A/N: Alternate Universe (Details to come).

Helga's a million dollar author in need of a little help. And not just with her work.

Assist Me

Prologue - New Assistant Needed

The rat-tat-tap of fingers against the plastic keys continued to keep the office moving at a fast pace as Helga stormed down the hall. Her heels' clicking was muffled by the white shag carpet, but the stomp in her step could not be missed. The other four assistants carefully peered out from behind their cubicles, only to duck down again in fear.

Helga G. Pataki was mad. And you never wanted to be around when she was mad.

"BETH!" she snarled, slamming a manilla envelope onto the empty counter top.

The petite red head removed her iPod headphones, shocked to see her boss so angry. "My name is Brittany," she replied quietly.

"Whatever, Bailey, you sent the wrong papers to Penguin! You sent them my sister's emails! They're laughing at me in Conference Room 3 right now!" Helga thrashed her arm violently to the left, knocking over a vase of flowers and a pencil cup. "Get them the right papers and clean up your desk."

Brittany did not move.

Helga wanted to lean forwards and smack the glasses off her acne covered face. "NOW!" As Bronwen, or whatever, fled her desk, Helga sighed and rubbed her temples. She felt the shocked gaze of the other assistants and quickly adjusted her white blouse before glaring back at them. "All of you, back to work!"

The undergraduate students quickly fell into their chairs, fingers furiously returning to type responses e-mails or new corrections to the next bestsellers.

Helga hated assistants. She'd gone through five in the past month. No one could work as well as she did or do anything the way she wanted. Mary, the Temp Employer on Level 10, was beginning to get to know Helga very well.

Back on Level 21, Helga resumed a casual walk to her office. She had been lucky enough to coerce the Justin-Klein Office Building Landlord into giving her an office half a floor above the rest. At the end of the carpeted hallway, past the rows of cubicles lining the middle, and to the right, there were a set of stairs. Up the steps was a frosted glass door, reading HELGA G. PATAKI - AUTHOR. Inside was Helga's personal heaven.

She had spent months customizing her office because she spent more time there than anywhere else. The office was incredibly large, it had a very fancy waiting area with two leather couches and a flat screen TV. The hardwood floors always brought echoes, but Helga found it helpful for when she wasn't expecting company.

To the left of the waiting room was another sealed off room, which contained her office. Inside, a large window overlooked downtown New York, while a broad oak wood desk became her place for writing. She kept her office neat, with nothing else inside besides a chair for meetings. She had another room on the opposite side where she'd sleep on busy nights. Sometimes she'd just crash in her desk chair. In her makeshift bedroom she used an old bookshelf as a closet. She had a small bathroom as well.

It was nice. Cramped, but comfortable. And much nicer than her shitty apartment in the city.

The rampant footsteps of Beth's running feet made Helga stand. She rested her backside against the front of her desk, arms crossed over her chest disapprovingly, waiting to scold the absentminded teen.

Brittany opened the door hurriedly, "I did what you said, Miss Pataki."

Helga knew what she had to do. "You're fired."

Brittany's body fell against the door as it bounced against the wall. "I'm f-f-fired?"

"Yes," Helga rose to her feet, "you're lazy, late to work almost every day, terrible with taking directions and, frankly, I really don't care for red heads."

Brittany's jaw hung open wide. "I cannot believe you-!"

Helga held a recently manicured finger to the girl's lips. "I'd advise you to zip your lip and leave before I call security." Helga returned to her desk and waited for her ex-assistant to leave.

Brittany's lower lip trembled as she nodded.

Helga grinned, propping her feet up on her desk, before waving goodbye. She shouted, "Nice working with you Brianna!"

"My name is Brittany!" she screamed as she slammed the large wooden door.

Helga rolled her eyes before pressing down on her phone's intercom button, "Mary, can you find me a new assistant? Send them up ASAP."

"Oh, yes, I have someone right here, actually." The older woman, who appreciated Helga's charm and beautiful smile, quickly began directing the next bright, young hopeful upstairs. Mary made sure to stress the fact that "the new kid" was lucky to work for Helga G. Pataki, New York Times Best Selling, multi-million dollar author.

Helga loved her job. She got to sit around all day in an office, order awesome take-out, boss around her assistant and write.

The constant flow of money had been keeping her father, Big Bob, off her back and on her bank account. Growing up, he had put too much pressure on her to be perfect. When Helga failed, she retreated and lost a chance at a good relationship with her father. She really didn't mind too much though. Her mother never had much to say besides, "At least you tried your best."

Recently, Helga bought her parents a new house in Florida and they retired drunk and happy. Just as long as they were far away, she didn't care. Helga even splurged and payed off Bob's mortgage so her super-perfect older sister Olga could live easily back in Hillwood. Everything was good with her family, all thanks to-

The sound of the door opening again jostled Helga from her thoughts.

"Hello-"

Helga rocked in her chair, bringing her feet back to the floor, "Call me Miss Pataki and you're dead."

Her new assistant chuckled, "Wouldn't dream of it, Pigtails."

Helga's head shot up, jaw dropping as she looked into the all too familiar eyes. "Son of a bitch."