Beca closed her eyes.
Only for a moment, and the moment was now gone.
All her dreams; music, producing, singing, the bellas, and Chloe. God, Chloe. She missed her. She missed her so much. She missed the way Chloe would greet her every day, no matter where either of them were coming from. She missed being dragged by the redhead out to early morning jogs, she missed knowing exactly what to order for the both of them, she missed knowing Chloe's timetable, she missed sharing everything with the redhead.
She missed her.
Her dreams sped past her eyes, much like the time had done after all these years. She achieves some of them. But she left the two most important behind in the past. In her past. And god, did she regret it. She regretting letting Chloe go off with Chicago, she regretted slowly losing contact with her friends, she regretted leaving the Brooklyn apartment before Chloe had returned from her elongated rendezvous around Europe with Chicago. She regretted leaving without saying goodbye. Hell, she even regretted going to the activities fair at this stage, because maybe, just maybe, had she not walked past Chloe and Aubrey that day, then she wouldn't be where she was now. God knows where she would be, but Beca likes to think that wherever she would be wouldn't be ridden with regret and sadness.
Now all she could do was wonder about what her crumbled dreams could have been. Had she not been so fucking stupid.
Dust in the wind. That's all they were now, her dreams. Purely dust. Practically nonexistent. They were so long gone, so far out of reach, it practically killed her. Her chest, was almost constantly burning with an ache she could only describe as heartbreak. She had grown used to the lump in her throat.
She was successful, definitely. She had DJ Khaled and Theo to thank for that. But, Beca finally learnt that success doesn't equal happiness. And she's not happy, she hasn't been happy for a long time.
The only Bella she still keeps in vague connections with is Emily, and that's was purely because of music connections within the industry - Emily used to write the songs for one of Beca's colleagues, so on the odd occasion, she saw the tall brunette in passing around the studio. It had gone from lunch every day, to lunch every other day, to lunch once a week, to near constant rain checks, to no lunch at all. And no lunch led to no talking. And no talking led to acquaintances. Old friends. She smiled at Emily in the corridor. She made small talk whenever she needed to. But above that, they barely knew each other anymore.
She was lonely.
Beca Mitchell, supposed introvert, was lonely. She missed Barden. She missed thinking she had friends who were going to support her through thick and thin. She missed thinking that she would do the same; experience has shown that no, Beca didn't do the same. When news went around that Aubrey's father was missing in action, did she visit the blonde like the rest of the bellas did? Did she even send any form of condolences? No. No she did not.
All Beca was was a fake. She felt like a fake. She was a fake friend, a fake producer. She was even a fake daughter. The only thing she knew was nowhere near fake was her love for Chloe.
She loved Chloe. Unbelievably so. And truly, Chloe was the one who drove her away. Chloe was the one who betrayed her, not the other way round. Chloe caused her betrayal towards the bellas too. Because if Chloe hadn't gone and kissed Chicago right in front of her, maybe Beca would have confessed her feelings instead of stood and watched whilst she felt her heart quite literally snap in two.
Just maybe.