Disclaimer: No, I don't own them, fortunately. They are the property of their respective creators. I would like to know them as friends. Earning money from them ...shudders ... what a scary thought!
A/N: I want to thank Rain Rhinholtz for the priceless help and advices and someone else I got to know over the last months. You are the best!
Where is she?
The sun was rising.
The sky was painted in the entire glory of various shades of bright red and orange, you can only catch sight of a few times in a lifetime. A soft breeze rustled through the grass and the black-brown wild hair of a man. Birds chirped their happy tunes and there was the gentle sound of breaking waves. The smell of seawater and sunflowers was in the wind.
The man who wore a plain brown shirt, brown pants and a red gi stood in front of a grave, her father's grave. His wrists were tattooed with two blue stripes and on each ear hung a simple round blue stone. A sword tied to his back.
He looked at the wooden stick without reading the inscription. His mind was too occupied with spinning thoughts and he was fighting an inner combat for the umpteenth time which couldn't be won by him.
… 'Why was it that I came back here anyway?' ...
It was a miracle that he had even remembered the place. He walked away one year ago and hadn't looked back once. He had thought he could go on as if nothing had happened. But this proved to be simply impossible. She had managed to be a permanent ghost in his thoughts somehow along the way. He couldn't erase her picture anymore and he had tried everything to forget her. His last thought would always concern her safety before he would fall asleep even when he got utterly drunk.
… Why was it that this annoying girl still possesses such power over me? ...
Her picture popped up at any time without warning. Dreams of her haunted him every night. He could clearly hear her voice saying not to do this or that. Every time he entered a brothel he could see her sad face and felt slightly guilty. Sometimes he would turn and leave. He was always royally pissed and would roar at her image to let him be.
… Why was it that I need to know where she is now and if she is safe? ...
He had never taken care of anybody else than himself before. He couldn't figure out what it was that made him run back to her during that insane journey ... every time. It was like his feet had a will of their own. She wasn't even his type of woman. Too skinny, ... nothing to look at, … much too noisy, and definitely too … bossy. He should have been happy to never see her again but he wasn't.
… Why was it that I'm standing in front of this grave? ...
He hadn't thought much about what she had felt back then. Her father had been killed in front of her and her bodyguards ...oi, we were probably more than that in her eyes he admitted to himself... and she had nearly died, too. When he had arrived at that church and had seen her so badly beaten up his heart had skipped a beat. It had never occurred to him to ask her what had happened in there precisely. But it mattered now. Somehow, she … had changed him. It took a while for him to recognize it but he caught himself deeply in thought more often after they had separated. He would sit on a rock near the ocean and watch … no ... stare at the waves for hours.
… Why was it that I have had this strange feeling of loss for over two months now? ...
He had never missed anyone or anything. But now ... he did. He wanted to see her again, … desperately. He craved to be at her side again and to protect her forever. She had given him a faint idea of what a normal life could be like. He couldn't handle the pain in his heart. It tore him apart. ... How in the world was he supposed to deal with this shit? ... He couldn't ask anybody nor would anybody answer him. Dammit. … What does this gnawing feeling mean?
… Why was it that I only want to draw my sword for her sake? ...
He was a fighter ... a damn good one … and it was his satisfaction and the sole purpose of his existence to defeat stronger opponents and to kill them. Nothing else was important. He had never considered whether he would survive a fight. But now … it mattered, he wanted to live ... just for her. She had taken care of him and even shed tears for his well-being. Back then, it had made him feel uneasy and he would yell at her, try to scare her away. … But the girl had never left his side nor had been afraid of him. That had impressed him … more than he could ever admit to anyone.
… Why was it that I went with her in the first place? …
"Mugen"
The voice startled him and he turned around.
"Hn ... So you really returned, ... finally. … Why? ..."
He glared at the other man. His name was Jin ... he remembered suddenly. The only swordsman ... a samurai and ronin ... he couldn't defeat.
He hadn't changed much. The glasses he had worn during their joint journey were missing, the raven, silken hair was tied back in a ponytail and he wore an indigo-blue hakama over a white jubon under a black haori. His two swords produced from his obi. The white clothes made his pale complexion look even paler. His facial expression was emotionless but the vagrant could sense that the man was deeply troubled by something.
