Here we go now! I hope it isn't too OC. Well, not too OC if the world of Naruto was full of hormones to exploit.
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-*Cook-A-Thon Go!*-
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Naruto yawned and stretched lazily on the couch. He'd long since turned stretching into an art and, being naturally flexible, he could contort into positions only serious perverts could think of. He happened to live with one, so he got a lot of practice. At the moment though, he was doing one of the everyday positions called the Bored Cat pose. Both arms were stretched over his head as he lay upside down, fingers interlaced, body arching upward, one foot slung over the back of the couch and the other curled under him. It was a delicious thing to see when he was naked, which he was. Half-naked anyway, because even if the Pervert was around, it was summer and it was hot.
His mouth opened in a wide yawn as he scratched his bare stomach. The flickering light of the television played over his face, throwing his whisker marks into sharp relief. His blue eyes were glazed over with boredom as he watched two chefs running like headless chickens in a kitchen bigger than his apartment, snapping out curt orders so fast it was a mystery when they stopped to breath. It was amazing anyone even managed to understand them. Still, amid the flashing steel and roiling steam, there was an inexplicable island of peace and it was here that a chef would go every once in a while, reverentially carrying the finished fruit of frenzied labor. Each delicate plate was like a perfect jewel, an example of culinary feats and gastronomic miracles that would nevertheless take just one bite to eat.
"It'd be cool to be in a cooking show." He said wistfully, watching one of the chefs grate a handful of yellow something over a plateful of soggy stuff then sprinkle it with some salt and a few bits of whatever.
There was a disbelieving snort from somewhere behind the couch. "And what would you cook? Ramen on ramen with a side of ramen?"
Naruto, using muscles envied by military personnel everywhere, hoisted his body up and over to glare in the direction of the small dinner table. "Shut up. I can cook."
His lover gave him a Look. "Dumbass."
"I can too cook. I made you breakfast once, you ungrateful bastard."
"That was two years ago and you nearly burned the kitchen to hell."
"But I made you breakfast."
Sasuke rolled his eyes and opened the evening newspaper. There was no arguing with Naruto when he was in one of his funny moods. He could make a clam commit suicide. In an effort to drown out the blond's whiny "It wasn't as if it was big fire anyway, just a teeny one, and the fire brigade put it right out and it wasn't my fault we had to call them, coz you were chasing me with the fire extinguisher - ", he started reading the headlines out loud. It was a throwback from his loner days when all he wanted to hear was the sound his own voice. Sometimes, when Naruto was in the middle of a sugar-rush, he wished dearly for those by-gone days.
"'S-class ninjas spotted near Water Country'," he read over Naruto's grumbling. "'Lord of Wind Country: The Inside Story'…ha, a transvestite, I knew it… 'Famous Flea Market to Open on Saturday'…Gaara'll have his hands full with that…'Monkeys take over Fruit Stall'…'Cook-A-Thon Finally Arrives in Konoha'… 'Lady Marries Dolphin'…"
"What was that?"
Sasuke lowered the newspaper to see two interested eyes glinting from the shadows of a pillow fortress the dobe had managed to erect without him noticing. "What, 'Lady Marries Dolphin'? Someone's feeling guilty about eating too much tuna, I think."
"I think it's kinda romantic. Besides, you're fucking a fox, aren't you?"
"Would you rather rut with a raccoon?"
"Not with you as my ball and chain." Naruto said cheerfully. He backflipped out of his cozy haven, sending cushions flying everywhere. He landed next to his dark-haired lover with barely a thud and perched his chin on the soft hair as he peered at the tiny print. "You said something about a Cook-A-Thon?"
Sasuke heard the interested tone of voice and caught on. His eyes narrowed as he picked up a rolled-up magazine that he always kept close at hand for a certain purpose. "No. Ab-so-lutely not."
The blond crouched near the chair, trying to shield his head from the whacks raining down on him. "It's a Cook-ow-Thon! Everybody is –ow- invited to –ow- join! It says so right – ouch, you bastard, that actually hurt!"
Sasuke fended off the fist and smacked his partner another one on the ear. "I will not let you raze Konoha to the ground. The Fifth is already after my blood for the damage you caused by letting your little furry mongrels run amok!"
"I won't burn anything! They've got fire extinguishers and stuff there, and they won't be able to hit me with all of them, so they won't have to call the fire brigade! Yowch!" Naruto twisted out of his reach and grabbed his arm, stopping the magazine in mid-flight. He turned his best puppy-dog look on. "C'mon, you know it'd be super cool if I could actually say I'd joined a cooking contest. World's greatest, unsurpassable, unbeatable, No.1 most amazing ninja, and he can cook too! It'd be a thing to tell the girls – ow!"
"What girls, dobe?" Sasuke growled with mock-menace, brandishing the paper that he had been reading.
The blue eyes twinkled with merriment as he ducked another swipe. "Jealous much, sugarpuff?"
"Don't 'sugarpuff' me, usuratonkachi. You couldn't get a girl if she spread her legs for you right now. What kind of girl would want to hang around a low-life loser like you anyway?"
"I may be a low-life loser, but I'm still handsome."
"Like the rear-end of a horse." He retorted. Thinking quickly, he hauled the other close to get his teeth on that enticing neck. Naruto shuddered at the unexpected sensation and let go of his wrist, both hands coming between them to grasp at the dark ANBU undershirt as Sasuke worked his magic.
Naruto had always had a sensitive neck. Mocking words forgotten, the blond sank into his lap, both legs dangling on either side of the chair as he purred his approval. A tanned hand wormed under his shirt as he took advantage of his lover's half-naked state.
"Feel good?" he murmured softly into the smooth skin.
"Mmm…" One hand fisted in his hair. "Sasuke, stop…"
"What?"
Naruto looked down at him, hypnotic blue now filmed over with something other than boredom He stole a gentle kiss then pulled back until they were nose-to-nose, smiling at the black look that always surfaced when his boyfriend's amorous intentions were thwarted. "Please let me join the Cook-A-Thon?"
Sasuke looked into the ocean-like depths and sighed. He never could resist those eyes, especially when there was a tantalizingly insistent pressure against his stomach. He sat straighter, all the better to feel it, and smirked back. "Fine. But I won't sign the release papers when they lock you up for being a menace to society. And I won't take any responsibility for any life-or-death-or-raging fire situations you get yourself into."
"Gotcha." The irrepressible idiot grinned wider. "Sasuke is so cool."
"You say that now." Sasuke said darkly and thrust upwards just enough to make his present state known. "I wonder why I sleep with such a moron?"
"Coz you're my bitch," Naruto said promptly, just inches away from his raised eyebrow and suddenly creepy smirk. "And no one can match my stamina, not even you."
"Oh yeah?"
It was a feat of strength to be able to stand when someone was sitting on you. Sasuke managed it effortlessly, an iron grip on his property. To his credit, Naruto gave a good impression of someone trying to escape, but a lick to his throat took care of that.
Abandoned in the kitchen, the newspaper unrolled, mocking the world with its bold print.
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-*End of Chapter*-
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Hope you like it!