there?"
Admittedly I was stunned into silence for a good thirty seconds, just looking at her gorgeous face. She never once tried to mention that I was blatantly staring at her. Katie just sat there, calmly looking into my eyes.
I still don't know how I never really saw her before. Obviously I had seen her, but I guess I never really looked at what was behind the WAG personality. I just took her at face value, because that's all I assumed there was to Katie Fitch. I thought that she just had a need to be the best and sexiest woman alive.
It was all just a façade though. She was my angel disguised as a bitch in slutty clothes and stilettos. I suppose it was better that I hadn't known at the time what she was for me.
"No," I finally responded. There was still one thing that she had stated that my mind couldn't let go of. "Katie..."
"Yes babes?" she answered tranquilly.
I hesitated. This wasn't going according to plan. I'd never expected to be anything but Katie's arch enemy. "What did you mean..."
Katie interrupted me yet again, although this time when she spoke, she finished my sentence perfectly, "... when I said, 'Who said it was you who needed saving?'"
"Yeah," I confirmed.
Her smile lit up the room and once again she came over to be sat at the edge of my bed, "Effy, have you not ever noticed that it's always a push and pull deal with us? It's not something that I think we did purposely; at least for me it wasn't my intention." I waited not so patiently for her to continue. "But after the rock incident, I began to see things in a different perspective. Maybe it was all the drugs they had me on whilst in hospital, but I began to see you differently. Emily and even Naomi had kept you away from me, but the longer I was without you near, the worse I felt. It was then that you started going downhill as well. I figured that maybe there was something outer-worldly that had put us here to help one another."
"Yeah, but..."
"Just fucking listen, yeah?" she quipped as she shook her head and resumed speaking. "So when I saw you in the crowd, just so fucking lost, I realized that I had been lost as well, and it was time we were both found."
The cogs in my head were working overtime to try to piece everything together, "But you're my guardian angel," I said pathetically.
"Not exactly babes, not unless you're mine as well," she giggled a little to herself.
That thought didn't sound all that bad, actually. "So we're each other's angel?" I asked, immediately regretting it when she looked at me like I had turned into a one armed Cyclops with a brain the size of the diamonds in her ears.
Her face softened though and before I could try to rectify what I had stupidly said she invaded my thoughts with her words, "You'll be my dark angel, and I shall brighten your way to be yours."
"Sorted," I said with a laugh.
I was glad though, not only had my angel not left me, but she would continue to fight the monsters away. Then again, what kind of beast would dare take on an angry Katie Fucking Fitch... one on a suicide mission, perhaps.
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Make sure you go check out the art on my LJ for this, and definitely let me know what you think of this. I'd love to hear both good and bad regarding this. Just hit that little Review button!