He frowned slightly. "I could ask you the same." He spit out.
Mugen had no real interest in a conversation with the man. On the other hand, he was the person who had come closest to being considered a friend. … The only one I might be able to discuss my inner turmoil with.
Jin observed the pirate closely. He could see the man had changed but in which way he couldn't tell just now. … How should I convey the information to that raging animal? ... He had a very clear image of how Mugen would receive it and he readied himself to draw his sword. He had to accomplish the nearly impossible mission. This was the least he could do.
"Why did you come back?"
"Dunno. This wasn't a good idea in the first place. I shouldn't have come."
The pirate murmured the last sentence more to himself than to the samurai. … Why was Jin here anyway?
"Where have you been?"
Did she choose him after all, although the skilled fighter hadn't done much to rescue her. Only that single thought was enough to enrage him.
"What does it matter to ya?"
Jin decided to get straight to the point. No more beating around the bush. He knew that his counterpart was getting furious.
"You came back for her sake. Am I right?"
The samurai could clearly see that he hit the mark. Mugen narrowed his eyes even more and was about to draw his sword. … How predictable. ... It would have been hilarious at any other time.
"I have no freaking clue … who ... ya're talking about."
The vagabond tried to sound indifferent and made a smirking face.
The ronin saw right through this facade and snapped back.
"QUIT THAT, ALL RIGHT! I know precisely ... why you are here. You want to see … HER!"
Mugen couldn't comprehend what was going on. All this babbling about her made him lose his temper more and more.
"WHAT THE … " was everything he could yell before he was interrupted by the other man's severe voice which sounded like a gunshot.
"WHY weren't YOU by her side -."
The pirate was royally pissed now.
"What's that supposed to mean? That's none of your damn business. … I'm off."
He waved his goodbye and started to turn away. That drove Jin over the edge and the normally stoic and well-mannered man looked daggers at the vagrant. Hot rage and deep despair got the better of him and he shouted at Mugen's back.
"THEN GET LOST, DAMMIT."
He turned away as well and ran off in the direction the girl had fled as her father's murderer had chased her.
".. HUH? … " That had to be a first. Mugen was startled.
He hadn't known that the samurai could react in such a way nor had he ever showed so many emotions. So much hurt and pain were evident in his behaviour. This wasn't like him at all. Jin was the steady, considerate, and disciplined fighter, never showing any inadequate reactions.
Something was wrong … tremendously. He had to figure out what it was. Anything that would make any sense had to be connected with her. He turned and followed the man to the cliff … calling after him.
"Where is she?"
Jin acknowledged that the rogue could be a fast thinker if he wanted to. He stopped and tried to control himself again. The fighter took a deep breath and answered plainly.
"Not here … "
"I can see that for myself. … Where is she?"
Mugen ran out of patience once again. … What was the samurai up to?
"You're too late."
It was a statement. Agony washed over the ronin. He remembered the event which took place when he had arrived in the town three days ago.
He didn't know why he was back ... a strange feeling had guided his steps back to this town.
He was wandering through the streets of the town where they had been left behind by her the first time when someone hit him on the chest. It was an animal that was vaguely familiar to him ... a flying squirrel. It seemed very excited and chirped some high tones. Suddenly it took off ...
He had followed the animal and approached at a small teahouse.
"Hey, Momo, there you are again. … Why did you run off?"
Jin entered the building and saw a man of middle age. The two men scrutinized each other.
"You are Jin, aren't you?"
"Have we met before?"
"No, … but you match her description perfectly. Come in, please and welcome. I have to tell you something."
That man and his sister had taken the girl in and had become her new family.
She had told them everything about her journey, her father and her two bodyguards … he soon found out … along with other news of her whereabouts.
"WHAT ...?"
Jin snapped out of his memory and deeply looked the other man in the eye. He could no longer erase the pain and anger within him and said with a deathly cold voice.
"She waited for … YOU. Kept saying … YOU would come back someday."
Mugen immediately noticed the change in the man's voice. Beside the rage another sensation rose in his chest. It laced in his torso and breathing became harder. His heart started to pound.
… What in the world was Jin hiding from me?
