These are not my characters. They belong to the author Janet Evanovich and thank you for letting us borrow them and run with our fantasies.

A/N - This is my first Halloween ditty. It is a kind of Babe and has a weird hea. That's all I'm saying. You know how I like movies. There is some similarity to the movies, "Big and Rosemary's Baby" from way back.

This is funny and then very angsty. So, I'm warning you. It is a twisted and scary story! Mwa..ah..ah.

Special thanks to alix33 who is doing the beta work. You are great!

Dance with El Diablo

Chapter 1

It was a perfect fall day in October and we were cruising northeast of Trenton on Princeton Avenue in my used Honda Civic. The sun was shining and the leaves on the trees were multicolored and at their peak before Mother Nature shakes them off the trees. We were headed to an area where some local farms and markets are located and a popular Fall Festival was taking place. Lula and I had gotten word from a source that one of our skips was working the festival, so we thought we would graze through the food stands for lunch and have some fun before picking the guy up.

Lula rubbed her hands together. "Girl, I can't wait to sink my teeth into a scrapple burger."

"Gross."

"What you mean by that? You know that open-faced grilled Spam sandwich you had at the fair not long ago? Same thing. Just, this is fresher and don't come out of a can. Comes straight outta' the…?"

"No, no, no! Don't you even say it. I'm hungry."

"What you gonna' get?"

"Mmm..I think one of those big Italian sausage sandwiches. You know the ones where they soak the sausage in beer and then they put all those grilled onions and peppers on top with the olive oil dripping juicy goodness."

"That does sound good. I want to try that bacon dipped in chocolate. Sposed' to be like a little orgasma' on a stick."

"Then I'll take multiples." I snickered at my own joke.

Lula actually rolled her eyes at me and then snickered too.

We pulled into the parking lot at the festival and headed straight to the food vendors. We got our greasy sandwiches and sodas and sat down at some picnic tables. We were looking around and watching people.

Lula asked, "Where we supposed to find this pecker?"

"His name is Richard Pecker."

Lula snorted soda and grimaced. "What's the dude's nickname?"

"Don't know."

"Dick Pecker, Dicky Pecker, Rick Pecker, Rich Pecker, Ricky Pecker, Richie Pecker…"

"Lula..?"

"That boy should smack his Momma and his Daddy for namin' him that. Probably why he's in trouble. Messed up in the head from bein' tortured 'bout' his name."

I said, "He's a flasher."

"Huh..hun. Got his little ass whooped every day on the playground. Probably pulled his pants down too. Showed his little noodle to everybody that was out on the playground. Messed him up good. Now he can't stop showin' his noodle."

"You're probably right, ..Dr. Phil, I mean Lula."

"You can make fun, but you know that I know people. Special people. Spent a lot of time with all kinds."

"Yup. I know."

We went and got some of those bacon sticks and shared an elephant ear with lots of powdered sugar and mixed berry jam. We finished and started walking around and Lula pointed to a machine and said, "Hey, look. Ain't that like that wishin' machine called 'Zoltar Speaks' from that movie 'BIG'? You remember that? I loved that movie."

We walked over to it and looked at it. "Hmm. This one is a fortune telling machine."

"This dudes name is Swami. We should get our fortune. Gimme' a dollar."

"Wha..?" I rolled my eyes and reached in my bag and pulled out a couple dollars.

She grabbed the dollar and stuck it in and the thing swallowed it up and the machine briefly lit up and the gypsy head inside moved and made a face and stopped and then it died.

She growled, "Did that fucker just eat my dollar?" Then she body slammed it and it came on again and I'm not sure, but I think that ugly face gave her a dirty look. Then all of a sudden it spit out a gold piece of paper that looked like a ticket and she grabbed it and read it. and grumbled, "Fucker...This ain't no fortune."

"What does it say?"

"Says, 'Feeding a cow with roses does not get extra appreciation or a sweeter smelling ending'."

I raised an eyebrow and grinned. "Hmm. Well, I would say that's probably true."

"He call me a cow?"

"I don't think that's what it meant."

"Gimme' another dollar."

I sighed and handed her another dollar. Lula put the dollar in and kicked the machine simultaneously. The thing lit up and made a face at her and growled and then spit the next ticket out with the fortune. She looked at it and pointed her finger at it and started cursing.

"What does it say?"

"Says, 'A friend asks only for your time, not your money'. Smart ass mofo'!"

I snorted and laughed.

She said, "Now you…"

"I'm not going to waste a dollar on this thing."

"Reach in that bag and get a dollar. We do everything as a team. We partners."

I rolled my eyes and reached in my bag and mumbled, "What we are is a broke team…" I stuck the dollar in the slot and the genie machine named Swami ate it. Nothing happened for a minute and then the inside lit up and the things eyes flamed red like fire and a wicked grin spread across its face and then it suddenly started laughing. Lula and I both jumped back and she said, "Freaky genie! I don't like this dude one bit."

Then a golden ticket popped out and I reached for it as I watched the red eyes dim and go out. We both looked at the ticket. It said, 'A handsome and dubious friend may be an enemy in camouflage'."

Lula said, "What the fuck does that mean?"

