Chapter 1

The sky was gloomy as always, gray clouds looming over the bustling village of the Hidden Leaf. No matter how brightly the sun shone through during the day, the dark cloud that floated above his head was impenetrable by it's rays, thus it was perpetual. The cloud rained on him like a curse, it's mere presence sending him into a swirling vortex of silent agony. He hadn't smiled in over a week, which was unlike him, considering that smiling was seemingly a habit of his. It was a habit that broke suddenly like a mirror being hit with a sledgehammer. Everyone noticed it, and everyone knew why.

His sadness was observed by everyone that knew and didn't know him alike. Many of his features changed, some even less obvious than his lack of grinning widely, giving a thumbs up, and the sudden, random, out-of-nowhere reflection of light from his perfectly white teeth. His bowl cut jet-black hair had lost its cheery sheen and his dark eyes were clouded over. He was quiet, much more quiet than even Kakashi would have liked.

Even though it seemed that Kakashi would have probably been the least likely person to care at first glance, he was probably the one most worried about the no longer exuberant green clad ninja. Even at assemblies between the two, other jounin of the village and Tsunade, he would make periodic glances at Gai from time to time. Although it was verbally clear that Gai was indeed paying attention to what Tsunade was saying, his blank expression suggested that his mind was most likely elsewhere.

Ever since the day that Gai had lost his livelihood, Kakashi watched him like a hawk. Of course, this wasn't immediate. Kakashi only first noticed Gai's sudden lack of energy about a day after the funeral. He had figured that Gai would try to keep himself up above water after such a loss, but his assumptions turned out to be false. Neji and Tenten also seemed to be having trouble coping with the loss of their silly, yet beloved, teammate, though Kakashi knew that they would recover in time. Gai, he wasn't so sure about.

He knew why Gai was acting this way. He was there when Tsunade made herself personally the bearer of bad news. Gai almost fell to his knees at the hospital. Before he completely lost any trace of energy in his body, he almost begged to be allowed to see the body of his late student. Kakashi made no effort to hold Gai back. It would have been futile, not to mention incredibly cruel.

Gai didn't even wait for a confirmation before he bolted into the room where Lee's body was being held. Along the way, he wondered where he went wrong. 'I told him he'd live through it… I told him that he was strong enough to survive it… I promised him…' When he clamored into the room, he quickly stopped. Lee was laying flat on his back, his now white body cleaned of blood from various incisions and placed in a taunting gray bag, zipped up to about the middle of his chest, if not, lower. His face was calm and relaxed. He almost seemed as if he was sleeping.

All color seemed to have drained from Gai's face that very moment. The only thing he could hear was his own heartbeat. It was otherwise a deafening silence. Had Gai the ability to muster up some hidden strength, he would have sprinted over and gathered Lee's powder white body in his arms in a heartbeat. Yet seeing Lee lay there in a cold clammy heap stripped him of any and all traces of human dignity he had left and he cried freely. His sobs would have been comical had the reason not been so grave.

Kakashi had caught up to him, reaching out and holding the other man steady as his good eye caught sight of Lee resting his eternal slumber. He almost forgot Gai was there; the only clue that gave away his very existence being the trembling of his shoulders against Kakashi's bracing hands. The silver haired ninja snapped back to reality and looked to his weeping comrade. He shook him lightly in a useless attempt to console him, "Gai!" After a moment with no response from the other, Kakashi looked back up at Lee, putting Sasuke in the other genin's place in an attempt to empathize. He didn't say a word about it to Gai afterwards.

Ever since that day, Kakashi kept an eye on the green clad ninja almost constantly, not caring whether or not Gai caught him. Gai did indeed notice the copy ninja watching him but didn't bother confronting him or fleeing the minute he caught glimpse of silver tufts.

It became harder for Kakashi to watch over him over time. Gai had shortened his daily all-day training sessions, every other day it seemed it was shortened a little more. It soon came that Gai had quit altogether and stayed home. Kakashi had accustomed himself to spying on the other at his home, struggled to peer in through the window that was slightly covered by a curtain in order to keep out the sunlight. Though Gai was normally neat and tidy with his living space, Kakashi noticed that he did a very poor job at concealing the window.

Gai was sitting on his bed, on the edge to be precise, staring blankly down at the floor. The room was somewhat less than a pig sty, but still messy; too messy to be Gai's room. His usual bowl was a messy mob of bed hair. He was dressed in dark green plaid lounge pants and his feet were planted firmly on the maroon carpet of his floor.

He brought his hands up to his face and covered his eyes momentarily, letting out a faint moan. His voice was nasal and sickly. He looked up, his eyes surrounded by a pinkly shade of red. The rest of him was pale and he was abnormally thin. His skin didn't look at all real to Kakashi. This massive change in Gai's behavior and outward appearance disturbed him.

"That's called stalking, you know," came a calm, yet grave voice from behind outside of Gai's window. Kakashi didn't jump or look back over his shoulder. He knew who it was. "In my personal view, it's called observing," he replied nonetheless. Asuma picked the cigarette from his lips and heaved a small sigh before walking a few steps towards Kakashi before shortly stopping and looking up at the window.

"He's not doing better is he," Asuma mused aloud.

Kakashi shook his head bitterly, "No."

Asuma sighed and closed his eyes briefly, then spoke in a semi-hopeful voice, "I'm sure he'll come around sometime."

Kakashi shrugged, "I honestly don't know. I've never seen him so shaken up like this."

Asuma frowned, "And he's probably never lost a student that's precious to him, either."

Kakashi sighed, "I just hope he doesn't do anything…drastic."

Asuma smiled slightly, "I really doubt he will."

"I'd like to think so."

"Hm."

