"When you say haunted, you mean?"
"Haunted." Gabriella pulled at her sleeve looking around the room uneasy. This doctor had a red couch. Not like Doctor Morgan who had a beige one.
"Alright." The woman in the black jacket and matching skirt shifted in her seat. She was becoming impatient. They were only an hour into their session. "What do you hope to accomplish by transferring into the University of Berkley from Stanford?"
Silence ticked by as both women stared at each other judging the other in the same matter. Gabriella looked over towards the window. "I just don't want to be 'that girl' anymore."
"That girl?" The woman looked down at her clipboard.
"A victim," Gabriella said "A Rape victim." She clarified with a grunt.
"So you think coming to a new school will help you forget." The woman suggested.
"It's not possible to forget." Gabriella's eyes met hers without hesitation. "At first I just wanted to sleep. I thought maybe a coma would be nice. Or amnesia. Anything, just to get rid of this, these thoughts, whispers in my mind." Gabriella went quite as she closed her eyes.
"Have you been intimate with a man since the incident?" The woman asked in a low voice.
Gabriella opened her eyes, she took in the red lipstick caked onto the doctors lips. The most makeup Gabriella wore these days was a tube of Blistex she kept in her back pocket for her chapped lips. "Do you know that most men fear getting laughed at or humiliated by a romantic prospect while most women fear rape and death?" Gabriella raised a brow. "Let's just say I've lost interest."
"Says here your only 19, your birthday is next month is that correct?" She pointed at something on her clipboard and looked back up at Gabriella.
"Yes."
"Do you have any plans?" The woman asked with a small smile.
"No." Gabriella shook her head.
"How have you been settling into your new room?"
"My roommate thinks I'm crazy." Gabriella leaned back into her brown chair. She refused to sit on the red couch, deeming it to bright.
"Crazy?" The woman eyebrows rose.
"I don't blame her." Gabriella said looking off at some random stain on the carpet. Wondering why it was there or what the substance was.
"Well, in order to make progress I suggest maybe going out, getting involved in some social activity, maybe even making a few new friends?" The woman put her clipboard on the small side table to her right. The session was coming to an end.
Gabriella nodded as she looked at the clipboard on the table then at the doctor. "I'll try."
"I hope to hear some positive feedback at our nest session." The woman stood up holding out a hand to Gabriella.
"As do I." Gabriella trucked a strand of hair behind her ear and then took the woman's hand in soft yet firm handshake.
The first step out onto the sidewalk was greeted by the summer air. People rode by on bikes while others rollerbladed down the pavement. Gabriella adjusts her sweatshirt as she felt her body begin to sweat a little. It was a 20 minute walk back to the campus. Exactly five blocks with three turns. No alleys, no abandon buildings, most importantly all public access.
Gabriella tugged her baseball cap down on to shield her face as she begun to walk back to campus. She was living in the Foothill dorm. Her dorm had looked better on the brochures and on the internet which listed Foothill as a beautiful housing complex located at the top of Beaumont Avenue hill on the northeast side of campus. In reality it was a old building with lots of trees outside which attracted misquotes. Against her better judgment she went with a co-ed dorm. Deciding to face her fear and attempt to prepare herself for the rest of her life, she couldn't hide forever, but she could prepare.
She had self defense classes on Tuesday at 3pm, she meet with the doctor on Mondays and Wednesdays at 4pm, she had four classes she was taking. Most of all her credits from Stanford had transferred over without any problems. Academically she was fitting in perfectly. Socially she was still standing on the outside looking in. Which was a far better situation then her experience at Stanford.
Gabriella walked down the side walk making her way around and through crowds of people, finding comfort in open spaces. In the last year her world had been turned upside down. She had been changed that night, changed to be forever different from everyone else. Living with life after an attack is something that no one can prepare you for. It was uncharted territory, struggling every day to pull back just a little more confidence, a little more bravery. Every day that past was a day she wouldn't have to repeat. A conversation that was over, a awkward silence forgotten. Every day it was about learning how to adapt back into a world that had no place for her.
When she reached the campus a sigh of relief came over her as she approached the doors to Foothill. The common areas were buzzing with people. It was still in the early part of the fall semester, freshmen were around every corner. Girls were parading around in cut off shorts rolled up to high and skimpy tops that hung to low.