"FOR FUCK SAKE. … WHERE … IS … SHE?"
He yelled at the samurai while getting closer to him. Jin turned away from the pirate and stared into the distance without seeing the endless ocean nor the deep blue, cloudless sky. The waves sparkled in the sun which was on its way up to the far top of the firmament.
Seagulls flew over the water in wide circles and their squawks pervaded the air, suddenly one fell from the sky and dove into the water … it appeared again with a fish in its beak.
"Gone … " He answered plainly.
Mugen frowned. … What was that supposed to mean? ... His stomach knotted. A dark foreboding scratched the surface of his awareness accompanied by a sharp cry of a seagull. He stared intensively at his opponent.
"When will she be back?"
Deep anxiety could be heard in his hoarse voice now. He didn't want to know the answer to this.
"... never ..."
The word hid him ... like that bullet one year ago. The strays eyes widened. He stumbled a few steps back. He didn't ... no he refused … to understand the meaning behind this single word.
A picture of her dancing in the ocean appeared before his eyes, he could hear her laugh, she was happy and ... VERY VIVID. … He shook his head in pure disbelief. … This wasn't true. His voice was cracking and he nearly chocked at the words.
"... What'd ya …. say?"
Jin took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and spoke quietly...
"She … will …. never … come back …. She is ... dead ..."
Jin let out the breath he had been holding and let his composure fall for the first time in his life ... so it seemed.
...Finally, he had said it and he wouldn't suppress the pain ... the fury which had been flowing in him the past three days any longer. He wanted to blame that bastard for everything. It had been for HIM why she had been staying here. She would have been saved if she had gone away. This was all HIS fault.
Wild rage burned in both men's blood vessels.
"YA'RE LYING." Mugen roared.
His vision became blurry. Hot tears shot in his eyes unnoticed by the shocked man. '...NNNNOOOOOO...' his insides were screaming. The pirate looked at Jin as if he was insane and didn't know what he was talking about. ...This must be a very, very, very bad joke.
"...I wish ...I were..." The samurai replied slowly. One single tear rolled down his face.
...Eventually, he turned to lock eyes with the vagrant. They glared at each other for what seemed an infinity and then ... the ronin drew his sword and charged Mugen in the blink of an eye.
The sound of clashing swords waved once again from that doomed cliff. Both men were blinded and enraged by the loss of the one ... single … most precious girl.
They fought desperately, crossing swords over and over again, savagely dancing around each other. Neither of them was able to strike down the other. Sweat glittered in their faces...
This was the final battle between the two desparate swordsmen.
The fight went on ... hour after hour until they had no strength left to carry it on. The sun was high above them and burned down relentlessly. Both men collapsed to the ground … gasping for air ... utterly exhausted … but strangely enough ... eased at the same time. They were sitting back to back and holding each other up unable to move … abandoned in the grass laid their swords.
After long minutes … their breaths had quietened down … Jin asked calmly.
"Do you want to visit her grave?"
He felt the other man nodding and they stood up reaching for their swords. Jin led them to a small pile of stones. It was placed on the highest spot of the cliff where she once had stood and watched how Jin had been stabbed by the "Hand of God" and Mugen had been blown up by that third brother.
On top of it laid a grey-cream-colored, oval-shaped, polished stone in which her name was engraved. One single sunflower stood tall beside the grave … softly swaying in the breeze from the ocean.
Mugen stood there a long time ... bowing his head and looking at the stone ... his eyes were hidden by strains of his wild hair.
The samurai didn't want to witness the grief of the rogue and went a couple of yards away and sat down on the edge of the cliff. He watched the breaking waves. The sun was on its way down to the horizon again … .
...Why had this happened to his two sole friends? … Jin couldn't comprehend what his friend must be feeling now. He had loved her, too … but more like a very close friend … a little sister.
The pirate slowly approached his side and laid down on his back. His hands folded behind his head.
"How?" His voice was dark and dangerous.
"She was stabbed to death."
"Who?"
"The Shogunate. They found out that Kariya Kagetoki had been killed and that she had survived. She refused to leave the town across the island because she believed that you would come back, eventually..."
Mugen huffed.
