R&R
Waiting for a Thousand years
It's rare when I come across an anime and see it through till the end, especially in less than a week. So I was surprised when I managed to get through all 26 episode of Xam'd: Lost Memories. I don't even know where to begin with describing this show. It pulled my heartstrings and made me bawl like a baby with some of the moments between characters. It was all so intense.
What I liked most about this anime, was the subtlety of the relationships between all these characters. No relationship was ever in your face obvious, not even between Haru and Akiyuki. For a long time I wasn't sure if they were just best friends or more, and it could be said between all of the characters. It's as if you had to decode the depth of every relationship on your own, and I liked that. Of course, the entire anime was a little abstract and all over the place that made me have to force myself to sort of rearrange everything in a way that made a little more sense to me. There weren't many explanations for a lot of what happened but I also liked that about it, because it made me perceive it in my own way.
What I was disappointed with(a bit), was the lack of depth of most of the characters. The characters are great themselves in the way they were portrayed, but there was so much left to the imagination. I wish there had been more backstory, but with such a short and fast paced anime, I guess it would be too much to ask for. Still, I guess in the end it's the characters that made the show worthwhile. That being said, I have to say that no character won my heart like Yango did. I can't even describe the tenderness I had for him by the end of the show, even though he's introduced pretty late in the anime. Maybe I'm a sucker for those orphan type characters. And it broke my heart that he had to be left alone for a thousand years. So as a tribute to an anime that swayed my heart and took up my Friday night, I'll write a one-shot. Because I know I'll never finish anymore more than that.
This is centered around my two favorite characters, and while I was hoping to make this a KobakuxYango pairing, I wrote this a long time ago and didn't manage to finish it, so for now, it'll just be a tribute to Nakiami in their perspective after her sacrifice.
Enjoy!
She knows that they all miss Nakiami.
She sees it in their eyes every time she gets on the kayak, the way their eyes glaze over as if they are transported to a different time and that tender smile that grazes their face without fail as they look on.
It makes her heart ache in a good way and in a bad way.
She misses Nakiami as much as any of them. It was her face that she had seen first among all the dead bodies that had surrounded her, her mother's being among them. It was her arms that had provided her the first warmth since the warmth of her mother's lively embrace.
When Nakiami had still been with them, she had not questioned why she had taken her from the stench of death. Once she had managed to see through the grief that accompanied the death of her mother, she was only grateful that Nakiami had saved her from isolation that day, and that thanks to her she found the closest thing to a family on the Zabani.
She had never felt alone since then.
Now, nine years later, she can truly appreciate the sacrifice that Nakiami made. She sees that by taking her from the dead, Nakiami had given her a life, and given up her own in the process. She turned away from her path under Lady Sannova, the life she had been meant to follow.
Kobako wants to believe that it was a good thing, that by coming across her and stopping her from collecting a hiruko that night, she had helped Nakiami carve her own path. That thanks to her, Nakiami learned to love and be loved. Now, even in her thousand year slumber, she won't have to ever be alone. She knows that all their thoughts are with her, keeping her company.
Perhaps that it what made her want to learn to ride the kayak in the first place.
Not to replace Nakiami, or even to try and measure up to her memory. No, the reason she chose to fly was to somehow hold on to her connection with her. Because just as everyone was transported back to a time with Nakiami when they saw her riding it, so did she feel as if she was somehow closer to her.
After all, everything is so vastly different, yet somehow the same.
Their group was not complete. Akiyuki and Raigyo are no longer with them, but she knows that without Nakiami they would have never been brought together in the first place, and she never forgets to send them her thoughts as well. They still deliver letters, and she still believes that there is no letter that cannot be delivered. Hinokimaru is older and growing up, but he is still like a little brother to her, and she is proud of who he is becoming. Soon they will have a new addition to the family, and she is eager to give that baby all the love that it deserves and more. She is happy for them all, even though she knows that some wounds will be harder to heal than others.
She knows Akushiba misses Nakiami more than most of them, but his spirit is as light and carefree as the legs that carry him when he runs, and she knows that her absence will not break him. It is Ishuu she worries about. Ishuu has lost as much as any of them, if not more. She is strong, no doubt about it, but if she has learned anything it's that the best way to heal is with the help of others, and help is the last thing Ishuu will ever accept readily. It not that she closes herself off from them, it's that she keeps them at bay, as if afraid that they will see her as weak for being a human with emotions, that they wouldn't take her seriously as a captain.