The sound of flip flops padding down the hall. Gabriella only wore gym shoes. Gym shoes were much easier to run away in, much more adaptable to pavement or slick surfaces if you ever need to escape. Gabriella came around the corner to the elevators. Her breath quickened as she pressed the button. The staircase was isolated, not enough people, too many dark shadows. The door to the elevator opened as she walked straight and to the left. Her body as close as possible to the control panel, her hand inched out just far enough to tap the emergency button.
After a while most of her little ticks had become a second nature to her. Always let someone know where you're going. Never allow someone to follow you into a building. Lock every door, lock every window, and make sure you have your keys at all times. The first three numbers on her speed dial were 911, campus security, her doctor. She also knew them all by heart. She trusted her gut, walked with confidence even if she didn't have it. She had a rape whistle on her key chain; she never carried more than one or two bags. Even a year after the attack life was very different from how things were before the attack.
The elevator opened and she was the first one out. A quick look behind her to make sure everything was clear and she slipped her key into the lock. She was back in her room. She let out a sigh as she removed her sweater and her baseball cap.
"Hey,"
Gabriella looked over to where her roommate was sitting on the bed reading a book. "Hey," Gabriella responded.
"3 hours exactly," She said looking up at the clock. "I don't know if that's freaky or scary."
Gabriella nodded with a small smile as she hung up her things. Her room mates name was Taylor McKessie she was an African American girl who wore raspberry lotion. Her roommate had a boyfriend, Chad Danforth, an African American boy with lots of hair. She walked in on them making out already. She wasn't comfortable with the idea of a boy being in the room, but she wasn't about to make her roommate anymore distant then she already was. Besides this was what she wanted, a shove back into reality, to get away from the knowing eyes and sympatric treatment, to be somewhere, where she wasn't 'that girl'.
There was a knock on the door and Gabriella turned to look over at Taylor.
"I'm not expecting anyone." she said turning the page in her book and making no effort to get the door.
"Right," Gabriella said with a small nod as she walked over to the door and unlocked it cautiously pulling it open a small amount.
"Hey," A boy with Blue eyes stood outside the door looking into the room. Gabriella blocked his view with her body through the crack of the door.
"Can I help you?" she said giving him a once over. Another tick she made it a habit to remember every face. Even if she didn't have a name, she knew exactly who was talking too and when she saw them last. Approximately 2 out of 3 assaults are committed by someone known to the victim. 38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance.
"Troy Bolton," he said holding out his hand. When she didn't take it he pulled it back and looked at her oddly. "I'm your resident adviser," he said looking at her with a raised brow. "I need you to fill out some forms." He held up the papers.
"Do you have an id?" Gabriella asked. Always ask anyone who wants information from you for identification.
"Nooo," Troy said now looking around in the hall before looking back at her. "I mean I have a student Ra id, it's in my room."
"I'll wait," Gabriella said watching his reaction.
"Right," Troy nodded slowly and then turned around Gabriella opened the door a little more as she watched him walk three doors down to an open room where he disappeared. The halls were empty just a few stragglers down the hall on their way out. About a moment later he reappeared holding up a plastic card. "Is this alright?"
Gabriella took the card and looked at all the information on it, committing it to memory. "Alright,"
"Right," Troy took the id back and shoved it into his back pocket. "Can I come in?"
When she didn't answer someone else did, "Oh for god sakes," The door swung open and Taylor stood there besides Gabriella looking out into the hall where Troy was standing. "Come in Troy."
"I'm okay," Troy raised a brow, "I don't have to come in." Troy looked at Gabriella with a cautious expression. "I'll tell you what; here are the forms I need. Since I inspected the room when Taylor moved in I don't have to inspect it again. Whenever you're done you can slide them under my door or something."
Gabriella took the forms Troy. "Thank you,"
"If you ever need anything at all, I'm three doors and I have tons of brochures so even if it's one of those issues that are really awkward we can figure something out and find the right someone to talk to." Troy smiled and nodded as he looked back around the empty hall. "You ladies have a good evening." He said nodding shoving his hands in his pockets as he made his way down the hall back to his room.
"I'm going out," Taylor said reaching for her sweater and wallet.
"Oh," Gabriella said watching her moved towards the door.
"Don't wait up,"
Gabriella watched as Taylor disappeared into the hall and left her standing in an empty room alone. "So much for the buddy system," she mumbled to herself as she pushed the door shut and locked it.