"She had a job as a waitress and lived with a woman. It had been too easy for them to find her without our protection. When I arrived here she had been dead for over two months already. She has left nothing except a dairy, her tantō and Momo."
… Momo? … He was supposed to know what it was. But then … as if the animal had waited for this moment it came flying through the air and landed on Mugen's chest. It let out a soft squeak. He glanced down at it and shifted his eyes back to the open blue sky … yes that annoying little flying squirrel she had carried around in her kimono. ... Momo climbed on his abdomen and curled up to a furry ball. The man's hand moved to pet that little thing … something she had done all the time.
Jin reached into his jubon and laid a small book and her sword with the pink-lacquered sheath next to him. He continued.
"That woman and her brother decided to commit her ash to the ocean and put up those stones for her. They told me that she had visited this place every two days. She had hoped she would meet you again."
Jin turned his head to look directly at his friend. His voice was soft and warm.
"Mugen ... she had loved you and I know for sure … that you … love her, too. ...I'm so sorry. … "
Mugen couldn't suppress the gasp that escaped his mouth. Those words were the vital blow to his heart and soul. His vision got blurry … finally, he understood the memories of her which haunted him over and over again ...
... He was lying on his back at a stony riverside. Blood leaked out of a deep slash at his abdomen. The chick who had caused it readied herself to slay him. He didn't regret anything but why was the girl still standing here?
"MUGEN" She screamed his name and quickly came closer to him.
"GET AWAY. GET BACK." He yelled at her ... his face contorted with pain ... hard panting.
And then something happened he would never have expected ... she threw herself over his lower abdomen shielding him with her body …. crying and pleading...
"Nooo ... don't ... don't kill him!"
He couldn't move and stared with wide open eyes at the dark sky only illuminated by the moon. The wind rustled through the leaves of the trees. She was still crying.
Why had she done this? Stupid bitch, his opponent could kill them both in an instant.
….a couple of weeks later...
...He was lying on sandy ground this time, the pain in his abdomen nearly unbearable. The crows were cawing and calling him to follow them into the world after life. This was his end … and then … he heard her voice
"... Mugen …...Mugen …. MUUUUGEN..." She refused to let him go. The girl desperately screamed his name again and again.
The rogue could feel her gentle, small hands on his chest … shaking him to come back from wherever he was.
...How was he supposed to not grant her this wish? He knew it would hurt like hell but what did it matter when she was by his side.
...eventually ... he mustered up the strength to open his eyes slightly.
She was hovering over him … her huge hazel eyes were full of tears ... his tears ... again.
… but now it was too late … these images of her were the proof of her love … for ... him?
… Why hadn't I seen that before?
… Why did I let her down?
He was a good-for-nothing … a criminal.
… Why couldn't she see it?
She would still have been alive and around if she had only let him go on that day.
… Why had it had to be me she had fallen in love with and not somebody else?
He suddenly realised the whole meaning of that … he … would never see her face or hear her voice again. She had irretrievably managed to get into a mess from which he wasn't able to save her.
His heart was breaking at this very moment ... he died inwardly and with this … he lost any ability to feel anything except rampant hatred.
"Bullshit."
He stood up which made Momo climb onto his shoulder, picked up her remaining belongings, and went to her grave one last time. He lifted his hands and pulled his earrings out of his ears. He held them in his right hand, stroked over the smooth globes with his thumb, and felt the material … his present for her that he had intended to give to her anyway … but now they were his farewell gift … .
He placed the two blue stones on top of the stone with her name ... tracing it with his index finger. One tear rolled down his cheek … for the first and last time.
Jin briefly closed his eyes and turned his head away … . He had seen everything. He knew there would be no salvation for his friend. Nothing left he could do or say to console him. The man he couldn't defeat had disappeared and was replaced by a void shell.
"What are you going to do now?"
"I'm going to find these assholes who have murdered her and make them pay."
Mugen walked into the fiery sunset that had illuminated the whole scene away from Jin and her grave taking Momo with him. He was on a mission which he could never accomplish … and the experienced and skilled fighter knew it.
It doesn't matter anymore. She … had left and so had his will to live. But he would make sure that he took as many culprits as he could find with him to hell.
...
He never returned to the island nor did he meet his only friend again.