Kakashi shook his head as he looked away. He stood back from the window, looking down at the floor. He didn't like seeing Gai this way. He was close to considering going off and bugging his students to get his mind off the whole thing. But then again, they probably wouldn't be in the mood to be pestered. But on the flipside, being bugged would help get their mind off of Lee. But then…

Kakashi's train of thought was abruptly derailed when the corner of his eye caught a glaring reflection of sunlight that peered in through the window from inside the room. Gai held a kunai in his hands, examining it idly and flipping it around and about in his hand. He pressed his thumb against the tip, a small bead of scarlet forming on his thumb and rolling down towards his palm.

"I promised you…And you know me, Lee…I never break my promises…" came his faint words.

Kakashi stared in through the window, "Wait a minute…" Asuma blinked in slight confusion as he adjusted his vest and put the cigarette back between his lips, "What?"

Kakashi blinked as Gai slowly drew the kunai down a forearm crimson spilling onto his pants, "He isn't! Asuma!"

Asuma looked up as Kakashi dashed, shattering open the window with a burst and quickly following him in, dodging any broken glass that may have cut him. Almost in a flash, Gai's seemingly lifeless form was restrained, Asuma holding him in a half nelson with one arm, while holding his free hand tightly around Gai's left forearm. Kakashi was behind them, holding Gai's wrist and releasing the hopeless grip on the kunai.

All three were silent for a while, and Gai let his head hang. His right arm was bleeding, scarlet fluid screaming as it ran slick and sticky and dripped onto the carpet.

"There are less messy ways to do yourself in, Gai…" Kakashi said quietly, not moving. Asuma blinked and rolled his eyes slightly, but still held the thinner ninja tightly. He blinked, noticing just how thin his body was. Gai didn't reply to Kakashi's remark but slightly slumped against Asuma, a soft, pained whimper escaping his throat.

Asuma quickly changed the subject, "Gai, are you eating?"

Gai didn't answer for a minute but slowly shook his head.

Kakashi growled, having a hard time controlling his word choice due to his anger, "Gai… All of this nonsense over Lee… This is not healthy for you at all." Gai shook, trembling against Kakashi's and Asuma's grasp. He spoke finally, in a quivering voice, "You may have lost your father, Obito and Rin, but you've never lost a son…" Asuma was quiet. Gai slumped forward against Asuma's hold, shaking with sobs. Kakashi's frown deepened at the sight and put the kunai in his pocket.

Asuma released Gai from his hold, yet kept an arm around his chest to keep him from falling over. Kakashi let go of his arm, sighing deeply before retreating into the bathroom and grabbing a few cloths and towels, wetting the clothes in the sink and returning with towels in one hand and wet clothes in the other. He looked to Asuma, who had Gai lay down, "You may go if you need to, Asuma. Thank you."

Asuma looked to Kakashi and nodded solemnly, "Call me if you need me." Kakashi now had a sad frown on his face, "I will." With that, Asuma stood and left.

Kakashi laid the towels on the bed behind Gai, who now lay on his side in a fetal position, his sobs racking his entire body. Kakashi sat next to Gai and pulled him up into a sitting position, grabbed his bleeding arm and cleaning blood from his skin. He took a towel and wrapped it tightly around the wound. Gai quickly pulled his arm away afterwards and buried his face into his hands.

Somewhat annoyed, Kakashi viciously slapped Gai's hands away from his face before taking a cool wet cloth and pressing it gently against the other's face, his free arm wrapping slightly around his naked shoulders. Gai's cries were quieted, soothed by the damp softness against his face, red and hot from tears. There was sweat running down from his hair and Kakashi quickly wiped Gai's forehead and hair, sleeking it back and revealing all of Gai's forehead.

"There's a new look for you," Kakashi murmured, cleaning and wiping tears from Gai's cheeks. His sobs were now quiet whines, almost inaudible to the untrained ear. Kakashi took fresher, damp clothes and ran them down Gai's neck and shoulders to his chest and over his ribs to his belly.

"You need. To eat," Kakashi sighed quietly. He didn't know what else there was to do, other than properly wrap Gai's wound, confiscate any and all sharp objects from the green clad ninja, and get him psychiatric help. He treated Gai's wound the best he could and tucked the exhausted man into bed, his head laying lifelessly against the pillow. His neck seemed outstretched like a dead bird's, and his eyes were half-lidded and glazed.

Kakashi put the last damp cloth over Gai's forehead and headed to leave, but stopped before the door and uttered, "I trust you won't make such an attempt to kill yourself again, Gai," he turned his head back towards the other, "If you do, I'll give you what for." He left then, almost slamming the door.

Gai watched him leave silently before rolling over on his side. He snuggled against the pillow and sighed. He closed his eyes, picturing Lee's smiling face once more before more tears came. He held his hands up against his face, struggling to stifle anymore sobs.

"Oh Lee… Please forgive me… I had faith that you would make it… I never meant for this to happen…" He curled up, holding his hands tightly over his chest.

It's all my fault…You never deserved any of this to happen to you. I lead you down the path of death once. I didn't want to lead you down that road ever again. But now…

Gai shut his eyes, his breathing faint and steady, guilt swarming in his chest, a throbbing pain he struggled to close up and seal away. He would have to break the promise he made to Lee many nights before. The only thing he could do now is try his best to cope and silently plead for forgiveness from both Lee and Kakashi.

He stared blankly at the far corner of his room, pulling a blanket tighter around him, calming down some. The corner was dark, somewhat smudged. He blinked, leaning his head closer and staring with squinted dark eyes. It seemed grungy, a bit dirty perhaps. He decided that it was nothing and shuddered some before falling into a sleep from exhaustion.

End of Chapter 1