You Did Not Just Say That

OK…I got seriously bored and couldn't be bothered writing more of my main fic so this is the result.

As the summary suggests, the quotes below are things that you never hear, thing that should ever be said or things you wish you heard in the Naruto world…you decide which is which.

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I feel like doing a D rank today. – Naruto

I'm not crying…I've just got sand in my eye…yeah that's it…really. – Gaara

My mother is a giant racoon? Father had some seriously nasty fetishes. – Gaara

We're men…manly men. – Gai
In tights. – Lee
Tight tights. – Gai

My spider senses are tingling. - Kidomaru

Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, not around the eyes, look into my eyes and 3…2…1 you're under. - Itachi

I think I'm being bugged. – Shino

EWWW! A COCKROACH… GET IT! GET IT! GET IT! – Shino

I'm being followed by a moon shadow…moon shadow…moon shadow. – Shikamaru

Wait…what was that moving in the shadows? – Shikamaru

Every Akimichi knows that food is just shit waiting to happen. - Chouji

Sensei…Sensei…look at what I can make my hickeys do. – Orochimaru

Calm down Anko-chan…it's just a love bite…I swear. – Orochimaru

So…you think that Hinata just has a bad case of puppy love…does that mean that I have to hide Akamaru for a while? - Kiba

I'm not a puppet…I'm a real boy. – Karasu

I must be the luckiest kid on earth…hoe many other kids have their own mobile sand box. – Gaara
The worst thing about having the Shukaku sealed within me? Getting sand in places I didn't know I had. – Gaara

Whoever said that having two heads was better than one had no effing idea what they were talking about. – Sakon and Ukon

Bugger me! – Anyone within a 5 mile radius of Orochimaru.

This is what happens when you're not allowed to play with dolls when you're young. – Sasori

I can't wait to eat more man meat. - Zetsu

Konan…Tobi has been a bad bad boy…he needs to be punished. – Guess

I need some inspirational music…I think I'll download Sexy Bitch. – Hinata

One time in band camp… - Tayuya

F*****g swear jar. – Tayuya
F*****g censoring. – Hidan

Stupid blond fan girl. – Temari to Ino

But why can't I play hide and seek with you guys? I'm really good. – Neji

"Something smells suspicious about this." – Kiba
"You mean that suspicious actually has a smell…Who knew?" – Naruto
"…shut up, Naruto." – Kiba

Hi big boy… - Ino to Chouji

"Art should be instant, a big bang and over in a second." – Deidara
"That's you in the bedroom, Deidara. OH BURN!" – Sasori

I'm gonna suck you dry. – Yoroi Akado

Ah…that's where I left that stick. – Hiashi Hyuuga

Ouch...dammit...a paper cut. – Konan

Man...my hand is killing me...FROM WRITING TOO MUCH YOU SICKO! – Jiraiya

Being penetrated from all angles really does hurt. – Naruto fighting against Pain.

Be careful...you really shouldn't play with knives...they're dangerous objects you know. – Tenten

I spy with my little eye something beginning with E. – Neji
Everything? – Hinata

Alright...it was funny to start with...but now it's just annoying. I'm gonna put in a mission request for Hinata to seduce Uzumaki Naruto...she couldn't possibly fail this time...could she? – Kurenai

Genjutsu is great…now I can make every man a naked Yondaime…hehehe…wait…Naruto didn't change that much. – Kurenai

I think I'm hallucinating. – Kurenai

What do you mean I can't have any? I made a deposit and now I want it back with interest. – Anko at the blood bank.

Ano...do you have a Naruto Uzumaki on file. – Hinata at the sperm bank.

Logic has failed me. I can't determine whether it is incest or masturbation if Naruto has sex with his oiroke no jutsu. – Shino

You failed the mission because you thought humming the mission impossible theme song would make you more stealthy? *facepalms* - Tsunade

FALCON PUNCH! Always wanted to try that. – Tsunade

I don't need friends Dobe…and besides…*blushes*…I think Orochimaru likes me…he gave me a hickey. – Sasuke

I wonder what Sasuke values more…his eyes or his testicles. – Naruto

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Well there you have it.

I may add more when I think of them…or if I ever get this bored again.

Alternatively…if you think of something…send it in a review…I'll add it in a second chapter if I get enough (giving full credit to the submitter).

Till my mind wanders that far off the track again.

Cheers,
Fish