She thinks it is silly, that Ishuu should think of herself as only their captain, when she means much more to them than that.
But with each other, she knows that they will be alright.
And it is these thoughts that go through her mind when she is flying. It makes her feel closer to Nakiami and miss her all the more.
A thousand years.
If she could only fly until that time came, she would be alright.
...
They are back to the land where darkness shed its tears and turned so many to stone, and where selfless love had conquered once more. The sun shone brightly, and a light breeze caressed their skin as they stepped out of the Zabani.
"We'll be docking here for a few days, resupply and take care of anything that needs to be taken care of."
They all smiled fondly at their captain, knowing this was code for "pay a visit to Nakiami when you have the chance". They all knew that the captain had purposely scheduled their route so that they would always end up here on the same time every year, when they could count down the years until Nakiami's return.
"I could use some new tools for this old ship." Kisero-Jii stretched his old bones and walked in the direction of the market.
"I'll go too! Maybe I'll find some new camera equipment," Hinokimaru's long strides soon caught up to the short elder, who gives him a side-glance and a grin.
"I don't know about you guys, but I think such a beautiful day should be enjoyed with a nap in the outdoors," Akushiba grins as he plops down on the dock without a care in the world and bathes in the sun.
"Ahm, help me go shop for more groceries. I think there should be a feast tonight," Ahm smiles fondly at Yunbo as she hooks her arm through his and begins pulling him along. His gaze lingers on her round belly and he feels his heart surge with warmth at the woman who is carrying his child. He knows she will bear him a strong and healthy baby, and while he hopes it will be a boy to save him the drama that women always seem to give him, he will love their child unconditionally regardless.
Ishuu merely leaves without a word, following her own agenda as always. But they all know she is the most eager to see Nakiami, and they wouldn't be surprised if that was her first and last stop during their stay.
Kobako looks around, unsure what to do with her time. She does not have many responsibilities besides escorting the ship on the kayak, and she does not yet want to visit Nakiami, preferring to give Ishuu some time alone with her in case that is where she went.
So she decides to head into town and see what it has in store for her, and what treasures it has to offer. She does not spend much of her pay, but she feels that a gift to Nakiami might be appropriate, and perhaps there is something for the kayak as well. Not to mention she wants to add something new for the baby to her ever growing collections of toys and clothes.
.
.
.
The town itself has changed a lot in the nine years that passed. There is more money for renovations with the wave of tourists that now visit the town in order to see the Quickening Chamber, and the Sleeping Beauty that lies within. As a result, many businesses moved in to take advantage of the opportunity while it is ripe, and while he knows that it is good for the town, a part of him is upset at the idea of her memory being taken advantage of in that manner.
What she did was the most selfless decision anyone could ever make. She gave up her life so that everyone else could live on. In the years that he had travelled around the world, what bothered Yango the most was the fact that most people he came across lived in ignorance of her sacrifice.
They should all be worshipping her, treating her memory like that of a queen. Prayers should be recited for her, temples built all around the world, and fresh flowers left at her resting place every day. That's the kind of gratitude that should be given for the kind of sacrifice she made.
Is he the only one that sees what a magnificent being she was? Is he the only one that feels like Nature itself is weeping in her absence? That the world is just a little bit dimmer without her rare smile to shine upon it when given incentive?
He no longer resents her for leaving him alone again, but every time he looks at the large dome, his heart still aches. The part of him that was locked in there with her remains unfilled in his heart.
He has searched the entire world for something that will make the emptiness go away, that will fill the void created when Nakiami left. He has searched far and wide, yet nothing has come close to making him feel whole again.
It seems that the next time he will feel that way will be in a thousand years…
He cannot count how many times he has considered using the Xam'd in him to try and break through the walls and fight his way back into her life. He doesn't care if he is turned to stone in the process. Perhaps that would be a more merciful outcome, where he would not have to feel the agonizing slow crawl of the passing of time.
But if there is one thing he will never do, is break his promise to her. Not again, not ever. That kind of oath is far too precious in his eyes. So he doesn't use Xam'd, as much as he wants to be with her.
So he comes back every year, on her anniversary, hoping that perhaps he will not have to wait such a long time. That perhaps the force keeping her asleep will see how empty the world is without her and return her to them.
To him.
And every year he is left just a little bit more disappointed, just a little bit emptier inside.
But he will wait.
Because that is all he can do now.
Wait, and let his thoughts wander back to her.
R&R