I sighed. "It means we wasted another dollar. Lets go get Pecker."

We walked around the machine to head further into the festival and I looked down and noticed that the machine wasn't plugged in. I furrowed my brows and thought that was really curious. I turned again and looked as we were walking away.

It didn't take long to spot our guy. He was working the duck fishing game booth for kids. We didn't know for sure if he was a sex offender too, so we decided to go ahead and nab him and take him with us. I walked up to him and said, "Richard Pecker, I'm a bond enforcement agent and I'm here to take you to the Trenton PD for failing to appear in court. You'll have an opportunity to...shit."

Before I even finished, he was on the move and clothes were flying. Damn. Lula and I looked at each other and took off running after him. I was digging for my stun gun as I ran and Lula pulled out her big gun and I yelled at her to put it away before somebody got hurt. His skinny ass was already down to his tighty-whities before we even got close to him and then he stopped by the 'Guess your weight' booth and turned to us and dropped his shorts. Now he was full monty.

We were temporarily stunned because he was standing there with his spindly legs and his pecker just unrolled and now it was just swinging in the breeze. It actually did look like a third leg. Lula said, "Day-um! Skinny ass white dude's built like a brother and then some, for real."

He snorted at us and started cackling and went to move and I jumped at him and zapped his ass. His skinny legs folded underneath him and he went down. By now, we had the attention of half of the festival participants and some were taking pictures of us standing next to Pecker on the ground. I sighed and told Lula to try to find his pants and I pulled out my cuffs and pulled his arms behind his back and locked them around his wrists.

She came back in a couple minutes swinging the pants and a man came running up to us yelling. "What kind of trouble are you making here? I'm calling the police."

I said, "Excuse me? We didn't make any trouble here. We did you a favor. You hired a pervert to work a kiddie booth at your festival. We're taking him to jail."

"Well, get him out of here fast. He's naked and this is a spectacle."

Lula put her hands on her hips. "No shit, Sherlock? You keep yo' pants on. He gone as soon as he wakes up and puts these pants back on."

Pecker began groaning and raised his head. More people started crowding around and the festival guy became frantic. "Just take him now. Drag him to the parking lot and dress him. Just get him up and go!"

Lula started cursing and I just nodded and we both took an arm and started toward the lot. He was awake and grouching at us when we got to my car and I unlocked the doors and opened it and Lula handed him his pants. He looked at us, grinned and turned around and bent over. Then lightning fast he farted and flicked a Bic lighter and fire erupted from his ass and caught the pants that Lula was holding out on fire. She yelped and he backed up and grabbed a leg and chucked them in my car. Where the hell did that lighter even come from?

Fifteen minutes later, we were sitting in the grass with Pecker and watching my car burn along with the one behind it and a motorcycle. Sirens were blaring from not far away now and when my car finally exploded, my phone began to ring. I went to get it and a movement caught my eye between the burning cars and I watched as the most beautiful man that I have ever seen emerged from the smoke in slow motion. He was dressed in tattered blue jeans that fit his body like a glove, a black wife beater, black leather boots and long black leather trench coat and it gently swayed and flapped in the wind behind him as he walked. His hair was black and fell in silky waves around his ears and almost to his shoulders and his face was chiseled across olive skin with striking features and his eyes were covered by a dark pair of Louis Vuitton Evasion sunglasses. He wore more than a five o' clock shadow and he was covered in loads of silver jewelry including small silver hoops in his ears that I could see as the breeze gently blew his hair around his face. He was the most breathtaking male specimen that I had ever seen and I thought I already knew the most gorgeous male on earth already. Wow. I was in the middle of a major hot flash when he walked straight up to us and stopped and then squatted.

I thought he was good looking from a distance. Close up, he was heart stopping. I instinctively pounded my chest a couple times. I think my mouth was hanging open and I'm pretty damn sure that Lula's was too because she was silent and she is rarely that. I still had one hand in my bag and he reached out and pulled my arm out and said with a silky sexy accent, "Your phone is ringing…"

Still looking at the guy in front of me, my finger automatically swiped the screen and I whispered, "Mmmm."

"Babe..?"

"Yes…"

"Your car just went offline."

Then a smile began to spread across the guy's face and I think I had one of those mini orgasmas' that Lula sometimes mentions when something is really, really good.

"Mmmm… Oh God, yes."

"Babe, that sounds familiar. Where are you?"

The silky voice spoke again. "Tell him that you are okay and tell him goodbye."

I whispered, " 'Kay. He's got this. I have to say goodbye now. Goodbye."

I heard before I threw the phone back in my bag, "Babe! Steph? Stephanie?"

Behind the guy, I saw a Kojak light and another good looking olive skinned man get out of a piece of shit car that wasn't much better than the one burning right now. He stomped over to us and said, "What the hell happened now, Cupcake?"

The man pushed his sunglasses up and his eyes flashed beautiful and almost crimson before adjusting and becoming a soft honey color and he said, "Tell him that you don't need his help. Tell him goodbye."

" 'Kay."

Lula mumbled, "Yeah. Tell him."

Pecker whimpered, "Tell em' all bye. Bye, bye. Bye, bye..."

TBC -