Business: I own nothing except the heirverse series/storyline.
A/n: because revisiting Heir is going to hurt a hell of a lot more a second time around, particularly in light of Lie/I Love and the CF/Sanc/Dogwood/Helios references ya'll know I'm gonna add and abuse even more on the rewrite.
Notes: massive fucking Heir spoilers [obviously]. Gin's pov written as if he is addressing Aizen. Lie/"I Love"/Unlove references throughout. A Cold Feet echo in there somewhere. Emotional gunshots. Love with more than a touch of melancholy. The lack of space between "something" and "anything" is a stylistic choice. The incorrect phrase "dotting the t's..." is intentional because of its impossibility. written to/inspired heavily by the song I Love by circusP
Alignment
"I want you to come back to me," I tell you. Even though I know its pointless. Even though I know it's worthless. But, I guess I'm just a hopeless fool when it comes to you.
But I can't help it. Can't help but dream, can't help but wish, can't help but hope. It makes me laugh, because I guess when it comes to you I'm just a hopeful fool.
Because you do not want me. You do not need me. I just don't matter. Because you forgot me.
You forgot everything that we were, everything that we are. Everything that we've been through for the last eight fucking decades. And I just can't express to you how much it hurts. That you don't remember, that you don't seem to even want to remember. That you're pushing me away again. Locking me inside a glass box so you don't have to listen to me scream wordlessly for you. And it's all I can do to make myself bang on the sides of it to try and get you to look at me, because I'm right here next to you, have been all along.
Though you're too blind to see me. Too deaf to my 'I love you's.
And the planets won't align enough for me to make you see and hear.
But I can't help my love for you. Can't help but foolishly, stupidly, blindly hope that this isn't temporary. That this isn't forever. Can't help but be a broken record and plead for you to please remember somethinganything because I can't go on like this. I'll die if I go on like this.
I know I'm a fool but, please. I'm begging now.
Please, please, please.
Remember me.
Remember you.
Remember us.
Come back to me.
Because you are my sun. My stars. My Helios.
My lover. My teacher. My other half.
And I cannot exist without you.
Though you seem to have forgotten that.
Like you forgot everything else.
Me. You. Us.
And it's like a knife in the chest, a gunshot to the heart, bullet through my chest, every time you look at me now. With blank eyes. That confused expression. Pitying me and my delusions. You twist that knife every time you give me that look. Shoot more bullets into me when you look at her the way you used to look at me and told me you'd only kept your sanity because of me. When you told me you needed me. Loved me.
I know I should give up. I know I should surrender the idea of 'us'. Because to you I'm nothing, we weren't anything.
But I can't. I just. Can't. Stop. Loving you.
I can't. Believe me, I've tried.
You're the oxygen I need. But I can't breathe because you're cutting off my air supply and killing me.
But even so.
Even so... I still pray to every god. Still want to sacrifice all I have just to have you back and breathe my air again.
And I know it's an impossible dream, but... I want to connect those dots. I want to cast that magic spell. I want to dot the t's and cross the i's. And push the planets into perfect alignment.
So that maybe.
Just maybe.
You'll come back to me.